raymondchandler.thehighwindow-第40节

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　 〃I　pulled　a　gun　on　him；〃　he　said；　almost　in　a　happy　voice。　〃After　all　she　is　my　mother。〃
　 〃Nobody　can　take　that　away　from　you。〃
　 He　stood　up；　very　straight；　very　tall。　〃I　went　over　to　the　chair　he　sat　in　and　reached　down　and　put　the　gun　against　his　face。　He　had　a　gun　in　the　pocket　of　his　robe。　He　tried　to　get　it；　but　he　didn't　get　it　in　time。　I　took　it　away　from　him。　I　put　my　gun　back　in　my　pocket。　I　put　the　muzzle　of　the　other　gun　against　the　side　of　his　head　and　told　him　I　would　kill　him；　if　he　didn't　produce　his　proof　and　give　it　to　me。　He　began　to　sweat　and　babble　that　he　was　just　kidding　me。　I　clicked　back　the　hammer　on　the　gun　to　scare　him　some　more。〃
　 He　stopped　and　held　a　hand　out　in　front　of　him。　The　hand　shook　but　as　he　stared　down　at　it　it　got　steady。　He　dropped　it　to　his　side　and　looked　me　in　the　eye。
　 〃The　gun　must　have　been　filed　or　had　a　very　light　action。　It　went　off。　I　jumped　back　against　the　wall　and　knocked　a　picture　down。　I　jumped　from　surprise　that　the　gun　went　off；　but　it　kept　the　blood　off　me。　I　wiped　the　gun　off　and　put　his　fingers　around　it　and　then　put　it　down　on　the　floor　close　to　his　hand。　He　was　dead　at　once。　He　hardly　bled　except　the　first　spurt。　It　was　an　accident。〃
　 〃Why　spoil　it？〃　I　half　sneered。　〃Why　not　make　it　a　nice　clean　honest　murder？〃
　 〃That's　what　happened。　I　can't　prove　it；　of　course。　But　I　think　I　might　have　killed　him　anyway。　What　about　the　police？〃
　 I　stood　up　and　shrugged　my　shoulders。　I　felt　tired；　spent；　drawn　out　and　sapped。　My　throat　was　sore　from　yapping　and　my　brain　ached　from　trying　to　keep　my　thoughts　orderly。
　 〃I　don't　know　about　the　police；〃　I　said。　〃They　and　I　are　not　very　good　friends；　on　account　of　they　think　I　am　holding　out　on　them。　And　God　knows　they　are　right。　They　may　get　to　you。　If　you　weren't　seen；　if　you　didn't　leave　any　fingerprints　around；　and　even　if　you　did；　if　they　don't　have　any　other　reason　to　suspect　you　and　get　your　fingerprints　to　check；　then　they　may　never　think　of　you。　If　they　find　out　about　the　doubloon　and　that　it　was　the　Murdock　Brasher；　I　don't　know　where　you　stand。　It　all　depends　on　how　well　you　stand　up　to　them。〃
　 〃Except　for　mother's　sake；〃　he　said。　〃I　don't　very　much　care。　I've　always　been　a　flop。〃
　 〃And　on　the　other　hand；〃　I　said；　ignoring　the　feeble　talk；　〃if　the　gun　really　has　a　very　light　action　and　you　get　a　good　lawyer　and　tell　an　honest　story　and　so　on；　no　jury　will　convict　you。　Juries　don't　like　blackmailers。〃
　 〃That's　too　bad；〃　he　said。　〃Because　I　am　not　in　a　position　to　use　that　defense。　I　don't　know　anything　about　blackmail。　Vannier　showed　me　where　I　could　make　some　money；　and　I　needed　it　badly。〃
　 I　said：　〃Uh…huh。　If　they　get　you　where　you　need　the　blackmail　dope；　you'll　use　it　all　right。　Your　old　lady　will　make　you。　If　it's　her　neck　or　yours；　she'll　spill。〃
　 〃It's　horrible；〃　he　said。　〃Horrible　to　say　that。〃
