annr.pandora-第21节
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〃No；〃 he said。 Then he took on a sudden gravity。 〃Ovid； you spoke of Ovid。 Ovid is dead。 Ovid died two years ago in the wretched town of Tomis on the upper rim of the Black Sea。 It was a miserable choice of exile； a barbarian outpost。〃
〃No one told me this。 What a revolting silence。〃 I threw up my hands over my face。 The mantle fell。 He retrieved it。 I scarce noticed。 〃I had so prayed that Tiberius would let Ovid e back to Rome！〃 I told myself I had no time to stop for this。 〃Ovid。 No time to weep for him now。。。〃
〃His books are no doubt plentiful here；〃 Flavius said。 〃They are very easily found in Athens。〃
〃Good； perhaps you will have time to find some for me。 Now； I'm off； pins or tumbled braids or sliding mantle； I do not care。 And don't look so worried。 When you leave the house； just lock up the girls and the gold。〃
When I finally turned around he was making his way rather gracefully towards the girls。 The sun rippled prettily on his well…muscled back。 His hair was curly and brown； rather like my own。 He stopped for one moment when a vendor attacked him with an armful of cheaply made tunics； cloaks and whatnot； more than likely stolen goods； full of dye that would run in the first rain； but who knows？ He bought a tunic hastily and slipped it over his head； and purchasing a red sash； tied it around his waist。
Such a transformation。 The tunic went halfway to his knees。 That must have been a great relief to him； to have on something clean。 I should have thought of this before I left him。 Stupid。
I admired him。 Naked or clothed； you can't carry such beauty and dignity unless you have been cherished。 He wore the raiment of the affection bestowed on him and inscribed in the art of his ivory leg。
In our brief encounter； a bond had been forged forever。
He greeted the girls。 With his arms around them； he guided them out of the crowd。
I went straight to the Temple of Isis； and thereby； unwittingly； took the first firm step towards a larcenous immortality； an inglorious and unearned supernature； a never ending and utterly useless doom。
5
As soon as I entered the Temple pound I was received by several rich Roman women； who weled me generously。 They were all properly painted with white on their arms and their faces； well…drawn eyebrows； lip color … all the details of which I'd made a hash that morning。
I explained that though I had means； I was on my own。 They were for helping me in every way。 When they heard I had been actually initiated in Rome； they were in awe。
〃Thank Mother Isis they didn't discover you and execute you；〃 said one of the Roman women。
〃Go in and see the Priestess；〃 they said。 Many of them had not yet undergone the secret ceremonies and were waiting to be called by the goddess for this momentous event。 There were many other women here； some Egyptian； some Babylonian perhaps。 I could only guess。 Jewels and silks were the order of the day。 Fancy painted gold borders lined their mantles； some wore simple dresses。
But it seemed to me that all of them spoke Greek。
I couldn't bring myself to enter the Temple。 I looked up and saw in my mind our crucified Priests in Rome。
〃Thank God you were not identified；〃 said one。
〃Quite a few people fled to Alexandria；〃 said another。
〃I raised no protest；〃 I said dismally。
There came a chorus of sympathy。 〃How could you； under Tiberius？ Believe me； every one who could escaped。〃
〃Don't be laden with misery；〃 said a young blue…eyed Greek woman； very properly dressed。
〃I'd fallen away from the worship；〃 I said。
Again came a forting round of soft voices。
〃Go in now；〃 said one woman； 〃and ask to pray in the very sanctuary of Our Mother。 You are an initiate。 Most of us here are not。〃
I nodded。
I went up the steps of the Temple and entered inside it。
I paused to shake from my mantle the mundane； that is； all the trivia I had discussed。 My mind was focused upon the goddess； and desperate to believe in her。 I loathed my hypocrisy； that I used this Temple and this worship； but then it didn't seem significant。 My despair of the three nights had penetrated too deep。
What a shock awaited me as I found myself inside。
The Temple was far more ancient than our Temple in Rome； and Egyptian paintings covered its walls。 A shiver at once went through me。 The columns were in the Egyptian style； not fluted but smoothly round； and brightly painted in orange； and rising to giant lotus leaves at the capitals。 The smell of the incense was overpowering and I could hear music emanating from the Sanctuary。 I could hear the thin notes of the lyre； and of the wires of the sistrum being plucked； and I could hear a litany being chanted。
