rz.thegunsofavalon-第20节

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h　night　I　went　to　sleep　more　angry　and　upset　over　the　way　things　were　turning　out　…　and　more　determined　to　find　my　own　way　back　to　Avalon。　I　had　to　show　Grandpa　that　he　could　no　longer　dump　me　like　a　child　and　expect　me　to　stay　put。
　〃Then；　after　about　a　week；　I　began　having　dreams。　Nightmares；　sort　of。　Did　you　ever　dream　that　you　were　running　and　running　and　not　going　anyplace？　That　is　sort　of　what　it　was　like　…　with　the　burning　spider　web。　Only　it　wasn't　really　a　spider　web；　there　was　no　spider　and　it　wasn't　burning。　But　I　was　caught　in　this　thing；　going　around　it　and　through　it。　But　I　wasn't　really　moving。　That　is　not　pletely　right；　but　I　do　not　know　how　else　to　put　it。　And　I　had　to　keep　trying　…　actually；　I　wanted　to　…　to　move　about　it。　When　I　woke　up　I　was　tired；　as　if　I　had　actually　been　exerting　myself　all　night　long。　This　went　on　for　many　nights；　and　each　night　it　seemed　stronger　and　longer　and　more　real。
　〃Then　this　morning　I　got　up；　the　dream　still　dancing　in　my　head；　and　I　knew　that　I　could　ride　home。　I　set　out；　still　half　dreaming；　it　seemed。　I　rode　the　entire　distance　without　stopping　once；　and　this　time　I　paid　no　special　heed　to　my　surroundings；　but　kept　thinking　of　Avalon　…　and　as　I　rode；　things　kept　getting　more　and　more　familiar　until　I　was　here　again。　Only　then　did　it　seem　as　if　I　were　fully　awake。　Now　the　village　and　the　Tecys；　that　sky；　those　stars；　the　woods；　the　mountains；　they　all　seem　like　a　dream　to　me。　I　am　not　at　all　certain　that　I　could　find　my　way　back　there。　Is　that　not　strange？　Can　you　tell　me　what　happened？〃
　I　rose　and　circled　the　remains　of　our　lunch。　I　sat　down　beside　her。
　〃Do　you　remember　the　looks　of　the　burning　spider　web　that　really　wasn't　a　spider　web；　or　burning？〃　I　asked　her。
　〃Yes…sort　of；〃　she　said。
　〃Give　me　that　knife；〃　I　said。
　She　passed　it　to　me。
　With　its　point；　I　began　adding　to　her　doodling　in　the　dirt；　extending　lines；　rubbing　some　out；　adding　others。　She　did　not　say　a　word　the　entire　time；　but　she　watched　every　move　that　I　made。　When　I　had　finished；　I　put　the　knife　aside　and　waited　for　a　long；　silent　while。
　Then；　finally；　she　spoke　very　softly。
　〃Yes；　that　is　it；〃　she　said；　turning　away　from　the　design　to　stare　at　me。　〃How　did　you　know？　How　did　you　know　what　I　had　dreamed？〃
　〃Because；〃　I　said；　〃you　dreamed　a　thing　that　is　inscribed　in　your　very　genes。　Why；　how；　I　do　not　know。　It　demonstrates；　however；　that　you　are　indeed　a　daughter　of　Amber。　What　you　did　was　walk　in　Shadow。　What　you　dreamed　was　the　Great　Pattern　of　Amber。　By　its　power　do　those　of　the　blood　royal　hold　dominion　over　shadows。　Do　you　understand　what　I　am　talking　about？〃
　〃I　am　not　certain；〃　she　said。　〃I　do　not　think　so。　I　have　heard　Grandpa　cursing　shadows；　but　I　never　understood　what　he　meant。〃
　〃Then　you　do　not　know　where　Amber　truly　lies。〃
　〃No。　He　was　always　evasive。　He　told　me　of　Amber　and　of　the　family。　But　I　do　not　even　know　the　direction　in　which　Amber　lies。　I　only　know　that　it　is　far。〃
　〃It　lies　in　all　directions；〃　I　said；　〃or　any　direction　one　chooses。　One　need　but　…〃
