gs.earthabides-第24节

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e　set　rites　of　formalized　religion；　but　the　very　humanity　of　the　teachings　of　Jesus　rendered　them　obsolete。　
　　Turning　back　to　the　Old　Testament；　he　began　Ecclesiastes；　and　found　himself　suddenly　more　at　home。　The　old　fellow　〃The　Preacher〃…Koheleth；　as　the　notes　called　him；　whoever　he　might　have　been…had　a　curious　way　of　striking　the　naturalistic　note；　of　sensing　the　problem　of　the　individual　against　the　universe。　Sometimes　it　was　almost　as　if　he　had　imagined　what　Ish　was　now　experiencing：　〃And　if　the　tree　fall　toward　the　south；　or　toward　the　north；　in　the　place　where　the　tree　falleth；　there　it　shall　be。〃　Ish　thought　of　that　tree　in　Oklahoma　which　had　fallen　to　block　Highway　66。　And　again　he　read；　〃Two　are　better　than　one　。。。　for　if　they　fall；　the　one　win　lift　up　his　fellow；　but　woe　unto　him　that　is　alone　when　he　falleth。〃　And　Ish　thought　of　the　great　fear　that　had　been　upon　him　when　he　was　left　alone；　and　he　had　felt　all　too　vividly　that　there　would　be　none；to　help　him　up；　if　he　fell。　He　read　through；　marveling　at　the　clear…eyed　naturalistic　acceptance　of　the　universe。　There　was　even　a　line；　〃Surely　the　serpent　will　bite　without　enchantment。〃　
　　He　came　to　the　end　of　the　last　chapter；　and　his　eyes　fell　to　the　lines　which　began　on　the　lower　part　of　the　page。　〃The　song　of　songs；　which　is　Solomon's。〃　He　read；　〃Let　him　kiss　me　with　the　kisses　of　his　mouth：　for　thy　love　is　better　than　wine。〃　
　　Ish　stirred　uneasily。　In　all　these　long　months　he　had　rarely　had　such　feelings。　Now　again　he　realized　that；　more　than　he　thought　from　day　to　day；　the　shock　of　the　whole　catastrophe　had　affected　him。　It　was　all　like　some　old　story　of　enchantment　in　which　a　king　sat　and　watched　life　pass　by；　unable　to　mingle　with　it。　Other　men　had　done　differently。　Even　those　who　had　drunk　themselves　to　death　had；　in　a　sense；　been　partaking　of　life。　But　he　himself；　in　observing　what　happened；　had　merely　been　rejecting　life。　
　　What　made　life　anyway？　Many　people　had　asked　that　question…even　Koheleth；　the　preacher；　was　far　from　the　first。　And　each　had　e　up　with　a　different　answer；　except　those　who　admitted　that　no　answer　could　be　found。　
　　Here　was　he；　Isherwood　Williams；　a　strange　mingling　of　realities　and　fantasies　and　pressures　and　reactions；　and　there　all　outside　was　the　vast　empty　city　with　misty　rain　falling　upon　the　long　empty　streets；　and　the　twilight　now　beginning　to　deepen。　Between　the　two；　him　and　everything　outside　him；　there　lay　some　kind　of。strange　bond；　as　one　changed；　so　the　other　changed　also。　
　　It　was　as　if　there　were　a　vast　equation　with　many　terms　on　each　side；　and　yet　only　two　great　unknowns。　He　was　on　one　side；　x；　perhaps；　you　could　call　him；　and　on　the　other　side　was　y…everything　which　was　called　the　world。　And　two　sides　of　the　equation　always　were　trying　to　keep　more　or　less　in　balance　and　never　quite　managed　it。　Perhaps　the　real　balance　only　came　with　death。　（Perhaps　that　was　what　Koheleth　in　his　fine　disillusioned　mind　was　thinking　when　he　wrote　〃The　living　know　that　they　shall　die；　but　the　dead　know　not　anything。〃）　But；　this　side　of　death；　the　two　halves　of　the　equation　tried　always　to　be　in　balance。　If　the　x　side　changed　and　he　Ish　felt　within　him　the　pressure　of　some　gland　or　if　he　suffered　shock　or　if　there　was　even　something　so　simple　as　that　he　grew　bored；　then　he　did　something；　and　that　changed　the　other　side　of　the　equation；　if　only　a　little；　and　then　there　was　again　a　temporary　balance。　But　if　on　the　other　hand；　the　world　outside　changed；　if　there　was　a　catastrophe　wiping　out　the　human　race；　or　if　merely　it　should　stop　raining；　then　the　x　side；　being　Ish；　would　also　have　to　change；　and　that　would　mean　more　action；　and　then　there　would　be　again　a　temporary　balance。　
　　And　who　could　say　whether　in　the　long　run　one　side　or　the　other　side　of　the　equation　began　more　of　the　actions？　
　　Then；　before　he　really　thought　what　he　was　doing；　he　had　risen　to　his　feet；　and　on　second　thought　he　knew　that　he　had　done　so　because　again　a　feeling　of　desire　had　stirred　within　him。　The　equation　had　got　out　of　balance；　and　he　had　risen　restlessly　to　set　it　right　again；　and　already　he　was　affecting　the　world　because　Princess　had　leaped　up　at　his　rising　and　was　wandering　about　the　room。　Yet　at　the　same　time　he　heard　the　rain　beat　a　little　harder　against　the　window。　Then　he　looked　up　at　it　to　see　what　was　happening。　And　so　the　world　had　also　pressed　in　upon　him　and　caused　him　to　do　something。　And　after　that　he　set　out　to　get　himself　some　supper。　
