cb.imajica2-第83节
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breaking against the shore。 It seemed the Goddesses had made their decision。 She wanted to hear the news as soon as possible； of course； but she couldn't help but feel a little like an accused woman returning into a courtroom。
There was an air of expectancy among those at the door。 Some of the women were smiling； others looked grim。 If they had any knowledge of the judgment； they were interpreting it in radically different ways。
〃Should I go in？〃 Jude asked the woman who'd brought her food。
The other nodded vigorously； though Jude suspected she simply wanted to expedite a process which had delayed them all。 Jude stepped back through the water curtain and into the temple。 It had changed。 Though the sense that her inner and outer sights were here united was as strong as ever； what they perceived was far less reassuring than it had been。 There was no sign of the origami light； nor of the bodies these forms had been derived from。 She was； it seemed； the sole representative of the fleshly here； and scrutinized by an incandescence far less tender than Uma Umagammagi's gaze had been。 She squinted against it； but her lids and lashes could do little to mellow a light that burned in her head rather than her corneas。 Its blaze intimidated her； and she wanted to retreat before it； but the thought that Uma Umagammagi's consolation lay somewhere in its midst kept her from doing so。
〃Goddess？〃 she ventured。
〃We're here together；〃 came the reply。 〃Jokalaylau； Tishalulle； and Myself。〃
As the roll was called； Jude began to distinguish shapes within the brilliance。 They were not the inexhaustible glyphs she'd last seen in this place。 What she saw suggested not abstractions but sinuous human forms； hovering in the air above her。 This was a strange turnabout； she thought。 Why； when she'd previously been able to share the essential natures of Jokalaylau and Uma Umagammagi； was she now being presented with lowlier faces？ It didn't augur well for the exchange ahead。 Had They clothed Themselves in trivial matter because They'd decided she wasn't worthy to lay eyes on the truth of Them？ She concentrated hard to grasp the details of Their appearance； but either her sight wasn't sophisticated enough or They were resisting her。 Whichever； she could hold only impressions in her head： that They were naked； that Their eyes were incandescent； that Their bodies ran with water。
〃Do you see Us？〃 Jude heard a voice she didn't recognize…Tishalulle's； she presumed…ask。
〃Yes； of course；〃 she said。 〃But not。。。 not pletely。〃
〃Didn't I tell You？〃 Uma Umagammagi said。
〃Tell me what？〃 Jude wanted to know； then realized the remark wasn't directed at her but at the other Goddesses。
〃It's extraordinary；〃 said Tishalull？。
The pliancy of Her voice was seductive； and as Jude attended to it Her nebulous form became more particular； the syllables bringing sight along with them。 Her face was Oriental in cast； and without a trace of color in cheek or lip or lash。 Yet what should have been bland was instead exquisitely subtle； its symmetry and its curves delineated by the light that flickered in Her eyes。 Below its calm； Her body was another matter entirely。 Her entire length was covered by what Jude at first took to be tattoos of some kind； following the sweep of Her anatomy。 But the more she studied the Goddess…rand she did so without embarrassment…the more she saw movement in these marks。 They weren't on Her but in Hef； thousands of tiny flaps opening and closing rhythmically。 There were several shoals of them； she saw； each swept by independent waves of motion。 One rose up from Her groin； where the inspiration of them all had its place； others swept down Her limbs； out to Her fingertips and toes； the motion of each shoal converging every ten or fifteen seconds； at which point a second substance seemed to spring from these slits； forming the Goddess afresh in front of Jude rs astonished eyes。
〃I think you should know that I've met your Gentle；〃 Tishalutle〃 said。 〃I embraced him in the Cradle。〃
〃He's not mine any longer；〃 Jude replied。
〃Do you care； Judith？〃
〃Of course she doesn't care；〃 came Jokalaylau's response。 〃She's got his brother to keep her bed warm。 The Autarch。 The butcher of Yzordderrex。〃