　〃Yes！〃　she　interrupted。　〃I　had　forgotten；　or　thought　he　was　just　being　mysterious　or　humoring　me；　but　Brand　said　exactly　the　same　thing　a　long　while　ago。　What　does　it　mean；　though？〃
　〃Brand！　When　was　Brand　here？〃
　〃Years　ago；〃　she　said；　〃when　I　was　just　a　little　girl。　He　used　to　visit　here　often。　I　was　very　much　in　love　with　him　and　I　pestered　him　mercilessly。　He　used　to　tell　me　stories；　teach　me　games。。。〃
　〃When　was　the　last　time　you　saw　him？〃
　〃Oh；　eight　or　nine　years　ago。　I'd　say。〃
　〃Have　you　met　any　of　the　others？〃
　〃Yes；〃　she　said。　〃Julian　and　Gerard　were　here　not　too　long　ago。　Just　a　few　months　back。〃
　I　suddenly　felt　very　insecure。　Benedict　had　certainly　been　quiet　about　a　lot　of　things。　I　would　rather　have　been　ill　advised　than　kept　totally　ignorant　of　affairs。　It　makes　it　easier　for　you　to　be　angry　when　you　find　out。　The　trouble　with　Benedict　was　that　he　was　too　honest；　though。　He　would　rather　tell　me　nothing　than　lie　to　me。　I　felt　something　unpleasant　ing　my　way；　however；　and　knew　that　there　could　be　no　dawdling　now；　that　I　would　have　to　move　as　quickly　as　possible。　Yes；　it　had　to　be　a　hard　hellride　for　the　stones。　Still；　there　was　more　to　be　learned　here　before　I　essayed　it。　Time。。。　Damn！
　〃Was　that　the　first　time　that　you　met　them？〃　I　asked。
　〃Yes；〃　she　said；　〃and　my　feelings　were　very　hurt。〃　She　paused；　sighed。　〃Grandpa　would　not　let　me　speak　of　our　being　related。　He　introduced　me　as　his　ward。　And　he　refused　to　tell　me　why。　Damn　it！〃
　〃I'm　sure　he　had　some　very　good　reasons。〃
　〃Oh；　I　am　too。　But　it　does　not　make　you　feel　any　better；　when　you　have　been　waiting　all　your　life　to　meet　your　relatives。　Do　you　know　why　he　treated　me　like　that？〃
　〃These　are　trying　times　in　Amber；〃　I　said；　〃and　things　will　get　worse　before　they　get　better。　The　fewer　people　who　know　of　your　existence；　the　less　chance　there　is　of　your　getting　involved　and　ing　to　harm。　He　did　it　only　to　protect　you。〃
　She　made　a　spitting　noise。
　〃I　do　not　need　protecting；〃　she　said。　〃I　can　take　care　of　myself。〃
　〃You　are　a　fine　fencer；〃　I　said。　〃Unfortunately；　life　is　more　plicated　than　a　fair　dueling　situation。〃
　〃I　know　that。　I'm　not　a　child。　But　…〃
　〃'But'　nothing！　He　did　the　same　thing　I'd　do　if　you　were　mine。　He's　protecting　himself　as　well　as　you。　I'm　surprised　he　let　Brand　know　about　you。　He's　going　to　be　damned　mad　that　I　found　out。〃　Her　head　jerked　and　she　stared　at　me；　eyes　wide。
　〃But　you　wouldn't　do　anything　to　hurt　us；〃　she　said。　〃We　…　we're　related。。。〃
　〃How　the　hell　do　you　know　why　I'm　here　or　what　I'm　thinking？〃　I　said。　〃You　might　have　just　stuck　both　your　necks　in　nooses！〃
　〃You　are　joking；　aren't　you？〃　she　said；　slowly　raising　her　left　hand　between　us。
　〃I　don't　know；〃　I　said。　〃I　need　not　be　…　and　I　wouldn't　be　talking　about　it　if　I　did　have　something　rotten　in　mind；　would　I？〃
　〃No。。。　I　guess　not；〃　she　said。
　〃I　am　going　to　tell　you　something　Benedict　should　have　told　you　long　ago；〃　I　said。　〃Never　trust　a　relative。　It　is　far　worse　than　trusting　strangers。　With　a　stranger　there　is　a　possibility　that　you　might　be　safe。〃
