pzb.lostsouls-第22节
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he was telling him things he didn't want to hear。 But he listened anyway； because he was Ghost。 Because he was good。
And of course Steve found out anyway。 Whether he sneaked into her room and found her carefully hidden journal； or whether the unspoken munication between him and Ghost was so strong that he picked it up without Ghost having to say anything； Ann never found out。 Everything happened so fast。 Steve came over one night when her father was out； and he knew。 He didn't e right out with it； though。 He walked around the edges of it； he was manic； almost raving； then sullen。 She could see in his eyes that he hated her。
〃All right！〃 she shrieked finally。 〃All right！ I fucked somebody else and I liked it！ He's a better lover than you。 He's smarter than you。 He's not a goddamn drunk…〃
She was just getting warmed up when his hand flashed out and slapped her hard across the face。
The blow had enough force behind it to throw her backward onto her bed。 She lay there for a moment； her heart and mind stunned。 Steve had never hit her。 No one but her father had ever hit her。 Her cheek and jaw went numb； then began to tingle。 Steve would beg her forgiveness； surely。 But he stood over her； his dark eyes blazing； and when she tried to struggle up he planted the sole of his boot square in her crotch and shoved hard。 A lick of pain shot through her。
〃You cunt；〃 Steve said。 His voice was quiet； inflectionless。 〃I know how to make sure you won't do any more fucking around for a while。〃
And Steve's hands went to his belt buckle。
Ann threw herself back against the wall。 Suddenly Steve was on the bed with her； pinning her there； trapping her。 She thrashed against him and felt him getting hard。 Seeing him excited by her terror scared her worse； made her limp。 She kept trying to push him away； but she was weak now； and he was so strong。
He yanked her skirt up； thrust two guitar…callused fingers into her vagina。 They were dry and felt as if they would tear her open。 Now he had her hips pinned beneath his。 His jeans were down around his knees。 His cock was shoving at her； battering into her。 She felt it thrusting through her dryness up into the unwilling heart of her womb； and most of her did not want it there…but it was Steve； and he had always fit inside her so damn well； and almost before she realized it she was ing。 ing against her will； ing in pain and humiliation； but ing hard nonetheless。
Steve mistook the throes of her orgasm for struggles and thrust her arms back against the mattress。 His big hands were like vises around her wrists。 Ann felt delicate bones grinding together； in a moment she thought they might snap。 She threw her head to the side and sank her teeth into the ball of his thumb until she tasted blood。 Now he was pounding into her so hard that he didn't seem to notice the pain…but his grip loosened a little； and then he was shuddering to his own violent orgasm； and the rape was over。
〃There；〃 he breathed； lifting his head to stare into her stricken face。 〃There。 See how you like fucking your new boyfriend now。〃
After he had stormed out and roared away in his car； she wondered why she felt so dirty。
That had happened more than a month ago； and it was the last time she had seen Steve。 She knew he had tried to call a couple of times…or someone had called at 3：00 A。M。 and hung up when she answered…but she did not care； could not care。 She made Eliot her refuge； her sanctuary。 He was se good to her that she grew impatient with him； then pletely sick of him。 But she could not let go。 She was afraid of that empty space in her life。 She was afraid she might let Steve fill it again； and that would kill her shaky serf…respect forever。
She nestled deeper into her pillows and contemplated going back to sleep。 These days it was not unusual for her to sleep fourteen or fifteen hours at a stretch。 She was just drifting off again when the doorbell rang。 She tried to ignore it。 The sound lingered in her ears； made her heart pound。 〃Go away；〃 she whispered。
The bell rang again。 Ann swore； and as if in response it rang a third time。 She swung her legs over the side of the bed； fought off a headrush that made the room spin giddily around her； and went with great reluctance to see who was at her door。
