rj.acrownofswords-第137节

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aking　advantage。　We　must　look　closely　at　this　last　year；　I　think。〃
　　　To　that；　Seaine　agreed　reluctantly。　There　would　be　fewer　pieces　of　paper　to　read　and　more　questions　to　ask　concerning　recent　months。　Deciding　who　else　to　make　part　of　the　inquiry　was　even　harder。　Especially　after　Pevara　said；　〃You　were　very　brave　ing　to　me；　Seaine。　I've　known　Darkfriends　to　kill　brothers；　sisters；　parents；　to　try　hiding　who　they　are　and　what　they've　done。　I　love　you　for　it；　but　you　were　very　brave　indeed。〃
　　　Seaine　shivered　as　if　a　goose　had　walked　on　her　grave。　Had　she　wanted　to　be　brave；　she　would　have　chosen　Green。　She　almost　wished　Elaida　had　gone　to　someone　else。　There　was　no　turning　back　now；　though。
　　　
　　　
Chapter　33　
（Dragon）　
A　Bath　
　　　
　　　The　days　after　sending　Perrin　away　seemed　endless　to　Rand；　and　the　nights　longer。　He　retreated　to　his　rooms　and　stayed　there；　telling　the　Maidens　to　allow　no　one　to　enter。　Only　Nandera　was　allowed　past　the　doors　with　the　gilded　suns；　bringing　his　meals。　The　sinewy　Maiden　would　set　down　a　covered　tray　and　list　those　who　had　asked　to　see　him；　then　give　him　a　look　of　rebuke　when　he　repeated　that　he　would　see　no　one。　Often　he　heard　disapproving　ments　from　the　Maidens　outside　before　she　pulled　the　door　shut　behind　her；　he　was　intended　to　hear；　else　they　would　have　used　handtalk。　But　if　they　thought　to　chivy　him　out　by　claiming　that　he　was　sulking。。。　The　Maidens　did　not　understand；　and　might　not　if　he　explained。　If　he　could　have　brought　himself　to。
　　　He　picked　at　the　meals　without　appetite；　and　tried　to　read；　but　his　favorite　books　could　divert　him　for　only　a　few　pages　even　in　the　beginning。　At　least　once　every　day；　though　he　had　promised　himself　he　would　not；　he　lifted　the　massive　wardrobe　of　polished　blackwood　and　ivory　in　his　bedchamber；　floated　it　aside　on　flows　of　Air　and　carefully　unraveled　the　traps　he　had　set　and　the　Mask　of　Mirrors　that　made　the　wall　seem　smooth；　all　inverted　so　no　other　eyes　but　his　could　see。　There；　in　a　niche　hollowed　out　with　the　Power；　stood　two　small　statues　of　white　stone　about　a　foot　tall；　a　woman　and　a　man；　each　in　flowing　robes　and　holding　a　clear　crystal　sphere　overhead　in　one　hand。　The　night　he　set　the　army　in　motion　toward　Illian　he　had　gone　to　Rhuidean　alone　to　fetch　these　ter'angreal：　if　he　needed　them；　he　might　not　have　much　time。　That　was　what　he　had　told　himself。　His　hand　would　stretch　toward　the　bearded　man；　the　only　one　of　the　pair　a　man　could　use；　stretch　out　and　stop；　shaking。　One　finger　touching；　and　more　of　the　One　Power　than　he　could　imagine　could　be　his。　With　that；　no　one　could　defeat　him；　no　one　stand　against　him。　With　that；　Lanfear　had　said　once；　he　could　challenge　the　Creator。
　　　〃It　is　mine　by　right；〃　he　muttered　each　time；　with　his　hand　trembling　just　short　of　the　figure。　〃Mine！　I　am　the　Dragon　Reborn！〃
　　　And　each　time　he　made　himself　draw　back；　reweaving　the　Mask　of　Mirrors；　reweaving　the　invisible　traps　that　would　burn　anyone　to　a　cinder　who　tried　to　pass　them　without　the　key。　The　huge　wardrobe　wafted　back　into　place　like　a　feather。　He　was　the　Dragon　Reborn。　But　was　that　enough？　It　would　have　to　be。
