gs.earthabides-第68节

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　clear　morning。　Whether　you　thought　of　personal　resurrection　or　merely　of　the　continuance　of　the　race；　the　symbol　was　there。　
　　Now　the　lanes　of　yellow　sunlight　stretched　out　between　the　long　shadows　of　the　tall　dark　trees。　
　　In　this　also　we　are　men；　that　we　think　of　the　dead。　Once　it　was　not　so；　and　when　one　of　us　died；　he　lay　where　he　lay　by　the　cave…mouth　and　we　ran　in　and　out　there；　not　standing　quite　upright　as　we　ran。　Now　we　stand　upright；　and　now　also　we　think　of　the　dead。　
　　So；　when　the　rade　lies　there；　we　do　not　let　him　lie　where　he　died。　And　we　do　not　take　him　by　the　legs　carelessly；　and　drag　him　into　the　forest　for　the　foxes　and　woodrats　to　gnaw　on。　We　do　not　cast　him　into　the　river　carelessly　for　the　stream　to　float　him　away。　
　　No；　but　rather　we　lay　him　where　the　ground　is　hollowed　out　a　little　and　there　cover　him　with　leaves　and　branches。　So　he　shall　return　to　the　earth；　whence　all　things　came。　
　　Or　else　we　lay　him　to　rest　among　the　tree…branches；　and　give　him　to　the　air。　Then；　if　the　black　birds　e　streaming　from　far　to　pluck　at　him；　that　too　is　right；　for　they　are　the　creatures　of　the　air。　
　　Or　else　we　give　him　to　the　bright　and　hot　cleanliness　of　fire。　
　　Then　we　go　about　our　life　as　before；　and　soon　we　forget；　like　the　beasts。　But　this　at　least　we　have　done；　and　when　we　shall　no　longer　do　it；　then　we　shall　no　longer　be　men。　
　　After　the　ceremony　at　the　graves　was　over；　they　all　walked　back　to　the　houses　through　the　early　sunshine。　Ish　began　to　wish　that　he　could　be　alone。　He　did　not　feel　it　right；　however；　to　leave　Em　at　this　time。　Before　long　she　must　have　sensed　how　he　was　feeling；　and　she　took　the　initiative。　
　　〃Go　on；〃　she　said。　〃It　will　be　better　for　you　to　take　a　walk；　and　be　by　yourself　for　a　while。〃　
　　He　decided　to　go。　As　he　had　feared；　the　funeral　service　had　stirred　him　deeply。　Some　people　sought　pany　in　time　of　grief；　but　he　was　one　who　rather　should　be　alone。　He　did　not　worry　about　Em；　she　was　stronger　than　he。　
　　He　took　no　lunch　with　him；　because　he　did　not　feel　hungry。　In　any　case　he　could　always　step　into　a　store；　and　pick　out　some　cans。　He　did　not　strap　his　pistol…belt　around　him；　though　it　was　routine　not　to　go　far　from　the　houses　without　some　kind　of　weapon。　At　the　last　moment；　however；　he　hesitated　uncertainly；　and　then　took　the　hammer　from　the　mantelpiece。　
　　The　very　fact　that　he　took　it　troubled　him　a　little。　Why　was　it　ing　to　loom　so　large　in　his　thoughts？　It　was　by　no　means　his　oldest　possession；　because　scattered　throughout　the　house　were　things　which　he　had　owned　and　could　remember　even　from　the　time　of　his　small　boyhood。　But　still　none　of　them　was　like　the　hammer。　Perhaps　it　was　because　he　associated　it　particularly　with　his　survival　in　the　first　days。　And　yet　he　did　not　believe　what　the　children　seemed　to　believe　about　the　hammer。　
　　He　walked　away　from　the　house；　not　caring　in　what　direction　he　wandered；　so　long　as　he　could　be　by　himself。　The　hammer　dangling　from　one　hand　was　a　nuisance。　He　began　to　feel　an　irritation　against　it。　Was　it　really　ing　to　be　a　superstition　in　his　mind　too；　as　it　was　in　the　minds　of　the　children？　
