the red badge of courage(红色英勇勋章)-第19节
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was a craven loon。 Those pictures of glory were piteous things。 He
groaned from his heart and went staggering off。
A certain mothlike quality within him kept him in the vicinity of the
battle。 He had a great desire to see； and to get news。 He wished to
know who was winning。
He told himself that； despite his unprecedented suffering； he had never
lost his greed for a victory； yet； he said； in a half…apologetic manner to his
conscience； he could not but know that a defeat for the army this time
might mean many favor… able things for him。 The blows of the enemy
would splinter regiments into fragments。 Thus； many men of courage； he
considered； would be obliged to desert the colors and scurry like chickens。
He would appear as one of them。 They would be sullen brothers in distress；
and he could then easily believe he had not run any farther or faster than
they。 And if he himself could believe in his virtuous perfection； he con…
ceived that there would be small trouble in con… vincing all others。
He said； as if in excuse for this hope； that previously the army had
encountered great defeats and in a few months had shaken off all blood
and tradition of them； emerging as bright and valiant as a new one；
thrusting out of sight the memory of disaster； and appearing with the valor
and confidence of unconquered legions。 The shrilling voices of the people
at home would pipe dismally for a time； but various generals were usually
compelled to listen to these ditties。 He of course felt no compunctions for
proposing a general as a sacrifice。 He could not tell who the chosen for
the barbs might be； so he could center no direct sympathy upon him。 The
people were afar and he did not conceive public opinion to be accurate at
long range。 It was quite probable they would hit the wrong man who；
after he had recovered from his amazement would perhaps spend the rest
of his days in writ… ing replies to the songs of his alleged failure。 It
would be very unfortunate； no doubt； but in this case a general was of no
consequence to the youth。
In a defeat there would be a roundabout vindication of himself。 He
thought it would prove； in a manner； that he had fled early because of his
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The Red Badge of Courage
superior powers of perception。 A serious prophet upon predicting a flood
should be the first man to climb a tree。 This would demon… strate that he
was indeed a seer。
A moral vindication was regarded by the youth as a very important
thing。 Without salve； he could not； he thought； wear the sore badge of his
dishonor through life。 With his heart con… tinually assuring him that he
was despicable； he could not exist without making it； through his actions；
apparent to all men。
If the army had gone gloriously on he would be lost。 If the din meant
that now his army's flags were tilted forward he was a condemned wretch。
He would be compelled to doom himself to isolation。 If the men were
advancing； their indifferent feet were trampling upon his chances for a
successful life。
As these thoughts went rapidly through his mind； he turned upon them
and tried to thrust them away。 He denounced himself as a villain。 He said
that he was the most unutterably selfish man in existence。 His mind
pictured the soldiers who would place their defiant bodies before the spear
of the yelling battle fiend； and as he saw their dripping corpses on an
imagined field； he said that he was their murderer。
Again he thought that he wished he was dead。 He believed that he
envied a corpse。 Thinking of the slain； he achieved a great contempt for
some of them； as if they were guilty for thus becoming lifeless。 They
might have been killed by lucky chances； he said； before they had had
opportunities to flee or before they had been really tested。 Yet they
would receive laurels from tradition。 He cried out bitterly that their
crowns were stolen and their robes of glori… ous memories were shams。
However； he still said that it was a great pity he was not as they。
A defeat of the army had suggested itself to him as a means of escape
from the consequences of his fall。 He considered； now； however； that it
was useless to think of such a possibility。 His education had been that
success for that mighty blue machine was certain； that it would make
victories as a contrivance turns out buttons。 He presently discarded all
his speculations in the other direction。 He returned to the creed of
soldiers。
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The Red Badge of Courage
When he perceived again that it was not possible for the army to be
defeated； he tried to bethink him of a fine tale which he could take back to
his regiment； and with it turn the expected shafts of derision。
But； as he mortally feared these shafts； it became impossible for him to
invent a tale he felt he could trust。 He experimented with many schemes；
but threw them aside one by one as flimsy。 He was quick to see
vulnerable places in them all。
Furthermore； he was much afraid that some arrow of scorn might lay
him mentally low before he could raise his protecting tale。
He imagined the whole regiment saying： 〃Where's Henry Fleming？
He run； didn't 'e？ Oh； my！〃 He recalled various persons who would be
quite sure to leave him no peace about it。 They would doubtless question
him with sneers； and laugh at his stammering hesi… tation。 In the next
engagement they would try to keep watch of him to discover when he
would run。
Wherever he went in camp； he would en… counter insolent and
lingeringly cruel stares。 As he imagined himself passing near a crowd of
comrades； he could hear some one say； 〃There he goes！〃
Then； as if the heads were moved by one muscle； all the faces were
turned toward him with wide； derisive grins。 He seemed to hear some
one make a humorous remark in a low tone。 At it the others all crowed and
cackled。 He was a slang phrase。
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The Red Badge of Courage
CHAPTER XII。
THE column that had butted stoutly at the obstacles in the roadway
was barely out of the youth's sight before he saw dark waves of men come
sweeping out of the woods and down through the fields。 He knew at
once that the steel fibers had been washed from their hearts。 They were
bursting from their coats and their equipments as from entanglements。
They charged down upon him like terrified buffaloes。
Behind them blue smoke curled and clouded above the treetops； and
through the thickets he could sometimes see a distant pink glare。 The
voices of the cannon were clamoring in intermi… nable chorus。
The youth was horrorstricken。 He stared in agony and amazement。
He forgot that he was engaged in combating the universe。 He threw
aside his mental pamphlets on the philoso… phy of the retreated and rules
for the guidance of the damned。
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The fight was lost。 The dragons were com… ing with invincible
strides。 The army； helpless in the matted thickets and blinded by the
over… hanging night； was going to be swallowed。 War； the red animal；
war； the blood…swollen god； would have bloated fill。
Within him something bade to cry out。 He had the impulse to make a
rallying speech； to sing a battle hymn； but he could only get his tongue to
call into the air： 〃Whywhywhatwhat 's th' matter？〃
Soon he was in the midst of them。 They were leaping and
scampering all about him。 Their blanched faces shone in the dusk。
