osc.am1.seventhson-第33节

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　　〃I　feared　that；　too；〃　said　Miller。　〃But　the　boy　doesn't　know　he　has　that　knack。　He　doesn't　trick　people　into　doing　what　he　wants。　He　lets　me　punish　him　when　he　does　wrong。　And　he　could　stop　me；　if　he　wanted。〃
　　〃How？〃
　　〃Because　he　knows　that　sometimes　when　I　see　him；　I　see　my　boy　Vigor；　my　firstborn；　and　then　I　can't　do　him　any　harm；　even　harm　that's　for　his　own　good。〃
　　Maybe　that　reason　was　partly　true；　Taleswapper　thought。　But　it　certainly　wasn't　the　whole　truth。
　　A　bit　later；　after　Taleswapper　stirred　the　fire　to　make　sure　the　log　caught　well；　Miller　told　the　story　that　Taleswapper　had　e　for。
　　〃I've　got　a　story；〃　he　said；　〃that　might　belong　in　your　book。〃
　　〃Give　it　a　try；〃　said　Taleswapper。
　　〃Didn't　happen　to　me；　though。〃
　　〃Has　to　be　something　you　saw　yourself；〃　said　Taleswapper。　〃I　hear　the　craziest　stories　that　somebody　heard　happened　to　a　friend　of　a　friend。〃
　　〃Oh；　I　saw　this　happen。　It's　been　going　on　for　years　now；　and　I've　had　some　discussions　with　the　fellow。　It's　one　of　the　Swedes　downriver；　speaks　English　good　as　I　do。　We　helped　him　put　up　his　cabin　and　his　barn　when　he　first　e　here；　the　year　after　us。　And　I　watched　him　a　little　bit　even　then。　See；　he　has　a　boy；　a　blond　Swede　boy；　you　know　how　they　get。〃
　　〃Hair　almost　white？〃
　　〃Like　frost　in　the　first　morning　sun；　white　like　that；　and　shiny。　A　beautiful　boy。〃
　　〃I　can　see　him　in　my　mind；〃　said　Taleswapper。
　　〃And　that　boy；　his　papa　loved　him。　Better　than　his　life。　You　know　that　Bible　story；　about　that　papa　who　gave　his　boy　a　coat　of　many　colors？〃
　　〃I've　heard　tell　of　it。〃
　　〃He　loved　his　boy　like　that。　But　I　saw　them　two　walking　alongside　the　river；　and　the　father　all　of　a　sudden　lurched　kind　of；　just　bumped　his　boy；　and　sent　the　lad　tumbling　down　into　the　Wobbish。　Now；　it　happened　that　the　boy　caught　onto　a　log　and　his　father　and　I　helped　pull　him　in；　but　it　was　a　scary　thing　to　see　that　the　father　might　have　killed　his　own　best…loved　child。　It　wouldn't've　been　a…purpose；　mind　you；　but　that　wouldn't　make　the　boy　any　less　dead；　or　the　father　any　less　blameful。〃
　　〃I　can　see　the　father　might　never　get　over　such　a　thing。〃
　　〃Well；　of　course　not。　Yet　not　long　after　that；　I　seen　him　a　few　more　times。　Chopping　wood；　and　he　swung　that　axe　wild；　and　if　the　boy　hadn't　slipped　and　fell　right　at　that　very　second；　that　axe　would've　bit　into　the　boy's　head；　and　I　never　seen　nobody　live　after　something　like　that。〃
　　〃Nor　I。〃
　　〃And　I　tried　to　imagine　what　must　be　happening。　What　that　father　must　be　thinking。　So　I　went　to　him　one　day；　and　I　said；　'Nels；　you　ought　to　be　more　careful　round　that　boy。　You're　likely　to　take　that　boy's　head　off　someday；　if　you　keep　swinging　that　axe　so　free。'
