dk.intensity-第62节

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　This　was　the　first　time　she　had　ever　revealed　to　anyone；　other　than　Laura；　any　of　the　things　that　had　happened　to　her　when　she　was　a　child。　Shame　had　always　silenced　her；　which　was　inexplicable　because　none　of　the　degradation　she　endured　had　resulted　from　her　own　actions。　She　had　been　a　victim；　small　and　defenseless；　yet　she　was　burdened　with　the　shame　that　all　her　tormentors；　including　her　mother；　were　incapable　of　feeling。
　She　had　hidden　some　of　the　worst　details　of　her　past　even　from　Laura　Templeton；　her　only　good　friend。　Often；　on　the　brink　of　a　revelation　to　Laura；　she　would　pull　back　from　disclosure　and　speak　not　about　the　events　that　she　had　endured　and　not　about　the　people　who　had　tormented　her　but　about　places…Key　West；　Mendocino　County；　New　Orleans；　San　Francisco；　Wyoming…where　she　had　lived。　She　was　lyrical　when　the　subject　was　the　natural　beauty　of　mountains；　plains；　bayous；　or　low　moonlit　breakers　rolling　in　from　the　Gulf　of　Mexico；　but　she　could　feel　anger　tightening　her　face　and　shame　coloring　it　when　she　told　the　harder　truths　about　the　friends　of　Anne　who　had　populated　her　childhood。
　Now　her　throat　was　tight。　She　was　curiously　aware　of　the　weight　of　her　heart；　like　a　stone　in　her　chest；　heavy　with　the　past。
　Sick　with　shame　and　anger；　she　nevertheless　sensed　that　she　must　finish　telling　Ariel　what　had　happened　during　that　Florida　night　of　unextinguished　candles。　Revelation　might　be　a　door　out　of　darkness。
　〃Oh；　God；　how　I　hated　him；　the　greasy　bastard；　stinking　of　beer　and　sweat；　crashing　around　my　room；　drunk　and　screaming；　going　to　cut　me　up　for　bait；　Anne　laughing　out　in　the　living　room　and　then　at　the　doorway；　that　drunken　laugh　of　hers；　hooting　and　shrill；　thinking　he　was　so　funny；　Jesus；　and　all　the　time　it　was　my　birthday；　my　special　day；　my　binhday。〃　Tears　might　have　e　now　if　she　had　not　spent　a　lifetime　learning　to　repress　them。　〃And　the　palmetto　all　over　me；　frantic；　scurrying；　up　my　back　and　into　my　hair。　。　。〃
　In　the　sticky；　suffocating　Key　West　heat；　thunder　had　rattled　in　the　window　and　sung　in　the　bedsprings；　and　cold　blue　reflections　of　lightning　had　fluttered　like　a　dream　fire　across　the　painted　wood　floor。　Chyna　almost　screamed　when　the　tropical　cockroach；　as　big　as　her　little…girl　hand；　burrowed　through　her　long　hair；　but　fear　of　Woltz　kept　her　silent。　She　endured；　as　well；　when　the　beetle　scuttled　out　of　her　hair；　across　her　shoulder；　down　her　slender　arm；　to　the　floor；　hoping　that　it　would　flee　into　the　room；　not　daring　to　fling　it　away　for　fear　that　any　movement　she　made　would　be　heard　by　Woltz　in　spite　of　the　thunder；　in　spite　of　his　shouted　threats　and　curses；　even　over　her　mother's　laughter。　But　the　palmetto　scurried　along　her　side　to　one　of　her　bare　feet　and　began　to　explore　that　end　of　her　again；　foot　and　ankle；　calf　and　thigh。　Then　it　crawled　under　one　leg　of　her　shorts；　into　the　cleft　of　her　butt；　antennae　quivering。　She　had　lain　in　a　paralysis　of　terror；　wanting　only　for　the　torment　to　end；　for　lightning　to　strike　her；　for　God　to　take　her　away　to　somewhere　better　than　this　hateful　world。
