gs.earthabides-第55节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ave　made。　Any　child；　even　a　precocious　one　like　Joey；　lived　in　the　present；　to　talk　of　ten　years　away　was　merely；　for　a　child；　to　talk　of　centuries。　
　　Ish　looked　at　the　little　face　again；　and　he　saw　the　eyes　roll　slightly　outward　with　drunkenness　and　sleepiness；　and　there　was　incongruity　in　the　two。　Yet　Ish　felt　this　love　for　his　son　welling　up　more　strongly　than　ever　within　him。　〃This　one；　this　one；〃　he　thought；　〃is　the　Child　of　the　Blessing！　This　one　will　carry　on！〃　
　　He　saw　the　eyes　lose　focus。　and　the　eyelids　drop　shut；　and　so　he　spoke　no　more；　but　he　sat　there　by　the　bed；　holding　the　hand　in　his　own。　Then；　perhaps　because　sleep　is　so　like　death；　a　horrible　fear　swept　in　upon　him。　〃Hostages　to　fortune！〃　he　thought。　When　a　man　loved　greatly；　he　laid　himself　open。　He　himself　had　had　good　luck。　He　had　loved　greatly　with　Em；　and　now；　again　perhaps；　with　Joey。　With　Em　he　had　had　the　luck…but　then　one　could　never　even　think　of　Em　in　terms　of　death。　She　was　the　stronger。　With　Joey　it　was　different。　Holding　the　hand；　he　could　feel　the　faint　throb　of　the　pulse　in　the　wrist；　and　it　seemed　very　close　to　the　surface。　A　mere　scratch　would　be　enough。　What　were　the　chances　for　a　little　boy；　not　strong　of　body；　driven　on　always　by　too　powerful　a　mind？　
　　Yet；　this　might　be　the　one　who　could　shape　the　whole　future。　He　had　only　to　grow　in　stature　and　in　mind；　to　gain　wisdom　with　the　years；　and　to　live。　
　　Between　the　plan　and　the　fulfillment　lies　always　the　hazard。　Heart…beat　flutters；　knife　flashes；　horse　stumbles；　cancer　grows；　more　subtle　foes　invade。。。。　
　　Then　they　sit　around　the　fire　at　the　cave…mouth；　and　say；　〃What　shall　we　do？　Now　that　he　is　no　longer　here　to　lead　us！〃　Or；　while　the　great　bell　tolls；　they　gather　in　the　courtyard；　and　say；　〃It　should　not　have　happened　so。　Who　is　there　now　to　give　us　counsel？〃　Or　they　meet　at　the　street…corner；　and　say　sadly；　〃Why　did　it　have　to　be　this　way？　Now　there　is　no　one　to　take　his　place。　〃　
　　Through　all　of　history　it　runs　as　a　plaint。　〃If　the　young　king　had　not　fallen　ill。。。。　If　the　prince　had　lived。。。。　If　the　general　had　not　so　recklessly　exposed　himself。。。。　If　the　president　had　not　overworked。。。。〃　
　　Between　the　plan　and　the　fulfillment　stands　always　the　frail　barrier　of　a　human　life。　
　　Once　more　the　fogs　thinned　out；　and　then　came　the　first　hot　days。　〃I　have　seen　it　again；〃　Ish　thought　to　himself。　〃The　great　pageant　of　the　year！　Now　is　the　time　of　dryness　and　death。　Now　the　god　lies　dying。　Soon　the　rains　will　e；　and　then　the　hills　will　be　green。　At　last　one　morning　I　shall　look　out　westward；　here　from　the　porch；　and　I　shall　see　the　sun　setting　far　to　the　south。　Then　we　shall　all　go　together；　and　I　shall　carve　the　number　into　the　rock。　What　shall　we　call　this　Year；　I　wonder！〃　
　　By　now　also　it　was　time　to　be　expecting　Dick　and　Bob　to　return　from　their　expedition　in　the　jeep。　Ish　still　worried　and　felt　guilty　sometimes　at　having　allowed　the　boys　to　go；　but　now　they　had　been　gone　so　long　that　he　was　somewhat　accustomed　to　the　idea　and　did　not　feel　the　strain　so　much　as　he　had　earlier。　And　at　the　same　time　he　had　another　worry　and　sense　of　guilt　that　tended　to　counteract　this　one。　
