annr.pandora-第6节

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　All　the　Roman　history　and　Roman　names　I　give　here　are　accurate；　I　have　not　falsified　them　or　made　up　stories　or　created　false　political　events。　Everything　bears　upon　my　ultimate　fate　and　the　fate　of　Marius。　Nothing　is　included　for　love　of　the　past。　I　have　omitted　my　family　name。　I　did　this　because　my　family　has　a　history；　and　I　cannot　bring　myself　to　connect　their　ancient　reputations；　deeds；　epitaphs　to　this　tale。　Also　Marius；　when　he　confided　in　Lestat；　did　not　give　the　full　name　of　his　Roman　family。　And　I　respect　this　and　that　also　is　not　revealed。
　Augustus　had　been　Emperor　for　over　ten　years；　and　it　was　a　marvelous　time　to　be　an　educated　woman　in　Rome；　women　had　immense　freedom；　and　I　had　a　rich　Senator　for　a　father；　five　prosperous　brothers；　and　grew　up　Motherless　but　cherished　by　teams　of　Greek　tutors　and　nurses　who　gave　me　everything　I　wanted。
　Now；　if　I　really　wanted　to　make　this　difficult　for　you；　David；　I'd　write　it　in　classical　Latin。　But　I　won't。　And　I　must　tell　you　that；　unlike　you；　I　came　by　my　education　in　English　haphazardly；　and　certainly　I　never　learnt　it　from　Shakespeare's　plays。
　Indeed　I　have　passed　through　many　stages　of　the　English　language　in　my　wanderings　and　in　my　reading；　but　the　great　majority　of　my　true　acquaintance　with　it　has　been　in　this　century；　and　I　am　writing　for　you　in　colloquial　English。
　There's　another　reason　For　this；　which　I'm　sure　you'll　understand　if　you've　read　the　modern　translation　of　Petronius's　Satyricon　or　Juvenal's　satires。　Very　modern　English　is　a　really　true　equivalent　to　the　Latin　of　my　time。
　The　formal　letters　of　Imperial　Rome　won't　tell　you　this。　But　the　graffiti　scratched　on　the　walls　of　Pompeii　will　make　it　obvious。　We　had　a　sophisticated　tongue；　countless　clever　verbal　shortcuts　and　mon　expressions。
　I'm　going　to　write；　therefore；　in　the　English　which　feels　equivalent　and　natural　to　me。
　Let　me　say　here　quickly　…　while　the　action　is　at　a　halt　…　that　I　was　never；　as　Marius　said；　a　Greek　Courtesan。　I　was　living　with　such　a　pretense　when　Marius　gave　me　the　Dark　Gift；　and　perhaps　out　of　consideration　for　old　mortal　secrets　he　so　described　me。　Or　maybe　it　was　contemptuous　of　him　to　style　me　this　way。　I　don't　know。
　But　Marius　knew　all　about　my　Roman　family；　that　it　was　a　Senatorial　family；　as　purely　aristocratic　and　privileged　as　his　own　mortal　family；　and　that　my　people　dated　back　to　the　time　of　Romulus　and　Remus；　the　same　as　Marius's　mortal　line。　Marius　did　not　succumb　to　me　because　I　had　〃beautiful　arms；〃　as　he　indicated　to　Lestat。　This　trivialization　was　perhaps　provocative。
　I　don't　hold　anything　against　either　of　them；　Marius　or　Lestat。　I　don't　know　who　got　what　wrong。
　My　feeling　for　my　Father　is　so　great　to　this　very　night；　as　I　sit　in　the　cafe；　writing　for　you；　David；　that　I　am　astonished　at　the　power　of　writing　…　of　putting　words　to　paper　and　bringing　back　so　vividly　to　myself　my　Father's　loving　face。
　My　Father　was　to　meet　a　terrible　end。　He　did　not　deserve　what　happened　to　him。　But　some　of　our　kinsmen　survived　and　re…established　our　family　in　later　times。