Jude turned her gaze towards the Goddess of the High Snows。 The particulars of Her form were more elusive than Tishalull？'s had been； but Jude was determined to know what She looked like； and fixed her gaze on the spiral of cold flame that burned in Her core； watching until it spat bright arcs out against the limits of Jokalaylau's body。 The light of this collision was brief； but by it Jude got her glimpse。 An imperious Negress； Her blazing eyes heavy…lid…den； hovered there； Her hands crossed at the wrist； then turned back on themselves to knit their fingers。 She was not； after all； such a terrifying sight。 But sensing that Her face had been found； the Goddess responded with a sudden transformation。 Her lush features were mummified in a heartbeat； the eyes sinking away； the'lips withering and retracting。 Worms devoured the tongue that poked between Her teeth。
Jude let out a cry of revulsion； and the eyes reignited in Jokalaylau's sockets； the wormy mouth gaping as hard laughter rose from Her throat and echoed around the temple。
〃She's not so remarkable； sister；〃 Jokalaylau said。 〃Look at her shake。〃
〃Let her alone；〃 Uma Umagammagi replied。 〃Why must You always be testing people？〃
〃We've endured because We've faced the worse and survived；〃 Jokalaylau replied。 〃This one would have died in the snow。〃
〃I doubt that；〃 Urnagammagi said。 〃Sweet Judith…〃
Still shaking； Jude took a moment to respond。 〃I'm not afraid of death；〃 she said to Jokalaylau。 〃Or cheap tricks。〃
Again； Umagammagi spoke。 〃Judith；〃 she said。 〃Look at Me。〃
〃I just want Her to understand…〃
〃Sweet Judith 。。。〃
〃…I'm not going to be bullied。〃
〃。。。 look at Me。〃
Now Jude did so； and this time there was no need to pierce the ambiguities。 The Goddess appeared to Jude without challenge or labor； and the sight was a paradox。 Uma Umagammagi was an ancient； Her body so withered it was almost sexless； Her hairless skull subtly elongated； Her tiny eyes so wreathed in creases they were barely more than gleams。 But the beauty of Her glyph was here in this flesh： its ripples； its flickers； its ceaseless； effortless motion。
〃Do you see now？〃 Uma Umagammagi said。
〃Yes； I see。〃
〃We haven't forgotten the flesh We had；〃 She said to Jude。 〃We've known the frailties of your condition。 We remember its pains and disforts。 We know what it is to be wounded： in the heart； in the head； in the womb。〃
〃I see that；〃 Jude said。
〃Nor would We have trusted you with knowledge of Our '？ frailty； unless We believed that you might one day be among Us。〃
〃Among You？〃
〃Some divinities arise from the collective will of peoples； some are made in the heat of stars； some are abstractions。 But some…dare we say the finest； the most loving？ … are the higher minds of living souls。 We are such divinities； sister； and Our memories of the lives We lived and the deaths We died are still sharp。 We understand you； sweet Judith； and We don't accuse you。〃
〃Not even Jokalaylau？〃 Jude said。
The Goddess of the High Snows made Herself apparent to Her length and breadth； showing Jude Her entire form in a single glance。 There was a paleness moving beneath Her skin； and Her eyes； that had been so luminous； were dark。 But they were fixed on Jude。 She felt the stare like a stab。
〃I want you to see；〃 She said； 〃what the Father of the father of the child in you did to My devotees。〃
Jude recognized the paleness now。 It was a blizzard； driven through the Goddess's form by pain； and pricking every part of Her。 Its drifts were mountainous； but at Jokalaylau's behest they moved and uncovered the site of an atrocity。 The bodies of women lay frozen where they'd fallen； their eyes carved out； their breasts taken off。 Some lay close to smaller bodies： violated children； dismembered babes。
〃This is a little part of a little part of what He did；〃 Jokalaylau said。
Appalling as the sight was； Jude didn't flinch this time； but stared on at the horror until Jokalaylau drew a cold shroud back over it。
〃What are You asking me to do？〃 Jude said。 〃Are You telling me I should add another body to the heap？ Another child？〃 She laid her hand on her belly。 〃This child？〃
She hadn't realized until now how covetous she felt of the soul she was nurturing。
〃It belongs to the butcher；〃 Jokalaylau said。
〃No；〃 Jude quietly replied。 〃It belongs to me。〃
〃You'll be responsible for its works？〃
〃Of course；〃 she said； strangely' exhilarated by this promise。 〃Bad can be made from good； Goddess； whole things from broken。〃
She wondered as she spoke if They knew where these sentiments originated； whether They understood that she was turning the Reconciler's philosophies to her own maternal ends。 If They did； They seemed not to think less of her for it。
〃Then Our spirits go with you； sister；〃 Tishalulle' said。
〃Are You sending me away again？〃 Jude asked。
〃You came here looking for an answer； and We can provide it。〃
〃We understand the urgency of this；〃 Uma Umagammagi said。 〃And We haven't
