cb.damnationgame-第24节
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〃Obviously we'd like you to be in the house； should you be needed for any reason； but I think it's unlikely。〃 〃Thank you； sir。〃 〃I think you can call me Bill in private； Marty； I don't see any need for formality any longer。〃 〃OK。〃 〃I mean 。 。 。〃 He stopped to light the cigarette。 〃。 。 。 we're all servants here； aren't we？ In one way or another。〃
By the time he'd showered； thought about a run and discounted the idea as masochistic； then lain down to doze； the first signs of the inevitable hangover were on the way。 There was no cure that he knew of。 The only option was to sleep it off。
He didn't wake until the middle of the afternoon； and only then roused by hunger。 There was no sound in the house。 Downstairs the kitchen was empty； only the buzz of a fly at the window…the first Marty had seen this season…interrupted the glacial calm。 Pearl had obviously finished whatever preparations were required for this evening's dinner party； and gone； perhaps to e back later。 He went to the refrigerator and rifled it for something to quieten his growling belly。 The sandwich he constructed looked like an unmade bed； with sheets of ham tumbling out from its bread blankets； but it did the job。 He put on the coffee percolator and went in search of pany。
It was as though everyone had gone from the face of the earth。 Wandering through the deserted house the pit of the afternoon swallowed him。 The stillness； and the remains of his headache； conspired to make him jittery。 He found himself glancing behind him like a man on an ill…lit street。 Upstairs was even quieter than down； his footsteps on the carpeted landing were so hushed he might not have had weight at all。 Even so； he found himself creeping。
Halfway along the landing…Whitehead's landing…came the cutoff point beyond which he had been instructed not to go。 The old man's private suite was this end of the house； as was Carys〃 bedroom。 Which room was it most likely to be？ He tried to recreate the outside of the house； to locate the room by a process of elimination； but he lacked the imaginative skill to correlate the exterior with the closed doors of the corridor ahead。
Not all were closed。 The third along on his right was slightly ajar： and from inside； now his ears were attuned to the lowest level of audibility； he could hear the sound of movement。 Surely it was her。 He crossed the invisible threshold into forbidden territory； not thinking of what the punishment for trespass might be； too eager to see her face； maybe to speak to her。 He reached the door； and peered through。
Carys was there。 She was semirecumbent on the bed； staring into middle distance。 Marty was just about to step in to speak to her when somebody else moved in the room； hidden from him by the door。 He didn't have to wait for the voice to know that it was Whitehead。
〃Why do you treat me so badly？〃 he was asking her； his voice hushed。 〃You know how it hurts me when you're like this。〃 She said nothing： if she even heard him she made no sign of it。
〃I don't ask so much of you； do I？〃 he appealed。 Her eyes flickered in his direction。 〃Well； do I？〃 Eventually； she deigned to reply。 When she did her voice was so quiet Marty could barely catch the words。 〃Aren't you ashamed？〃 she asked him。
〃There are worse things； Carys； than having somebody need you； believe me。〃 〃I know；〃 she replied； taking her eyes off him。 There was such pain； and such submission in the face of that pain； in those two words： I know。 It made Marty suddenly sick with longing for her； to touch her； to try to heal the anonymous hurt。 Whitehead crossed the room and came to sit beside her on the edge of the bed。 Marty stepped back from the door； fearful of being spotted； but Whitehead's attention was concentrated on the enigma in front of him。
〃What do you know？〃 he asked her。 The former gentility had suddenly evaporated。 〃Are you keeping something from me？〃 〃Just dreams；〃 she replied。 〃More and more。〃 〃Of what？〃 〃You know。 The same。〃 〃Your mother？〃 Carys nodded； almost invisibly。 〃And others；〃 she said。 Who？〃 〃They never show themselves。〃 The old man sighed； and looked away from her。 〃And in the dreams？〃 he asked。 〃What happens？〃 〃She tries to speak to me。 She tries to tell me something。〃 Whitehead didn't inquire further： he seemed to be out of questions。 His shoulders had slumped。 Carys looked at him； sensing his defeat。
