vanity fair(名利场)-第169节

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disdaining　danger　and　the　stair；　down　which　the　mother　is
fondly　carried　smiling　in　her　strong　husband's　arms；　as
he　steps　steadily　step　by　step；　and　followed　by　the　monthly
nurse；　on　the　day　when　the　medical　man　has　pronounced
that　the　charming　patient　may　go　downstairs；
up　which　John　lurks　to　bed；　yawning；　with　a　sputtering
tallow　candle；　and　to　gather　up　before　sunrise　the　boots
which　are　awaiting　him　in　the　passagesthat　stair；　up　or
down　which　babies　are　carried；　old　people　are　helped；
guests　are　marshalled　to　the　ball；　the　parson　walks　to　the
christening；　the　doctor　to　the　sick…room；　and　the
undertaker's　men　to　the　upper　floorwhat　a　memento　of　Life；
Death；　and　Vanity　it　isthat　arch　and　stairif　you
choose　to　consider　it；　and　sit　on　the　landing；　looking　up
and　down　the　well！　　The　doctor　will　come　up　to　us　too
for　the　last　time　there；　my　friend　in　motley。　　The　nurse
will　look　in　at　the　curtains；　and　you　take　no　noticeand
then　she　will　fling　open　the　windows　for　a　little　and　let　in
the　air。　　Then　they　will　pull　down　all　the　front　blinds　of　the
house　and　live　in　the　back　roomsthen　they　will　send
for　the　lawyer　and　other　men　in　black；　&c。　　Your　comedy
and　mine　will　have　been　played　then；　and　we　shall　be
removed；　oh；　how　far；　from　the　trumpets；　and　the　shouting；
and　the　posture…making。　　If　we　are　gentlefolks　they
will　put　hatchments　over　our　late　domicile；　with　gilt
cherubim；　and　mottoes　stating　that　there　is　〃Quiet　in
Heaven。〃　Your　son　will　new　furnish　the　house；　or
perhaps　let　it；　and　go　into　a　more　modern　quarter；　your
name　will　be　among　the　〃Members　Deceased〃　in　the
lists　of　your　clubs　next　year。　　However　much　you　may　be
mourned；　your　widow　will　like　to　have　her　weeds　neatly
madethe　cook　will　send　or　come　up　to　ask　about
dinnerthe　survivor　will　soon　bear　to　look　at　your　picture
over　the　mantelpiece；　which　will　presently　be　deposed
from　the　place　of　honour；　to　make　way　for　the　portrait　of
the　son　who　reigns。
Which　of　the　dead　are　most　tenderly　and　passionately
deplored？　Those　who　love　the　survivors　the　least；　I
believe。　　The　death　of　a　child　occasions　a　passion　of　grief
and　frantic　tears；　such　as　your　end；　brother　reader；　will
never　inspire。　　The　death　of　an　infant　which　scarce　knew
you；　which　a　week's　absence　from　you　would　have　caused
to　forget　you；　will　strike　you　down　more　than　the　loss　of
your　closest　friend；　or　your　first…born　sona　man　grown
like　yourself；　with　children　of　his　own。　　We　may　be　harsh
and　stern　with　Judah　and　Simeonour　love　and　pity　gush
out　for　Benjamin；　the　little　one。　　And　if　you　are　old；　as
some　reader　of　this　may　be　or　shall　be　old　and　rich；　or
old　and　pooryou　may　one　day　be　thinking　for　yourself
〃These　people　are　very　good　round　about　me；　but
they　won't　grieve　too　much　when　I　am　gone。　　I　am　very
rich；　and　they　want　my　inheritanceor　very　poor；　and
they　are　tired　of　supporting　me。〃
The　period　of　mourning　for　Mrs。　Sedley's　death　was
only　just　concluded；　and　Jos　scarcely　had　had　time　to
cast　off　his　black　and　appear　in　the　splendid　waistcoats
