ib.thewaspfactory-第17节

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n　the　sly；　I'd　have　got　wet　if　he　was。　I　realised　that　the　girl　had　finally　noticed　me。　She　poked　my　shoulder　for　what　I　gradually　prehended　wasn't　the　first　time。
　　
　　'Hey；'　she　said。
　　
　　'What？'　I　struggled。
　　
　　'You　all　right？'
　　
　　'Aye；'　I　nodded　slowly；　hoping　to　content　her　with　this；　then　looked　away　and　up　to　one　side　as　though　I　had　just　found　something　very　interesting　and　important　to　look　at　on　the　ceiling。　Jamie　nudged　fie　with　his　feet。　'What？'　I　said　again；　not　trying　to　look　at　him。
　　
　　'You　staying　here　all　night？'
　　
　　'What？'　I　said。　'No。　How；　are　you　ready？　Right。'　I　put　my　hands　behind　me　to　find　the　pillar；　found　it　and　pushed　myself　up；　hoping　my　feet　wouldn't　slip　on　the　beer…wet　floor。
　　
　　'Maybe　you'd　better　let　me　down；　Frank　lad；'　Jamie　said；　nudging　me　hard。　I　looked　sort　of　up　and　to　the　side　again；　as　though　at　him；　then　nodded。　I　let　my　back　slide　down　the　pillar　until　I　was　virtually　squatting　on　the　floor。　The　girl　helped　Jamie　jump　down。　His　red　hair　and　her　blonde　looked　suddenly　garish　from　that　angle　in　the　now　brightly　lit　room。　Duncan　was　ing　closer　with　the　brush　and　a　big　bucket；　emptying　ashtrays　and　mopping　things。　I　struggled　to　get　up；　then　felt　Jamie　and　the　girl　take　me　one　under　each　arm　and　help　me。　I　was　starting　to　get　triple　vision　and　wondering　how　you　did　that　with　only　two　eyes。　I　wasn't　sure　if　they　were　talking　to　me　or　not。
　　
　　I　said；　'Aye；'　just　in　case　they　were；　then　felt　myself　being　led　out　into　the　fresh　air　through　the　fire　exit。　I　needed　to　go　to　the　toilet；　and　with　every　step　I　took　there　seemed　to　be　more　convulsions　from　my　guts。　I　had　this　horrible　vision　of　my　body　being　made　up　almost　pletely　of　two　equal…sized　partments；　one　holding　piss　and　the　other　undigested　beer；　whisky；　crisps；　dry…roasted　peanuts；　spit；　snot；　bile　and　one　or　two　bits　of　fish　and　potatoes。　Some　sick　part　of　my　mind　suddenly　thought　of　fried　eggs　lying　thick　with　grease　on　a　plate；　surrounded　with　bacon；　curled　and　scooped　and　holding　little　pools　of　fat；　the　outsides　of　the　plate　dotted　with　coagulated　lumps　of　grease。　I　fought　down　the　ghastly　urge　ing　up　from　my　stomach。　I　tried　to　think　of　nice　things；　then；　when　I　couldn't　think　of　any；　I　determined　to　concentrate　on　what　was　happening　around　me。　We　were　outside　the　Arms；　walking　along　the　pavement　past　the　Bank；　Jamie　on　one　side　of　me　and　the　girl　on　the　other。　It　was　a　cloudy　night　and　cool；　and　the　streetlights　were　sodium。　We　left　the　smell　of　the　pub　behind；　and　I　tried　to　get　some　of　the　fresh　air　through　my　head。　I　was　aware　I　was　staggering　slightly；　lurching　sporadically　into　Jamie　or　the　girl；　but　there　wasn't　a　great　deal　I　could　do　about　it；　I　felt　rather　like　one　of　those　ancient　dinosaurs　so　huge　that　they　had　a　virtually　separate　brain　to　control　their　back　legs。　I　seemed　to　have　a　separate　brain　for　each　limb；　but　they'd　all　broken　off　diplomatic　relations。　I　swayed　and　stumbled　along　as　best　I　could；　trusting　to　luck　and　the　two　people　with　me。　Frankly；　I　didn't　have　much　faith　in　either；　Jamie　being　too　small　to　stop　me　if　I　really　started　to　topple；　and　the　girl　being　a　girl。　Probably　too　weak；　and；　even　if　she　wasn't；　I　expected　she　would　just　let　me　crack　my　skull　on　the　pavement　because　women　like　to　see　men　helpless。
