lin mclean(林·迈林恩)-第46节
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get used to it。' And she sat down。
〃Lin； she is a square…lookin' girl。 I'll say that for her。
〃I never thought to sit down onced myself； I don't know why； but I
kep' a…standing； and I took in that room of hers。 She had flowers and
things around there； and I seen your picture standing on the table； and I
seen your six…shooter right by itand； oh； Lin； hadn't I knowed your face
before ever she did； and that gun you used to let me shoot on Bear Creek？
It took me that sudden！ Why； it rushed over me so I spoke right out
different from what I'd meant and what I had ready fixed up to say。
〃'Why did you do it？' I says to her； while she was a…sitting。 'How could
you act so； and you a woman？' She just sat； and her sad eyes made me
madder at the idea of her。 'You have had real sorrow；' says I； 'if they report
correct。 You have knowed your share of death； and misery； and hard work；
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and all。 Great God！ ain't there things enough that come to yus uncalled for
and natural； but you must run around huntin' up more that was leavin' yus
alone and givin' yus a chance？ I knowed him onced。 I knowed your Lin
McLean。 And when that was over； I knowed for the first time how men
can be different。' I'm started； Lin； I'm started。 Leave me go on； and when
I'm through I'll quit。 'Some of 'em； anyway；' I says to her； 'has hearts and
self…respect； and ain't hogs clean through。'
〃'I know；〃 she says； thoughtful…like。
〃And at her whispering that way I gets madder。
〃'You know！' I says then。 'What is it that you know？ Do you know that
you have hurt a good man's heart？ For onced I hurt it myself； though
different。 And hurts in them kind of hearts stays。 Some hearts is that
luscious and pasty you can stab 'em and it closes up so yu'd never
suspicion the placebut Lin McLean！ Nor yet don't yus believe his is the
kind that breaksif any kind does that。 You may sit till the gray hairs； and
you may wall up your womanhood； but if a man has got manhood like him；
he will never sit till the gray hairs。 Grief over losin' the best will not stop
him from searchin' for a second best after a while。 He wants a home； and
he has got a right to one；' says I to Miss Jessamine。 'You have not walled
up Lin McLean；' I says to her。 Wait； Lin； wait。 Yus needn't to tell me that's
a lie。 I know a man thinks he's walled up for a while。〃
〃She could have told you it was a lie；〃 said the cow…puncher。
〃She did not。 'Let him get a home；' says she。 'I want him to be happy。'
'That flash in your eyes talks different；' says I。 'Sure enough yus wants him
to be happy。 Sure enough。 But not happy along with Miss Second Best。'
〃Lin； she looked at me that piercin'！
〃And I goes on； for I was wound away up。 'And he will be happy； too；'
I says。 'Miss Second Best will have a talk with him about your picture and
little 〃Neighbor；〃 which he'll not send back to yus； because the hurt in his
heart is there。 And he will keep 'em out of sight somewheres after his talk
with Miss Second Best。' Lin； Lin； I laughed at them words of mine； but I
was that wound up I was strange to myself。 And she watchin' me that way！
And I says to her： 'Miss Second Best will not be the crazy thing to think I
am any wife of his standing in her way。 He will tell her about me。 He will
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tell how onced he thought he was solid married to me till Lusk came back；
and she will drop me out of sight along with the rest that went nameless。
They was not uncomprehensible to you； was they？ You have learned
something by livin'； I guess！ And Linyour Lin； not mine； nor never mine
in heart for a day so deep as he's yourn right now he has been gaygay
as any I've knowed。 Why； look at that face of his！ Could a boy with a face
like that help bein' gay？ But that don't touch what's the true Lin deep down。
Nor will his deep…down love for you hinder him like it will hinder you。
Don't you know men and us is different when it comes to passion？ We're
all one thing then； but they ain't simple。 They keep along with lots of other
things。 I can't make yus know； and I guess it takes a woman like I have
been to learn their nature。 But you did know he loved you； and you sent
him away； and you'll be homeless in yer house when he has done the right
thing by himself and found another girl。'
〃Lin； all the while I was talkin' all I knowed to her； without knowin'
what I'd be sayin' next； for it come that unexpected； she was lookin' at me
with them steady eyes。 And all she says when I quit was； 'If I saw him I
would tell him to find a home。'〃
〃Didn't she tell yu' she'd made me promise to keep away from seeing
her？〃 asked the cow…puncher
Mrs。 Lusk laughed。 〃Oh； you innocent！〃 said she。
〃She said if I came she would leave Separ；〃 muttered McLean；
brooding。
Again the large woman laughed out； but more harshly。
〃I have kept my promise；〃 Lin continued。
〃Keep it some more。 Sit here rotting in your chair till she goes away。
Maybe she's gone。〃
〃What's that？〃 said Lin。 But still she only laughed harshly。 〃I could be
there by to…morrow night；〃 he murmured。 Then his face softened。 〃She
would never do such a thing！〃 he said； to himself。
He had forgotten the woman at the table。 While she had told him
matters that concerned him he had listened eagerly。 Now she was of no
more interest than she had been before her story was begun。 She looked at
his eyes as he sat thinking and dwelling upon his sweetheart。 She looked at
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him； and a longing welled up into her face。 A certain youth and heavy
beauty relighted the features。
〃You are the same； same Lin everyways；〃 she said。 〃A woman is too
many for you still； Lin！〃 she whispered。
At her summons he looked up from his revery。
〃Lin； I would not have treated you so。〃
The caress that filled her voice was plain。 His look met hers as he sat
quite still； his arms on the table。 Then he took his turn at laughing。
〃You！〃 he said。 〃At least I've had plenty of education in you。〃
〃Lin； Lin； don't talk that brutal to me to…day。 If yus knowed how near I
come shooting myself with 'Neighbor。' That would have been funny！
〃I knowed yus wanted to tear that pistol out of my hand because it was
hern。 But yus never did such things to me； fer there's a gentleman in you
somewheres； Lin。 And yus didn't never hit me； not even when you come to
know me well。 And when I seen you so unexpected again to…night； and
you just the same old Lin； scaring Lusk with shooting them chickens； so
comic and splendid； I could 'a' just killed Lusk sittin' in the wagon。 Say；
Lin； what made yus do that； anyway？〃
〃I can't hardly say；〃 said the cow…puncher。 〃Only noticing him so
turruble anxious to quit mewell； a man acts without thinking。〃
〃You always did； Lin。 You was always a comical genius。 Lin； them
were good times。〃
〃Which times？〃
〃You know。 You can't tell me you have forgot。〃
〃I have not forgot much。 What's the sense in this？〃
〃Yus never loved me！〃 she exclaimed。
〃Shucks！〃
〃Lin； Lin； is it all over？ You know yus loved me on Bear Creek。 Say
you did。 Only say it was once that way。〃 And as he sat； she came and put
her arms round his neck。 For a moment he did not move； letting himself be
held； and then she kissed him。 The plates crashed as he beat and struck her
down upon the table。 He was on his feet； cursing himself。 As he went out
of the door； she lay where she had fallen beneath his fist； looking after him
and smiling。
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McLean walked down Box Elder Creek through the trees toward the
stable； where Lusk had gone to put the horse in the wagon。 Once he leaned
his hand against a big cotton…wood； and stood still with half…closed eyes。
Then he continued on his way。 〃Lusk！〃 he called； presently； and in a few
steps more； 〃Lusk！〃 Then； as he came slowly out of the trees to meet the
husband he began； with quiet evenness； 〃Your wife wants to know〃 But
he stopped。 No
