vanity fair(名利场)-第187节

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unaware　of　all　the　treason　that　was　in　store　for　him；　walked
about　the　town　wildly　until　he　fell　upon　the　Secretary　of
Legation；　Tapeworm；　who　invited　him　to　dinner。　　As　they
were　discussing　that　meal；　he　took　occasion　to　ask　the
Secretary　whether　he　knew　anything　about　a　certain
Mrs。　Rawdon　Crawley；　who　had；　he　believed；　made
some　noise　in　London；　and　then　Tapeworm；　who　of
course　knew　all　the　London　gossip；　and　was　besides　a
relative　of　Lady　Gaunt；　poured　out　into　the　astonished
Major's　ears　such　a　history　about　Becky　and　her　husband
as　astonished　the　querist；　and　supplied　all　the　points　of
this　narrative；　for　it　was　at　that　very　table　years　ago
that　the　present　writer　had　the　pleasure　of　hearing　the
tale。　　Tufto；　Steyne；　the　Crawleys；　and　their　history
everything　connected　with　Becky　and　her　previous　life
passed　under　the　record　of　the　bitter　diplomatist。　　He　knew
everything　and　a　great　deal　besides；　about　all　the　world
in　a　word；　he　made　the　most　astounding　revelations　to
the　simple…hearted　Major。　　When　Dobbin　said　that　Mrs。
Osborne　and　Mr。　Sedley　had　taken　her　into　their　house；
Tapeworm　burst　into　a　peal　of　laughter　which　shocked
the　Major；　and　asked　if　they　had　not　better　send　into　the
prison　and　take　in　one　or　two　of　the　gentlemen　in　shaved
heads　and　yellow　jackets　who　swept　the　streets　of
Pumpernickel；　chained　in　pairs；　to　board　and　lodge；　and　act
as　tutor　to　that　little　scapegrace　Georgy。
This　information　astonished　and　horrified　the　Major　not
a　little。　　It　had　been　agreed　in　the　morning　（before　meeting
with　Rebecca）　that　Amelia　should　go　to　the　Court
ball　that　night。　　There　would　be　the　place　where　he　should
tell　her。　　The　Major　went　home；　and　dressed　himself　in　his
uniform；　and　repaired　to　Court；　in　hopes　to　see　Mrs。
Osborne。　　She　never　came。　　When　he　returned　to　his
lodgings　all　the　lights　in　the　Sedley　tenement　were　put
out。　　He　could　not　see　her　till　the　morning。　　I　don't　know
what　sort　of　a　night's　rest　he　had　with　this　frightful
secret　in　bed　with　him。
At　the　earliest　convenient　hour　in　the　morning　he　sent
his　servant　across　the　way　with　a　note；　saying　that　he
wished　very　particularly　to　speak　with　her。　　A　message
came　back　to　say　that　Mrs。　Osborne　was　exceedingly
unwell　and　was　keeping　her　room。
She；　too；　had　been　awake　all　that　night。　　She　had　been
thinking　of　a　thing　which　had　agitated　her　mind　a
hundred　times　before。　　A　hundred　times　on　the　point　of　yielding；
she　had　shrunk　back　from　a　sacrifice　which　she　felt
was　too　much　for　her。　　She　couldn't；　in　spite　of　his　love
and　constancy　and　her　own　acknowledged　regard；
respect；　and　gratitude。　　What　are　benefits；　what　is
constancy；　or　merit？　One　curl　of　a　girl's　ringlet；　one　hair　of　a
whisker；　will　turn　the　scale　against　them　all　in　a　minute。
They　did　not　weigh　with　Emmy　more　than　with　other
women。　　She　had　tried　them；　wanted　to　make　them　pass；
could　not；　and　the　pitiless　little　woman　had　found　a
pretext；　and　determined　to　be　free。
When　at　length；　in　the　afternoon；　the　Major　gained