But this was a thoroughly Egyptian place； which enveloped me as firmly as my blood dreams。 I almost fainted。
The dreams came back … the deep paralytic sense of being in some secret Sanctuary in Egypt； my soul swallowed within another body！
The Priestess came to me。 This too was a shock。
In Rome； her dress would have been purely Roman； and she might have worn a small exotic headdress； a little cap to her shoulders； perhaps。
But this woman wore Egyptian clothes of pleated linen； in the old style； and she wore a magnificent Egyptian headdress and wig； the broad mass of long black braids falling down stiffly over her shoulders。 She looked as extravagant perhaps as Cleopatra had ever looked； for all I knew。
I had only heard stories of Julius Caesar's love of Cleopatra； then her affair with Mark Antony and Cleopatra's death。 All that was before my birth。
But I knew that Cleopatra's fabulous entrance into Rome had much affrighted the old Roman sense of morality。 I had always known the old Roman families feared Egyptian magic； In the recent punitive Roman massacre； which I've described； there was a lot of shouting about license and lust； but beneath it； there had been an unspoken fear of the mystery and the power hidden behind the Temple doors。
And now as I gazed at this Priestess； at her painted eyes； I felt in my soul this fear。 I knew it。 Of course this woman seemed to have stepped from the dreams； but it was not that which struck me so much； for after all； what are dreams？ This was an Egyptian woman … wholly alien and inscrutable to me。
My Isis had been Greco…Roman。 Even her statue in the Roman Sanctuary had been clothed in a gorgeously draped Greek dress and her hair had been done softy in the old Greek style； with waves around her face。 She had held her sistrum and an urn。 She had been a Romanized goddess。
Perhaps the same had happened with the goddess Cybele in Rome。 Rome swallowed things and made them Roman。
In a very few centuries； though I had no thought of it then … how could I … Rome would swallow and shape the followers of Jesus of Nazareth； and make of his Christians the Roman Catholic church。
I suppose you are familiar with the modern expression； 〃When in Rome； do as the Romans do。〃
But here； in this reddish gloom； among flickering lights and a deeper muskier incense than I had ever smelled； I resented my timidity in silence。 Then the dreams did descend； like so many veils lowered one by one to enclose me。 In a flash I saw the beautiful Queen weeping。 No。 She screamed。 Cried for help。
〃Get away from me；〃 I whispered to the air around me。 〃Fly from me； all things that are impure and evil。 Get away from me as I enter the house of my Blessed Mother。〃
The Priestess took me in hand。 I heard voices from my dream in violent argument。 I strained to dear my vision； to see the worshipers ing and going towards the Sanctuary to meditate or to make sacrifice； to ask for some favor。 I tried to realize it was a big busy crowd； very little different from Rome。
But the touch of the Priestess enfeebled me。 Her painted eyes struck terror。 Her broad necklace caused me to blink my eyes。 Row upon row of flat stones。
I was taken into a private apartment of the Temple by her； offered a sumptuous couch。 I lay back exhausted。 〃Fly from me； all things evil；〃 I whispered。 〃Including dreams。〃
The Priestess sat beside me and enfolded me in her silken arms。 I looked up into a mask！
〃Talk to me； suffering one；〃 she said in Latin with a thick accent。 〃Speak all that must e forth。〃
Suddenly … uncontrollably … I poured out my whole family story； the annihilation of my family； my guilt； my travails。
〃What if I was the cause of my family's downfall … my worship at the Temple of Isis？ What if Tiberius had remembered it？ What have I done？ The Priests were crucified and I did nothing。 What does Mother Isis want of me？ I want to die。〃
〃That she does not want of you；〃 said the Priestess； staring at me。 Her eyes were huge； or was it the paint？ No； I could see the whites of her eyes； so glistening and pure。 Her painted mouth let loose words like a tiny breeze in a monotone。
I was fast being delirious and totally unreasonable。 I murmured what I could about my initiation； what details I could tell a Priestess； for all these things were highly secret； you know； but I confirmed for her that I had been reborn in the rites。
All the stored…up weakness in me was cut loose in a flood。
Then I lay down my guilt。 I confessed that I had； early on； left the Cult of Isis； that i
