anner.bloodandgold(v2)-第88节

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　　　It　faintly　excited　me　in　my　crushing　misery　that　I　could　share　the　secret　at　last。　Oh；　what　a　terrible　thing　it　was　to　put　such　a　weight　upon　such　tender　shoulders；　but　I　was　weary　of　the　pain　and　the　loneliness。　I　had　been　conquered。　And　I　only　wanted　to　reach　the　shrine　with　Bianca　in　my　arms。
　　　
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　　　AT　LAST　it　was　time　for　the　journey。　It　was　far　too　dangerous　for　us　to　remain　in　Venice；　and　I　knew　that　I　could　carry　us　to　the　shrine。
　　　Taking　one　bundle　of　clothing　with　us；　and　as　much　of　my　gold　as　I　could　carry；　I　wrapped　Bianca　tightly　against　me　and　in　less　than　half　of　one　night；　crossed　the　mountains；　in　bitter　winds　and　snow。
　　　By　now　Bianca　was　accustomed　to　certain　wonders；　and　to　be　set　down　in　a　snow…filled　mountain　pass　did　not　alarm　her。
　　　But　within　moments　we　were　both　painfully　aware　that　I　had　made　a　desperate　error　in　judgment。　I　was　not　strong　enough　in　my　present　state　to　open　the　door　of　the　shrine。
　　　It　was　I；　of　course；　who　had　created　this　ironbound　stone　door　to　block　any　human　assault；　and　after　several　pathetic　attempts　to　open　it；　I　had　to　confess　that　it　was　not　within　my　power；　and　we　must　find　some　other　shelter　before　dawn。
　　　Bianca　began　to　weep；　and　I　became　angry　with　her。　I　made　another　assault　upon　the　door　just　to　spite　her；　and　then　stood　back　and　bid　the　door　open　with　all　the　power　of　my　mind。
　　　There　was　no　result；　and　the　wind　and　the　snow　beat　down　hard　against　us；　and　Bianca's　weeping　infuriated　me　to　where　I　spoke　words　that　weren't　true。
　　　〃I　made　this　door　and　I　shall　open　it；〃　I　declared。　〃Only　give　me　time　to　determine　what　I　must　do。〃
　　　She　turned　away　from　me；　visibly　hurt　by　my　anger；　and　then　in　a　miserable　yet　humble　voice　she　asked　me；
　　　〃What　is　inside　this　place？　I　can　hear　a　dreadful　sound　from　beyond　the　door；　all　too　like　the　sound　of　a　heartbeat。　Why　have　we　e　here？　Where　shall　we　go　if　we　cannot　find　shelter　here？〃
　　　
　　　
　　　All　of　these　questions　angered　me；　but　when　I　looked　at　Bianca；　when　I　saw　her　sitting　on　the　rock　where　I　had　placed　her；　the　snow　falling　on　her　head　and　shoulders；　her　head　bowed；　her　tears　glistening　and　red　as　always；　I　felt　ashamed　that　I　had　so　used　her　in　my　weakness　and　that　I　needed　so　to　be　angry　with　her　now。
　　　〃Be　still　and　I　shall　open　it；〃　I　said　to　her。　〃You　have　no　knowledge　of　what　lies　within。　But　you　will　in　time。〃
　　　I　gave　a　great　sigh　and　stood　back　from　the　door；　my　burnt　hand　still　tightened　on　the　iron　handle　and　with　all　my　strength　I　pulled；　but　I　could　not　make　the　door　budge。
　　　The　absolute　folly　of　it　gripped　me。　I　could　gain　no　admittance！　I　was　too　weak；　and　for　how　long　I　would　be　too　weak　I　didn't　know。　And　yet　I　made　one　attempt　after　another；　only　so　that　Bianca　would　believe　that　I　could　protect　her；　that　I　could　gain　entry　to　this　strange　place。
　　　Finally　I　turned　my　back　on　the　Holy　of　Holies；　and　I　went　to　her；　and　gathered　her　to　me；　and　covered　her　head　and　tried　to　warm　her　as　best　I　could。
