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dear General Glanders; who was dying under the hands of
that ignorant mandying。  He rallied a little under the
Podgers' pills which I administered to him; but alas!  it
was too late。  His death was delightful; however; and his
change was only for the better; Creamer; my dear Pitt;
must leave your aunt。〃
Pitt expressed his perfect acquiescence。  He; too; had
been carried along by the energy of his noble kinswoman;
and future mother…in…law。  He had been made to accept
Saunders McNitre; Luke Waters; Giles Jowls; Podgers'
Pills; Rodgers' Pills; Pokey's Elixir; every one of her
Ladyship's remedies spiritual or temporal。  He never left
her house without carrying respectfully away with him
piles of her quack theology and medicine。  O; my dear
brethren and fellow…sojourners in Vanity Fair; which
among you does not know and suffer under such
benevolent despots?  It is in vain you say to them; 〃Dear
Madam; I took Podgers' specific at your orders last year;
and believe in it。  Why; why am I to recant and accept the
Rodgers' articles now?〃  There is no help for it; the faithful 
proselytizer; if she cannot convince by argument;
bursts into tears; and the refusant finds himself; at the
end of the contest; taking down the bolus; and saying;
〃Well; well; Rodgers' be it。〃
〃And as for her spiritual state;〃 continued the Lady;
〃that of course must be looked to immediately:  with
Creamer about her; she may go off any day:  and in what
a condition; my dear Pitt; in what a dreadful condition!
I will send the Reverend Mr。 Irons to her instantly。  Jane;
write a line to the Reverend Bartholomew Irons; in the
third person; and say that I desire the pleasure of his
company this evening at tea at half…past six。  He is an
awakening man; he ought to see Miss Crawley before she
rests this night。  And Emily; my love; get ready a packet
of books for Miss Crawley。  Put up 'A Voice from the
Flames;' 'A Trumpet…warning to Jericho;' and the
'Fleshpots Broken; or; the Converted Cannibal。' 〃
〃And the 'Washerwoman of Finchley Common;'
Mamma;〃 said Lady Emily。  〃It is as well to begin
soothingly at first。〃
〃Stop; my dear ladies;〃 said Pitt; the diplomatist。
〃With every deference to the opinion of my beloved and
respected Lady Southdown; I think it would be quite
unadvisable to commence so early upon serious topics with
Miss Crawley。  Remember her delicate condition; and how
little; how very little accustomed she has hitherto been
to considerations connected with her immortal welfare。〃
〃Can we then begin too early; Pitt?〃 said Lady Emily;
rising with six little books already in her hand。
〃If you begin abruptly; you will frighten her altogether。
I know my aunt's worldly nature so well as to be sure
that any abrupt attempt at conversion will be the very
worst means that can be employed for the welfare of that
unfortunate lady。  You will only frighten and annoy her。
She will very likely fling the books away; and refuse all
acquaintance with the givers。〃
〃You are as worldly as Miss Crawley; Pitt;〃 said Lady
Emily; tossing out of the room; her books in her hand。
〃And I need not tell you; my dear Lady Southdown;〃
Pitt continued; in a low voice; and without heeding the
interruption; 〃how fatal a little want of gentleness and
caution may be to any hopes which we may entertain with
regard to the worldly possessions of my aunt。  Remember
she has seventy thousand pounds; think of her age; and
her highly nervous and delicate condition; I know that she
has destroyed the will which was made in my brother's
(Colonel Crawley's) favour:  it is by soothing that
wounded spirit that we must lead it into the right path;
and not by frightening it; and so I think you will agree
with me thatthat'
〃Of course; of course;〃 Lady Southdown remarked。
〃Jane; my love; you need not send that note to Mr。 Irons。
If her health is such that discussions fatigue her; we will
wait her amendment。  I will call upon Miss Crawley
tomorrow。〃
〃And if I might suggest; my sweet lady;〃 Pitt said in a
bland tone; 〃it would be as well not to take our precious
Emily; who is too enthusiastic; but rather that you should
be accompanied by our sweet and dear Lady Jane。〃
〃Most certainly; Emily would ruin everything;〃 Lady
Southdown said; and this time agreed to forego her usual
practice; which was; as we have said; before she bore
down personally upon any individual whom she proposed
to subjugate; to fire in a quantity of tracts upon the
menaced party (as a charge of the French was always
preceded by a furious cannonade)。  Lady Southdown; we
say; for the sake of the invalid's health; or for the sake
