sense and sensibility(理智与情感)-第55节
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only to sink deeper in a life of sin。 Her legal allowance was not
adequate to her fortune； nor sufficient for her comfortable
maintenance； and I learnt from my brother that the power of
receiving it had been made over some months before to another
person。 He imagined； and calmly could he imagine it； that her
extravagance； and consequent distress； had obliged her to dispose
of it for some immediate relief。 At last； however； and after I had
been six months in England； I did find her。 Regard for a former
servant of my own； who had since fallen into misfortune； carried
me to visit him in a spunging…house； where he was confined for
debt； and there； the same house； under a similar confinement； was
my unfortunate sister。 So altered—so faded—worn down by acute
suffering of every kind！ hardly could I believe the melancholy and
sickly figure before me； to be the remains of the lovely； blooming；
healthful girl； on whom I had once doted。 What I endured in so
beholding her—but I have no right to wound your feelings by
attempting to describe it—I have pained you too much already。
That she was； to all appearance； in the last stage of a consumption；
was—yes； in such a situation it was my greatest comfort。 Life
could do nothing for her； beyond giving time for a better
preparation for death； and that was given。 I saw her placed in
comfortable lodgings； and under proper attendants； I visited her
every day during the rest of her short life； I was with her in her
last moments。”
Again he stopped to recover himself； and Elinor spoke her
feelings in an exclamation of tender concern； at the fate of his
unfortunate friend。
“Your sister； I hope； cannot be offended；” said he； “by the
resemblance I have fancied between her and my poor disgraced
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relation。 Their fates； their fortunes； cannot be the same； and had
the natural sweet disposition of the one been guarded by a firmer
mind； or a happier marriage； she might have been all that you will
live to see the other be。 But to what does all this lead？ I seem to
have been distressing you for nothing。 Ah！ Miss Dashwood—a
subject such as this—untouched for fourteen years—it is
dangerous to handle it at all！ I will be more collected—more
concise。 She left to my care her only child； a little girl； the
offspring of her first guilty connection； who was then about three
years old。 She loved the child； and had always kept it with her。 It
was a valued； a precious trust to me； and gladly would I have
discharged it in the strictest sense； by watching over her education
myself； had the nature of our situations allowed it； but I had no
family； no home； and my little Eliza was therefore placed at school。
I saw her there whenever I could； and after the death of my
brother； （which happened about five years ago； and which left to
me the possession of the family property；） she visited me at
Delaford。 I called her a distant relation； but I am well aware that I
have in general been suspected of a much nearer connection with
her。 It is now three years ago （she had just reached her fourteenth
year；） that I removed her from school； to place her under the care
of a very respectable woman； residing in Dorsetshire； who had the
charge of four or five other girls of about the same time of life； and
for two years I had every reason to be pleased with her situation。
But last February； almost a twelvemonth back； she suddenly
disappeared。 I had allowed her； （imprudently； as it has since
turned out；） at her earnest desire； to go to Bath with one of her
young friends； who was attending her father there for his health。 I
knew him to be a very good sort of man； and I thought well of his
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daughter—better than she deserved； for； with a most obstinate
and ill…judged secrecy； she would tell nothing； would give no clue；
though she certainly knew all。 He； her father； a well…meaning； but
not a quick…sighted man； could really； I believe； give no
information； for he had been generally confined to the house；
while the girls were ranging over the town and making what
acquaintance they chose； and he tried to convince me； as
thoroughly as he was convinced himself； of his daughter’s being
entirely unconcerned in the business。 In short； I could learn
nothing but that she was gone； all the rest； for eight long months；
was left to conjecture。 What I thought； what I feared； may be
imagined； and what I suffered too。”
“Good heavens！” cried Elinor； “could it be—could
Willoughby！”—
“The first news that reached me of her；” he continued； “came in
a letter from herself； last October。 It was forwarded to me from
Delaford； and I received it on the very morning of our intended
party to Whitwell； and this was the reason of my leaving Barton so
suddenly； which I am sure must at the time have appeared strange
to every body； and which I believe gave offence to some。 Little did
Mr。 Willoughby imagine； I suppose； when his looks censured me
for incivility in breaking up the party； that I was called away to the
relief of one whom he had made poor and miserable； but had he
known it； what would it have availed？ Would he have been less
gay or less happy in the smiles of your sister？ No； he had already
done that； which no man who can feel for another would do。 He
had left the girl whose youth and innocence he had seduced； in a
situation of the utmost distress； with no creditable home； no help；
no friends； ignorant of his address！ He had left her； promising to
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return； he neither returned； nor wrote； nor relieved her。”
“This is beyond every thing！” exclaimed Elinor。
“His character is now before you； expensive； dissipated； and
worse than both。 Knowing all this； as I have now known it many
weeks； guess what I must have felt on seeing your sister as fond of
him as ever； and on being assured that she was to marry him；
guess what I must have felt for all your sakes。 When I came to you
last week and found you alone； I came determined to know the
truth； though irresolute what to do when it was known。 My
behaviour must have seemed strange to you then； but now you
will comprehend it。 To suffer you all to be so deceived； to see your
sister—but what could I do？ I had no hope of interfering with
success； and sometimes I thought your sister’s influence might yet
reclaim him。 But now； after such dishonourable usage； who can
tell what were his designs on her。 Whatever they may have been；
however； she may now； and hereafter doubtless will turn with
gratitude towards her own condition； when she compares it with
that of my poor Eliza； when she considers the wretched and
hopeless situation of this poor girl； and pictures her to herself；
with an affection for him so strong； still as strong as her own； and
with a mind tormented by