　　　〃I　am　the　Dragon　Reborn；〃　he　whispered　at　the　walls　sometimes；　and　sometimes　shouted　at　them。　〃I　am　the　Dragon　Reborn！〃　Silently　and　aloud　he　raged　at　those　who　opposed　him；　the　blind　fools　who　could　not　see　and　those　who　refused　to　see；　for　ambition　or　avarice　or　fear。　He　was　the　Dragon　Reborn；　the　only　hope　of　the　world　against　the　Dark　One。　And　the　Light　help　the　world　for　it。
　　　But　his　rages　and　thoughts　of　using　the　ter'angreal　were　only　attempts　to　escape　other　things；　and　he　knew　it。　Alone；　he　picked　at　his　meals；　though　less　every　day；　and　tried　to　read；　though　seldom；　and　attempted　to　find　sleep。　That　he　tried　more　often　as　the　days　passed；　not　caring　whether　the　sun　was　down　or　high。　Sleep　came　in　fitful　snatches；　and　what　harrowed　his　waking　thoughts　also　stalked　his　dreams　and　chased　him　awake　too　soon　for　any　rest。　No　amount　of　shielding　could　keep　out　what　was　already　inside。　He　had　the　Forsaken　to　face；　and　sooner　or　later　the　Dark　One　himself。　He　had　fools　who　fought　him　or　ran　away　when　their　only　hope　was　to　stand　behind　him。　Why　would　his　dreams　not　let　him　be？　From　one　dream　he　always　sprang　awake　before　it　more　than　began；　to　lie　there　filled　with　self…loathing　and　muddled　with　lack　of　sleep；　but　the　others。。。　He　deserved　them　all；　he　knew。
　　　Colavaere　confronted　him　sleeping；　her　face　black　and　the　scarf　she　had　used　to　hang　herself　still　buried　in　the　swollen　flesh　of　her　neck。　Colavaere；　silent　and　accusing；　with　all　the　Maidens　who　had　died　for　him　arrayed　behind　her　in　silent　staring　ranks；　all　the　women　who　died　because　of　him。　He　knew　every　face　as　well　as　his　own；　and　every　name　but　one。　From　those　dreams；　he　woke　weeping。
　　　A　hundred　times　he　hurled　Perrin　across　the　Grand　Hall　of　the　Sun；　and　a　hundred　times　he　was　overwhelmed　by　blazing　fear　and　rage。　A　hundred　times；　he　killed　Perrin　in　his　dreams　and　woke　to　his　own　screams。　Why　had　the　man　chosen　the　Aes　Sedai　prisoners　to　use　for　their　argument？　Rand　tried　not　to　think　about　them；　he　had　done　his　best　to　ignore　their　existence　from　the　beginning。　They　were　too　dangerous　to　keep　long　as　captives；　and　he　had　no　idea　what　to　do　with　them。　They　frightened　him。　Sometimes　he　dreamed　of　being　bound　inside　the　box　again；　of　Galina　and　Erian　and　Katerine　and　the　rest　taking　him　out　to　beat　him；　dreamed　and　woke　whimpering　even　after　he　convinced　himself　his　eyes　were　open　and　he　was　outside。　They　frightened　him　because　he　feared　he　might　give　way　to　the　fear　and　the　anger；　and　then。。。　He　tried　not　to　think　of　what　he　might　do　then；　but　sometimes　he　dreamed　it；　and　woke　shaking　in　a　cold　sweat。　He　would　not　do　that。　Whatever　he　had　done；　he　would　not　do　that。
