cb.imajica2-第30节
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〃Did he？〃 she replied； more puzzled by the moment。 〃Maybe you know better than I do。〃
〃Not me；〃 he said； pouring himself another brandy。 〃Taylor。〃
〃Taylor？ What are you talking about？〃
Clem downed the liquor。 〃You're going to say I'm crazy； but hear me out； will you？〃
〃I'm listening。〃
〃I haven't been sentimental about losing him。 I haven't sat at home reading his love letters and listening to the songs we danced to。 I've tried to get out and be useful for a change。 But I have left his room the way it was。 I couldn't bring myself to go through his clothes or even strip the bed。 I kept putting it off。 And the more I didn't do it； the more impossible it seemed to be。 Then tonight； I came in just after eight； and I heard somebody talking。〃
Every particle of Clem's body but his lips was still as he spoke； transfixed by the memory。
〃I thought I'd left the radio on； but no； no； I realized it was ing from upstairs； from his bedroom。 It was him； Judy； talking clear as day； calling me up the way he used to。 I was so afraid I almost fled。 Stupid； isn't it？ There I was； praying and praying for some sign he was in God's hands； and as soon as it came I practically shat myself。 I tell you； I was half an hour on the stairs； hoping he'd stop calling me。 And sometimes he did for a while； and I'd half convince myself I'd imagined it。 Then he'd start again。 Nothing melodramatic。 Just him trying to persuade me not to be afraid and e up and say hello。 So； eventually； that's what I did。〃
His eyes were filling with tears； but there was no grief in his voice。
〃He liked that room in the evening。 The sun fills it up。 That's what it was like tonight： full of sun。 And he was there； in the light。 I couldn't see him but I knew he was next to me because he said so。 He told me I looked well。 Then he said； 'It's a glad day； Clem。 Gentle came back； and he's got the answers。' 〃
〃What answers？〃 Jude said。
〃That's what I asked him。 I said； 'What answers； Tay？' But you know Tay when he's happy。 He gets delirious； like a child。〃 Clem spoke with a smile； his gaze on sights remembered from better days。 〃He was so full of the fact that Gentle was back； I couldn't get much more from him。〃
Clem looked up at Jude。
〃The light was going；〃 he said。 〃And I think he wanted to go with it。 He said that it was our duty to help Gentle。 That was why he was showing himself to me this way。 It wasn't easy； he said。 But then neither was being a guardian angel。 And I said； Why only one？ One angel when there's two of us？ And he said； Because we are one； Clem； you and I。 We always were； and we always will be。 Those were his exact words； I swear。 Then he went away。 And you know what I kept thinking？〃
〃What？〃
〃That I wished I hadn't waited on the stairs and wasted all that time I could have had with him；〃 Clem set down his glass； pulled a tissue from his pocket； and blew his nose。 〃That's all；〃 he said。
〃I think that's plenty。〃
〃I know what you're thinking；〃 he said with a little laugh。 〃You're thinking； Poor Clem。 He couldn't grieve so he's having hallucinations。〃
〃No；〃 she said； very softly。 〃I'm thinking； Gentle doesn't know how lucky he is； having angels like you two。〃
〃Don't humor me。〃
〃I'm not；〃 she said。 〃I believe everything you've just told me happened。〃
〃You do？〃
〃Yes。〃
Again； a laugh。 〃Why？〃
〃Because Gentle came home tonight； Clem； and I was the only one who knew it。〃
He left ten minutes later； apparently content to know that even if he was crazy there was another lunatic in his circle he could turn to when he wanted to share his insanities。 Jude told him as much as she felt able at this juncture； which was very little； but she promised to contact Gentle on Clem's behalf and tell him about Taylor's visitation。 Clem wasn't so grateful that he was blinded to her discretion。
〃You know a lot more than you're telling me； don't you？〃 he said。
〃Yes；〃 she said。 〃But maybe in a little while I'll be able to tell you more。〃
〃Is Gentle in danger？〃 Clem asked。 〃Can you tell me that at least？〃
〃We all are；〃 she said。 〃You。 Me。 Gentle。 Taylor。〃
〃Taylor's dead；〃 Clem said。 〃He's in the light。 Nothing can hurt him。〃
〃I hope you're right；〃 she said grimly。 〃But please； Clem； if he finds you again…〃
〃He will。〃
〃…then when he does； tell him nobody's safe。 Just because Gentle's back in the…back home doesn't mean the troubles are over。 In fact； they're just beginning。〃
〃Tay says something sublime's going to happen。 That's his word： sublime。〃
〃And maybe it will。 But there's a lot of room for error。 And if anything goes wrong…〃 She halted； her head filled with memories of the In Ovo and the ruins of Yzordderrex。
