pgw.psmith,journalist-第33节

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Mr。　Long　Otto。　Both　of　Groome　Street。〃
　The　two　Bowery　boys　rose　awkwardly。　The　cats　fell　in　an　avalanche　to　the　floor。　Long　Otto；　in　his　haste；　trod　on　the　dog；　which　began　barking；　a　process　which　it　kept　up　almost　without　a　pause　during　the　rest　of　the　interview。
　〃Mr。　Wilberfloss；〃　said　Psmith　in　an　aside　to　Bat；　〃is　widely　known　as　a　cat　fancier　in　Brooklyn　circles。〃
　〃Honest？〃　said　Mr。　Jarvis。　He　tapped　Mr。　Wilberfloss　in　friendly　fashion　on　the　chest。　〃Say；〃　he　asked；　〃did　youse　ever　have　a　cat　wit　one　blue　and　one　yellow　eye？〃
　Mr。　Wilberfloss　side…stepped　and　turned　once　more　to　Psmith；　who　was　offering　B。　Henderson　Asher　a　cigarette。
　〃Who　are　you？〃　he　demanded。
　〃Who　am　I？〃　repeated　Psmith　in　an　astonished　tone。
　〃Who　are　you？〃
　〃I　am　Psmith；〃　said　the　old　Etonian　reverently。　〃There　is　a　preliminary　P　before　the　name。　This；　however；　is　silent。　Like　the　tomb。　pare　such　words　as　ptarmigan；　psalm；　and　phthisis。〃
　〃These　gentlemen　tell　me　you're　acting　editor。　Who　appointed　you？〃
　Psmith　reflected。
　〃It　is　rather　a　nice　point；〃　he　said。　〃It　might　be　claimed　that　I　appointed　myself。　You　may　say；　however；　that　rade　Windsor　appointed　me。〃
　〃Ah！　And　where　is　Mr。　Windsor？〃
　〃In　prison；〃　said　Psmith　sorrowfully。
　〃In　prison！〃
　Psmith　nodded。
　〃It　is　too　true。　Such　is　the　generous　impulsiveness　of　rade　Windsor's　nature　that　he　hit　a　policeman；　was　promptly　gathered　in；　and　is　now　serving　a　sentence　of　thirty　days　on　Blackwell's　Island。〃
　Mr。　Wilberfloss　looked　at　Mr。　Philpotts。　Mr。　Asher　looked　at　Mr。　Wilberfloss。　Mr。　Waterman　started；　and　stumbled　over　a　cat。
　〃I　never　heard　of　such　a　thing；〃　said　Mr。　Wilberfloss。
　A　faint；　sad　smile　played　across　Psmith's　face。
　〃Do　you　remember；　rade　WatermanI　fancy　it　was　to　you　that　I　made　the　remarkmy　menting　at　our　previous　interview　on　the　rashness　of　confusing　the　unusual　with　the　improbable？　Here　we　see　rade　Wilberfloss；　big…brained　though　he　is；　falling　into　error。〃
　〃I　shall　dismiss　Mr。　Windsor　immediately；〃　said　the　big…brained　one。
　〃From　Blackwell's　Island？〃　said　Psmith。　〃I　am　sure　you　will　earn　his　gratitude　if　you　do。　They　live　on　bean　soup　there。　Bean　soup　and　bread；　and　not　much　of　either。〃
　He　broke　off；　to　turn　his　attention　to　Mr。　Jarvis　and　Mr。　Waterman；　between　whom　bad　blood　seemed　to　have　arisen。　Mr。　Jarvis；　holding　a　cat　in　his　arms；　was　glowering　at　Mr。　Waterman；　who　had　backed　away　and　seemed　nervous。
　〃What　is　the　trouble；　rade　Jarvis？〃
　〃Dat　guy　dere　wit　two　left　feet；〃　said　Bat　querulously；　〃goes　and　treads　on　de　kit。　I〃
　〃I　assure　you　it　was　a　pure　accident。　The　animal〃
　Mr。　Wilberfloss；　eyeing　Bat　and　the　silent　Otto　with　disgust；　intervened。
　〃Who　are　these　persons；　Mr。　Smith？〃　he　inquired。
　〃Poisson　yourself；〃　rejoined　Bat；　justly　incensed。　〃Who's　de　little　guy　wit　de　peeled　breezer；　Mr。　Smith？〃
　Psmith　waved　his　hands。