of her soul's ultimate welfare; or for the sake of her
money; agreed to temporise。
The next day; the great Southdown female family
carriage; with the Earl's coronet and the lozenge (upon
which the three lambs trottant argent upon the field vert
of the Southdowns; were quartered with sable on a bend
or; three snuff…mulls gules; the cognizance of the house of
Binkie); drove up in state to Miss Crawley's door; and
the tall serious footman handed in to Mr。 Bowls her
Ladyship's cards for Miss Crawley; and one likewise for
Miss Briggs。  By way of compromise; Lady Emily sent in a
packet in the evening for the latter lady; containing
copies of the 〃Washerwoman;〃 and other mild and favourite
tracts for Miss B。's own perusal; and a few for the
servants' hall; viz。:  〃Crumbs from the Pantry;〃 〃The
Frying Pan and the Fire;〃 and 〃The Livery of Sin;〃 of a
much stronger kind。

CHAPTER XXXIV
James Crawley's Pipe Is Put Out
The amiable behaviour of Mr。 Crawley; and Lady Jane's
kind reception of her; highly flattered Miss Briggs; who
was enabled to speak a good word for the latter; after
the cards of the Southdown family had been presented to
Miss Crawley。  A Countess's card left personally too for
her; Briggs; was not a little pleasing to the poor friendless
companion。  〃What could Lady Southdown mean by
leaving a card upon you; I wonder; Miss Briggs?〃 said
the republican Miss Crawley; upon which the companion
meekly said 〃that she hoped there could be no harm in a
lady of rank taking notice of a poor gentlewoman;〃 and
she put away this card in her work…box amongst her most
cherished personal treasures。  Furthermore; Miss Briggs
explained how she had met Mr。 Crawley walking with his
cousin and long affianced bride the day before:  and she
told how kind and gentle…looking the lady was; and what
a plain; not to say common; dress she had; all the articles
of which; from the bonnet down to the boots; she
described and estimated with female accuracy。
Miss Crawley allowed Briggs to prattle on without
interrupting her too much。  As she got well; she was pining
for society。  Mr。 Creamer; her medical man; would not
hear of her returning to her old haunts and dissipation in
London。  The old spinster was too glad to find any
companionship at Brighton; and not only were the cards
acknowledged the very next day; but Pitt Crawley was
graciously invited to come and see his aunt。  He came;
bringing with him Lady Southdown and her daughter。  The
dowager did not say a word about the state of Miss
Crawley's soul; but talked with much discretion about the
weather:  about the war and the downfall of the monster
Bonaparte:  and above all; about doctors; quacks; and the
particular merits of Dr。 Podgers; whom she then
patronised。
During their interview Pitt Crawley made a great
stroke; and one which showed that; had his diplomatic
career not been blighted by early neglect; he might have
risen to a high rank in his profession。  When the Countess
Dowager of Southdown fell foul of the Corsican upstart;
as the fashion was in those days; and showed that he was
a monster stained with every conceivable crime; a coward
and a tyrant not fit to live; one whose fall was predicted;
&c。; Pitt Crawley suddenly took up the cudgels in favour
of the man of Destiny。  He described the First Consul as
he saw him at Paris at the peace of Amiens; when he; Pitt
Crawley; had the gratification of making the acquaintance
of the great and good Mr。 Fox; a statesman whom;
however much he might differ with him; it was impossible not
to admire ferventlya statesman who had always had
the highest opinion of the Emperor Napoleon。  And he
spoke in terms of the strongest indignation of the faithless
conduct of the allies towards this dethroned monarch;
who; after giving himself generously up to their mercy;
was consigned to an ignoble and cruel banishment; while
a bigoted Popish rabble was tyrannising over France in
his stead。
This orthodox horror of Romish superstition saved
Pitt Crawley in Lady Southdown's opinion; whilst his
admiration for Fox and Napoleon raised him immeasurably
in Miss Crawley's eyes。  Her friendship with that
defunct British statesman was mentioned when we first
introduced her in this history。  A true Whig; Miss Crawley
had been in opposition all through the war; and though; to
be sure; the downfall of the Emperor did not very much
agitate the old lady; or his ill…treatment tend to shorten
her life or natural rest; yet Pitt spoke to her heart when
he lauded both her idols; and by that single speech made
immense progress i

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