da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第23节
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seized up。
After a few months of observation he had e up with a second theory； which was this … 〃If human beings don't keep exercising their lips； their brains start working。〃
In fact； this second theory is more literally true of the Belcebron people of Kakrafoon。
The Belcebron people used to cause great resentment and insecurity amongst neighboring races by being one of the most enlightened； acplished； and above all quiet civilizations in the Galaxy。
As a punishment for this behaviour； which was held to be offensively self…righteous and provocative； a Galactic Tribunal inflicted on them that most cruel of all social diseases； telepathy。 Consequently； in order to prevent themselves broadcasting every slightest thought that crossed their minds to anyone within a five mile radius； they now have to talk very loudly and continuously about the weather； their little aches and pains； the match this afternoon and what a noisy place Kakrafoon had suddenly bee。
Another method of temporarily blotting out their minds is to play host to a Disaster Area concert。
The timing of the concert was critical。
The ship had to begin its dive before the concert began in order to hit the sun six minutes and thirty…seven seconds before the climax of the song to which it related； so that the light of the solar flares had time to travel out to Kakrafoon。
The ship had already been diving for several minutes by the time that Ford Prefect had pleted his search of the other partments of the black ship。 He burst back into the cabin。
The sun of Kakrafoon loomed terrifyingly large on the vision screen； its blazing white inferno of fusing hydrogen nuclei growing moment by moment as the ship plunged onwards； unheeding the thumping and banging of Zaphod's hands on the control panel。 Arthur and Trillian had the fixed expressions of rabbits on a night road who think that the best way of dealing with approaching headlights is to stare them out。
Zaphod span round； wild…eyed。
〃Ford；〃 he said； 〃how many escape capsules are there？〃
〃None；〃 said Ford。
Zaphod gibbered。
〃Did you count them？〃 he yelled。
〃Twice；〃 said Ford； 〃did you manage to raise the stage crew on the radio？〃
〃Yeah；〃 said Zaphod； bitterly； 〃I said there were a whole bunch of people on board； and they said to say 'hi' to everybody。〃
Ford goggled。
〃Didn't you tell them who we were？〃
〃Oh yeah。 They said it was a great honour。 That and something about a restaurant bill and my executors。〃
Ford pushed Arthur aside and leaned forward over the control console。
〃Does none of this function？〃 he said savagely。
〃All overridden。〃
〃Smash the autopilot。〃
〃Find it first。 Nothing connects。〃
There was a moment's cold silence。
Arthur was stumbling round the back of the cabin。 He stopped suddenly。
〃Incidentally；〃 he said； 〃what does teleport mean？〃
Another moment passed。
Slowly； the others turned to face him。
〃Probably the wrong moment to ask；〃 said Arthur； 〃It's just I remember hearing you use the word a short while ago and I only bring it up because。。。〃
〃Where；〃 said Ford Prefect quietly； 〃does it say teleport？〃
〃Well； just over here in fact；〃 said Arthur； pointing at a dark control box in the rear of the cabin； 〃Just under the word 'emergency'； above the word 'system' and beside the sign saying 'out of order'。〃
In the pandemonium that instantly followed； the only action to follow was that of Ford Prefect lunging across the cabin to the small black box that Arthur had indicated and stabbing repeatedly at the single small black button set into it。
A six…foot square panel slid open beside it revealing a partment which resembled a multiple shower unit that had found a new function in life as an electrician's junk store。 Half…finished wiring hung from the ceiling； a jumble of abandoned ponents lay strewn on the floor； and the programming panel lolled out of the cavity in the wall into which it should have been secured。