　Laughing；　her　mother　had　entered　the　room：　〃Jimmy；　you　nut；　she's　not　here。　She's　gone　outside；　along　the　beach　somewhere；　like　always。〃
　And　Woltz　said；　〃Well；　if　she　es　back；　I'm　going　to　cut　her　up　for　chum；　I　swear　I　am。〃　
　Then　he　laughed　and　said；　〃Man；　did　you　see　her　eyes？　Christ！　She　was　scared　shitless。〃
　〃Yeah；〃　Anne　said；　〃she's　a　gutless　little　wuss。　She'll　be　hiding　out　there　for　hours。　I　don't　know　when　the　hell　she'll　ever　grow　up。〃　
　Woltz　said；　〃Sure　doesn't　take　after　her　mother。　You　were　born　grown　up；　weren't　you；　baby？　〃
　〃Listen；　ass…hole；〃　Anne　said；　〃you　pull　any　crap　like　that　with　me；　I'm　sure　not　going　to　run　like　she　did。　I'll　kick　your　balls　so　hard　you'll　have　to　change　your　name　to　Nancy。〃　
　Woltz　roared　with　laughter；　and　from　under　the　bed　Chyna　saw　her　mother's　bare　feet　approach　Woltzs　feet；　and　then　her　mother　was　giggling。
　Fat　and　obscene　and　agitated；　the　palmetto　had　crawled　out　from　under　the　waistband　of　Chyna's　shorts　and　into　the　small　of　her　back；　moving　toward　her　neck；　and　she　had　been　unable　to　bear　the　thought　of　it　in　her　hair　again。　Regardless　of　the　consequence；　she　reached　back　as　the　beetle　crossed　her　tube　top；　and　seized　it。　The　thing　twitched；　squirmed　in　her　hand；　but　she　tightened　her　fist。
　Head　turned　to　the　side；　peering　from　under　the　bed；　Chyna　had　still　been　gazing　at　her　mother's　bare　feet。　As　flashes　of　lightning　strobed　the　small　room；　a　cloth　swirled　to　the　floor；　a　soft　drift　of　yellow　linen　around　Anne's　slender　ankles。　Her　blouse。　She　giggled　drunkenly　as　her　shorts　slid　down　her　tanned　legs；　and　she　stepped　out　of　them。
　In　Chyna's　clenched　hand；　the　angry　beetle's　legs　had　churned。　Antennae　quivered；　ceaselessly　seeking。　Woltz　kicked　off　his　sandals；　and　one　of　them　clattered　to　the　edge　of　the　bed；　in　front　of　Chyna's　face；　and　she　heard　a　zipper。　Hard　and　cool　and　oily；　the　palmetto's　small　head　rolled　between　two　of　Chyna's　fingers。　Woltzs　tattered　jeans　fell　in　a　heap；　with　a　soft　clink　of　the　belt　buckle。
　He　and　Anne　had　dropped　onto　the　narrow　bed；　and　the　springs　had　twanged；　and　the　weight　had　made　the　frame　slats　sag　against　Chyna's　shoulders　and　back；　pinning　her　to　the　floor。　Sighs；　murmurs；　urgent　encouragements；　groans；　breathless　gasps；　and　coarse　animal　grunting…Chyna　had　heard　it　on　other　nights　in　Key　West　and　elsewhere　but　always　before　through　walls；　from　rooms　next　door。　She　didn't　really　know　what　it　meant；　and　she　didn't　want　to　know；　because　she　sensed　that　this　knowledge　would　bring　new　dangers；　with　which　she　wasn't　equipped　to　deal。　Whatever　her　mother　and　Woltz　were　doing　above　her　was　both　frightening　and　deeply　sad；　full　of　terrible　meaning；　no　less　strange　or　less　powerful　than　the　thunder　brea…；　up　the　sky　above　the　Gulf　and　the　lightning　thrown　out　of　Heaven　into　the　earth。