　　The　almost　plete　removal　of　man；　though　in　some　ways　an　unprecedented　earthly　catastrophe；　had　not　in　the　slightest　affected　the　earth's　relation　to　the　sun；　or　the　sizes　and　locations　of　the　oceans　and　continents；　or　any　other　factor　influencing　the　weather。　Therefore；　the　first　autumn　storm　which　swept　down　from　the　Aleutians　upon　the　coast　of　California　was　ordinary　and　conventional。　Its　moisture　extinguished　the　forest…fires；　its　raindrops　washed　fi…om　the　atmosphere　the　particles　of　smoke　and　dust。　Behind　it　a　brisk　wind　swept　down　cool　and　crystal…clear　and　air　from　the　northwest。　The　temperature　dropped　sharply。　
　　Ish　stirred　in　his　sleep；　and　gradually　came　to　consciousness。　He　was　cold。　〃The　other　side　has　changed；〃　he　thought；　and　pulled　up　another　blanket。　He　grew　warm。　〃O　prince's　daughter！〃　he　thought　dreamily；　〃Thy　breasts　are　like　two。。。〃　And　he　drifted　to　sleep。　
　　In　the　morning　the　house　was　chilly。　He　wore　a　sweater　as　he　got　himself　his　breakfast。　He　considered　building　a　fire　in　the　fireplace；　but　the　cooler　weather　had　also　made　him　feel　more　active；　and　so　he　thought　that　he　would　not　stay　indoors　much　that　day。　
　　After　breakfast　he　stood　on　the　front　porch　to　drink　in　the　view。　As　always　after　one　of　these　storms；　the　air　was　clear。　The　wind　had　died　down。　The　red　towers　of　the　Golden　Gate　Bridge；　miles　away；　stood　against　the　blue　sky；　as　if　close　enough　to　touch。　He　turned　a　little　toward　the　north　to　look　at　the　peak　of　Tamalpais；　and　suddenly　started。　Between　him　and　the　mountain；　on　this　side　of　the　Bay；　a　thin　column　of　smoke　rose　straight　up　through　the　calm　air；　a　slight　wisp；　the　kind　of　smoke…column　that　should　e　from　a。small　fire；　particularly　from　one　burning　in　a　fireplace　and　ascending　through　a　chimney。　It　might；　he　realized；　have　been　rising　there　a　hundred　times　before　when　he　had　looked　out；　but　in　the　smoky　and　misty　atmosphere　he　would　not　have　noticed　it。　Now　it　was　like　a　signpost。　
　　Of　course　it　might　be　a　fire　burning　from　some　natural　cause　without　any　human　being　in　its　vicinity。　He　had　investigated　many　smokes　like　that　with　no　results。　But　that　was　not　so　likely　now；　because　the　rain　would　have　smothered　such　fires。　
　　In　any　case　it　could　not　be　more　than　a　couple　of　miles　off；　and　his　first　thought　was　to　jump　into　the　station…wagon　and　investigate。　That　would　cause　no　more　harm　than　the　loss　of　a　few　minutes　for　which　he　had　no　particular　use　anyway。　But　something　stopped　him。　His　attempts　to　establish　human　contact　had　not　been　rewarding。　That　old　shyness　rose　up　within　him；　as　it　had　sometimes　in　the　old　days　when　the　thought　of　attending　a　dance　would　put　him　into　a　sweat。　He　began　to　temporize；　just　as　he　used　to　do　when　he　said　that　he　had　a　great　deal　of　work　to　do　and　so　buried　himself　in　a　book　instead　of　going　to　the　dance。　
　　Did　Crusoe　really　want　to　be　rescued　from　his　desert　island　where　he　was　lord　of　all　that　he　surveyed？　That　was　a　question　that　people　had　asked。　But　even　if　Crusoe　had　been　the　kind　of　man　who　wanted　to　escape；　to　renew　contacts　with　other　people；　that　would　not　mean　that　he　himself；　Ish；　was　such　a　person。　Perhaps　he　would　cherish　his　island。　Basically；　perhaps；　he　feared　human　entanglements。　
　　Almost　in　panic；　as　if　fleeing　from　a　temptress；　he　called　Princess；　got　into　the　car；　and　drove　off　in　the　opposite　direction。　
　　He　spent　most　of　the　day　wandering　restlessly　through　the　hills。　At　times　he　observed　what　the　rain　had　done　to　the　roads。　By　now　there　was　no　longer　that　hard　and　fast　line　between　road　and　what　was　not　road。　Leaves　had　dropped　from　the　cold　of　the　autumn　and　the　high　winds。　Little　dead　branches　had　blown　off；　and　fallen　on　the　pavement。　Here　and　there　a　washing　stream　of　water　had　left　a　delta…like　deposit　of　dirt　and　gravel。　Once；　very　far　off；　he　heard…or　thought　he　heard…the　bay　of　a　pack　of　dogs。　But　he　did　not　see　them；　and　before　the　end　of　the　afternoon　he　was　back　home　again。　
　　When　he　looked　out　toward　the　mountain；　he　could　see　no　smoke　against　the　sky。　He　had　a　certain　sense　of　relief；　and　yet　an　even　stronger　sense　of　disappointment；　now　that　he　had　a　chance　to　think　it　over。　
　　That　was　the　way。　When　the　opportunity　was　at　your　hand；　you　did　not　dare　to　seize　it。　When　the　opportunity　was　lost；　it　became　precious。　The　other　side　of　the　equation　had　changed；　and　he　had　adjusted　by　running　away。　Of　course；　he　might　see　the　smoke　again　the　next　morning；　but　then　again　he　might　not。　Perhaps　that　human　being；　whoever　it　was；　had　merely　been　passing　through　that　way；　and　could　never　be　found　again。　
　　He　felt　a　quick　rebound　of　excitement；　at　opportunity　regranted；　when　he　looked　out　in　the　early　darkness　after　supper；　and　suddenly　saw　a　fai