dk.intensity-第45节

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　Evidently　aware　that　he　had　jolted　her　out　of　gray　despair　into　stark　horror；　Vess　smiled　again…and　then　turned　his　attention　to　her　breakfast　plate。　〃Do　you　intend　to　eat　the　rest　of　that？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃Then　I'll　have　it。〃
　He　slid　his　empty　plate　aside　and　pulled　hers　in　front　of　him。　Using　her　fork；　he　cut　a　bite…size　piece　of　the　cold　omelet；　put　it　in　his；　mouth；　and　moaned　softly　in　delight。　Slowly；　sensuously；　Vess　extracted　the　tines　from　his　mouth；　pressing　his　lips　firmly　around　them　as　they　slid　loose；　then　reaching　with　his　tongue　for　one　last　lick。
　After　he　swallowed　the　bite　of　eggs；　he　said；　〃I　could　taste　you　on　the　fork。　Your　saliva　has　a　lovely　flavor…except　for　a　faint　bitterness。　No　doubt　that's　not　a　usual　ponent；　just　the　result　of　a　sour　stomach。〃
　She　could　find　no　escape　by　closing　her　eyes；　so　she　watched　as　he　devoured　the　remains　of　her　breakfast。
　When　he　finished；　she　had　a　question　of　her　own。　〃Last　night　。。。　why　did　you　eat　the　spider？〃
　〃Why　not？〃
　〃That's　no　answer。〃
　〃It's　the　best　answer　to　any　question。〃
　〃Then　give　me　second…best。〃
　〃You　think　it　was　disgusting？〃
　〃I'm　just　curious。〃
　〃No　doubt；　you　see　it　as　a　negative　experience…eating　an　icky；　squirmy　spider。〃
　〃No　doubt。〃
　〃But　there　are　no　negative　experiences；　Chyna。　Only　sensations。　No　values　can　be　attached　to　pure　sensation。〃
　〃Of　course　they　can。〃
　〃If　you　think　so；　then　you're　in　the　wrong　century。　Anyway；　the　spider　had　an　interesting　flavor；　and　now　I　understand　spiders　better　for　having　absorbed　one。　Do　you　know　about　flatworm　leaming？〃
　〃Flatworm？〃
　〃You　should　have　encountered　it　in　a　basic　biology　course　along　the　way　to　being　such　a　highly　educated　woman。　You　see；　certain　flatworms　can　gradually　learn　to　negotiate　a　maze…〃
　She　did　remember；　and　interrupted：　〃Then　if　you　grind　them　up　and　feed　them　to　another　batch　of　flatworms；　batch　number　two　can　run　the　same　maze　on　the　first　try。〃
　〃Good。　Yes。〃　Vess　nodded　happily。　〃They　absorb　the　knowledge　with　the　flesh。〃
　She　didn't　need　to　consider　how　to　phrase　her　next　question；　for　Vess　could　be　neither　insulted　nor　flattered。　〃Jesus；　you　don't　actually　believe　you　now　know　what　it's　like　to　be　a　spider；　have　all　the　knowledge　of　a　spider；　because　you've　eaten　one？〃
　〃Of　course　not；　Chyna。　If　I　were　that　literal…minded；　I'd　be　crazy。　Wouldn't　I？　In　an　institution　somewhere；　talking　to　a　crowd　of　imaginary　friends。　But　because　of　my　sharp　senses；　I　did　absorb　from　the　spider　an　ineffable　quality　of　spiderness　that　you'll　never　be　able　to　understand。　I　heightened　my　awareness　of　the　spider　as　a　marvelously　engineered　little　hunter；　a　creature　of　power。　Spider　is　a　power　word；　you　know；　though　it　can't　be　formed　from　the　letters　of　my　name。〃　He　hesitated；　pondering；　and　then　continued：　〃It　can　be　formed　from　the　letters　of　your　name。〃
　She　didn't　bother　to　remind　him　about　her　mother's　precious　spelling。　Only　spyder　could　be　found　in　Chyna　Shepherd。