　　　〃Very　soon；　I　shall　tell　you　all；〃　I　said；　〃and　I　shall　find　us　shelter　this　night。　Don't　doubt。　For　now；　let　me　say　only　that　this　is　a　place　which　I　built　and　which　is　known　to　me　only　and　which　I'm　too　weak　now　to　enter　as　you　can　see。〃
　　　〃Forgive　me　that　I　cried；〃　she　said　gently。　〃You　won't　see　tears　from　me　again。　But　what　is　the　sound　I　hear？　Can't　humans　hear　it？〃
　　　〃No；　they　cannot；〃　I　answered。　〃Please　be　still　for　now；　my　brave　darling。〃
　　　But　at　that　moment；　that　very　single　moment；　another　new　and　altogether　different　sound　caught　my　ear；　a　sound　which　could　have　been　heard　by　anyone。
　　　It　was　the　sound　of　the　stone　door　opening　behind　me。　I　knew　the　sound　infallibly　and　I　turned　around；　unbelieving　and　as　fearful　as　I　was　amazed。
　　　Quickly　I　gathered　Bianca　to　me；　and　we　stood　before　the　door　as　it　opened　wide。
　　　My　heart　was　racing。　I　could　hardly　fill　my　lungs　with　air。
　　　I　knew　that　only　Akasha　could　have　done　this；　and　as　the　door　fell　all　the　way　back；　I　perceived　another　miracle　of　equal　kindness　and　beauty　of　which　I'd　never　dreamt。
　　　A　rich　and　abundant　light　poured　forth　from　the　door　of　the　stone　passage。
　　　For　a　moment　I　was　too　stunned　to　move。　Then　pure　happiness　descended　upon　me　as　I　gazed　upon　this　flood　of　beautiful　light。　And　it　seemed　I　could　not　possibly　fear　it　or　doubt　its　meaning。
　　　〃e　now；　Bianca；〃　I　said　to　her；　as　I　guided　her　forward　at　my　side。
　　　She　clutched　her　bundle　to　her　chest　as　though　she　would　die　if　she　let　go　of　it；　and　I　held　her　as　though　without　her　to　witness　with　me　I　would　fall。
　　　We　stepped　into　the　stone　passage　and　made　our　way　slowly　into　the　bright　and　flickering　light　of　the　chapel。　All　its　many　bronze　lamps　were　aglow。　Its　one　hundred　candles　blazed　exquisitely。　And　no　sooner　had　I　taken　note　of　these　things；　amid　a　subdued　glory　that　filled　me　with　joy；　than　the　stone　door　was　closed　behind　us　with　a　crushing　sound　as　rock　sounded　against　rock。
　　　I　found　myself　staring　over　the　row　of　one　hundred　candles　up　into　the　faces　of　the　Divine　Mother　and　Father；　seeing　them　as　perhaps　Bianca　would　see　them；　and　certainly　with　refreshed　and　grateful　eyes。
　　　I　knelt　down；　and　Bianca　knelt　at　my　side。　I　was　trembling。　Indeed　my　shock　was　so　great　that　I　could　not　for　a　moment　fill　my　lungs　with　air。　There　was　no　way　that　I　could　explain　to　Bianca　the　full　import　of　what　had　taken　place。　I　would　only　frighten　her　if　I　tried　to　do　so。　And　careless　words　spoken　before　my　Queen　would　be　unforgivable。
　　　〃Don't　speak；〃　I　finally　said　in　a　whisper。　〃They　are　our　Parents。　They　have　opened　the　door；　when　I　could　not。　They　have　lighted　the　lamps　for　us。　They　have　lighted　the　candles。　You　cannot　imagine　the　worth　of　this　blessing。　They　have　weled　us　inside。　We　can　answer　them　only　with　prayers。〃
　　　Bianca　nodded。　Her　face　was　full　of　piety　and　wonder。　Did　it　matter　to　Akasha　that　I　had　brought　to　her　feet　an　exquisite　blood　drinker？