〃Well； whenever you feel you can tell me；〃 Clem said； 〃we'll be ready to hear。 Both of us。〃 He glanced at his watch。 〃I should be out of here。 I'm late。〃
〃Party？〃
〃No； I'm working with a hospice for the homeless。 We're out most nights； trying to get kids off the streets。 The city's full of them。〃 She took him to the door； but before he stepped out he said； 〃You remember our pagan party at Christmas？〃
She grinned。 〃Of course。 That was quite a shindig。〃
〃Tay got stinking drunk after everybody had gone。 He knew he wasn't going to be seeing most of them again。 Then of course he got sick in the middle of the night； so we stayed up together talking about…oh； I don't know； everything under the sun。 And he told me how much he'd always loved Gentle。 How Gentle was the mystery man in his life。 He'd been dreaming about him； he said： speaking in tongues。〃
〃He told me the same thing；〃 Jude said。
〃Then； out of the blue； he said that next year I should have the Nativity back； and go to Midnight Mass the way we used to； and I told him I thought we'd decided none of that made much sense。 And you know what he said to me？ He said light was light； whatever name you call it； and it was better to think of it ing in a face you knew。〃 Clem smiled。 〃I thought he was talking about Christ。 But now 。。。 now I'm not so sure。〃
She hugged him hard； pressing her lips against his flushed cheek。 Though she suspected that there was truth in what he said； she couldn't bring herself to voice the possibility。 Not knowing that the same face Tay had imagined as that of the returning sun was also the face of the darkness that might soon eclipse them all。
8
Though the bed Gentle had collapsed into the night before had been stale； and the pillow beneath his head damp； he couldn't have slept more soundly had he been rocked in the arms of Mother Earth Herself。 When he woke； fifteen hours later； it was to a fine June morning； and the dreamless time behind him had put new strength into his sinews。 There was no gas； electricity； or hot water； so he was obliged to shower and shave in cold water； which was respectively a bracing and a bloody experience。 That done； he took some time to assess the state of the studio。 It had not remained entirely untouched in his absence。 At some juncture either an old girlfriend or a very particular thief had e in…he'd left two of the windows open； so gaining access had presented no difficulty…and the interloper had stolen both clothes and more private bric…a…brac。 It was such a long time since he'd been here； however； that he couldn't remember precisely what was missing： some letters and postcards from the mantelpiece； a few photographs （though he'd not liked to be recorded this way； for what were now obvious reasons）； and a few items of jewelry （a gold chain； two rings； a crucifix）。 The theft didn't much bother him。 He'd never been a sentimentalist or a hoarder。 Objects were like glossy magazines： fetching for a day； then readily discarded。
There were other； more disgusting； signs of his absence in the bathroom； where clothes he'd left to dry before his departure had grown green fur； and in the refrigerator； the shelves of which were scattered with what looked like pupating zarzi； stinking of putrefaction。 Before he could really begin to clean up he had to have some power in the house； and to get it would require some politicking。 He'd had the gas； telephone； and electricity cut off in the past； when； in the lean times between forgeries and sugar mamas； he'd run out of funds。 But he had the patter to get them turned back on again well honed； and that had to be the priority of the hour。
He dressed in the freshest of his clothes and went downstairs to present himself to the venerable but dotty Mrs。 Erskine； who occupied the ground…floor flat。 It was she who'd let him in the day before； remarking with her characteristic candor that he looked as though he'd been kicked half to death； to which he'd replied that he felt the same way。 She didn't question his absence； which was not surprising given that his occupation of the studio had always been sporadic； but she did ask him if he was going to be staying awhile this time。 He said he thought so； and she replied that she was pleased at this； because during these summer days people always got crazy； and since Mr。 Erskine's death she was sometimes frightened。
She made tea while he availed himself of her telephone； calling around the services he'd lost。 It turned out to be a frustrating business。 He'd lost the knack of charming