which　he　loved；　when　it　became　evident　to　those　about
Mr。　Sedley　that　another　event　was　at　hand；　and　that　the
old　man　was　about　to　go　seek　for　his　wife　in　the　dark　land
whither　she　had　preceded　him。　　〃The　state　of　my　father's
health；〃　Jos　Sedley　solemnly　remarked　at　the　Club；
〃prevents　me　from　giving　any　LARGE　parties　this　season：　　but　if
you　will　come　in　quietly　at　half…past　six；　Chutney；　my
boy；　and　fake　a　homely　dinner　with　one　or　two　of　the
old　setI　shall　be　always　glad　to　see　you。〃　So　Jos　and
his　acquaintances　dined　and　drank　their　claret　among
themselves　in　silence；　whilst　the　sands　of　life　were
running　out　in　the　old　man's　glass　upstairs。　　The　velvet…footed
butler　brought　them　their　wine；　and　they　composed
themselves　to　a　rubber　after　dinner；　at　which　Major　Dobbin
would　sometimes　come　and　take　a　hand；　and　Mrs。
Osborne　would　occasionally　descend；　when　her　patient
above　was　settled　for　the　night；　and　had　commenced　one
of　those　lightly　troubled　slumbers　which　visit　the　pillow
of　old　age。
The　old　man　clung　to　his　daughter　during　this
sickness。　　He　would　take　his　broths　and　medicines　from
scarcely　any　other　hand。　　To　tend　him　became　almost　the
sole　business　of　her　life。　　Her　bed　was　placed　close　by　the
door　which　opened　into　his　chamber；　and　she　was　alive
at　the　slightest　noise　or　disturbance　from　the　couch　of
the　querulous　invalid。　　Though；　to　do　him　justice；　he　lay
awake　many　an　hour；　silent　and　without　stirring；
unwilling　to　awaken　his　kind　and　vigilant　nurse。
He　loved　his　daughter　with　more　fondness　now；
perhaps；　than　ever　he　had　done　since　the　days　of　her
childhood。　　In　the　discharge　of　gentle　offices　and　kind　filial
duties；　this　simple　creature　shone　most　especially。　　〃She
walks　into　the　room　as　silently　as　a　sunbeam；〃　Mr。
Dobbin　thought　as　he　saw　her　passing　in　and　out　from　her
father's　room；　a　cheerful　sweetness　lighting　up　her　face
as　she　moved　to　and　fro；　graceful　and　noiseless。　　When
women　are　brooding　over　their　children；　or　busied　in　a
sick…room；　who　has　not　seen　in　their　faces　those　sweet
angelic　beams　of　love　and　pity？
A　secret　feud　of　some　years'　standing　was　thus
healed；　and　with　a　tacit　reconciliation。　　In　these　last
hours；　and　touched　by　her　love　and　goodness；　the　old
man　forgot　all　his　grief　against　her；　and　wrongs　which
he　and　his　wife　had　many　a　long　night　debated：　　how　she
had　given　up　everything　for　her　boy；　how　she　was
careless　of　her　parents　in　their　old　age　and　misfortune；　and
only　thought　of　the　child；　how　absurdly　and　foolishly；
impiously　indeed；　she　took　on　when　George　was
removed　from　her。　　Old　Sedley　forgot　these　charges　as　he
was　making　up　his　last　account；　and　did　justice　to　the
gentle　and　uncomplaining　little　martyr。　　One　night　when
she　stole　into　his　room；　she　found　him　awake；　when　the
broken　old　man　made　his　confession。　　〃Oh；　Emmy；　I've
been　thinking　we　were　very　unkind　and　unjust　to　you；〃
he　said　and　put　out　his　cold　and　feeble　hand　to　her。　　She
knelt　down　and　prayed　by　his　bedside；　as　he　did　too；
having　still　hold　of　her　hand。　　When　our　turn　comes；　friend；