　　〃And　Nels；　he　says　to　me；　'Mr。　Miller；　that　wasn't　no　accident。'　Well；　you　could've　blowed　me　down　with　a　baby's　burp。　What　does　he　mean；　no　accident？　And　he　says　to　me；　'You　don't　know　how　bad　it　is。　I　think　maybe　a　witch　cursed　me；　or　the　devil　takes　me；　but　I'm　just　working　there；　thinking　how　much　I　love　the　boy；　and　suddenly　I　have　this　wish　to　kill　him。　It　came　on　me　first　when　he　was　just　a　baby；　and　I　stood　at　the　top　of　the　stairs；　holding　him；　and　it　was　like　a　voice　inside　my　head；　it　said；　〃Throw　him　down；〃　and　I　wanted　to　do　it；　even　though　I　also　knew　it　would　be　the　most　terrible　thing　in　the　world。　I　was　hungry　to　throw　him　off；　like　a　boy　gets　when　he　wants　to　smash　a　bug　with　a　stone。　I　wanted　to　see　his　head　break　open　on　the　floor。
　　〃'Well；　I　just　fought　off　that　feeling；　just　swallowed　it　back　and　held　that　boy　so　tight　I　like　to　smothered　him。　Finally　when　I　got　him　back　into　his　cradle；　I　knew　that　from　then　on　I　wasn't　going　to　carry　him　up　those　stairs　no　more。
　　〃'But　I　couldn't　just　leave　him　alone；　could　I？　He　was　my　boy；　and　he　grew　up　so　bright　and　good　and　beautiful　that　I　had　to　love　him。　If　I　stayed　away；　he　cried　cause　his　papa　didn't　play　with　him。　But　if　I　stayed　with　him；　then　those　feelings　came　back；　again　and　again。　Not　every　day；　but　many　a　day；　sometimes　so　fast　that　I　did　it　afore　I　even　knew　what　I　was　doing。　Like　the　day　I　bumped　him　into　the　river；　I　just　took　a　wrong　step　and　tripped；　but　I　knew　even　as　I　took　that　step　that　it　was　a　wrong　step；　and　that　I'd　trip；　and　that　I'd　bump　him；　I　knew　it；　but　I　didn't　have　time　to　stop　myself。　And　someday　I　know　that　I　won't　be　able　to　stop　myself；　I　won't　mean　to　do　it；　but　someday　when　that　boy　is　under　my　hand；　I'll　kill　him。'〃
　　Taleswapper　could　see　Miller's　arm　move；　as　if　to　wipe　tears　away　from　his　cheek。
　　〃Ain't　that　the　strangest　thing。〃　Miller　asked。　〃A　man　having　that　kind　of　feeling　for　his　own　son。〃
　　〃Does　that　fellow　have　any　other　sons？〃
　　〃A　few。　Why？〃
　　〃I　just　wondered　if　he　ever　felt　a　desire　to　kill　them。〃
　　〃Never；　not　a　speck。　I　asked　him　that；　matter　of　fact。　I　asked　him；　and　he　said　not　a　speck。〃
　　〃Well；　Mr。　Miller；　what　did　you　tell　him？〃
　　Miller　breathed　in　and　out　a　few　times。　〃I　didn't　know　what　to　tell　him。　Some　things　are　just　too　big　for　a　man　like　me　to　understand。　I　mean；　the　way　that　water　is　out　to　kill　my　boy　Alvin。　And　then　this　Swede　fellow　with　his　son。　Maybe　there's　some　children　that　wasn't　meant　to　grow　up。　Do　you　think　so；　Taleswapper？〃
　　〃I　think　there　are　some　children　that　are　so　important；　that　someone　　some　force　in　the　world　　may　want　them　dead。　But　there　are　always　other　forces；　maybe　stronger　forces；　that　want　them　alive。〃
　　〃Then　why　don't　those　forces　show　theirselves；　Taleswapper？　Why　don't　some　power　from　heaven　e　and　say　e　to　that　poor　Swedish　man　and　say；　'Don't　you　fear　no　more；　your　boy　is　safe；　even　from　you！'〃
　　〃Maybe　those　forces　don't　speak　out　loud　in　words。　Maybe　those　forces　just　show　you　what　they're　doing。〃
　　〃The　only　force　that　shows　itself　in　this　world　is　the　one　that　kills。〃
　　〃I　don't　know　about　that　Swedish　boy；〃　said　Taleswapper；　〃but　I'd　guess　that　there's　a　powerful　protection　on　your　son。　From　what　you　said；　it's　a　miracle　he　isn't　dead　ten　times　over。〃
　　〃That's　the　truth。〃
　　〃I　think　he's　being　watched　over。〃
　　〃Not　well　enough。〃
　　〃The　water　never　got　him；　did　it？〃