　　Well；　why　did　he　not　simply　lay　the　hammer　down；　and　pick　it　up　on　his　way　home？　Or　pick　it　up　tomorrow？　Yet；　he　did　not　lay　it　down。　
　　He　realized　that　not　merely　the　temporary　inconvenience　of　the　hammer　was　irritating　him　against　it；　but　rather　his　feeling　that　it　was　ing　to　be　a　fixation　with　him。　He　made　a　sudden　resolve　to　be　done　with　it。　He　would　not　let　his　mind　be　imposed　upon。　As　he　had　once　before　imagined　himself　doing；　he　would　walk　down　to　the　Bay；　and　out　on　the　old　wharf；　then　he　would　throw　the　hammer　violently；　far　out　into　the　waves。　It　would　sink　through　them　deep　into　the　soft　mud　beneath；　and　that　would　be　the　end。　He　walked　on。　Then　the　memory　of　Joey　flooded　over　him　again；　and　as　he　walked；　he　thought　no　more　of　the　hammer。　
　　After　a　while　he　came　out　of　his　sorrow；　and　realized　that　he　was　actually　walking　and　carrying　the　hammer。　Then　he　knew　that　he　was　not　heading　toward　the　Bay；　in　spite　of　his　decision。　He　was　walking　south；　not　west。　
　　〃It　would　be　a　long　walk　to　the　Bay；　and　I　am　still　not　strong；〃　he　said　to　himself。　〃There　is　no　use　walking　so　far　just　to　get　rid　of　this　old　hammer。　I　can　throw　it　into　any　gully　among　the　bushes；　and　I　shall　soon　forget　where　I　threw　it。〃　
　　Then　he　knew　again　that　his　mind　was　trying　to　deceive　him　and　that　even　if　he　threw　the　hammer　into　a　gully　he　would　not　forget　where　he　had　thrown　it　and　would　not　lose　it　in　that　way。　He　quit　his　pretense；　for　he　knew　that　he　did　not　want　to　be　separated　from　the　hammer　and　that　it　had　e　to　mean　a　great　deal　to　him　in　some　strange　way。　At　the　same　time　he　realized　why　he　was　walking　south　and　where　subconsciously　his　mind　was　already　directing　his　feet。　
　　He　was　following　the　broad　street　which　led　toward　the　University　campus。　He　had　not　been　there　for　a　long　time。　As　he　walked；　his　sorrow　was　still　with　him；　but　in　some　way　now　it　had　ceased　to　be　so　overwhelming；　as　if　his　decision　about　the　hammer　had　made　some　change。　
　　Now；　as　so　often　before；　he　looked　around　him；　and　the　mere　pageant　of　the　years　seized　his　interest；　and　took　his　mind　away　from　his　grief。　This　particular　section　had　suffered　badly　in　the　earthquake。　There　was　a　gully　all　the　way　across　the　old　concrete　pavement；　some　crack　of　the　earthquake　had　made　the　break；　rain　and　running　water　had　widened　and　deepened　it；　and　now　trees　and　bushes　were　standing　up　from　the　line　of　the　gully　all　the　way　across　the　wide　street。　Swinging　the　hammer　to　give　him　momentum；　he　jumped　the　four…foot　gap　from　one　edge　of　the　pavement　to　the　other；　and　was　pleased　that　his　legs；　in　spite　of　his　illness；　were　not　too　weak。　
　　As　he　walked　along；　he　saw　the　houses　on　both　sides　of　the　street；　fallen　into　ruin　now；　what　with　the　earthquake　and　the　mere　passage　of　time。　Vines　climbed　high　upon　them。　Encroaching　trees　had　thrown　porches　out　of　line。　
　　Everywhere　he　observed　the　struggle　between　the　native　plants　which　were　moving　back　into　the　gardens；　and　the　exotics　which　once　had　been　planted　there　and　carefully　tended。　
