annr.pandora-第11节
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t room of this house in the very ancient days of Rome； and it was around this Hearth that the family gathered； worshiped； dined。
I had never even seen it； We had our household Shrines； but this； this giant circle of burnt stones！ There were actually ashes there； uncovered。 How ominous and sacred it appeared。
〃What in the name of the gods is going on？〃 I asked。 〃Where is everybody？〃
〃They are gone；〃 he said。 〃I have freed the slaves； sent them packing。 I've been waiting for you。 You have to leave here now！〃
〃Not without you！〃
〃You will not disobey me； Lydia！〃 I had never seen such an imploring yet dignified expression in his face。 〃There's a wagon out back； ready to take you to the coast； and a Jewish merchant who is my most trusted friend who will take you by ship out of Italy！ I want you to go！ Your money's been loaded on board the ship。 Your clothing。 Everything。 These are men I trust。 Nevertheless take this dagger。〃
He picked up a dagger from the nearby table and gave it to me。 〃You've watched your brothers enough to know how to use it；〃 he said； 〃and this。〃 He reached for a sack。 〃This is gold； the currency that all the world accepts。 Take it and go。〃
I always carried a dagger； and it was in the sling on my forearm but I could not shock him with this just now； so I put the dagger in my girdle and took the purse。
〃Father； I'm not afraid to stand by you！ Who's turned on us？ Father； you are Senator of Rome。 Accused of any crime； you are entitled to a trial before the Senate。〃
〃Oh； my precious quick…witted daughter！ You think that evil Sejanus and his Delatores bring charges out in the open？ His Speculatores have already surprised your brothers and their wives and children。 These are Antony's slaves。 He sent them to warn me as he fought； as he died。 He saw his son dashed against the wall。 Lydia； go。〃
Of course I knew this was a Roman custom … to murder the entire family； to wipe out the spouse and offspring of the condemned。 It was even the law。 And in matters such as this； when word got out that the Emperor had turned his back on a man； any of his enemies could precede the assassins。
〃You e with me；〃 I said。 〃Why do you stay here？〃
〃I will die a Roman in my house；〃 he said。 〃Now go if you love me； my poet； my singer； my thinker。 My Lydia。 Go！ I will not be disobeyed。 I have spent the last hour of my life arranging for your salvation！ Kiss me and obey me。〃
I ran to him； kissed him on the lips and at once the slaves led me through the garden。
I knew my Father。 I could not revolt against him in this final wish。 I knew that； in old…fashioned Roman style； he would probably take his life before the Speculatores broke down the front door。
When I reached the gate； when I saw the Hebrew merchants and their wagon； I couldn't go。
This is what I saw。
My Father had cut both his wrists and was walking around the household hearth in a circle； letting the blood flow right down onto the floor。 He had really given his wrists the slash。 He was turning white as he walked。 In his eyes there was an expression I would only e to understand later。
There came a loud crash。 The front door was being bashed in。 My Father stopped quite still。 And two of the Praetorian Guard came at him； one making sneering remarks； 〃Why don't you finish yourself off； Maximus； and save us the trouble。 Go on。〃
〃Are you proud of yourselves！〃 my Father said。 〃Cowards。 You like killing whole families？ How much money do you get？ Did you ever fight in a true battle。 e on； die with me！〃
Turning his back on them； he whipped around with sword and dagger； and brought down both of them； as they came at him； with unanticipated thrusts。 He stabbed them repeatedly。
My Father wobbled as if he would faint。 He was white。 The blood flowed and flowed from his wrists。 His eyes rolled up into his head。
Mad schemes came to me。 We must get him into the wagon。 But a Roman like my Father would never have cooperated。
Suddenly the Hebrews； one young and one elderly； had me by the arms and were carrying me out of the house。
〃I vowed I would save you；〃 said the old man。 〃And you will not make a liar of me to my old friend。〃
〃Let go of me！〃 I whispered。 〃I will see him through it！〃
Throwing them off in their polite timidity I turned and saw from a great distance my Father's body by the hearth。 He had finished himself with his own dagger。
I was thrown into the wagon； my eyes dosed； my hands over my mouth。 I fell among soft pillows； bolts of fabric； tumbling as the wagon began to roll very slowly down the winding road of the Palatine Hill。