admission　to　Amelia；　instead　of　the　cordial　and
affectionate　greeting；　to　which　he　had　been　accustomed　now
for　many　a　long　day；　he　received　the　salutation　of　a
curtsey；　and　of　a　little　gloved　hand；　retracted　the　moment
after　it　was　accorded　to　him。
Rebecca；　too；　was　in　the　room；　and　advanced　to　meet
him　with　a　smile　and　an　extended　hand。　　Dobbin　drew
back　rather　confusedly；　〃II　beg　your　pardon；　m'am；〃
he　said；　〃but　I　am　bound　to　tell　you　that　it　is　not　as　your
friend　that　I　am　come　here　now。〃
〃Pooh！　　damn；　don't　let　us　have　this　sort　of　thing！〃
Jos　cried　out；　alarmed；　and　anxious　to　get　rid　of　a　scene。
〃I　wonder　what　Major　Dobbin　has　to　say　against
Rebecca？〃　Amelia　said　in　a　low；　clear　voice　with　a　slight
quiver　in　it；　and　a　very　determined　look　about　the　eyes。
〃I　will　not　have　this　sort　of　thing　in　my　house；〃　Jos
again　interposed。　　〃I　say　I　will　not　have　it；　and　Dobbin；　I
beg；　sir；　you'll　stop　it。〃　And　he　looked　round；　trembling
and　turning　very　red；　and　gave　a　great　puff；　and
made　for　his　door。
〃Dear　friend！〃　Rebecca　said　with　angelic　sweetness；
〃do　hear　what　Major　Dobbin　has　to　say　against　me。〃
〃I　will　not　hear　it；　I　say；〃　squeaked　out　Jos　at　the
top　of　his　voice；　and；　gathering　up　his　dressing…gown；　he
was　gone。
〃We　are　only　two　women；〃　Amelia　said。　　〃You　can
speak　now；　sir。〃
〃This　manner　towards　me　is　one　which　scarcely
becomes　you；　Amelia；〃　the　Major　answered　haughtily；　〃nor
I　believe　am　I　guilty　of　habitual　harshness　to　women。　　It
is　not　a　pleasure　to　me　to　do　the　duty　which　I　am　come
to　do。〃
〃Pray　proceed　with　it　quickly；　if　you　please；　Major
Dobbin；〃　said　Amelia；　who　was　more　and　more　in　a　pet。　　The
expression　of　Dobbin's　face；　as　she　spoke　in　this
imperious　manner；　was　not　pleasant。
〃I　came　to　sayand　as　you　stay；　Mrs。　Crawley；　I　must
say　it　in　your　presencethat　I　think　youyou　ought
not　to　form　a　member　of　the　family　of　my　friends。　　A
lady　who　is　separated　from　her　husband；　who　travels　not
under　her　own　name；　who　frequents　public　gaming…
tables〃
〃It　was　to　the　ball　I　went；〃　cried　out　Becky。
〃is　not　a　fit　companion　for　Mrs。　Osborne　and　her
son；〃　Dobbin　went　on：　　〃and　I　may　add　that　there　are
people　here　who　know　you；　and　who　profess　to　know
that　regarding　your　conduct　about　which　I　don't　even
wish　to　speak　beforebefore　Mrs。　Osborne。〃
〃Yours　is　a　very　modest　and　convenient　sort　of　calumny；
Major　Dobbin；〃　Rebecca　said。　　〃You　leave　me　under
the　weight　of　an　accusation　which；　after　all；　is　unsaid。
What　is　it？　Is　it　unfaithfulness　to　my　husband？　I　scorn　it
and　defy　anybody　to　prove　itI　defy　you；　I　say。　　My
honour　is　as　untouched　as　that　of　the　bitterest　enemy
who　ever　maligned　me。　　Is　it　of　being　poor；　forsaken；
wretched；　that　you　accuse　me？　Yes；　I　am　guilty　of　those
faults；　and　punished　for　them　every　day。　　Let　me　go；
Emmy。　　It　is　only　to　suppose　that　I　have　not　met　you；
and　I　am　no　worse　to…day　than　I　was　yesterday。　　It　is
only　to　suppose　that　the　night　is　over　and　the　poor
wanderer　is　on　her　way。　　Don't　you　remember　the　song
we　used　to　sing　in　old；　dear　old　days？　I　have　been
wandering　ever　since　thena　poor　castaway；　scorned　for