　〃You　really　mean　that；　don't　you？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Yourself　included？〃
　I　smiled。
　〃Of　course　it　does　not　apply　to　me。　I　am　the　soul　of　honor；　kindness；　mercy；　and　goodness。　Trust　me　in　all　things。〃
　〃I　will；〃　she　said；　and　I　laughed。
　〃I　will；〃　she　insisted。　〃You　would　not　hurt　us。　I　know　that。〃
　〃Tell　me　about　Gerard　and　Julian；〃　I　said；　feeling　unfortable；　as　always；　in　the　presence　of　unsolicited　trust。　〃What　was　the　reason　for　their　visit？〃
　She　was　silent　for　a　moment；　still　studying　me；　then；　〃I　have　been　telling　you　quite　a　few　things；〃　she　said；　〃haven't　I？　You　are　right。　One　can　never　be　too　careful。　I　believe　that　it　is　your　turn　to　talk　again。〃
　〃Good。　You　are　learning　how　to　deal　with　us。　What　do　you　want　to　know？〃
　〃Where　is　the　village；　really？　And　Amber？　They　are　somehow　alike；　aren't　they？　What　did　you　mean　when　you　said　that　Amber　lies　in　all　directions；　or　any？　What　are　shadows？〃
　I　got　to　my　feet　and　looked　down　at　her。　I　held　out　my　hand。　She　looked　very　young　and　more　than　a　little　frightened　then；　but　she　took　it。
　〃Where。。。？〃　she　asked；　rising。
　〃This　way；〃　I　said；　and　I　took　her　to　stand　at　the　place　where　I　had　slept　and　regarded　the　falls　and　the　water　wheel。
　She　began　to　say　something；　but　I　stopped　her。
　〃Look。　Just　look；〃　I　said。
　So　we　stood　there　looking　at　the　rushing；　the　splashing；　the　turning　while　I　ordered　my　mind。　Then；　〃e；〃　I　said；　turning　her　by　the　elbow　and　walking　her　toward　the　wood。
　As　we　moved　among　the　trees；　a　cloud　obscured　the　sun　and　the　shadows　deepened。　The　voices　of　the　birds　grew　more　shrill　and　a　dampness　came　up　out　of　the　ground。　As　we　passed　from　tree　to　tree；　their　leaves　became　longer　and　broader。　When　the　sun　appeared　again；　its　light　came　more　yellow；　and　beyond　a　turning　of　the　way　we　encountered　hanging　vines。　The　bird　cries　grew　hoarser；　more　numerous。　Our　trail　took　an　upward　turn；　and　I　led　her　past　an　outcropping　of　flint　and　onto　higher　ground。　A　distant；　barely　perceptible　rumble　seemed　to　e　from　behind　us。　The　sky　was　a　different　blue　as　we　moved　through　an　open　place；　and　we　frightened　a　large；　brown　lizard　that　had　been　sunning　itself　on　a　rock。　As　we　took　a　turn　about　another　mass　of　stone；　she　said；　〃I　did　not　know　this　was　here。　I　have　never　been　this　way　before。〃　But　I　did　not　answer　her；　for　I　was　busy　shifting　the　stuff　of　Shadow。
　Then　we　faced　the　wood　once　more；　but　now　the　way　led　uphill　through　it。　Now　the　trees　were　tropical　giants；　interspersed　with　ferns；　and　new　noises　…　barks；　hisses；　and　buzzes　…　were　to　be　heard。　Moving　up　this　trail；　the　rumble　grew　louder　about　us；　the　very　ground　beginning　to　vibrate　with　it。　Dara　held　tightly　to　my　arm；　saying　nothing　now；　but　searching　everything　with　her　eyes。　There　were　big；　flat；　pale　flowers　and　puddles　where　the　moisture　dripped　from　overhead。　The　temperature　had　risen　considerably　and　we　were　perspiring　quite　a　bit。　Now　the　rumble　grew　to　a　mighty　roar；　and　when　at　length　we　emerged　from　the　wood　again；　it　was　a　sound　like　steady　thunder　that　fell　against　us。　I　guided　her　to　the　edge　of　the　precipice