　Chyna　had　closed　her　eyes　against　the　lightning　and　the　sight　of　the　discarded　clothes。　She　strove　to　shut　out　the　smell　of　dust　and　mildew　and　beer　and　sweat　and　her　mother's　scented　bath　soap；　and　she　imagined　that　her　ears　were　packed　full　of　wax　that　muffled　the　thunder　and　the　drumming　of　the　rain　on　the　roof　and　the　sounds　of　Anne　with　Woltz。　As　fiercely　clenched　as　she　was；　she　ought　to　have　been　able　to　squeeze　herself　into　a　safe　state　of　insensate　patience　or　even　through　a　magical　portal　into　the　Wild　Wood。
　She　had　been　less　than　half　successful；　however；　because　Woltz　had　rocked　the　narrow　bed　so　forcefully　that　Chyna　consciously　had　to　time　her　breathing　to　the　rhythm　he　established。　When　the　frame　slats　swagged　down　with　the　full　thrust　of　his　weight；　they　pressed　Chyna　so　hard　against　the　bare　wood　floor　that　her　chest　ached　and　her　lungs　couldn't　expand。　She　could　inhale　only　when　he　lifted　up；　and　when　he　bore　down；　he　virtually　forced　her　to　exhale。　It　went　on　for　what　seemed　to　be　a　long　time；　and　when　at　last　it　was　over；　Chyna　lay　shivering　and　sweat…soaked；　numb　with　terror　and　desperate　to　forget　what　she　had　heard；　surprised　that　the　breath　hadn't　been　crushed　out　of　her　forever　and　that　her　heart　had　not　burst。　In　her　hand　was　what　remained　of　the　large　palmetto　beetle；　which　she　had　unwittingly　crushed；　ichor　oozed　between　her　fingers；　a　disgusting　slime　that　might　have　been　vaguely　warm　when　first　it　had　gushed　from　the　beetle　but　was　now　cool；　and　her　stomach　rolled　with　nausea　at　the　alien　texture　of　the　stuff。
　After　a　while；　following　a　spate　of　murmurs　and　soft　laughter；　Anne　had　gotten　off　the　bed；　snatched　up　her　clothes；　and　gone　down　the　hall　to　the　bathroom。　As　the　bathroom　door　closed；　Woltz　switched　on　a　small　nightstand　lamp；　shifted　his　weight　on　the　bed；　and　leaned　over　the　side。　His　face　appeared　upside　down　in　front　of　Chyna。　The　light　was　behind　him　and　his　face　was　shadowed　but　for　a　dark　glitter　in　his　eyes。
　He　smiled　at　her　and　said；　〃How's　the　birthday　girl？〃
　Chyna　was　unable　to　speak　or　move；　and　she　half　believed　that　the　wetness　in　her　hand　was　a　bloody　hunk　of　chum。　She　knew　that　Woltz　would　chop　her　up　for　having　heard　him　with　her　mother；　chop　her　to　pieces　and　put　her　in　bait　buckets　and　take　her　out　to　sea　for　the　sharks。　Instead；　he'd　gotten　out　of　bed　and…from　her　perspective　once　more　just　a　pair　of　feet…he　had　squirmed　into　his　jeans；　put　on　his　sandals；　and　left　the　room。
　
　In　Edgler　Vess's　cellar；　thousands　of　miles　and　eighteen　years　from　that　night　in　Key　West；　Chyna　saw　that　Ariel　at　last　seemed　to　be　staring　at　the　power　drill　rather　than　through　it。
　〃I　don't　know　how　long　I　stayed　under　the　bed；〃　she　continued。　〃Maybe　a　few　minutes；　maybe　an　hour。　I　heard　him　and　my　mother　in　the　kitchen　again；　getting　another　bottle　of　beer；　fixing　another　vodka　with　lemonade　for　her；　talking　and　laughing。　And　there　was　something　in　her　laugh…a　dirty　little　snicker　。。。　I'm　not　sure…but　something　that　made　me　think　she　knew　I'd　been　hiding　under　there；　knew　it　but　went　along　with　Woltz　when　he　unbuttoned　her　blouse。〃
　She　stared　at　her　cuffed　hands　on　the　workbench。　She　could　feel　the　beetle's　ichor　as　if　it　were　even　now　oozing　between　her　fingers。　When　she　had　crushed　the　insect；　she　had　also　crushed　what　remained　of　her