the red badge of courage(红色英勇勋章)-第37节
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tone he seemed to be preparing to resent some new monstrosity in the way
of dins and smashes。 He shaded his eyes with his grimy hand and gazed
over the field。
His friend also arose and stared。 〃I bet
226 we're goin' t' git along out of this an' back over th' river；〃 said he。
〃Well； I swan！〃 said the youth。
They waited； watching。 Within a little while the regiment received
orders to retrace its way。 The men got up grunting from the grass； regret…
ting the soft repose。 They jerked their stiffened legs； and stretched their
arms over their heads。 One man swore as he rubbed his eyes。 They all
groaned 〃O Lord！〃 They had as many objec… tions to this change as they
would have had to a proposal for a new battle。
They trampled slowly back over the field across which they had run in
a mad scamper。
The regiment marched until it had joined its fellows。 The reformed
brigade； in column； aimed through a wood at the road。 Directly they
were in a mass of dust…covered troops； and were trudging along in a way
parallel to the enemy's lines as these had been defined by the previous
turmoil。
They passed within view of a stolid white house； and saw in front of it
groups of their com… rades lying in wait behind a neat breastwork。 A row
of guns were booming at a distant enemy。 Shells thrown in reply were
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raising clouds of dust and splinters。 Horsemen dashed along the line of
intrenchments。
At this point of its march the division curved away from the field and
went winding off in the direction of the river。 When the significance of
this movement had impressed itself upon the youth he turned his head and
looked over his shoulder toward the trampled and debris…strewed ground。
He breathed a breath of new satisfac… tion。 He finally nudged his friend。
〃Well； it's all over；〃 he said to him。
His friend gazed backward。 〃B'Gawd； it is；〃 he assented。 They
mused。
For a time the youth was obliged to reflect in a puzzled and uncertain
way。 His mind was undergoing a subtle change。 It took moments for it
to cast off its battleful ways and resume its accustomed course of thought。
Gradually his brain emerged from the clogged clouds； and at last he was
enabled to more closely compre… hend himself and circumstance。
He understood then that the existence of shot and counter…shot was in
the past。 He had dwelt in a land of strange； squalling upheavals and had
come forth。 He had been where there was red of blood and black of
passion； and he was es… caped。 His first thoughts were given to rejoic…
ings at this fact。
Later he began to study his deeds； his fail… ures； and his achievements。
Thus； fresh from scenes where many of his usual machines of re… flection
had been idle； from where he had pro… ceeded sheeplike； he struggled to
marshal all his acts。
At last they marched before him clearly。 From this present view point
he was enabled to look upon them in spectator fashion and to criticise
them with some correctness； for his new condition had already defeated
certain sym… pathies。
Regarding his procession of memory he felt gleeful and unregretting；
for in it his public deeds were paraded in great and shining prominence。
Those performances which had been witnessed by his fellows marched
now in wide purple and gold； having various deflections。 They went
gayly with music。 It was pleasure to watch these things。 He spent
delightful minutes viewing the gilded images of memory。
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The Red Badge of Courage
He saw that he was good。 He recalled with a thrill of joy the
respectful comments of his fel… lows upon his conduct。
Nevertheless； the ghost of his flight from the first engagement
appeared to him and danced。 There were small shoutings in his brain
about these matters。 For a moment he blushed； and the light of his soul
flickered with shame。
A specter of reproach came to him。 There loomed the dogging
memory of the tattered soldierhe who； gored by bullets and faint for
blood； had fretted concerning an imagined wound in another； he who had
loaned his last of strength and intellect for the tall soldier； he who； blind
with weariness and pain； had been deserted in the field。
For an instant a wretched chill of sweat was upon him at the thought
that he might be detected in the thing。 As he stood persistently before his
vision； he gave vent to a cry of sharp irritation and agony。
His friend turned。 〃What's the matter； Henry？〃 he demanded。 The
youth's reply was an outburst of crimson oaths。
As he marched along the little branch…hung roadway among his
prattling companions this vision of cruelty brooded over him。 It clung
near him always and darkened his view of these deeds in purple and gold。
Whichever way his thoughts turned they were followed by the somber
phantom of the desertion in the fields。 He looked stealthily at his
companions； feeling sure that they must discern in his face evidences of
this pursuit。 But they were plodding in ragged array； discussing with
quick tongues the accomplishments of the late battle。
〃Oh； if a man should come up an' ask me； I'd say we got a dum good
lickin'。〃
〃Lickin'in yer eye！ We ain't licked； sonny。 We're goin' down here
aways； swing aroun'； an' come in behint 'em。〃
〃Oh； hush； with your comin' in behint 'em。 I've seen all 'a that I wanta。
Don't tell me about comin' in behint〃
〃Bill Smithers； he ses he'd rather been in ten hundred battles than been
in that heluva hospital。 He ses they got shootin' in th' night… time； an'
shells dropped plum among 'em in th' hospital。 He ses sech hollerin' he
never see。〃
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〃Hasbrouck？ He's th' best off'cer in this here reg'ment。 He's a
whale。〃
〃Didn't I tell yeh we'd come aroun' in behint 'em？ Didn't I tell yeh so？
We〃
〃Oh； shet yeh mouth！〃
For a time this pursuing recollection of the tattered man took all
elation from the youth's veins。 He saw his vivid error； and he was afraid
that it would stand before him all his life。 He took no share in the chatter
of his comrades； nor did he look at them or know them； save when he felt
sudden suspicion that they were seeing his thoughts and scrutinizing each
detail of the scene with the tattered soldier。
Yet gradually he mustered force to put the sin at a distance。 And at
last his eyes seemed to open to some new ways。 He found that he could
look back upon the brass and bombast of his earlier gospels and see them
truly。 He was gleeful when he discovered that he now despised them。
With this conviction came a store of assur… ance。 He felt a quiet
manhood； nonassertive but of sturdy and strong blood。 He knew that he
would no more quail before his guides wher… ever they should point。 He
had been to touch the great death； and found that； after all； it was but the
great death。 He was a man。
So it came to pass that as he trudged from the place of blood and wrath
his soul changed。 He came from hot plowshares to prospects of clover
tranquilly； and it was as if hot plowshares were not。 Scars faded as
flowers。
It rained。 The procession of weary soldiers became a bedraggled
train； despondent and muttering； marching with churning effort in a trough
of liquid brown mud under a low； wretched sky。 Yet the youth smiled；
for he saw that the world was a world for him； though many discovered it
to be made of oaths and walking sticks。 He had rid himself of the red
sickness of battle。 The sultry nightmare was in the past。
