the secret garden-第28节

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arm。

〃I　can　write　better　than　I　can　print；〃　she　said；　〃and　the　first　thing　I　shall　write　with　that　pen　will　be　a　letter　to　tell　him　I　am　much　obliged。〃

If　she　had　been　friends　with　Colin　she　would　have　run　to　show　him　her　presents　at　once；　and　they　would　have　looked　at　the　pictures　and　read　some　of　the　gardening　books　and　perhaps　tried　playing　the　games；　and　he　would　have　enjoyed　himself　so　much　he　would　never　once　have　thought　he　was　going　to　die　or　have　put　his　hand　on　his　spine　to　see　if　there　was　a　lump　coming。　　He　had　a　way　of　doing　that　which　she　could　not　bear。　　It　gave　her　an　uncomfortable　frightened　feeling　because　he　always　looked　so　frightened　himself。　He　said　that　if　he　felt　even　quite　a　little　lump　some　day　he　should　know　his　hunch　had　begun　to　grow。　Something　he　had　heard　Mrs。　Medlock　whispering　to　the　nurse　had　given　him　the　idea　and　he　had　thought　over　it　in　secret　until　it　was　quite　firmly　fixed　in　his　mind。　Mrs。　Medlock　had　said　his　father's　back　had　begun　to　show　its　crookedness　in　that　way　when　he　was　a　child。　　He　had　never　told　any　one　but　Mary　that　most　of　his　〃tantrums〃　as　they　called　them　grew　out　of　his　hysterical　hidden　fear。　Mary　had　been　sorry　for　him　when　he　had　told　her。

〃He　always　began　to　think　about　it　when　he　was　cross　or　tired；〃　she　said　to　herself。　　〃And　he　has　been　cross　today。　Perhapsperhaps　he　has　been　thinking　about　it　all　afternoon。〃

She　stood　still；　looking　down　at　the　carpet　and　thinking。

〃I　said　I　would　never　go　back　again〃　she　hesitated；　knitting　her　brows〃but　perhaps；　just　perhaps；　I　will　go　and　seeif　he　wants　mein　the　morning。　Perhaps　he'll　try　to　throw　his　pillow　at　me　again；　butI　thinkI'll　go。〃



CHAPTER　XVII

A　TANTRUM


She　had　got　up　very　early　in　the　morning　and　had　worked　hard　in　the　garden　and　she　was　tired　and　sleepy；　so　as　soon　as　Martha　had　brought　her　supper　and　she　had　eaten　it；　she　was　glad　to　go　to　bed。　　As　she　laid　her　head　on　the　pillow　she　murmured　to　herself：

〃I'll　go　out　before　breakfast　and　work　with　Dickon　and　then　afterwardI　believeI'll　go　to　see　him。〃

She　thought　it　was　the　middle　of　the　night　when　she　was　awakened　by　such　dreadful　sounds　that　she　jumped　out　of　bed　in　an　instant。　　What　was　itwhat　was　it？　The　next　minute　she　felt　quite　sure　she　knew。　　Doors　were　opened　and　shut　and　there　were　hurrying　feet　in　the　corridors　and　some　one　was　crying　and　screaming　at　the　same　time；　screaming　and　crying　in　a　horrible　way。

〃It's　Colin；〃　she　said。　　〃He's　having　one　of　those　tantrums　the　nurse　called　hysterics。　　How　awful　it　sounds。〃

As　she　listened　to　the　sobbing　screams　she　did　not　wonder　that　people　were　so　frightened　that　they　gave　him　his　own　way　in　everything　rather　than　hear　them。　She　put　her　hands　over　her　ears　and　felt　sick　and　shivering。

〃I　don't　know　what　to　do。　　I　don't　know　what　to　do；〃　she　kept　saying。　　〃I　can't　bear　it。〃