Soldiers shouted at us to get the hell out of the way。
The elderly Hebrew said； 〃I am nearly deaf； sir； what did you say？〃
It worked perfectly。 They rode past us。
The Hebrew knew exactly what he was doing。 As crowds rushed past us he kept to his slow pace。
The one young one came into the back of the wagon。 〃My name is Jacob；〃 he said。 〃Here； put on all these white mantles。 You look now like an Eastern woman。 If questioned at the gate； hold up your veil and pretend you do not understand。〃
We went through the Gates of Rome with amazing ease。 It was 〃Hail David and Jacob； has it been a good trip？〃
I was helped aboard a large merchant vessel； with galley slaves and sails； nothing unusual at all； and then into a small barren wooden room。
〃This is all we have for you；〃 said Jacob。 〃But we are sailing now。〃 He had long wavy brown hair and a beard。 He wore striped robes to the ground。
〃In the dark？〃 I asked。 〃Sailing in the dark？〃
This was not usual。
But as we moved out； as the oars began to dip； and the ship found its proper distance and began to move South； I saw what we were doing。
All the beautiful Southwestern coast of Italy was well lighted by her hundreds and hundreds of palatial villas。 Lighthouses stood on the rocks。
〃We will never see the Republic again；〃 said Jacob wearily； as though he were a Roman citizen； which I think in fact he was。 〃But your Father's last wish is fulfilled。 We are safe now。〃
The old man stepped up to me。 He told me that his name was David。
The old man apologized profusely that there were no female attendants for me。 I was the only woman on board。
〃Oh； please； banish any such thoughts from your mind！ Why have you taken these risks？〃
〃For years we have done business with your Father；〃 said David。 〃Years ago； when pirates sank our ships； your Father carried the debt。 He trusted us again； and we repaid him fivefold。 He has laid up riches for you。 They are all stowed； among cargo we carried； as if they were nothing。〃
I went into the cabin and collapsed on the small bed。 The old man； averting his eyes； brought a cover for me。
Slowly I realized something。 I had fully expected them to betray me。
I had no words。 I had no gestures or sentiments inside me。 I turned my head to the wall。 〃Sleep； lady；〃 he said。
A nightmare came to me； a dream such as I have never had in my life。 I was near a river。 I wanted to drink blood。 I waited in high grass to catch one of the villagers； and when I had this poor man； I took him by his shoulders； and I sank two fang teeth into his neck。 My mouth filled with delicious blood。 It was too sweet and too potent to be described； and even in the dream I knew it。 But I had to move on。 The man was nearly dead。 I let him fall。 Others who were more dangerous were after me。 And there was another terrible threat to my life。
I came to the ruins of a Temple； far from the marsh。 Here it was desert … just with the snap of the fingers； from wetland to sand。 I was afraid。 Morning was ing。 I had to hide。 Besides； I was also being hunted。 I digested this delicious blood； and I entered the Temple。 No place to hide！ I lay my whole body on the cold walls！ They were graven with pictures。 But there was no small room； no hiding place for me。
I had to make it to the hills before sunrise； but that wasn't possible。 I was moving right towards the sun！
Suddenly； there came above the hills a great fatal light。 My eyes hurt unbearably。 They were on fire。 〃My eyes；〃 I cried and reached to cover them。 Fire covered me。 I screamed。 〃Amon Ra； I curse you！〃 I cried another name。 I knew it meant Isis； but it was not that name； it was another title for her that flew from my lips。
I woke up。 I sat bolt upright； shivering。
The dream had been as sharply defined as a vision。 It had a deep resonance in me of memory。 Had I lived before？
I went out on the deck of the ship。 All was well enough。 We could see the coastline dearly still； and the lighthouses； and the ship moved on。 I stared at the sea； and I wanted blood。
〃This is not possible。 This is some evil omen； some twisted grief；〃 I said。 I felt the fire。 I could not shut out the taste of the blood； how natural it had seemed； how good； how perfect for my thirst。 I saw the twisted body of the villager again in the marshes。
This was a horror； it was no escape from what I had just witnessed。 I was incensed； and feverish。
Jacob； the tall young one； came to me。 He had with him a young Roman。 The young man had shaved his first beard； but otherwise he seemed a flushed and glistening child。
I wondered wearily if I were so old at thirty…five that everyone young loo