　〃Gentlemen；　gentlemen；〃　he　said；　〃let　us　not　descend　to　mere　personalities。　I　thought　I　had　introduced　you。　This；　rade　Jarvis；　is　Mr。　Wilberfloss；　the　editor　of　this　journal。　These；　rade　WilberflossZam…buk　would　put　your　nose　right　in　a　dayare；　respectively；　Bat　Jarvis　and　Long　Otto；　our　acting　fighting…editors；　vice　Kid　Brady；　absent　on　unavoidable　business。〃
　〃Kid　Brady　！〃　shrilled　Mr。　Wilberfloss。　〃I　insist　that　you　give　me　a　full　explanation　of　this　matter。　I　go　away　by　my　doctor's　orders　for　ten　weeks；　leaving　Mr。　Windsor　to　conduct　the　paper　on　certain　well…defined　lines。　I　return　yesterday；　and；　getting　into　munication　with　Mr。　Philpotts；　what　do　I　find？　Why；　that　in　my　absence　the　paper　has　been　ruined。〃
　〃Ruined？〃　said　Psmith。　〃On　the　contrary。　Examine　the　returns；　and　you　will　see　that　the　circulation　has　gone　up　every　week。　Cosy　Moments　was　never　so　prosperous　and　flourishing。　rade　Otto；　do　you　think　you　could　use　your　personal　influence　with　that　dog　to　induce　it　to　suspend　its　barking　for　a　while？　It　is　musical；　but　renders　conversation　difficult。〃
　Long　Otto　raised　a　massive　boot　and　aimed　it　at　the　animal；　which；　dodging　with　a　yelp；　cannoned　against　the　second　cat　and　had　its　nose　scratched。　Piercing　shrieks　cleft　the　air。
　〃I　demand　an　explanation；〃　roared　Mr。　Wilberfloss　above　the　din。
　〃I　think；　rade　Otto；〃　said　Psmith；　〃it　would　make　things　a　little　easier　if　you　removed　that　dog。〃
　He　opened　the　door。　The　dog　shot　out。　They　could　hear　it　being　ejected　from　the　outer　office　by　Master　Maloney。　When　there　was　silence；　Psmith　turned　courteously　to　the　editor。
　〃You　were　saying；　rade　Wilberfloss？〃
　〃Who　is　this　person　Brady？　With　Mr。　Philpotts　I　have　been　going　carefully　over　the　numbers　which　have　been　issued　since　my　departure〃
　〃An　intellectual　treat；〃　murmured　Psmith。
　〃and　in　each　there　is　a　picture　of　this　young　man　in　a　costume　which　I　will　not　particularise〃
　〃There　is　hardly　enough　of　it　to　particularise。〃
　〃together　with　a　page　of　disgusting　autobiographical　matter。〃
　Psmith　held　up　his　hand。
　〃I　protest；〃　he　said。　〃We　court　criticism；　but　this　is　mere　abuse。　I　appeal　to　these　gentlemen　to　say　whether　this；　for　instance；　is　not　bright　and　interesting。〃
　He　picked　up　the　current　number　of　Cosy　Moments；　and　turned　to　the　Kid's　page。
　〃This；〃　he　said。　〃Describing　a　certain　ten…round　unpleasantness　with　one　Mexican　Joe。　'Joe　es　up　for　the　second　round　and　he　gives　me　a　nasty　look；　but　I　thinks　of　my　mother　and　swats　him　one　in　the　lower　ribs。　He　hollers　foul；　but　nix　on　that。　Referee　says；　〃Fight　on。〃　Joe　gives　me　another　nasty　look。　〃All　right；　Kid；〃　he　says；　〃now　I'll　knock　you　up　into　the　gallery。〃　And　with　that　he　cuts　loose　with　a　right　swing；　but　I　falls　into　the　clinch；　and　then…！'〃
　〃Bah！〃　exclaimed　Mr。　Wilberfloss。
　〃Go　on；　boss；〃　urged　Mr。　Jarvis　approvingly。　〃It's　to　de　good；　dat　stuff。〃
　〃There！〃　said　Psmith　triumphantly。　〃You　heard？　rade　Jarvis；　one　of　the　most　firmly　established　critics　east　of　Fifth　Avenue；　stamps　Kid　Brady's　reminiscences　with　the　hall…mark　of　his　approval。〃
　〃I　falls　fer　de　Kid　every　time；〃　assented　Mr。　Jarvis。