　 〃You　were　lucky　about　that　gun。　All　the　people　we　know　have　been　playing　with　it；　wiping　prints　off　and　putting　them　on。　I　even　put　a　set　on　myself　just　to　be　fashionable；　it's　tricky　when　the　hand　is　still。　But　I　had　to　do　it。　Morny　was　over　there　having　his　wife　put　hers　on。　He　thinks　she　killed　Vannier；　so　she　probably　thinks　he　did。〃
　 He　just　stared　at　me。　I　chewed　my　lip。　It　felt　as　still　as　a　piece　of　glass。
　 〃Well；　I　guess　I'll　just　be　running　along　now；〃　I　said。
　 〃You　mean　you　are　going　to　let　me　get　away　with　it？〃　His　voice　was　getting　a　little　supercilious　again。
　 〃I'm　not　going　to　turn　you　in；　if　that's　what　you　mean。　Beyond　that　I　guarantee　nothing。　If　I'm　involved　in　it；　I'll　have　to　face　up　to　the　situation。　There's　no　question　of　morality　involved。　I'm　not　a　cop　nor　a　mon　informer　nor　an　officer　of　the　court。　You　say　it　was　an　accident。　Okay；　it　was　an　accident。　I　wasn't　a　witness。　I　haven't　any　proof　either　way。　I've　been　working　for　your　mother　and　whatever　right　to　my　silence　that　gives　her；　she　can　have。　I　don't　like　her；　I　don't　like　you；　I　don't　like　this　house。　I　didn't　particularly　like　your　wife。　But　I　like　Merle。　She's　kind　of　silly　and　morbid；　but　she's　kind　of　sweet　too。　And　I　know　what　has　been　done　to　her　in　this　damn　family　for　the　past　eight　years。　And　I　know　she　didn't　push　anybody　out　of　any　window。　Does　that　explain　matters？〃
　 He　gobbled；　but　nothing　came　that　was　coherent。
　 〃I'm　taking　Merle　home；〃　I　said。　〃I　asked　your　mother　to　send　her　clothes　to　my　apartment　in　the　morning。　In　case　she　kind　of　forgets；　being　busy　with　her　solitaire　game；　would　you　see　that　that　is　done？〃
　 He　nodded　dumbly。　Then　he　said　in　a　queer　small　voice：　〃You　are　goingjust　like　that？　I　haven'tI　haven't　even　thanked　you。　A　man　I　hardly　know；　taking　risks　for　meI　don't　know　what　to　say。〃
　 〃I'm　going　the　way　I　always　go；〃　I　said。　〃With　an　airy　smile　and　a　quick　flip　of　the　wrist。　And　with　a　deep　and　heartfelt　hope　that　I　won't　be　seeing　you　in　the　fish　bowl。　Good　night。〃
　 I　turned　my　back　on　him　and　went　to　the　door　and　out。　I　shut　the　door　with　a　quiet　firm　click　of　the　lock。　A　nice　smooth　exit；　in　spite　of　all　the　nastiness。　For　the　last　time　I　went　over　and　patted　the　little　painted　Negro　on　the　head　and　then　walked　across　the　long　lawn　by　the　moon…drenched　shrubs　and　the　deodar　tree　to　the　street　and　my　car。
　 I　drove　back　to　Hollywood；　bought　a　pint　of　good　liquor；　checked　in　at　the　Plaza；　and　sat　on　the　side　of　the　bed　staring　at　my　feet　and　lapping　the　whiskey　out　of　the　bottle。
　 Just　like　any　mon　bedroom　drunk。
　 When　I　had　enough　of　it　to　make　my　brain　fuzzy　enough　to　stop　thinking；　I　undressed　and　got　into　bed　and　after　a　while；　but　not　soon　enough；　I　went　to　sleep。
　
　
　35
　
　 It　was　three　o'clock　in　the　afternoon　and　there　were　five　pieces　of　luggage　inside　the　apartment　door；　side　by　side　on　the　carpet。　There　was　my　yellow　cowhide；　well　scraped　on　both　sides　from　being　pushed　around　in　the　boots　of　cars。　There　were　two　nice　pieces　of　airplane　luggage　both　marked　L。M。　There　was　an　old　black　imitation　walrus　thing　marked　M。D。　and　there　was　one　of　these　little　leatherette　overnight　cases　which　you　can　buy　in　drugstores　for　a　dollar　forty…nine。