　　　In　dreams　he　gathered　the　Asha'man　to　attack　the　White　Tower　and　punish　Elaida；　he　leaped　from　a　gateway　filled　with　righteous　anger　and　saidin　…　and　learned　that　Alviarin's　letter　had　been　a　lie；　saw　her　stand　alongside　Elaida；　saw　Egwene　beside　her；　too；　and　Nynaeve；　and　even　Elayne；　all　with　Aes　Sedai　faces；　because　he　was　too　dangerous　to　let　run　free。　He　watched　the　Asha'man　destroyed　by　women　who　had　years　of　studying　the　One　Power　behind　them；　not　just　a　few　months　of　harsh　tutoring；　and　from　those　dreams；　he　could　never　wake　until　every　man　in　a　black　coat　was　dead；　and　he　stood　alone　to　face　the　might　of　the　Aes　Sedai。　Alone。
　　　Again　and　again　Cadsuane　spoke　those　words　about　madmen　hearing　voices；　till　he　flinched　at　them　as　at　blows　of　a　whip；　flinched　in　his　sleep　when　she　appeared。　In　dreams　and　waking；　he　called　to　Lews　Therin；　shouted　at　him；　screamed　for　him；　and　only　silence　answered。　Alone。　That　small　bundle　of　sensations　and　emotions　in　the　back　of　his　head；　the　sense　of　Alanna's　almost　touch；　slowly　became　a　fort。　In　many　ways；　that　frightened　him　most　of　all。
　　　On　the　fourth　morning；　he　woke　groggily　from　a　dream　of　the　White　Tower；　flinging　up　a　hand　to　shield　grainy　eyes　from　what　he　thought　was　a　flare　of　saidar…wrought　fire。　Dust　motes　sparkled　in　the　sunlight　streaming　through　the　window　to　reach　his　bed；　with　its　great　square　black…wood　bedposts　inlaid　with　ivory　wedges。　Every　piece　of　furnishing　in　the　room　was　polished　blackwood　and　ivory；　square　and　stark　and　heavy　enough　to　suit　his　mood。　For　a　moment　he　lay　there；　but　if　sleep　returned；　it　would　only　bring　another　dream。
　　　Are　you　there；　Lews　Therin？　he　thought　without　any　hope　of　answer；　and　wearily　pushed　himself　to　his　feet；　tugging　his　wrinkled　coat　straight。　He　had　not　changed　his　clothes　since　first　shutting　himself　away。
　　　When　he　staggered　into　the　anteroom；　at　first　he　thought　he　was　dreaming　again；　the　dream　that　always　woke　him　straight　off　in　shame　and　guilt　and　loathing；　but　Min　looked　up　at　him　from　one　of　the　tall　gilded　chairs；　a　leather…bound　book　on　her　knees；　and　he　did　not　wake。　Dark　ringlets　framed　her　face；　big　dark　eyes　so　intent　he　almost　felt　her　touch。　Her　breeches　of　brocaded　green　silk　fit　her　like　a　second　skin；　and　her　coat　of　matching　silk　hung　open；　a　cream…colored　blouse　rising　and　falling　with　her　breath。　He　prayed　to　wake。　It　had　not　been　fear；　or　anger；　or　guilt　over　Colavaere；　or　Lews　Therin's　disappearance　that　drove　him　to　shut　himself　away。
　　　〃There's　a　feast　of　sorts　in　four　days；〃　she　said　brightly；　〃at　the　half　moon。　The　Day　of　Repentance；　they　call　it　for　some　reason；　but　there　will　be　dancing　that　night。　Sedate　dancing；　I　hear；　but　any　dancing　is　better　than　none。〃　Carefully　tucking　a　thin　strip　of　leather　into　the　book；　she　placed　it　on　the　floor　beside　her。　〃That's　just　time　to　have　a　dress　made；　if　I　set　the　seamstress　to　work　today。　That　is；　if　you　mean　to　dance　with　me。〃
　　　He　pulled　his　gaze　away　from　her；　and　it　fell　on　a　cloth…covered　tray　beside　the　tall　doors。　Just　the　thought　of　food　made　him　queasy。　Nandera　was　not　supposed　to　let　anyone　in；　burn　her！　Least　of　all　Min。　He　had　not　mentioned　her　by　name；　but　he　had　said　no　one！　〃Min；　I　…　I　don't　know　what　to　say。　I　…　〃　
　　　〃Sheepherder；　you　look　like　what　the　dogs　fought　over。　Now　I　understand　why　Alanna　was　so　frantic；　even　if　I　don't　see　ho