Once　she　wondered　if　he　would　stop　if　she　dared　go　to　him　and　then　she　remembered　how　he　had　driven　her　out　of　the　room　and　thought　that　perhaps　the　sight　of　her　might　make　him　worse。　　Even　when　she　pressed　her　hands　more　tightly　over　her　ears　she　could　not　keep　the　awful　sounds　out。　　She　hated　them　so　and　was　so　terrified　by　them　that　suddenly　they　began　to　make　her　angry　and　she　felt　as　if　she　should　like　to　fly　into　a　tantrum　herself　and　frighten　him　as　he　was　frightening　her。　She　was　not　used　to　any　one's　tempers　but　her　own。　　She　took　her　hands　from　her　ears　and　sprang　up　and　stamped　her　foot。

〃He　ought　to　be　stopped！　Somebody　ought　to　make　him　stop！　Somebody　ought　to　beat　him！〃　she　cried　out。

Just　then　she　heard　feet　almost　running　down　the　corridor　and　her　door　opened　and　the　nurse　came　in。　　She　was　not　laughing　now　by　any　means。　　She　even　looked　rather　pale。

〃He's　worked　himself　into　hysterics；〃　she　said　in　a　great　hurry。　〃He'll　do　himself　harm。　　No　one　can　do　anything　with　him。　You　come　and　try；　like　a　good　child。　　He　likes　you。〃

〃He　turned　me　out　of　the　room　this　morning；〃　said　Mary；　stamping　her　foot　with　excitement。

The　stamp　rather　pleased　the　nurse。　　The　truth　was　that　she　had　been　afraid　she　might　find　Mary　crying　and　hiding　her　head　under　the　bed…clothes。

〃That's　right；〃　she　said。　　〃You're　in　the　right　humor。　You　go　and　scold　him。　　Give　him　something　new　to　think　of。　Do　go；　child；　as　quick　as　ever　you　can。〃

It　was　not　until　afterward　that　Mary　realized　that　the　thing　had　been　funny　as　well　as　dreadfulthat　it　was　funny　that　all　the　grown…up　people　were　so　frightened　that　they　came　to　a　little　girl　just　because　they　guessed　she　was　almost　as　bad　as　Colin　himself。

She　flew　along　the　corridor　and　the　nearer　she　got　to　the　screams　the　higher　her　temper　mounted。　She　felt　quite　wicked　by　the　time　she　reached　the　door。　She　slapped　it　open　with　her　hand　and　ran　across　the　room　to　the　four…posted　bed。

〃You　stop！〃　she　almost　shouted。　　〃You　stop！　I　hate　you！　Everybody　hates　you！　I　wish　everybody　would　run　out　of　the　house　and　let　you　scream　yourself　to　death！　You　will　scream　yourself　to　death　in　a　minute；　and　I　wish　you　would！〃　A　nice　sympathetic　child　could　neither　have　thought　nor　said　such　things；　but　it　just　happened　that　the　shock　of　hearing　them　was　the　best　possible　thing　for　this　hysterical　boy　whom　no　one　had　ever　dared　to　restrain　or　contradict。

He　had　been　lying　on　his　face　beating　his　pillow　with　his　hands　and　he　actually　almost　jumped　around；　he　turned　so　quickly　at　the　sound　of　the　furious　little　voice。　His　face　looked　dreadful；　white　and　red　and　swollen；　and　he　was　gasping　and　choking；　but　savage　little　Mary　did　not　care　an　atom。

〃If　you　scream　another　scream；〃　she　said；　〃I'll　scream　too　and　I　can　scream　louder　than　you　can　and　I'll　frighten　you；　I'll　frighten　you！〃

He　actually　had　stopped　screaming　because　she　had　startled　him　so。　　The　scream　which　had　been　coming　almost　choked　him。　The　tears　were　streaming　down　his　face　and　he　shook　all　over。

〃I　can't　stop！〃　he　gasped　and　sobbed。　　〃I　can'tI　can't！〃

〃You　can！〃　shouted　Mary。　　〃Half　that　ails　you　is　hysterics　and　temperjust　hystericshystericshysterics！〃　and　she　stamped　each　time　she　said　it。