　〃And　it　was　risky；　eating　a　spider；　which　added　considerably　to　the　appeal；〃　Vess　continued。　〃Unless　you're　an　entomologist；　you　can't　be　sure　if　any　particular　specimen　is　poisonous　or　not。　Some；　like　the　brown　recluse；　are　extremely　dangerous。　A　bite　on　the　hand　is　one　thing　。。。　but　I　had　to　be　sure　that　I　was　quick　and　crushed　it　against　the　roof　of　my　mouth　before　it　could　bite　my　tongue。〃
　〃You　like　taking　risks。〃
　He　shrugged。　〃I'm　just　that　kind　of　guy。〃
　〃On　edge。〃
　〃Words　in　my　name；〃　he　acknowledged。　〃And　if　you'd　been　bitten　on　the　tongue？〃
　〃Pain　is　the　same　as　pleasure；　just　different。　Learn　to　enjoy　it；　and　YOU　're　happier　with　life。〃
　〃Even　pain　is　value　neutral？〃
　〃Sure。　Just　sensation。　It　helps　grow　the　reef　of　the　soul…if　there　is　a　soul。〃
　She　didn't　know　what　the　hell　he　was　talking　about…the　reef　of　the　soul…and　she　didn't　ask。　She　was　weary　of　him。　Weary　of　fearing　him；　even　weary　of　hating　him。　With　her　questions；　she　was　striving　to　understand；　as　she　had　striven　all　her　life；　and　she　was　tired　to　death　of　this　search　for　meaning。　She　would　never　know　why　some　people　mitted　countless　little　cruelties…or　bigger　ones…and　the　struggle　to　understand　had　only　exhausted　her　and　left　her　empty；　cold；　and　gray　inside。
　Pointing　to　her　red　and　swollen　index　finger；　Vess　said；　〃That　must　hurt。　And　your　neck。〃
　〃The　headache's　the　worst　of　it。　And　none　of　it's　anything　like　pleasure。〃
　〃Well；　I　can't　easily　show　you　the　way　to　enlightenment　and　prove　you're　wrong。　It　takes　time。　But　there's　a　smaller　lesson；　quick　to　learn。　。　。　。　〃
　He　got　up　from　his　chair　and　went　to　a　spice　rack　at　the　end　of　the　kitchen　cabinets。　Among　the　small　bottles　and　tins　of　thyme；　cloves；　dill；　nutineg；　chili　pepper；　ginger；　marjoram；　and　cinnamon　was　a　bottle　of　aspirin。　〃I　don't　take　this　for　headaches；　because　I　like　to　savor　the　pain。　But　I　keep　aspirin　on　hand　because；　once　in　a　while；　I　like　to　chew　on　them　for　the　taste。〃
　〃They're　vile。〃
　〃Just　bitter。　Bitterness　can　be　as　pleasing　as　sweetness　when　you　learn　that　every　experience；　every　sensation；　is　worthwhile。〃
　He　returned　to　the　table　with　the　bottle　of　aspirin。　He　put　it　in　front　of　her…and　took　away　her　glass　of　water。
　〃No；　thanks；〃　she　said。
　〃Bitterness　has　its　place。〃
　She　ignored　the　bottle。
　〃Suit　yourself；〃　Vess　said；　clearing　the　plates　off　the　table。　Although　Chyna　needed　relief　from　her　various　pains；　she　refused　to　touch　the　aspirin。　Perhaps　irrationally　but　nonetheless　strongly　she　felt　that　by　chewing　a　few　of　the　tablets；　even　strictly　for　the　medicinal　effect；　she　would　be　stepping　into　the　strange　rooms　of　Edgler　Vess's　madness。　This　was　a　threshold　that　she　didn't　care　to　cross　for　any　purpose；　even　with　one　foot　solidly　anchored　in　the　real　world。
　He　hand…washed　the　breakfast　plates；　bowls；　pans；　and　utensils。　He　was　efficient　and　fastidious；　using　steaming　hot　water　and　lots　of　lemon…scented　dishwashing　liquid。
　Chyna　had　one　more　question　that　could　not　go　unasked；　and　at　last　she　said；　〃Why　the　Templetons？　Why　choose　them　of　all　people？　It　wasn't　random；　was　it；　not　just　the　place　you　happened　to　stop　in　the　night？　〃