　　
　　'You　tae　alwiz　like　rat？'　the　girl　said。
　　
　　'Like　what？'　Jamie　said；　without；　I　thought；　the　correct　amount　of　pre…emptive　indignation。
　　
　　'You　up　on　his　showders。'
　　
　　'Oh；　no；　that's　just　so　I　can　see　the　band　better。'
　　
　　'Thank　Christ　fur　'at。　Ah　thought　maybe　ye　went　tae　ra　bog　like　rat。'
　　
　　'Oh；　aye；　we　go　into　a　cubicle　and　Frank　goes　in　the　bowl　while　I　do　it　into　the　cistern。'
　　
　　'Yur　kiddin'！'
　　
　　'Aye；'　Jamie　said　in　a　voice　distorted　by　a　grin。　I　was　walking　along　as　best　I　could；　listening　to　all　this　garbage。　I　was　slightly　annoyed　at　Jamie　saying　anything；　even　jokingly；　about　me　going　to　the　toilet；　he　knows　how　sensitive　I　am　about　it。　Only　once　or　twice　has　he　taunted　me　with　what　sounds　like　the　interesting　sport　of　going　into　the　gents　in　the　Cauldhame　Arms　（or　anywhere　else；　I　suppose）　and　attacking　the　drowned　fag…ends　in　the　urinals　with　a　stream　of　piss。
　　
　　I　admit　I　have　watched　Jamie　doing　this　and　been　quite　impressed。　The　Cauldhame　Arms　has　excellent　facilities　for　the　sport；　having　a　great　long　gutter…like　urinal　extending　right　along　one　wall　and　halfway　down　another；　with　only　one　drainhole。　According　to　Jamie；　the　object　of　the　game　is　to　get　a　soggy　fag…end　from　wherever　it　is　in　the　channel　along　to　and　down　the　coverless　hole；　breaking　it　up　as　much　as　possible　en　route。　You　can　score　points　for　the　number　of　ceramic　divisions　you　can　move　the　butt　over　（with　extra　for　actually　getting　it　down　the　hole　and　extra　for　doing　it　from　the　far　end　of　the　gutter　from　the　hole）；　for　the　amount　of　destruction　caused…apparently　it's　very　hard　to　get　the　little　black　cone　at　the　bummed　end　to　disintegrate…and；　over　the　course　of　the　evening；　the　number　of　fag…ends　so　dispatched。
　　
　　The　game　can　be　played　in　a　more　limited　form　in　the　little　bowl…type　individual　urinals　which　are　more　fashionable　these　days；　but　Jamie　has　never　tried　this　himself；　being　so　short　that　if　he　is　to　use　one　of　those　he　has　to　stand　about　a　metre　back　from　it　and　lob　his　waste　water　in。
　　
　　Anyway；　it　sounds　like　something　to　make　long　pisses　much　more　interesting；　but　it　is　not　for　me；　thanks　to　cruel　fate。
　　
　　'Is　he　yur　bruthur　or　sumhin？'
　　
　　'Naw；　he's　ma　friend。'
　　
　　'Zay　olwiz　get　like　iss？'
　　
　　'Ay；　usually；　on　a　Saturday　night。'
　　
　　This　is　a　monstrous　lie；　of　course。　I　am　rarely　so　drunk　that　I　can't　talk　or　walk　straight。　I'd　have　told　Jamie　as　much；　too；　if　I'd　been　able　to　talk　and　hadn't　been　concentrating　on　putting　one　foot　in　front　of　the　other。　I　wasn't　so　sure　I　was　going　to　throw　up　now；　but　that　same　irresponsible；　destructive　part　of　my　brain…just　a　few　neurons　probably；　but　I　suppose　there　are　a　few　in　every　brain　and　it　only　takes　a　very　small　hooligan　element　to　give　the　rest　a　bad　name…kept　thinking　about　those　fried　eggs　and　bacon　on　the　cold　plate；　and　each　time　I　almost　heaved。　It　took　an　act　of　will　to　think　of　cool　winds　on　hilltops　or　the　pattern　of　water…shadows　over　wave…carved　sand…things　which　I　have　always　thought　epitomise　clarity　and　freshness　and　helped　to　divert　my　brain　from　dwelling　on　the　contents　of　my　stomach。