being　miserable；　and　insulted　because　I　am　alone。　　Let　me
go：　　my　stay　here　interferes　with　the　plans　of　this
gentleman。〃
〃Indeed　it　does；　madam；〃　said　the　Major。　　〃If　I　have
any　authority　in　this　house〃
〃Authority；　none！〃　broke　out　Amelia　〃Rebecca；
you　stay　with　me。　　I　won't　desert　you　because　you　have
been　persecuted；　or　insult　you　becausebecause　Major
Dobbin　chooses　to　do　so。　　Come　away；　dear。〃　And　the
two　women　made　towards　the　door。
William　opened　it。　　As　they　were　going　out；　however；　he
took　Amelia's　hand　and　said〃Will　you　stay　a　moment
and　speak　to　me？〃
〃He　wishes　to　speak　to　you　away　from　me；〃　said
Becky；　looking　like　a　martyr。　　Amelia　gripped　her　hand　in
reply。
〃Upon　my　honour　it　is　not　about　you　that　I　am　going
to　speak；〃　Dobbin　said。　　〃Come　back；　Amelia；〃　and　she
came。　　Dobbin　bowed　to　Mrs。　Crawley；　as　he　shut　the
door　upon　her。　　Amelia　looked　at　him；　leaning　against　the
glass：　　her　face　and　her　lips　were　quite　white。
〃I　was　confused　when　I　spoke　just　now；〃　the　Major
said　after　a　pause；　〃and　I　misused　the　word　authority。〃
〃You　did；〃　said　Amelia　with　her　teeth　chattering。
〃At　least　I　have　claims　to　be　heard；〃　Dobbin
continued。
〃It　is　generous　to　remind　me　of　our　obligations　to　you；〃
the　woman　answered。
〃The　claims　I　mean　are　those　left　me　by　George's
father；〃　William　said。
〃Yes；　and　you　insulted　his　memory。　　You　did　yesterday。
You　know　you　did。　　And　I　will　never　forgive　you。　　Never！〃
said　Amelia。　　She　shot　out　each　little　sentence　in　a　tremor
of　anger　and　emotion。
〃You　don't　mean　that；　Amelia？〃　William　said　sadly。
〃You　don't　mean　that　these　words；　uttered　in　a　hurried
moment；　are　to　weigh　against　a　whole　life's　devotion？　I
think　that　George's　memory　has　not　been　injured　by　the
way　in　which　I　have　dealt　with　it；　and　if　we　are　come　to
bandying　reproaches；　I　at　least　merit　none　from　his
widow　and　the　mother　of　his　son。　　Reflect；　afterwards　when
when　you　are　at　leisure；　and　your　conscience　will
withdraw　this　accusation。　　It　does　even　now。〃　Amelia　held
down　her　head。
〃It　is　not　that　speech　of　yesterday；〃　he　continued；
〃which　moves　you。　　That　is　but　the　pretext；　Amelia；　or　I
have　loved　you　and　watched　you　for　fifteen　years　in　vain。
Have　I　not　learned　in　that　time　to　read　all　your　feelings
and　look　into　your　thoughts？　I　know　what　your　heart
is　capable　of：　　it　can　cling　faithfully　to　a　recollection　and
cherish　a　fancy；　but　it　can't　feel　such　an　attachment　as
mine　deserves　to　mate　with；　and　such　as　I　would　have
won　from　a　woman　more　generous　than　you。　　No；　you
are　not　worthy　of　the　love　which　I　have　devoted　to　you。
I　knew　all　along　that　the　prize　I　had　set　my　life　on　was
not　worth　the　winning；　that　I　was　a　fool；　with　fond
fancies；　too；　bartering　away　my　all　of　truth　and　ardour
against　your　little　feeble　remnant　of　love。　　I　will　bargain
no　more：　　I　withdraw。　　I　find　no　fault　with　you。　　You　are
very　good…natured；　and　have　done　your　best；　but　you
couldn'tyou　couldn't　reach　up　to　the　height　of　the
attachment　which　I　bore　you；　and　which　a　loftier　soul　than
yours　might　have　been　proud　to　share。　　G