cb.booksofblood2-第21节
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You want a woman； he said。 Did I hesitate enough for him to know I meant yes； though I said no？ I have a woman like no other； he went on； she's a miracle。 I know you'll want to meet her in the flesh。
What made me know it was Jacqueline he was talking about？ Perhaps the fact that he had known me from out of the crowd； as though she was up at a window somewhere； ordering her admirers to be brought to her like a diner ordering lobster from a tank。 Perhaps too the way his eyes shone at me； meeting mine without fear because fear； like rapture； he felt only in the presence of one creature on God's cruel earth。 Could I not also see myself reflected in his perilous look？ He knew Jacqueline； I had no doubt of it。
He knew I was hooked； because once I hesitated he turned away from me with a mincing shrug； as if to say： you missed your chance。 Where is she？ I said； seizing his twig…thin arm。 He cocked his head down the street and I followed him； suddenly as witless as an idiot； out of the throng。 The road emptied as we walked； the red lights gave way to gloom； and then to darkness。 If I asked him where we were going once I asked him a dozen times； he chose not to answer； until we reached a narrow door in a narrow house down some razor…thin street。 We're here； he announced； as though the hovel were the Palace of Versailles。
Up two flights in the otherwise empty house there was a room with a black door。 He pressed me to it。 It was locked。
'See；' he invited； 'she's inside。'
'It's locked；' I replied。 My heart was fit to burst： she was near； for certain； I knew she was near。
'See；' he said again； and pointed to a tiny hole in the panel of the door。 I devoured the light through it； pushing my eye towards her through the tiny hole。
The squalid interior was empty； except for a mattress and Jacqueline。 She lay spread…eagled； her wrists and ankles bound to rough posts set in the bare floor at the four corners of the mattress。
'Who did this？' I demanded； not taking my eye from her nakedness。
'She asks；' he replied。 'It is her desire。 She asks。' She had heard my voice； she cranked up her head with some difficulty and stared directly at the door。 When she looked at me all the hairs rose on my head； I swear it； in wele； and swayed at her mand。
'Oliver；' she said。
'Jacqueline。' I pressed the word to the wood with a kiss。
Her body was seething； her shaved sex opening and closing like some exquisite plant； purple and lilac and rose。
'Let me in；' I said to Koos。
'You will not survive one night with her。'
'Let me in。'
'She is expensive；' he warned。
'How much do you want？'
'Everything you have。 The shirt off your back； your money； your jewellery； then she is yours。'
I wanted to beat the door down； or break his nicotine stained fingers one by one until he gave me the key。 He knew what I was thinking。
'The key is hidden；' he said； 'And the door is strong。 You must pay； Mr Vassi。 You want to pay。'
It was true。 I wanted to pay。
'You want to give me all you have ever owned； all you have ever been。 You want to go to her with nothing to claim you back。 I know this。 It' s how they all go to her。'
'All？ Are there many？'
'She is insatiable；' he said； without relish。 It wasn't a pimp's boast： it was his pain； I saw that clearly。 'I am always finding more for her； and burying them。'
Burying them。
That； I suppose； is Koos' function； he disposes of the dead。 And he will get his lacquered hands on me after tonight； he will fetch me off her when I am dry and useless to her； and find some pit； some canal； some furnace to lose me in。 The thought isn't particularly attractive。
Yet here I am with all the money I could raise from selling my few remaining possessions on the table in front of me； my dignity gone； my life hanging on a thread； waiting for a pimp and a key。
It's well dark now； and he's late。 But I think he is obliged to e。 Not for the money； he probably has few requirements beyond his heroin and his mascara。 He will e to do business with me because she demands it and he is in thrall to her； every bit as much as I am。 Oh； he will e。 Of course he will e。
Well； I think that is sufficient。
This is my testimony。 I have no time to re…read it now。 His footsteps are on the stairs （he limps） and I must go with him。 This I leave to whoever finds it； to use as they think fit。 By morning I shall be dead； and happy。 Believe it。'
My God； she thought； Koos has cheated me。
