cb.imajica2-第66节
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h enemies。〃
Ironic words； with hindsight。 Gentle could not afford such placency again； not with Sartori still alive and the chilling image of Pie's last frantic appearance at the Erasure still in his head。
It was no use dwelling on it。 He put the sight away as best he could； settling his gaze on Celestine instead。 It was difficult to think of her as his mother。 Maybe； among the innumerable memories he'd garnered in this house； there was some faint recollection of being a babe in these arms； of putting his toothless mouth to these breasts and being nourished there。 But if it was there； it escaped him。 Perhaps there were simply too many years； and lives； and women； between now and that cradling。 He could find it in him to be grateful for the life she'd given him； but it was hard to feel much more than that。
After a time the vigil began to depress him。 She was too like a corpse； lying there； and he too much a dutiful but loveless mourner。 He got up to go； but before he quit the room he halted at her bedside and stooped to touch her cheek。 He'd not laid his flesh to hers in twenty…three or … four decades； and perhaps； after this； he wouldn't do so again。 She wasn't chilly； as he'd expected her to be； but warm； and he kept his hand upon her longer than he'd intended。
Somewhere in the depths of her slumber she felt his touch and seemed to rise into a dream of him。 Her austerity softened； and her pale lips said； 〃Child？〃
He wasn't sure whether to answer； but in the moment of hesitation she spoke again； the same question。 This time he replied。
〃Yes； Mama？〃 he said。
〃Will you remember what I told you？〃
What now？ he wondered。 〃I'm 。。。 not certain；〃 he told her。'Til try。〃
〃Shall I tell you again？ I want you to remember； child。〃
〃Yes； Mama；〃 he said。 〃That would be good。 Tell me again。〃
She smiled an infinitesimal smile and began to repeat a story she'd apparently told many times。
〃There was a woman once； called Nisi Nirvana。。。。〃
She'd no sooner started； however； than the dream she was having lost its claim on her； and she began to slip back into a deeper place； her voice losing power as she went。
〃Don't stop； Mama；〃 Gentle prompted。 〃I want to hear。 There was a woman 。。。〃
〃Yes。。。〃
〃；。。 called Nisi Nirvana。〃
〃Yes。 And she went to a city full of iniquities； where no ghost was holy and no flesh was whole。 And something there did a great hurt to her。。。。〃
Her voice was getting stronger again； but the smile； even that tiniest hint； had gone。
〃What hurt was this； Mama？〃
〃You needn't know the hurt； child。 You'll learn about it one day； and on that day you'll wish you could forget it。 Just understand that it's a hurt only men can do to women。〃
〃And who did this hurt to her？〃 Gentle asked。
〃I told you； child； a man。〃
〃But what man？〃
〃His name doesn't matter。 What matters is that she escaped him； and came back into her own city； and knew she must make a good thing from this bad that had been done to her。 And do you know what that good thing was？〃
〃No； Mama。〃
〃It was a little baby。 A perfect little baby。 And she loved it so much it grew big after a time； and she knew it would be leaving her； so she said； 'I have a story to tell you before you go。' And do you know what the story was？ I want you to remember； child。〃
〃Tell me。〃
〃There was a woman called Nisi Nirvana。 And she went into a city of iniquities…〃
〃That's the same story； Mama。〃
〃…where no ghost was holy…〃
〃You haven't finished the first story。 You've just begun again。〃
〃…and no flesh was whole。 And something there…〃
〃Stop； Mama；〃 Gentle said。 〃Stop。〃
〃…did a great hurt to her。。。。〃
Distressed by this loop； Gentle took his hand from his mother's cheek。 She didn't halt her recitation； however； at least not at first。 The story went on exactly as it had before： the escape from the city； the good thing made from the bad； the baby； the perfect little baby。 But with the hand no longer on her cheek Celestine was sinking back into unthinking slumber； her voice steadily growing more indistinct。 Gentle got up and backed away to the door； as the whispered wheel came full circle again。
〃So she said： I have a story to tell you before you go。〃
Gentle reached behind him and opened the door； his eyes fixed on his mother as the words slurred。
〃And do you know what the story was？〃 she said。 〃I want。。。 you 。。。 to 。。。 remember。。。 child。〃
He went on watching her as he slipped out into the hallway。 The last sounds he heard would have been nonsense to any ear other than this； but he'd heard this story often enough now to know that she was beginning again as she'd dropped into dreamlessness。