〃I　felt　the　lumpI　felt　it；〃　choked　out　Colin。　〃I　knew　I　should。　　I　shall　have　a　hunch　on　my　back　and　then　I　shall　die；〃　and　he　began　to　writhe　again　and　turned　on　his　face　and　sobbed　and　wailed　but　he　didn't　scream。

〃You　didn't　feel　a　lump！〃　contradicted　Mary　fiercely。　　〃If　you　did　it　was　only　a　hysterical　lump。　　Hysterics　makes　lumps。　There's　nothing　the　matter　with　your　horrid　backnothing　but　hysterics！　Turn　over　and　let　me　look　at　it！〃

She　liked　the　word　〃hysterics〃　and　felt　somehow　as　if　it　had　an　effect　on　him。　　He　was　probably　like　herself　and　had　never　heard　it　before。

〃Nurse；〃　she　commanded；　〃come　here　and　show　me　his　back　this　minute！〃

The　nurse；　Mrs。　Medlock　and　Martha　had　been　standing　huddled　together　near　the　door　staring　at　her；　their　mouths　half　open。　　All　three　had　gasped　with　fright　more　than　once。　The　nurse　came　forward　as　if　she　were　half　afraid。　Colin　was　heaving　with　great　breathless　sobs。

〃Perhaps　hehe　won't　let　me；〃　she　hesitated　in　a　low　voice。

Colin　heard　her；　however；　and　he　gasped　out　between　two　sobs：

〃Sh…show　her！　She…she'll　see　then！〃

It　was　a　poor　thin　back　to　look　at　when　it　was　bared。　Every　rib　could　be　counted　and　every　joint　of　the　spine；　though　Mistress　Mary　did　not　count　them　as　she　bent　over　and　examined　them　with　a　solemn　savage　little　face。　She　looked　so　sour　and　old…fashioned　that　the　nurse　turned　her　head　aside　to　hide　the　twitching　of　her　mouth。　There　was　just　a　minute's　silence；　for　even　Colin　tried　to　hold　his　breath　while　Mary　looked　up　and　down　his　spine；　and　down　and　up；　as　intently　as　if　she　had　been　the　great　doctor　from　London。

〃There's　not　a　single　lump　there！〃　she　said　at　last。　〃There's　not　a　lump　as　big　as　a　pinexcept　backbone　lumps；　and　you　can　only　feel　them　because　you're　thin。　I've　got　backbone　lumps　myself；　and　they　used　to　stick　out　as　much　as　yours　do；　until　I　began　to　get　fatter；　and　I　am　not　fat　enough　yet　to　hide　them。　　There's　not　a　lump　as　big　as　a　pin！　If　you　ever　say　there　is　again；　I　shall　laugh！〃

No　one　but　Colin　himself　knew　what　effect　those　crossly　spoken　childish　words　had　on　him。　　If　he　had　ever　had　any　one　to　talk　to　about　his　secret　terrorsif　he　had　ever　dared　to　let　himself　ask　questionsif　he　had　had　childish　companions　and　had　not　lain　on　his　back　in　the　huge　closed　house；　breathing　an　atmosphere　heavy　with　the　fears　of　people　who　were　most　of　them　ignorant　and　tired　of　him；　he　would　have　found　out　that　most　of　his　fright　and　illness　was　created　by　himself。　But　he　had　lain　and　thought　of　himself　and　his　aches　and　weariness　for　hours　and　days　and　months　and　years。　And　now　that　an　angry　unsympathetic　little　girl　insisted　obstinately　that　he　was　not　as　ill　as　he　thought　he　was　he　actually　felt　as　if　she　might　be　speaking　the　truth。

〃I　didn't　know；〃　ventured　the　nurse；　〃that　he　thought　he　had　a　lump　on　his　spine。　　His　back　is　weak　because　he　won't　try　to　sit　up。　　I　could　have　told　him　there　was　no　lump　there。〃　Colin　gulped　and　turned　his　face　a　little　to　look　at　her。

〃C…could　you？〃　he　said　pathetically。

〃Yes；　sir。〃

〃There！〃　said　Mary；　and　she　gulped　too。

Colin　turned　on　his　face　again　an