Vassi had been outside the door； she'd felt his flesh with her mind and she'd embraced it。 But Koos hadn't let him in； despite her explicit orders。 Of all men； Vassi was to be allowed free access； Koos knew that。 But he'd cheated her； the way they'd all cheated her except Vassi。 With him （perhaps） it had been love。
She lay on the bed through the night； never sleeping。 She seldom slept now for more than a few minutes： and only then with Koos watching her。 She'd done herself harm in her sleep； mutilating herself without knowing it； waking up bleeding and screaming with every limb sprouting needles she'd made out of her own skin and muscle； like a flesh cactus。
It was dark again； she guessed； but it was difficult to be sure。 In this heavily curtained； bare…bulb lit room； it was a perpetual day to the senses； perpetual night to the soul。 She would lie； bed…sores on her back； on her buttocks； listening to the far sounds of the street； sometimes dozing for a while； sometimes eating from Koos' hand； being washed； being toileted； being used。
A key turned in the lock。 She strained from the mattress to see who it was。 The door was opening。 。 。 opening。。。 opened。
Vassi。 Oh God； it was Vassi at last； she could see him crossing the room towards her。
Let this not be another memory； she prayed； please let it be him this time： true and real。
'Jacqueline。'
He said the name of her flesh； the whole name。
'Jacqueline。' It was him。
Behind him； Koos stared between her legs； fascinated by the dance of her labia。
'Koo。 。 。' she said； trying to smile。
'I brought him；' he grinned at her； not looking away from her sex。
'A day；' she whispered。 'I waited a day； Koos。 You made me wait …'
'What's a day to you？' he said； still grinning。
She didn't need the pimp any longer； not that he knew that。 In his innocence he thought Vassi was just another man she'd seduced along the way； to be drained and discarded like the others。 Koos believed he would be needed tomorrow； that's why he played this fatal game so artlessly。
'Lock the door；' she suggested to him。 'Stay if you like。'
'Stay？' he said； leering。 'You mean； and watch？'
He watched anyway。 She knew he watched through that hole he had bored in the door； she could hear him pant sometimes。 But this time； let him stay forever。
Carefully； he took the key from the outside of the door； closed it； slipped the key into the inside and locked it。 Even as the lock clicked she killed him； before he could even turn round and look at her again。 Nothing spectacular in the execution； she just reached into his pigeon chest and crushed his lungs。 He slumped against the door and slid down； smearing his face across the wood。
Vassi didn't even turn round to see him die； she was all he ever wanted to look at again。
He approached the mattress； crouched； and began to untie her ankles。 The skin was chafed； the rope scabby with old blood。 He worked at the knots systematically； finding a calm he thought he'd lost； a simple contentment in being here at the end； unable to go back； and knowing that the path ahead was deep in her。
When her ankles were free； he began on her wrists； interrupting her view of the ceiling as he bent over her。 His voice was soft。
'Why did you let him do this to you？'
'I was afraid。'
'Of what？'
'To move； even to live。 Every day； agony。' 'Yes。'
He understood so well that total incapacity to exist。
She felt him at her side； undressing； then laying a kiss on the sallow skin of the stomach of the body she occupied。 It was marked with her workings； the skin had been stretched beyond its tolerance and was permanently criss…crossed。
He lay down beside her； and the feel of his body against hers was not unpleasant。
She touched his head。 Her joints were stiff； the move…ments painful； but she wanted to draw his face up to hers。 He came； smiling； into her sight； and they exchanged kisses。
My God； she thought； we are together。
And thinking they were together； her will was made flesh。 Under his lips her features dissolved； being the red sea he'd dreamt of； and washing up over his face； that was itself dissolving； mon waters made of thought and bone。
Her keen breasts pricked him like arrows； his erection； sharpened by her thought； killed her in return with his only thrust。 Tangled in a wash of love they thought themselves extinguished； and were。
Outside； the hard world mourned on； the chatter of buyers and sellers continuing through the night。 Event…ually indifference and fatigue claimed even the eagerest merchant。 Inside and out there was a healing silence： an end to losses and to gains。
THE SKINS OF THE FATHERS
THE CAR COUGHED； and choked； and died。 Davidson was suddenly aware of the wind on the desert road； as
