ericlustbader.the ninja-第67节
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There seemed to be no bottom。
'All this time the pain was ebbing and； as it did； I felt myself wanting to trust him more。 He was my friend and I became guilty at holding out my secrets。 How selfish I was I How unworthy of his friendship。
'It was not numbness which overtook me now … I told you he would not allow that。 It was another sensation。 Pleasure。 It crept up on me while I was concentrating on not answering his repeated questions。 This was taking more and more energy and once or twice I had to bite my tongue in order to stop myself from telling him everything he wanted to know。
'I felt； at that moment； my self slipping away from me； revealing； underneath； another person I knew not at all。 It seemed to me； then； that this man knew more about me than I did and this terrified me。
'Now I found myself wanting to tell him more than ever。 Once I did； I was convinced he would hold and fort me。 The pleasure grew。 I began to rejoice in the pain； to want it； for it was my link with him and I began to feel that I would be lost without it； that once it ceased I would have nothing and； therefore； be reduced to nothing。 Time ceased to have any meaning。 There was no past； no future； just an endless now with its bright connection。 My mouth was hot with my own blood as I fought to hold back telling him everything。
'Abruptly； it was gone。 The pleasure…pain。 Everything。 I was lost。 Alone in the tent； I began to cry； great dry racking sobs …my body had been so depleted of moisture during the night that even tears would not e。 I was terrified of being alone； like a child cruelly left by its mother。 I had been reduced to a kind of psychological infancy in which I now depended on my inquisitor as a baby does on its mother。 I had been left alone so that it would be hammered home。 I knew then that the moment he returned and started on me again； I would talk and talk and talk。 Nothing would stop me。
'I became abruptly aware of a sound in the tent。 It came from behind my head。 I thought he had returned and I wept for joy。 There came some scraping sounds。 I tried to twist my head but I could see nothing except the heavily fluttering tent top。
'Get up！' It was a harsh whisper in my ear。
' 〃What？〃 It sounded moronic。 A bination of the dehydration and my swollen tongue made me sound like a cross between a heavy drunk and a lobotomy case。
' 〃Get up！ Get up！ Get up！〃 the voice hissed。
'I felt hands under my back； forcing me to sit up。 It seemed a novel experience。 For a moment I stared stupidly down at my body； perhaps expecting to find the flesh shredded into ribbons or blackened bamboo shoots under my nails。 There was no mark on me。 I shuddered as I forced myself to remember the pain。
'〃This way！〃 the voice said； urgently。 〃e on！ Move yourself！ There's no time to sit around！〃
'Gingerly； I swung off the wooden trestle table and turned。 It was my friend； the crippled Japanese。 His face was drawn with worry。 His extended arm held open a flap of the tent on the far side。 Through it I could see the bright green of the jungle。 The daylight hurt my eyes and for a moment I felt a sense of intense vertigo。
'I stumbled across the room and he had to reach out to stop me from falling over。 〃I'll never make it；〃 I said。
' 〃Yes；〃 he whispered； 〃you will。 They won't follow you in the daytime。〃 He gave me some water then looked away from me as I gulped it greedily down。 〃We've all had enough of this；〃 he said softly。 〃It's so useless； so pitiable。〃 He moved on his crutches。 〃e on。 There's no time to lose。 We can't let them find you like this； can we？〃
'I went to the open tent flap。 My chest seemed to be pounding so hard that I thought I might drop dead of a heart attack before I had taken ten paces。
' 〃I don't know how to thank you；〃 I said as I passed him。
' 〃Don't；〃 he said。 〃We're from totally different worlds。 We could never understand each other。〃
'〃Oh no？〃 I stuck out my hand。 He touched it for a moment； then released it quickly as if he was embarrassed again。 〃One last thing；〃 I said。 〃Who are they？〃 He knew who I meant。
' 〃You don't want to know。〃 He began to turn away。 The tent flap was ing down like the curtain between our two worlds。
'〃Yes I do。 Very much。〃
'His back was already to me。 〃Ninja〃 I heard his voice float back to me as if from a great distance。
'I wished him luck；' Doc Deerforth concluded； 'but I don't think he heard。 I turned and ran into the jungle； away from the camp； away from the ninja。'