　My　Father　was　rich；　one　of　the　true　millionaires　of　that　age；　and　his　capital　was　invested　widely。　He　was　a　soldier　more　often　than　required　of　him；　a　Senator；　a　thoughtful　and　quiet　man　by　disposition。　And　after　the　terrors　of　the　Civil　War；　he　was　a　great　supporter　of　Caesar　Augustus　and　very　much　in　the　Emperor's　good　graces。
　Of　course　he　dreamed　that　the　Roman　Republic　would　e　back；　we　all　did。　But　Augustus　had　brought　unity　and　peace　to　the　Empire。
　I　met　Augustus　many　times　in　my　youth；　and　it　was　always　at　some　crowded　social　function　and　of　no　consequence。　He　looked　like　his　portraits；　a　lean　man　with　a　long　thin　nose；　short　hair；　average　face；　he　was　rather　rational　and　pragmatic　by　nature　and　not　invested　with　any　abnormal　cruelty。　He　had　no　personal　vanity。
　The　poor　man　was　really　blessed　that　he　couldn't　see　into　the　future　…　that　he　had　no　inkling　of　all　the　horrors　and　madness　that　would　begin　with　Tiberius；　his　successor；　and　go　on　for　so　long　under　other　members　of　his　family。
　Only　in　later　times　did　I　understand　the　full　singularity　and　acplishment　of　Augustus's　long　reign。　Was　it　forty…four　years　of　peace　throughout　the　cities　of　the　Empire？
　Alas；　to　be　born　during　this　time　was　to　be　born　during　a　time　of　creativity　and　prosperity；　when　Rome　was　caput　mundi；　or　capital　of　the　world。　And　when　I　look　back　on　it；　I　realize　what　a　powerful　bination　it　was　to　have　both　tradition　and　vast　sums　of　money；　to　have　old　values　and　new　power。
　Our　family　life　was　conservative；　strict；　even　a　little　dusty。　And　yet　we　had　every　luxury。　My　Father　grew　more　quiet　and　conservative　over　the　years。　He　enjoyed　his　grandchildren；　who　were　born　while　he　was　still　vigorous　and　active。
　Though　he　had　fought　principally　in　the　Northern　campaigns　along　the　Rhine；　he　had　been　stationed　in　Syria　for　a　while。　He　had　studied　in　Athens。　He　had　served　so　much　and　so　well　that　he　was　being　allowed　an　early　retirement　in　the　years　during　which　I　grew　up；　an　early　withdrawal　from　the　social　life　that　whirled　around　the　Imperial　Palace；　though　I　did　not　realize　this　at　the　time。
　My　five　brothers　came　before　me。　So　there　was　no　〃ritual　Roman　mourning〃　when　I　was　born；　as　you　hear　tell　of　in　Roman　families　when　a　girl　es　into　the　world。　Far　from　it。
　Five　times　my　Father　had　stood　in　the　atrium　…　the　main　enclosed　courtyard；　or　peristyle；　of　our　house　with　its　pillars　and　stairs　and　grand　marble…work　…　five　times　he　had　stood　there　before　the　assembled　family　and　held　in　his　hands　a　newborn　son；　inspected　it　and　then　pronounced　it　perfect　and　fit　to　be　reared　as　his　own；　as　was　his　prerogative。　Now；　you　know　he　had　the　power　of　life　and　death　over　his　sons　from　that　moment　on。
　If　my　Father　hadn't　wanted　these　boys　for　any　reason；　he　would　have　〃exposed〃　them　to　die　of　starvation。　It　was　against　the　law　to　steal　such　a　child　and　make　it　a　slave。
　Having　five　boys　already；　my　Father　was　expected　by　some　to　get　rid　of　me　immediately。　Who　needs　a　girl？　But　my　Father　never　exposed　or　rejected　any　of　my　Mother's　children。