　　He　looked　closely　at　these　overgrown　gardens；　thus　to　take　his　mind　off　worse　things。　He　tried　to　discover　what　plants　were　no　longer　in　existence。　He　saw　no　wisteria　or　camellia　or　coprosma　though　they　had　once　been　mon。　But　the　tall　climbing　rose…vines　were　still　vigorous。　A　large　and　handsome　evergreen　tree　he　recognized　as　a　deodar；　native　to　the　Himalayas。　It　was　still　growing　vigorously；　but　looking　beneath　it；　he　found　no　seedlings。　Apparently　it　could　live　there；　but　would　not　reproduce。　On　the　other　hand　beneath　a　eucalyptus　tree；　a　species　native　to　Australia；　he　found　seedlings　which　had　sprouted　up　through　the　litter　of　leaves　in　which　nothing　else　would　grow。　
　　ing　to　the　campus；　he　passed　first　through　a　grove　of　Italian　stone…pines。　Here；　everything　looked　less　confused　than　it　had　in　the　gardens　along　the　street；　because　the　pines　had　spread　and　formed　a　canopy　beneath　which　little　grass　grew。　The　effect　was　still　park…like。　
　　Near　one　of　the　trees　he　saw　a　large　rattlesnake　lying　in　the　sunshine。　It　seemed　torpid；　not　yet　quite　revived　from　the　chill　of　the　night。　He　could　easily　kill　it。　He　hesitated　a　moment；　but　went　on。　
　　No…he　had　once　been　bitten　and　still　remembered　something　of　that　horror。　But　he　held　no　enmity　to　the　whole　tribe　of　rattlesnakes。　In　fact；　that　bite　had　possibly　saved　his　life。　Perhaps；　rather　than　being　hostile；　he　should　be　grateful；　and　form　a　rattlesnake　clan　around　that　totem。　No；　not　that　either。　He　would　be　neutral。　
　　Then　he　realized　that　this　attitude　of　his　applied　to　more　than　just　rattlesnakes。　He　had　noticed　it　in　the　younger　people　also。　In　the　times　of　civilization　men　had　really　felt　themselves　as　the　masters　of　creation。　Everything　had　been　good　or　bad　in　relation　to　man。　So　you　killed　rattlesnakes。　But　now　nature　had　bee　so　overwhelming　that　any　attempt　at　its　control　was　merely　outside　anyone's　circle　of　thought。　You　lived　as　part　of　it；　not　as　its　dominating　power。　To　bother　with　killing　one　rattlesnake　was　foolish；　because　you　had　no　chance　of　exterritinating　them　or　even　of　appreciably　changing　their　number。　If　one　of　them　came　near　the　houses；　you　killed　it　of　course；　to　protect　the　children。　But　you　did　not　go　crusading　against　rattlesnakes；　any　more　than　you　did　against　mountain…lions。　
　　He　passed　on；　went　down　an　almost　overgrown　stone　stairway；　and　crossed　a　wooden　bridge。　He　felt　it　shaky　with　rot　beneath　his　feet。　It　had　been　an　old　bridge；　he　remembered；　even　when　he　was　a　boy。　Along　the　stream　the　thicket　was　dense；　and　he　had　to　push　his　way　through；　although　underfoot　he　felt　that　he　was　still　on　an　asphalt　walk。　
　　He　heard　a　rustle　somewhere　in　the　thicket；　and　for　a　moment　was　nervous　to　be　without　a　weapon。　It　might　be　a　mountain…lion。　Wolves　or　wild　dogs　also　were　likely　to　haunt　these　thickety　stream…courses。　
　　But　as　he　burst　through　into　the　open　again；　he　saw　only　some　deer　loping　off　through　the　trees。　
　　High　on　his　left；　now；　rose　up　one　of　the　University　buildings。　He　could　not　remember　what　depar