cb.imajica2-第37节
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； he could go on living； but not blind。 His knees struck the boards； and fingers clawed for access to his face。 Knowing he had mere seconds of sight left to him； he opened his eyes as wide as he could and stared up into the darkness overhead； hoping to find some last lovely thing to spend them on： a beam of dusty moonlight； a spider's web； trembling at the din he raised。 But the darkness was too deep。 His eyes would be thumbed out before he could use them again。
And then； a motion in that darkness。 Something unfurling； like smoke from a conch； taking figmental shape overhead。 His pain's invention； no doubt； but it sweetened his terror a little to see a face； like that of a beatific child； pour his gaze upon him。
〃Open yourself to me；〃 he heard it say。 〃Give up the struggle and let me be in you。〃
More cliche； he thought。 A dream of intercession to set against the nightmare that was about to geld and blind him。 But one was real…his pain was testament to that…so why not the other？
〃Let me into your head and heart；〃 the infant's lips said。
〃I don't know how；〃 he yelled； his cry taken up in parody by Abelove and the rest。
〃How？ How？ How？〃 they chanted。
The child had its reply。 〃Give up the fight；〃 he said。
That wasn't so hard； Gentle thought。 He'd lost it anyway。 What was there left to lose？ With his eyes fixed on the child； Gentle let every muscle in his body relax。 His hands gave up their fists； his heels； their kicks。 His head tipped back； mouth open。
〃Open your heart and head；〃 he heard the infant say。
〃Yes；〃 he replied。
Even as he uttered his invitation； a moth's…wing doubt fluttered in his ear。 At the beginning hadn't this smacked of melodrama？ And didn't it still？ A soul snatched from Purgatory by cherubim； opened； at the last； to simple salvation。 But his heart was wide； and the saving child swooped upon it before doubt could seal it again。 He tasted another mind in his throat and felt its chill in his veins。 The invader was as good as its word。 He felt his tormentors melt from around him； their holds and howls fading like mists。
He fell to the floor。 It was dry beneath his cheek； though seconds before Esther's skirts had been seeping on it。 Nor was there any trace of the creatures' stench in the air。 He rolled over and cautiously reached to touch his hamstrings。 They were intact。 And his testicles； which he'd presumed nearly pulped； didn't even ache。 He laughed with relief to find himself whole and； while he laughed； scrabbled for the candle he'd dropped。 Delusion！ It had all been delusion！ Some final rite of passage conducted by his mind so that he might supersede his guilt and face his future as a Reconciler unburdened。 Well； the phantoms had done their duty。 Now he was free。
His fingers had found the candle。 He picked it up； fumbled for the matches； struck one； and put the flame to the wick。 The stage he'd filled with ghouls and cherubim was empty from boards to gallery。 He got to his feet。 Though the hurts he'd felt had been imagined； the fight he'd put up against them had been real enough； and his body…which was far from healed after the brutalities of Yzordderrex… was the worse for his resistance。
As he hobbled towards the door； he heard the cherub speak again。 〃Alone at last；〃 it said。
He turned on his heel。 The voice had e from behind him； but the staircase was empty。 So was the landing and the passageways that led off the hall。 The voice came again； however。
〃Amazing； isn't it？〃 the putto said。 〃To hear and not to see。 It's enough to drive a man mad。〃
Again Gentle wheeled； the candle flame fluttering at his speed。
〃I'm still here；〃 the cherub said。 〃We'll be together for quite a time； just you and I； so we'd better get to like each other。 What do you enjoy chatting about？ Politics？ Food？ I'm good for anything but religion。〃
This time； as he turned； Gentle caught a glimpse of his tormentor。 It had put off the cherubic illusion。 What he saw resembled a small ape； its face either anemic or powdered； its eyes black beads； its mouth enormous。 Rather than waste his energies pursuing something so nimble （it had hung from the ceiling minutes before）； Gentle stood still and waited。 The tormentor was a chatterbox。 It would speak again and eventually show itself entirely。 He didn't have to wait long。
〃Those demons of yours must have been appalling；〃 it said； 〃The way you kicked and cursed。〃
〃You didn't see them？〃
〃No。 Nor do I want to。〃
〃But you've got your fingers in my head； haven't you？〃
〃Yes； But don't delve。 It's not my business。〃