He sat staring down into the remains of his eggs as if they were a doorway into the past。 The skin of his high forehead； where the white hair had receded over the years； was shiny with sweat。 For the first time in which seemed like hours； Nicholas heard the stertorous ticking of the clock on the wall。
After a while； Doc Deerforth lifted his head。 His eyes seemed weary as they looked into Nicholas's。 'I've never told anyone what happened；' he said softly。 'Not the men in my unit； not my C。O。； not even my wife。 I told you； Nicholas； because I was certain you'd understand。' His gaze was steady now； the eyes seeming to bore holes right through Nicholas's skull； X…raying his brain。
'You know； then。'
Doc Deerforth didn't need to nod； his eyes told Nicholas what he wanted to know。
'What are you going to do？'
'Do？' Doc Deerforth seemed genuinely surprised。 'Why； nothing。 What should I do？'
'I know how you feel；' Nicholas said； 'about them。'
'About dial one；' Doc Deerforth corrected him。
'They're like that； most of them。'
'Are they？'
'It's the way they're trained。 Their training is even more rigorous than a samurai's because its tradition is bound in such secrecy。'
'Tradition。 Odd； isn't it； that such stringent traditionalists should be the perpetrators of such violent anarchy。'
'I never thought of it dial way but； yes； you're quite right。'
'I want you to get this one； Nicholas。' Doc Deerforth pushed his cold plate away from him。 'I know you're the only one who can。 The police don't know …'
'No； they don't。'
'… anything at all about this。 It's very fortunate that you've bee involved。 Have you thought about dial？〃
The day was bright； not a cloud in the sky。 The dazzle of the car's chrome was so intense that he put on his sunglasses。
Nicholas left the town behind as he drove back out to Dune Road。 He slid into the driveway at the side of his house； picked up the Times lying outside his door。 He glanced uninterestedly at the headlines； went down the steps onto the beach。
He came up on Justine's house from the right； so he could not tell if her car was there。 Both the screen door and the outer door were closed but the Times had been taken in。 He went up the sandy steps。
'She's not in。'
Nicholas turned。 Croaker was just ing round from the left side of the house。 He was dressed in a rumpled brown suit。 His tie was pulled half off。 He looked as if he hadn't slept for two or three nights。
'Car's gone。'
'What are you doing here； Croaker？'
'Let's take a walk。'
He led Nicholas down to the beach。
'You're not exactly dressed for it；' Nicholas observed。
'That's all right。 I like sand in my shoes。 Reminds me of when I was a kid。 We used to stay in the city during the summer。 Never had any money to go anywhere。 We used the hydrants。 Turned them on and cooled off。' The water crashed and creamed past them on the right。 Far down the beach； blankets were being set up。 A portable radio blatted out disco； all booming bass and tattoo percussion。 'There were seven of us。 I don't know how my old man made ends meet。 But you know； once a month during the summer； as regular as clockwork； he'd call me over just before he went to work。 〃Lewis；〃 he'd say； 〃c'mere。 I have something for you。〃 He'd give me enough money for a car fare out to Coney Island and an ice cream。 He knew I loved the beach。 〃Promise me one thing；〃 he'd say every time。 〃Take a towel。 I〃 don't want your mother to worry。 Okay〃？'
Someone went running out into the surf； laughing。 One could see heads bobbing in the water past the surf line。 A woman in a one…piece swimsuit walked towards them； a bright beach towel slung nonchalantly over one shoulder。 Nicholas thought of Justine； wondered where she'd gone。
'Yeah； we're old friends； the sand and I。'
The woman was close enough for them to see how beautiful she was。 Her long hair had been streaked by the sun。 She ran past them to meet her lover。
Croaker squinted up at the sun for a moment。 'I threw Alison out of the house last night。'
Nicholas looked at him silently。
Croaker gave him a quick smile that didn't quite reach his eyes。 'Well； it wasn't really like that。 I think she wanted to go； too。 Getting restless。 Yeah。 We both were。' He stuffed his big hands in his trouser pockets。 'It was bloodless。 Relatively。 She'll get over it。 These things' … his shoulders lifted and fell … 'you know； they pass and …'
They both stopped at once as if on cue。 The sea rolled up near them。 Over the slight hump of sand lay a dark straggle of sea grape。
Croaker looked down at his shoes； half sunk in the sand。 When he looked up； he said； 'Nick； Vincent's dead。 They found him last night。' He didn't say where。 'His neck had been broken。〃
Nicholas t