　〃Not　just　random；〃　he　agreed；　scrubbing　the　omelet　pan　with　a　plastic　scouring　pad。　〃A　few　weeks　back；　Paul　Templeton　was　up　this　way　on　business；　and　when…〃
　〃You　knew　him？〃
　〃Not　really。　He　was　in　town；　the　county　seat；　on　business　like　I　said；　and　as　he　was　taking　something　from　his　wallet　to　show　me；　a　set　of　those　little　hinged　plastic　windows　fell　out；　you　know；　with　little　wallet…size　photographs；　and　I　picked　them　up　for　him。　One　of　the　pictures　was　his　wife。　Another　was　Laura。　She　looked　so　。。。　fresh；　unspoiled。　I　said　something　like　'That's　a　pretty　girl；'　and　Paul　was　off　and　running　about　her；　every　inch　the　proud　papa。　Told　me　she　was　soon　going　to　have　her　master's　degree　in　psychology；　three…pointeight　grade　average　and　everything。　He　told　me　how　he　really　missed　her　away　at　school；　even　after　six　years　of　getting　used　to　it；　and　how　he　couldn't　wait　for　the　end　of　the　month；　because　Laura　was　ing　home　for　a　three…day　weekend。　He　didn't　mention　she　was　bringing　along　a　friend。〃
　An　accident。　Photos　dropped。　A　casual　exchange；　mere　idle　conversation。
　The　arbitrariness　of　it　was　breathtaking　and　almost　more　than　Chyna　could　bear。
　Then；　as　she　watched　Vess　thoroughly　wiping　off　the　counters　and　rinsing　the　dishpan　and　scrubbing　the　sink；　Chyna　began　to　feel　that　what　had　happened　to　the　Templeton　family　was　worse　than　merely　arbitrary。　All　this　violent　death　began　to　seem　fated；　an　inexorable　spiral　into　lasting　darkness；　as　if　they　had　been　born　and　had　lived　only　for　Edgler　Vess。
　It　was　as　if　she　too　had　been　born　and　had　struggled　this　far　only　for　the　purpose　of　bringing　one　moment　of　sick　satisfaction　to　this　soulless　predator。
　The　worst　horror　of　his　rampages　was　not　the　pain　and　fear　that　he　inflicted；　not　the　blood；　not　the　mutilated　cadavers。　The　pain　and　the　fear　were　paratively　brief；　considering　all　the　routine　pain　and　anxiety　of　life。　The　blood　and　bodies　were　merely　aftermath。　The　worst　horror　was　that　he　stole　meaning　from　the　unfinished　lives　of　those　people　he　killed；　made　himse4（the　primary　purpose　of　their　existence；　robbed　them　not　of　time　but　of　fulfillment。
　His　base　sins　were　envy　of　beauty；　of　happiness　and　pride；　bending　the　whole　world　to　his　view　of　creation；　and　these　were　the　greatest　sins　of　all；　the　same　transgressions　over　which　the　devil　himself；　once　an　archangel；　had　stumbled　and　fallen　a　long　way　out　of　Heaven。
　Hand…drying　the　plates；　pans；　and　flatware　in　the　drainage　rack；　returning　each　piece　to　the　proper　shelf　or　drawer；　Edgler　Vess　looked　as　pink…clean　as　a　freshly　bathed　baby　and　as　innocent　as　the　stillborn。　He　smelled　of　soap；　a　good　bracing　aftershave；　and　lemon…scented　dishwashing　liquid。　But　in　spite　of　all　this；　Chyna　found　herself　superstitiously　expecting　to　detect　a　whiff　of　brimstone。
　Every　life　led　to　a　series　of　quiet　epiphanies　or　at　least　to　opportunities　for　epiphanies　and　Chyna　was　washed　by　a　poignant　new　grief　when　she　thought　about　this　grim　aspect　of　the　Templeton　family's　interrupted　journeys。　The　kindnesses　they　might　have　done　for　others。　The　love　they　might