〃What is your business？〃
〃How do you live in this brain？ It's so small and sweaty。〃
〃Your business？〃
〃To keep you pany。〃
〃I'm leaving soon。〃
〃I don't think so。 Of course； that's just my opinion。。。。〃
〃Who are you？〃
〃Call me Little Ease。〃
〃That's a name？〃
〃My father was a jailer。 Little Ease was his favorite cell。 I used to say； Thank God he didn't circumcise for a living； or I'd be…〃
〃Don't。〃
〃Just trying to keep the conversation light。 You seem very agitated。 There's no need。 You're not going to e to any harm； unless you defy my Maestro。〃
〃Sartori。〃
〃The very man。 He knew you'd e here； you see。 He said you'd pine and you'd preen； and how very right he was。 But then I'm sure he'd have done the same thing。 There's nothing in your head that isn't in his。 Except for me； that is。 I must thank you for being so prompt； by the way。 He said I'd have to be patient； but here you are； after less than two days。 You must have wanted these memories badly。〃
The creature went on in similar vein； burbling at the back of Gentle's head； but he was barely aware of it。 He was concentrating on what to do now。 This creature； whatever it was； had tricked its way into him…Open your head and heart； it had said； and he'd done just that； fool that he was： opened himself up to its possession…and now he had to find some way to be rid of it。
〃There's more where those came from； you know；〃 it was saying。
He'd temporarily lost track of its monologue and didn't know what it was prattling about。
〃More of what？〃 he said。
〃More memories；〃 it replied。 〃You wanted the past； but you've only had a tiny part of a tiny part。 The best's still to e。〃
〃I don't want it；〃 he said。
〃Why not？ It's you； Maestro； in all your many skins。 You should have what's yours。 Or are you afraid you'll drown in what you've been？〃
He didn't answer。 It knew damn well how much damage the past could do if it came over him too suddenly； he'd laid plans for that very eventuality as he'd e to the house。
Little Ease must have heard his pulse quicken； because it said； 〃I can see why it'd frighten you。 There's so much to be guilty for； isn't there？ Always； so much。〃
He had to be out and away； he thought。 Staying here； where the past was all too present； invited disaster。
〃Where are you going？〃 Little Ease said as Gentle started towards the door。
〃I'd like to get some sleep；〃 he said。 An innocent enough request。
〃You can sleep here；〃 his possessor replied。
〃There's no bed。〃
〃Then lie down on the floor。 I'll sing a lullaby。〃
〃And there's nothing to eat or drink。〃
〃You don't need sustenance right now；〃 came the reply。
〃I'm hungry。〃
〃So fast for a while。〃
Why was it so eager to keep him here？ he wondered。 Did it simply want to wear him down with sleeplessness and thirst before he even stepped outside？ Or did its sphere of influence cease at the threshold？ That hope leapt in him； but he tried not to let it show。 He sensed that the creature； though it had spoken of entering his head and heart； did not have access to every thought in his cranium。 If it did； it'd have no need of threats in order to keep him here。 It would simply direct his limbs to be leaden and drop him to the ground。 His intentions were still his own； even if the entity had his memories at its behest； and it followed therefore that he might get to the door； if he was quick； and be beyond its grasp before it opened the floodgates。 In order to placate it until he was ready to make his move； he turned his back on the door。
〃Then I suppose I stay；〃 he said。
〃At least we've got each other for pany；〃 Little Ease said。 〃Though let me make it clear； I draw the line at any carnal relations； however desperate you get。 Please don't take it personally。 It's just that I know your reputation； and I want to state here and now I have no interest in sex。〃
〃Will you never have children？〃
〃Oh； yes； but that's different。 I lay them in the heads of my enemies。〃
〃Is that a warning？〃 he asked。
〃Not at all；〃 it replied。 〃I'm sure you could acmodate a family of us。 It's all One； after all。 Isn't that right？〃 It left off its voice for a moment and imitated him perfectly。 〃We'll not be subsumed at our deaths； Roxborough； we'll be increased to the size of Creation。 Think of me as a little sign of that increase； and we'll get along fine。〃
〃Until you murder me。〃
〃Why would I do that？〃
〃Because Sartori wants me dead。〃
〃You do him an injustice；〃 Little Ease said。 〃I've no brief as an assassin。 All he wants me to do is keep you from your work until after midsummer。 He doesn't want you playing the Reconciler and letting his enemies into the Fifth。 Who c