The boards of the old wooden porch shined uneasily under Ghost's feet。 The Bransby house was a Victorian monstrosity gone to seed； its paint peeling； its edges softening。 He had not called before riding his bike over here because he was afraid Ann might refuse to see him； but he knew by her beat…up little car in the driveway that she was home。 He also knew that her father was gone； probably to an AA meeting or to the library over in Corinth； the only places he ever went that anyone knew about。 That was good。 Ghost had always been a little scared of Simon Bransby。
He was trying to decide whether to leave or ring the bell again when he beard steps inside the house …slow； dragging steps； in no hurry to reach the door。 Eventually Ghost heard Ann fumbling with the chain。 Then the tumblers of the lock slid back； and she stood in the doorway； leaning against the jamb； her face half obscured in the gloom of the foyer。
At first Ghost thought Ann had two black eyes。 But as she blinked at him； he realized it was only her makeup； smeared around her eyes as if she had slept in it。 In fact； though it was two in the afternoon； she looked as if she might have just woken up。 Her long autumn…colored hair was tangled。 Her black dress was rumpled and hastily buttoned。
For a long moment Ann stared at Ghost； his rainbow…painted bicycle beside him on the porch； the colored streamers tied to the brim of his old straw hat。 She looked as if she might burst out crying or slam the door in his face。 But at last she moved aside and said； 〃e on in。〃
Without another word； she turned and walked back down the hall； away from him。 Ghost shut the door behind him and followed。 To the left was the dusty parlor； where several weeks' worth of newspapers were strewn about the floor and heavy draperies were closed against the day。 Ghost wondered who had drawn them…Simon？ Or had it been Ann； who used to keep the house sunny and clean？
To the right was the half…open door of Simon's laboratory。 Ghost tried not to look； but the dull gleam of sunlight on glass caught his eye…the test tubes； the aquariums； the vials of weird fluid。 He'd been in there a couple of times with Steve； though Ann's friends were not supposed to go in the room。 The contents of the aquariums were innocuous enough …toads and mice…but the laboratory felt like a place of pain。 And there was a big refrigerator with a chain and padlock on it。 Even Ann didn't know what was in there。
Ann reached the kitchen table and propped herself against it for a moment； then collapsed into a chair。 〃Make some coffee； would you；〃 she said。 Ann's voice was hoarser than usual； nearly toneless。 She curled her bare toes around the rung of her chair。 Her red toenail polish was chipped and faded； as though she had not redone it for weeks。
Ghost found the coffee in the freezer and started making it。 He used only his grandmother's old Corningware drip pot at home； and he had already put water on to boil before he realized that the Bransby kitchen had an automatic coffee maker。 It took him several minutes to figure out where the coffee went and where to pour the cold water in。
〃You're not a part of the machine age； Ghost；〃 said Ann。 She lit a Camel and narrowed her eyes at him through the smoke。 At last she asked； 〃Why did you e over？〃
〃I just wanted to see how you were doing。〃
〃Oh？ And how am I doing？〃
〃You look bad。〃
Ann gazed levelly at him。 〃Thanks。 You look a little spooky yourself。〃
〃You know that's not what I mean。〃 Ghost pulled the coffeepot out from under the drip…spout too soon。 Hot coffee hissed against the burner； and he hurriedly put the pot back。 〃You're beautiful； Ann。 But you look sad。 Twitchy。 You look like those kids you used to make fun of at the Sacred Yew…black clothes； black eyes； dead white skin。 What are you doing？〃
〃I'm in mourning；〃 she said。 〃I'm mourning the death of a relationship。〃 She got up and pushed him away from the coffee maker； expertly slid the pot out； and poured them each a cup。 Ghost put lots of milk and sugar in his。 Ann left hers black； which meant she was doing some kind of penance。 Ghost knew she hated black coffee。
〃Steve told me he hadn't seen you for over a month；〃 he said。 She flinched at the name； but he made himself go on。 〃Things must not be too good with your new guy if you're still in mourning。〃 It was out： he had crossed over into territory that was officially None of His Business。
〃Look； Ghost。〃 Ann swung around in her chair； faced him。 〃I worked last night； okay？ I was at that shitty restaurant until midnight。 Then I drove out to Corinth to see Eliot…more precisely； to fuck Eliot。 We fucked until four in the morning because that's about all we can do together anymore。 Then I had to drive back here because Simon usually wakes up around six； and he gets crazy if I'm not home。 So I've spent the last twenty…four hours doing two things you don't know