　〃Assuredly；　rade　Jarvis。　You　know　a　good　thing　when　you　see　one。　Why；〃　he　went　on　warmly；　〃there　is　stuff　in　these　reminiscences　which　would　stir　the　blood　of　a　jelly…fish。　Let　me　quote　you　another　passage　to　show　that　they　are　not　only　enthralling；　but　helpful　as　well。　Let　me　see；　where　is　it？　Ah；　I　have　it。　'A　bully　good　way　of　putting　a　guy　out　of　business　is　this。　You　don't　want　to　use　it　in　the　ring；　because　by　Queensberry　Rules　it's　a　foul；　but　you　will　find　it　mighty　useful　if　any　thick…neck　es　up　to　you　in　the　street　and　tries　to　start　anything。　It's　this　way。　While　he's　setting　himself　for　a　punch；　just　place　the　tips　of　the　fingers　of　your　left　hand　on　the　right　side　of　his　chest。　Then　bring　down　the　heel　of　your　left　hand。　There　isn't　a　guy　living　that　could　stand　up　against　that。　The　fingers　give　you　a　leverage　to　beat　the　band。　The　guy　doubles　up；　and　you　upper…cut　him　with　your　right；　and　out　he　goes。'　Now；　I　bet　you　never　knew　that　before；　rade　Philpotts。　Try　it　on　your　parishioners。〃　　〃Cosy　Moments；〃　said　Mr。　Wilberfloss　irately；　〃is　no　medium　for　exploiting　low　prize…fighters。〃
　〃Low　prize…fighters！　rade　Wilberfloss；　you　have　been　misinformed。　The　Kid　is　as　decent　a　little　chap　as　you'd　meet　anywhere。　You　do　not　seem　to　appreciate　the　philanthropic　motives　of　the　paper　in　adopting　rade　Brady's　cause。　Think　of　it；　rade　Wilberfloss。　There　was　that　unfortunate　stripling　with　only　two　pleasures　in　life；　to　love　his　mother　and　to　knock　the　heads　off　other　youths　whose　weight　coincided　with　his　own；　and　misfortune；　until　we　took　him　up；　had　barred　him　almost　pletely　from　the　second　pastime。　Our　editorial　heart　was　melted。　We　adopted　rade　Brady。　And　look　at　him　now！　Matched　against　Eddie　Wood！　And　rade　Waterman　will　support　me　in　my　statement　that　a　victory　over　Eddie　Wood　means　that　he　gets　a　legitimate　claim　to　meet　Jimmy　Garvin　for　the　championship。〃
　〃It　is　abominable；〃　burst　forth　Mr。　Wilberfloss。　〃It　is　disgraceful。　I　never　heard　of　such　a　thing。　The　paper　is　ruined。〃
　〃You　keep　reverting　to　that　statement；　rade　Wilberfloss。　Can　nothing　reassure　you？　The　returns　are　excellent。　Prosperity　beams　on　us　like　a　sun。　The　proprietor　is　more　than　satisfied。〃
　〃The　proprietor？〃　gasped　Mr。　Wilberfloss。　〃Does　he　know　how　you　have　treated　the　paper？〃
　〃He　is　cognisant　of　our　every　move。〃
　〃And　he　approves？〃
　〃He　more　than　approves。〃
　Mr。　Wilberfloss　snorted。
　〃I　don't　believe　it；〃　he　said。
　The　assembled　ex…contributors　backed　up　this　statement　with　a　united　murmur。　B。　Henderson　Asher　snorted　satirically。
　〃They　don't　believe　it；〃　sighed　Psmith。　〃Nevertheless；　it　is　true。〃
　〃It　is　not　true；〃　thundered　Mr。　Wilberfloss；　hopping　to　avoid　a　perambulating　cat。　〃Nothing　will　convince　me　of　it。　Mr。　Benjamin　White　is　not　a　maniac。〃
　〃I　trust　not；〃　said　Psmith。　〃I　sincerely　trust　not。　I　have　every　reason　to　believe　in　his　plete　sanity。　What　makes　you　fancy　that　there　is　even　a　possibility　of　his　beinger？〃
　〃Nobody　but　a　lunatic　would　approve　of　seeing　his　paper　ruined。〃
　〃Again！〃　said　Psmith。　〃I　fear　that　the　notion　that　this　journal　is　ruined　has　bee　an　obsession　with　you；　rade　Wilberfloss。　Once　again　I　assure　you　that　it　is　more　than　prosperous。〃
　〃If；〃　said　M