〃There was a woman once 。。。〃
On that； he closed the door。 For some inexplicable reason； he was shaking； and had to stand at the threshold for several seconds before he could control the tremor。 When he turned； he found Clem at the bottom of the stairs； sorting through a selection of candles。
〃Is she still asleep？〃 he asked as Gentle approached。
〃Yes； Has she talked to you at all； Clem？〃
〃Very little。 Why？〃
〃I've just been listening to her tell a story in her sleep。 Something about a woman called Nisi Nirvana。 Do you know what that means？〃
〃Nisi Nirvana。 Unless Heaven。 Is that somebody's name？〃
〃Apparently。 And it must mean a lot to her； for some reason。 That's the name she sent Jude with to fetch me。〃
〃And what's the story？〃
〃Damn strange；〃 Gentle said。
〃Maybe you liked it better when you were a kid。〃
〃Maybe。〃
〃If I hear her talking again； do you want me to call you down？〃
〃I don't think so；〃 Gentle said。 〃I've got it by heart already。〃
He started up the stairs。
〃You're going to need some candles up there；〃 Clem said。 〃And matches to light 'em with。〃
〃So I am；〃 Gentle said； turning back。
Clem handed over half a dozen candles； thick； stubby； and white。 Gentle handed one of them back。
〃Five's the magic number；〃 he said。
〃I left some food at the top of the stairs；〃 Clem said as Gentle started to climb again。 〃It's not exactly haute cuisine； but it's sustenance。 And if you don't claim it now it'll be gone as soon as the boy gets back。〃
Gentle called his thanks back down the flight； picked up the bread； strawberries； and bottle of beer waiting at the top； then returned to the Meditation Room； closing the door behind him。 Perhaps because he was still preoccupied with what he'd heard from his mother's lips； the memories of Pie were not waiting at the threshold。 The room was empty； a cell of the present。 It wasn't until Gentle had set the candles on the mantelpiece； and was lighting one of them； that he heard the mystif speaking softly behind him。
〃Now I've distressed you；〃 it said。
Gentle turned into the room and found the mystif at the window； where it so often loitered； with a look of deep concern on its face。
〃I shouldn't have asked；〃 Pie went on。 〃It's just idle curiosity。 I heard Abelove asking the boy Lucius a day or two ago； and it made me wonder。〃
〃What did Lucius say？〃
〃He said he remembered being suckled。 That was the first thing he could recall： the teat at his mouth。〃
Only now did Gentle grasp the subject under debate here。 Once again his memory had found some fragment of conversation between himself and the mystif pertinent to his present concerns。 They'd talked of childhood memories in this very room； and the Maestro had been plunged into the same distress which he felt now； and for the same reason。
〃But to remember a story；〃 Pie was saying。 〃Particularly one you didn't like…〃
〃It wasn't that I didn't like it；〃 the Maestro said。 〃At least； it didn't frighten me； the way a ghost story might have done。 It was worse than that。。。。〃
〃We don't have to talk about this；〃 Pie said； and for a moment Gentle thought the conversation was going to fizzle out there。 He wasn't altogether certain he'd have minded if it had。 But it seemed to have been one of the unwritten rules of this house that no inquiry was ever fled from； however disfiting。
〃No； I want to explain if I can；〃 the Maestro said。 〃Though what a child fears is sometimes hard to fathom。〃
〃Unless we can listen with a child's heart；〃 Pie said。
〃That's harder still。〃
〃We can try； can't we？ Tell me the story。〃
〃Well； it always began the same way。 My mother would say； I want you to remember； child； and I'd know right away what was going to follow。 There was a woman called Nisi Nirvana； and she went into a city full of iniquities。。。。〃
Now Gentle heard the story again； this time from his own lips； told to the mystif。 The woman； the city； the crime； the child； and then； with a sickening inevitability； the story beginning again with the woman and the city and the crime。
〃Rape isn't a very pretty subject for a nursery tale；〃 Pie observed。
〃She never used that word。〃
〃But that's what the crime is； isn't it？〃
〃Yes；〃 he said softly； though he was unfortable with the admission。 This was his mother's secret； his mother's pain。 But yes； of course； Nisi Nirvana was Celestine； and the city of terrors was the First Dominion。 She'd told her child her own story； encoded in a grim little fable。 But more bizarrely than that； she'd folded the listener into the tale； and even the