　　〃It　came　so　close；　Taleswapper。〃
　　〃And　as　for　that　Swedish；boy；　I　know　he's　got　somebody　watching　over　him。〃
　　〃Who？〃　asked　Miller。
　　〃Why；　his　own　father。〃
　　〃His　father　is　the　enemy；〃　said　Miller。
　　〃I　don't　think　so；〃　said　Taleswapper。　〃Do　you　know　how　many　fathers　kill　their　sons　by　accident？　They're　out　hunting；　and　a　shot　goes　wrong。　Or　a　wagon　crushes　the　boy；　or　he　takes　a　fall。　Happens　all　the　time。　Maybe　those　fathers　just　didn't　see　what　was　happening。　But　this　Swedish　man　is　sharp；　he　sees　what's　happening；　and　he　watches　himself；　catches　himself　in　time。〃
　　Miller　sounded　a　little　more　hopeful。　〃You　make　it　sound　like　maybe　the　father　ain't　all　bad。〃
　　〃If　he　were　all　bad；　Mr。　Miller；　that　boy　would　be　dead　and　buried　long　ago。〃
　　〃Maybe。　Maybe。〃
　　Miller　thought　for　a　while　more。　So　long；　in　fact；　that　Taleswapper　dozed　a　little。　He　snapped　awake　with　Miller　already　talking。
　　〃and　it's　just　getting　worse；　not　better。　Harder　to　fight　off　those　feelings。　Not　all　that　long　ago；　he　was　standing　up　in　a　loft　in　the　in　his　bam　and　he　was　pitching　down　hay。　And　there　below　him　was　his　boy；　and　all　it　would　take　is　to　let　fly　with　the　pitchfork；　easiest　thing　in　the　world；　he　could　say　the　pitchfork　slipped　and　no　one　would　ever　know。　Just　let　it　fly；　and　stick　that　boy　right　through。　And　he　was　going　to　do　it。　Do　you　understand　me？　It　was　so　hard　to　fight　off　those　feelings；　harder　than　ever　before；　and　he　just　gave　up。　Just　decided　to　have　it　done　with；　to　give　in。　And　in　that　very　moment；　why；　a　stranger　appeared　in　the　doorway；　and　shouted；　'No；'　and　I　set　down　the　pitchfork　that's　what　he　said；　'I　set　down　the　pitchfork；　but　I　was　shaking　so　bad　I　could　hardly　walk；　knowing　that　the　stranger　saw　me　with　murder　in　my　heart；　he　must　think　I'm　the　most　terrible　man　in　the　world　to　think　of　killing　my　own　boy；　he　can't　even　guess　how　hard　I've　struggled　all　those　years　before'〃
　　〃Maybe　that　stranger　knew　something　about　the　powers　that　can　work　inside　a　man's　heart；〃　said　Taleswapper。
　　〃Do　you　think　so？〃
　　〃Oh；　I　can't　be　sure；　but　maybe　that　stranger　also　saw　how　much　that　father　loved　the　boy。　Maybe　the　stranger　was　confused　for　a　long　time；　but　finally　began　to　realize　that　the　child　was　extraordinary；　with　powerful　enemies。　And　then　maybe　he　came　to　understand　that　no　matter　how　many　enemies　the　boy　had；　his　father　wasn't　one　of　them。　Wasn't　an　enemy。　And　he　wanted　to　say　something　to　that　father。〃
　　〃What　did　he　want　to　say？〃　Miller　brushed　his　eyes　with　his　sleeve　again。　〃What　do　you　think　that　stranger　might　want　to　say？〃
　　〃Maybe　he　wanted　to　say；　'You've　done　all　you　can　do；　and　now　it's　too　strong　for　you。　Now　you　ought　to　send　that　boy　away。　To　relatives　back　east；　maybe；　or　as　a　prentice　in　some　town。'　That　might　be　a　hard　thing　for　the　father　to　do；　since　he　loves　the　boy　so　much；　but　he'll　do　it　because　he　knows　that　real　love　is　to　take　the　boy　out　of　danger。〃
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Miller。
　　〃For　that　matter；〃　said　Taleswapper；　〃maybe　you　ought　to　do　something　like　th