　　
　　However；　I　did　need　to　have　a　piss　even　more　desparately　than　before。　Jamie　and　the　girl　were　inches　away　from　me；　holding　me　by　an　arm　each；　being　bumped　into　frequently；　but　my　drunkenness　had　now　got　to　such　a　state…as　the　last　two　quickly　consumed　pints　and　an　acpanying　whisky　caught　up　with　my　racing　bloodstream…that　I　might　as　well　have　been　on　another　planet　for　all　the　hope　I　had　of　making　them　understand　what　I　wanted。　They　walked　on　either　side　of　me　alld　talked　to　each　other；　jabbering　utter　nonsense　as　though　it　was　all　so　important；　and　I；　with　more　brains　than　the　two　of　them　put　together　and　information　of　the　most　vital　nature；　couldn't　get　a　word　out。
　　
　　There　had　to　be　a　way。　I　tried　to　shake　my　head　clear　and　take　some　more　deep　breaths。　I　steadied　my　pace。　I　thought　very　carefully　about　words　and　how　you　made　them。　I　checked　my　tongue　and　tested　my　throat。　I　had　to　pull　myself　together。　I　had　to　municate。　I　looked　round　as　we　crossed　a　road；　I　saw　the　sign　for　Union　Street　where　it　was　fixed　to　a　low　wall。　I　turned　to　Jamie　and　then　the　girl；　cleared　my　throat　and　said　quite　clearly：　'I　didn't　know　if　you　two　ever　shared　or；　indeed；　still　do　share；　for　that　matter；　for　all　that　I　know；　at　least　mutually　between　yourselves　but　at　any　rate　not　including　me…the　misconception　I　once　perchanced　to　place　upon　the　words　contained　upon　yonder　sign；　but　it　is　a　fact　that　I　thought　the　〃union〃　referred　to　in　said　nomenclature　delineated　an　association　of　working　people；　and　it　did　seem　to　me　at　the　time　to　be　quite　a　socialist　thing　for　the　town　fathers　to　call　a　street；　it　struck　me　that　all　was　not　yet　lost　as　regards　the　prospects　for　a　possible　peace　or　at　the　very　least　a　cease…fire　in　the　class　war　if　such　acknowledgements　of　the　worth　of　trade　unions　could　find　their　way　on　to　such　a　venerable　and　important　thoroughfare's　sign；　but　I　must　admit　I　was　disabused　of　this　sadly　over…optimistic　notion　when　my　father…God　rest　his　sense　of　humour…informed　me　that　it　was　the　then　recently　confirmed　union　of　the　English　and　Scottish　parliaments　the　local　worthies…in　mon　with　hundreds　of　other　town　councils　throughout　what　had　until　that　point　been　an　independent　realm…were　celebrating　with　such　solemnity　and　permanence；　doubtless　with　a　view　to　the　opportunities　for　profit　which　this　early　form　of　takeover　bid　offered。'
　　
　　The　girl　looked　at　Jamie。　'Dud　he　say　sumhin　er？'
　　
　　'I　thought　he　was　just　clearing　his　throat；'　said　Jamie。
　　
　　'Ah　thought　he　said　sumhin　aboot　bananas。'
　　
　　'Bananas？'　Jamie　said　incredulously；　looking　at　the　girl。
　　
　　'Naw；'　she　said；　looking　at　me　and　shaking　her　head。　'Right　enough。'