　　　In　a　low　reverent　voice　I　recounted　the　story　of　the　Divine　Parents　but　only　in　the　simplest　and　grandest　terms。　I　told　Bianca　how　they　had　e　to　be　the　very　first　blood　drinkers　thousands　of　years　ago　in　Egypt；　and　that　now　they　no　longer　hungered　for　blood　or　even　so　much　as　spoke　or　moved。　I　was　their　keeper　and　their　guardian　and　had　been　so　for　all　of　my　life　as　a　blood　drinker　and　so　it　would　always　be。
　　　I　said　these　things　so　that　nothing　would　alarm　Bianca　and　she　would　feel　no　dread　of　the　two　still　figures　who　stared　forward　in　horrifying　silence；　and　did　not　seem　even　to　blink。　And　so　it　was　that　tender　Bianca　was　initiated　into　these　powerful　mysteries　with　great　care　and　thought　them　beautiful　and　nothing　more。
　　　〃It　was　to　this　chapel；〃　I　explained；　〃that　I　would　e　when　I　left　Venice；　and　I　would　light　the　lamps　for　the　King　and　the　Queen；　and　bring　fresh　flowers。　You　see；　there　are　none　now。　But　I　will　bring　them　when　I　can。〃
　　　Once　again；　I　realized　that　in　spite　of　my　enthusiasm　and　gratitude；　I　couldn't　really　make　her　know　what　a　miracle　it　was　that　Akasha　had　opened　the　door　for　us；　or　lighted　the　lamps。　Indeed；　I　didn't　dare　to　do　it；　and　now　that　I　had　finished　this　respectful　recital；　I　closed　my　eyes；　and　in　silence　I　thanked　both　Akasha　and　Enkil　that　they　had　admitted　me　to　the　sanctuary；　and　that　they　had　greeted　us　with　the　gift　of　light。
　　　Over　and　over　I　offered　my　prayers；　perhaps　unable　myself　to　grasp　the　fact　that　they　had　so　weled　me；　and　not　too　certain　of　what　it　really　meant。　Was　I　loved？　Was　I　needed？　It　seemed　I　must　accept　without　presumption。　It　seemed　I　must　be　grateful　without　imagining　things　that　weren't　so。
　　　I　knelt　in　quietude　for　a　long　time　and　Bianca　must　surely　have　observed　me　for　she　too　was　quiet；　and　then　I　could　bear　the　thirst　no　longer。　I　stared　at　Akasha。　I　desired　the　Blood。　I　could　think　of　nothing　but　the　Blood。　All　my　injuries　were　as　so　many　open　wounds　in　me。　And　my　wounds　bled　for　the　Blood。　I　had　to　attempt　to　take　the　all…powerful　Blood　from　the　Queen。
　　　〃My　beauty；〃　I　said；　placing　my　gloved　hand　on　Bianca's　tender　arm。　〃I　want　you　to　go　to　the　corner　there　and　to　sit　quiet；　and　to　say　nothing　of　what　you　see。〃
　　　〃But　what　will　happen？〃　she　whispered。　For　the　first　time　she　sounded　afraid。　She　looked　about　herself　at　the　shivering　flames　of　the　lamps；　at　the　glowing　candles；　at　the　painted　walls。
　　　〃Do　as　I　tell　you；〃　I　said。　I　had　to　say　it；　and　she　had　to　do　it；　for　how　was　I　ever　to　know　whether　the　Queen　would　let　me　drink？
　　　As　soon　as　Bianca　was　in　the　corner　with　her　heavy　cloak　wrapped　around　her　and　as　far　away　as　possible；　for　whatever　good　it　would　do；　I　prayed　in　silence　for　the　Blood。
　　　〃You　see　me　and　what　I　am；〃　I　said　silently；　〃you　know　that　I　have　been　burnt。　This　is　why　you　opened　the　door　for　me　and　admitted　me；　because　I　could　not　do　it；　and　surely　you　see　what　a　monster　I　have　bee。　Have　mercy　on　me　and　let　me　drink　from　you　as　you　have　done　in　the　past。　I　need　the　Blood。　I　need　it　more　than　I　have　ever　needed　it。　And　so　I　e　to　you　with　respect。〃
　　　I　removed　my　leather　mask　and　laid　it　aside。　I　was　as　hideous　now　as　those　old　burnt　gods　whom　Akasha　had　once　crushed　when　they　came　to　her。　Would　she　refuse　m