　And　by　the　time　I　arrived；　I'm　told；　he　cried　for　joy。
　〃Thank　the　gods！　A　little　darling。〃；　I　heard　the　story　ad　nauseam　from　my　brothers；　who；　every　time　I　acted　up　…　did　something　unseemly；　frisky　and　wild　…　said　sneeringly；　〃Thank　the　gods；　a　little　darling！〃　It　became　a　charming　goad。
　My　Mother　died　when　I　was　two；　and　all　I　recall　of　her　are　gentleness　and　sweetness。　She'd　lost　as　many　children　as　she　had　birthed；　and　early　death　was　typical　enough。　Her　Epitaph　was　beautifully　written　by　my　Father；　and　her　memory　honored　throughout　my　life。　My　Father　never　took　another　woman　into　the　house。　He　slept　with　a　few　of　the　female　slaves；　but　this　was　nothing　unusual。　My　brothers　did　the　same　thing。　This　was　mon　in　a　Roman　household。　My　Father　brought　no　new　woman　from　another　family　to　rule　over　me。
　There　is　no　grief　in　me　for　my　Mother　because　I　was　simply　too　young　for　it；　and　if　I　cried　when　my　Mother　did　not　e　back；　I　don't　remember　it。
　What　I　remember　is　having　the　run　of　a　big　old　rectangular　palatial　Roman　house；　with　many　rectangular　rooms　built　onto　the　main　rectangle；　one　off　another；　the　whole　nestled　in　a　huge　garden　high　on　the　Palatine　Hill。　It　was　a　house　of　marble　floors　and　richly　painted　walls；　the　garden　meandering　and　surrounding　every　room　of　it。
　I　was　the　true　jewel　of　my　Father's　eye；　and　I　remember　having　a　marvelous　time　watching　my　brothers　practice　outside　with　their　short　broadswords；　or　listening　as　their　tutors　instructed　them；　and　then　having　fine　teachers　of　my　own　who　taught　me　how　to　read　the　entire　Aeneid　of　Virgil　before　I　was　five　years　old。
　I　loved　words。　I　love　to　sing　them　and　speak　them　and　even　now；　I　must　admit；　I　have　fallen　into　the　joy　of　writing　them。　I　couldn't　have　told　you　that　nights　ago；　David。　You've　brought　back　something　to　me　and　I　must　make　the　admission。　And　I　must　not　write　too　fast　in　this　mortal　cafe；　lest　human　beings　notice！
　Ah；　so　we　continue。
　My　Father　thought　it　was　hysterical　that　I　could　recite　verses　from　Virgil　at　so　young　an　age　and　he　liked　nothing　better　than　to　show　me　off　at　banquets　at　which　he　entertained　his　conservative　and　somewhat　old…fashioned　Senatorial　friends；　and　sometimes　Caesar　Augustus　himself。　Caesar　Augustus　was　an　agreeable　man。　I　don't　think　my　Father　ever　really　wanted　him　at　our　house；　however。　But　now　and　then；　I　suppose；　the　Emperor　had　to　be　wined　and　dined。
　I'd　rush　in　with　my　nurse；　give　a　rousing　recital　and　then　be　whisked　away　to　where　I　could　not　see　the　proud　Senators　of　Rome　glutting　themselves　on　peacock　brains　and　garum　…　surely　you　know　what　garum　is。　It's　the　horrible　sauce　the　Romans　put　on　everything；　rather　like　today's　ketchup。　Definitely　it　defeated　the　purpose　of　having　eels　and　squids　on　your　plate；　or　ostrich　brains　or　unborn　lamb　or　whatever　other　absurd　delicacies　were　being　brought　by　the　platterful。
　The　point　is；　as　you　know；　the　Romans　seemed　to　have　a　special　place　in　their　hearts　for　genuine　gluttony；　and　the　banquets　inevitably　became　a　disgrace。　The　guests　would　go　off　to　the　vomitorium　of　the　house　to　heave　up　the　fir