　　The　children！　Their　superstition　and　their　ideas　about　religion！　He　had　said　to　himself　that　all　this　would　be　easy　to　counteract；　he　had　said　that　he　would　do　something　that　next　day。　Yet　all　summer　he　had　been　flinching。　
　　Was　it　actually　that　he　did　not　want　to　do　anything？　Did　he　really　want　the　children　to　think　of　Joey　as　the　possessor　of　some　special　power？　Deep　within　himself；　did　he　want　the　children　to　think　of　him；　Ish；　as　a　god？　Not　every　day　or　every　year　could　a　man　have　reason　to　play　with　the　intoxicating　idea　that　he　was　being　a　god。　Oh；　well…say；　at　least　a　demi…god；　a　being　of　some　degree　of　special　power！　
　　Ever　since　the　incident　of　the　hammer；　he　had　been　studying　curiously　the　children's　attitude　toward　him。　It　was　changeable　and　uncertain。　Sometimes；　he　sensed　that　feeling　of　awe　which　he　had　seen　on　that　day　of　the　incident　with　the　hammer。　He；　like　Joey；　but　even　more　so；　had　mana　within　him。　He　could　perform　strange　feats。　He　knew　the　meanings　of　the　puzzling　words。　He　knew　the　curious　ways　of　numbers。　He　knew；　by　some　strange　power；　what　the　world　was　like；　away　beyond　the　horizon；　out　through　the　Golden　Gate；　that　there　were　islands　far　in　the　ocean　beyond　the　little　rock…tips　of　the　Farallones；　that　they　sometimes　saw　standing　up　above　the　horizon　on　clear　days。　
　　The　children；　he　came　to　realize；　were　not　only　children；　but　they　were　also　unsophisticated　and　inexperienced　as　children　in　the　Old　Times　had　rarely　been。　None　of　them　had　ever　seen　more　than　a　few　dozen　people。　Though　their　lives；　he　believed；　had　been　happy；　they　had　been　happy　with　the　simplicity　of　a　few　satisfying　experiences；　repeated　again　and　again。　They　had　not　suffered　the　continual　shock　of　change　which　had　so　affected　children　in　the　old　days；　both　for　good　and　for　bad；　making　them　nervous　on　the　one　hand；　and　yet　alert　on　the　other。　
　　Children　so　unsophisticated　might　easily　e　to　feel　a　certain　dread　of　him；　to　regard　him　as　a　being　with　powers　different　from　their　own；　not　altogether　earthly。　At　times　he　sensed　this　feeling　and　even　saw　definite　evidences　of　it。　
　　Yet　at　other　times；　indeed　generally；　he　was　merely　their　own　father　or　grandfather；　or　Uncle　Ish；　a　person　they　had　known　all　their　lives；　with　whom　they　had　romped　on　the　floor　when　they　were　little。　They　had　no　more　respect　for　such　a　person　than　children　ever　had。　In　fact　the　bigger　ones　already　showed　the　adolescent　feeling　that　the　older　man　was　blundering　and　quite　obtuse。　Perhaps　they　stood　in　some　awe；　but　still　they　played　tricks　on　him。　
　　Once；　not　a　week　after　the　incident　of　the　hammer；　they　had　set　a　tack　for　him　in　his　chair；　though　that　was　one　of　the　oldest　of　all　tricks　to　play　on　a　teacher。　And　again；　after　they　had　left　the　room　with　much　suppressed　giggling；　Ish　discovered　that　someone　had　worked　that　other　old　trick　of　pinning　a　strip　of　cloth　to　his　rear；　so　that　it　hung　down　like　a　white　tail　behind。　