　 Dr。　Carl　Moss　had　just　gone　out　of　the　door　cursing　me　because　he　had　kept　his　afternoon　class　of　hypochondriacs　waiting。　The　sweetish　smell　of　his　Fatima　poisoned　the　air　for　me。　I　was　turning　over　in　what　was　left　of　my　mind　what　he　had　said　when　I　asked　him　how　long　it　would　take　Merle　to　get　well。
　 〃It　depends　what　you　mean　by　well。　She'll　always　be　high　on　nerves　and　low　on　animal　emotion。　She'll　always　breathe　thin　air　and　smell　snow。　She'd　have　made　a　perfect　nun。　The　religious　dream；　with　its　narrowness；　its　stylized　emotions　and　it　grim　purity；　would　have　been　a　perfect　release　for　her。　As　it　is　she　will　probably　turn　out　to　be　one　of　these　acidfaced　virgins　that　sit　behind　little　desks　in　public　libraries　and　stamp　dates　in　books。〃
　 〃She's　not　that　bad；〃　I　had　said；　but　he　had　just　grinned　at　me　with　his　wise　Jew　face　and　gone　out　of　the　door。　〃And　besides　how　do　you　know　they　are　virgins？〃　I　added　to　the　closed　door；　but　that　didn't　get　me　any　farther。
　 I　lit　a　cigarette　and　wandered　over　to　the　window　and　after　a　while　she　came　through　the　doorway　from　the　bed　room　part　of　the　apartment　and　stood　there　looking　at　me　with　her　eyes　dark…ringed　and　a　pale　posed　little　face　without　any　makeup　except　on　the　lips。
　 〃Put　some　rouge　on　your　cheeks；〃　I　told　her。　〃You　look　like　the　snow　maiden　after　a　hard　night　with　the　fishing　fleet。〃
　 So　she　went　back　and　put　some　rouge　on　her　cheeks。　When　she　came　back　again　she　looked　at　the　luggage　and　said　softly：　〃Leslie　lent　me　two　of　his　suitcases。〃
　 I　said：　〃Yeah；〃　and　looked　her　over。　She　looked　very　nice。　She　had　a　pair　of　long…waisted　rust…colored　slacks　on；　and　Bata　shoes　and　a　brown　and　white　print　shirt　and　an　orange　scarf。　She　didn't　have　her　glasses　on。　Her　large　clear　cobalt　eyes　had　a　slightly　dopey　look；　but　not　more　than　you　would　expect。　Her　hair　was　dragged　down　tight；　but　I　couldn't　do　anything　much　about　that。
　 〃I've　been　a　terrible　nuisance；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　terribly　sorry。〃
　 〃Nonsense。　I　talked　to　your　father　and　mother　both。　They're　tickled　to　death。　They've　only　seen　you　twice　in　over　eight　years　and　they　feel　as　if　they　had　almost　lost　you。〃
　 〃I'll　love　seeing　them　for　a　while；〃　she　said；　looking　down　at　the　carpet。　〃It's　very　kind　of　Mrs。　Murdock　to　let　me　go。　She's　never　been　able　to　spare　me　for　long。〃　She　moved　her　legs　as　if　she　wondered　what　to　do　with　them　in　slacks；　although　they　were　her　slacks　and　she　must　have　had　to　face　the　problem　before。　She　finally　put　her　knees　close　together　and　clasped　her　hands　on　top　of　them。
　 〃Any　little　talking　we　might　have　to　do；〃　I　said；　〃or　anything　you　might　want　to　say　to　me；　let's　get　it　over　with　now。　Because　I'm　not　driving　halfway　across　the　United　States　with　a　nervous　breakdown　in　the　seat　beside　me。〃
　 She　bit　a　knuckle　and　sneaked　a　couple　of　quick　looks　at　me　around　the　side　of　the　knuckle。　〃Last　night〃　she　said；　and　stopped　and　colored。
　 〃Let's　use　a　little　of　the　old　acid；〃　I　said。　〃Last　night　you　told　me　you　killed　Vannier　and　then　you　told　me　you　didn't。　I　know　you　didn't。　That's　settled。〃
　 She　dropped　the　knuckle；　looked　at　me　l