A junior Disaster Area accountant； visiting the shipyard where this ship was being constructed； had demanded to know of the works foreman why the hell they were fitting an extremely expensive teleport into a ship which only had one important journey to make； and that unmanned。 The foreman had explained that the teleport was available at a ten per cent discount and the accountant had explained that this was immaterial； the foreman had explained that it was the finest； most powerful and sophisticated teleport that money could buy and the accountant had explained that the money did not wish to buy it； the foreman had explained that people would still need to enter and leave the ship and the accountant had explained that the ship sported a perfectly serviceable door； the foreman had explained that the accountant could go and boil his head and the accountant had explained to the foreman that the thing approaching him rapidly from his left was a knuckle sandwich。 After the explanations had been concluded； work was discontinued on the teleport which subsequently passed unnoticed on the invoice as 〃Sund。 explns。〃 at five times the price。
〃Hell's donkeys；〃 muttered Zaphod as he and Ford attempted to sort through the tangle of wiring。
After a moment or so Ford told him to stand back。 He tossed a coin into the teleport and jiggled a switch on the lolling control panel。 With a crackle and spit of light； the coin vanished。
〃That much of it works；〃 said Ford； 〃however； there is no guidance system。 A matter transference teleport without guidance programming could put you。。。 well； anywhere。〃
The sun of Kakrafoon loomed huge on the screen。
〃Who cares；〃 said Zaphod； 〃we go where we go。〃
〃And；〃 said Ford； 〃there is no autosystem。 We couldn't all go。 Someone would have to stay and operate it。〃
A solemn moment shuffled past。 The sun loomed larger and larger。
〃Hey； Marvin kid；〃 said Zaphod brightly； 〃how you doing？〃
〃Very badly I suspect；〃 muttered Marvin。
A shortish while later； the concert on Kakrafoon reached an unexpected climax。
The black ship with its single morose occupant had plunged on schedule into the nuclear furnace of the sun。 Massive solar flares licked out from it millions of miles into space； thrilling and in a few cases spilling the dozen or so Flare Riders who had been coasting close to the surface of the sun in anticipation of the moment。
Moments before the flare light reached Kakrafoon the pounding desert cracked along a deep faultline。 A huge and hitherto undetected underground river lying far beneath the surface gushed to the surface to be followed seconds later by the eruption of millions of tons of boiling lava that flowed hundreds of feet into the air； instantaneously vaporizing the river both above and below the surface in an explosion that echoed to the far side of the world and back again。
Those … very few … who witnessed the event and survived swear that the whole hundred thousand square miles of the desert rose into the air like a mile…thick pancake； flipped itself over and fell back down。 At that precise moment the solar radiation from the flares filtered through the clouds of vaporized water and struck the ground。
A year later； the hundred thousand square mile desert was thick with flowers。 The structure of the atmosphere around the planet was subtly altered。 The sun blazed less harshly in the summer； the cold bit less bitterly in the winter； pleasant rain fell more often； and slowly the desert world of Kakrafoon became a paradise。 Even the telepathic power with which the people of Kakrafoon had been cursed was permanently dispersed by the force of the explosion。
A spokesman for Disaster Area … the one who had had all the environmentalists shot … was later quoted as saying that it had been 〃a good gig〃。
Many people spoke movingly of the healing powers of music。 A few sceptical scientists examined the records of the events more closely； and claimed that they had discovered faint vestiges of a vast artificially induced Improbability Field drifting in from a nearby region of space。
Chapter 22
Arthur woke up and instantly regretted it。 Hangovers he'd had； but never anything on this scale。 This was it； this was the big one； this was the ultimate pits。 Matter transference beams； he decided； were not as much fun as； say； a good solid kick in the head。
Being for the moment unwilling to move on account of a dull stomping throb he was experiencing； he lay a while and thought。 The trouble with most forms of transport； he thought； is basically one of them not being worth all the bother。 On Earth … when there had been an Earth； before it was demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass … the problem had been with cars。 The disadvantages involved in pulling lots of black sticky slime from out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm's way； turning it into tar to cover the land with； smoke to fill the air with and pouring the rest into the sea； all seemed to outweigh the advantages of being able to get more quickly from one place to another … particularly when the place you arrived at had probably bee； as a result of this； ver