　　Ish　accepted　such　tricks　in　good　spirit；　and　did　not　attempt　to　find　out　which　one　of　the　children　had　done　them　or　to　inflict　any　punishment。　In　some　ways　the　tricks　pleased　him；　for　they　showed　him　that　children　considered　him　one　of　themselves。　But　the　tricks　also　chagrined　him　a　little。　His　ego　was　not　above　being　pleased　with　the　belief　that　he　was　a　folk…hero　or　demi…god。　Was　this　a　way　to　treat　a　demi…god；　by　putting　tacks　on　his　chair　or　pinning　a　tail　on　him；　behind？　Yet；　as　he　thought　farther；　he　realized　that　the　two　attitudes　were　not　inpatible　or　altogether　unprecedented。　
　　That　is　a　strange　thing…to　be　a　god！　They　bring　the　fat　ox　with　the　gilded　horns；　and　at　your　altar　they　strike　him　down　With　the　pole…ax。　You　are　proud　of　the　sacrifice。　But　then　they　take　head　and　horns　and　tail　and　hide；　and　in　the　hide　they　wrap　the　entrails。　All　this　noisomeness　they　burn　before　your　altar；　and　then　go　to　feast　themselves　on　the　fat　haunches！　You　see　the　deceit；　and　you　are　angry　with　a　god's　anger。　You　gather　the　thunderbolts；　and　your　black　clouds　assemble。　But；　no；　you　think　then；　〃They　are　my　people！〃　This　year　they　are　fat　and　proud　and　insolent…but　who　would　wish　his　people　to　be　mean　and　meeching？　Next　year；　if　there　is　pestilence；　they　will　really　burn　the　ox…nay；　many　oxen！　So　you　pass　it　off；　with　only　a　little　thunder；　scarcely　noticed　in　the　pleasant　confusion　of　the　feasting。　〃I　am　not　stupid；〃　you　say　to　The　Son；　〃but　there　are　times　when　a　god　should　seem　stupid！〃　Then　you　wonder　if　you　should　have　shared　with　him　any　secret　of　godship；　but　rather　have　looked　for　a　convenient　mountain　to　pile　upon　him。　He　is　altogether　too　handy　with　a　sickle　these　days。。。。　
　　Even　you　terrible　ones　who　call　for　human　sacrifice；　you　too　must　wink！　Ah；　it　is　magnificently　horrible！　The　shrieks　of　his　wife　and　the　moans　of　the　victim　and　the　flailing　axes　of　the　killers！　There　he　lies；　covered　with　blood；　his　tongue　hanging　out；　a　picture　of　loathsome　death！　Yet　soon；　in　the　confusion　of　the　dance；　he　rises　suddenly　and　dances　with　the　others　and　the　red　mulberry　juice　mingles　with　his　sweat　and　disappears。　Then　you；　the　terrible　one；　must　be　a　wise　god　and　remember　only　the　horror　of　the　seeming　death；　though　every　child　in　the　village　knows　you　are　tricked。。。。　
　　〃No；　there　is　no　need　to　grovel　and　rub　the　face　in　the　dirt。　Merely　bow　the　head；　as　you　enter；　ever　so　slightly。〃　
　　Yet　in　the　end；　though　he　half　feared　the　test；　Ish　could　not　resist　an　experiment。　Perhaps　the　incident　of　the　hammer　had　really　meant　nothing。　He　was　curious。　
　　He　picked　the　time　carefully…late　one　morning；　when　it　was　only　a　few　minutes　before　dismissal。　He　was　preparing　himself　a　retreat；　if　things　got　too　embarrassing。　There　was　no　difficulty；　since　he　was　the　teacher；　in　bringing　a　discussion　around　to　the　point　where　he　could　put　the　question　casually　enough。　
　　〃How　was　it。　do　you　think；　that　all　these　things。。。〃　he　gestured　widely　with　his　hands；　〃how　was　it　that　the　world　happened　to　be　made？〃　
　　The　answer　came　quickly。　Weston　was　the　spokesman；　although　apparently