may　we　have　such　company　in　our　prayers！
Perhaps　as　he　was　lying　awake　then；　his　life　may　have
passed　before　himhis　early　hopeful　struggles；　his　manly
successes　and　prosperity；　his　downfall　in　his　declining
years；　and　his　present　helpless　conditionno　chance　of
revenge　against　Fortune；　which　had　had　the　better　of
himneither　name　nor　money　to　bequeatha　spent…out；
bootless　life　of　defeat　and　disappointment；　and　the
end　here！　　Which；　I　wonder；　brother　reader；　is　the　better
lot；　to　die　prosperous　and　famous；　or　poor　and
disappointed？　To　have；　and　to　be　forced　to　yield；　or　to
sink　out　of　life；　having　played　and　lost　the　game？　That
must　be　a　strange　feeling；　when　a　day　of　our　life　comes
and　we　say；　〃To…morrow；　success　or　failure　won't
matter　much；　and　the　sun　will　rise；　and　all　the　myriads　of
mankind　go　to　their　work　or　their　pleasure　as　usual；　but
I　shall　be　out　of　the　turmoil。〃
So　there　came　one　morning　and　sunrise　when　all　the
world　got　up　and　set　about　its　various　works　and
pleasures；　with　the　exception　of　old　John　Sedley；　who　was　not
to　fight　with　fortune；　or　to　hope　or　scheme　any　more；
but　to　go　and　take　up　a　quiet　and　utterly　unknown
residence　in　a　churchyard　at　Brompton　by　the　side　of
his　old　wife。
Major　Dobbin；　Jos；　and　Georgy　followed　his　remains
to　the　grave；　in　a　black　cloth　coach。　　Jos　came　on
purpose　from　the　Star　and　Garter　at　Richmond；　whither　he
retreated　after　the　deplorable　event。　　He　did　not　care
to　remain　in　the　house；　with　theunder　the　circumstances；
you　understand。　　But　Emmy　stayed　and　did　her
duty　as　usual。　　She　was　bowed　down　by　no　especial　grief；
and　rather　solemn　than　sorrowful。　　She　prayed　that　her
own　end　might　be　as　calm　and　painless；　and　thought
with　trust　and　reverence　of　the　words　which　she　had
heard　from　her　father　during　his　illness；　indicative　of　his
faith；　his　resignation；　and　his　future　hope。
Yes；　I　think　that　will　be　the　better　ending　of　the　two；
after　all。　　Suppose　you　are　particularly　rich　and　well…to…
do　and　say　on　that　last　day；　〃I　am　very　rich；　I　am
tolerably　well　known；　I　have　lived　all　my　life　in　the　best
society；　and　thank　Heaven；　come　of　a　most　respectable
family。　　I　have　served　my　King　and　country　with　honour。
I　was　in　Parliament　for　several　years；　where；　I　may　say；
my　speeches　were　listened　to　and　pretty　well　received。
I　don't　owe　any　man　a　shilling：　　on　the　contrary；　I　lent
my　old　college　friend；　Jack　Lazarus；　fifty　pounds；　for　which
my　executors　will　not　press　him。　　I　leave　my　daughters
with　ten　thousand　pounds　apiecevery　good　portions
for　girls；　I　bequeath　my　plate　and　furniture；　my　house　in
Baker　Street；　with　a　handsome　jointure；　to　my　widow　for
her　life；　and　my　landed　property；　besides　money　in　the
funds；　and　my　cellar　of　well…selected　wine　in　Baker　Street；
to　my　son。　　I　leave　twenty　pound　a　year　to　my　valet；　and
I　defy　any　man　after　I　have　gone　to　find　anything　against
my　character。〃　Or　suppose；　on　the　other　hand；　your
swan　sings　quite　a　different　sort　of　dirge　and　you　say；
〃I　am　a　poor　blighted；　disappointed　old　fellow；　and　have
made　an　utter　failure　through　life。　　I　wa