〃Where is she； Papa？〃 she asked him； leaning forward for the first time and putting an arm around his neck。 It was a blatantly manipulative gesture； she offered this intimacy only to get what she wanted from him。 How much had she offered； or he taken； in their time together？ Her face came close to his； the late…afternoon light enchanted it。 〃Tell me； Papa；〃 she asked again； 〃where do you think she is？〃 and this time Marty grasped the taunt that lay beneath the apparently innocent question。 What it signified； he didn't know。 What this whole scene； with its talk of coldness and shame； meant； was far from clear。 He was glad； in a way； not to know。 But this question； that she asked him so mock…lovingly； had been asked…and he had to wait a moment longer； until the old man had answered it。 〃Where is she； Papa？〃 〃In dreams；〃 he replied； his face averted from her。 〃Just in dreams。〃 She dropped her arm from his shoulder。
〃Never lie to me；〃 she charged him icily。
〃It's all I can tell you；〃 he replied； his tone was almost pitiable。 〃If you know more than I do…〃 He turned and looked at her； his voice urgent。 〃Do you know something？〃 〃Oh； Papa；〃 she murmured reproachfully； 〃more conspiracies？〃 How many feints and counterfeints were there in this exchange？ Marty puzzled。 〃You don't suspect me now； surely？〃 Whitehead frowned。 〃No； never you； darling；〃 he said。 〃Never you。〃 He raised his hand to her face and leaned forward to put his dry lips to hers。 Before they touched； Marty left the door and slipped away。
There were some things he couldn't bring himself to watch。
25
Cars began to arrive at the house in the early evening。 There were voices Marty recognized in the hallway。 It would be the usual crowd； he guessed； among them the Fan…Dancer and his rades； Ottaway； Curtsinger and Dwoskin。 He heard women's voices too。 They'd brought their wives； or their mistresses。 He wondered what kind of women they were。 Once beautiful； now sour and lovelorn。 Bored with their husbands； no doubt； who thought more of money…making than of them。 He caught whiffs of their laughter； and later； of their perfume； in the hallway。 He'd always had a good sense of smell。 Saul would be proud of him。
About eight…fifteen he went into the kitchen and heated up the plate of ravioli Pearl had left for him； then retired into the library to watch a few boxing videos。 The events of the afternoon still niggled him。 Try as he might he couldn't remove Carys from his head； and his emotional state； over which he had so little control； irritated him。 Why couldn't he be like Flynn； who bought a woman for the night； then walked away the next morning？ Why did his feelings always bee blurred； so that he couldn't sort one from the other？ On the television set the match was getting bloodier； but he scarcely registered the punishment or the victory。 His mind was conjuring Carys〃 sealed face as she lay on the bed； probing it； looking for explanations。
Leaving the fight mentator to babble on； he went through to the kitchen to fetch another couple of beers from the refrigerator。 At this end of the house there was not even a hint of noise from the party…goers。 Besides； such a civilized gathering would be hushed； wouldn't it？ Just the clink of cut glass； and talk of rich men's pleasures。
Well； fuck them all； he thought。 Whitehead and Carys and all of them。 It wasn't his world and he wanted no part of it； or them； or her。 He could get all the women he wanted anytime…just pick up the phone and call Flynn。 No trouble。 Let them play their damn…fool games： he wasn't interested。 He drained the first can of beer standing in the kitchen； then got out two more cans and took them through to the lounge。 He was going to get really blind tonight。 Oh； yes。 He was going to get so drunk nothing would matter。 Especially not her。 Because he didn't care。 He didn't care。
The tape had finished； and the screen had gone blank。 It buzzed with a squirming pattern of dots。 White noise。 Wasn't that what they called it？ It was a portrait of chaos； that hissing； those writhing dots； the universe humming to itself。 Empty airwaves were never really empty。
He turned the set off。 He didn't want to watch any more matches。 His head buzzed like the box； white noise in there too。
He slumped down in the chair and downed the second can of beer in two throatfuls。 The image of Carys with Whitehead swam into focus again。 〃Go away；〃 he told it； aloud； but it lingered。 Did he want her； was that it？ Would this unease be pacified if he took her to the dovecote one of these afternoons and humped her till she begged him never to stop？ The wretched thought only disgusted him； he couldn't defuse these ambiguities with pornography。
As he opened the third beer he found his hands were sweating； a clammy sweat he associated with sickness； like the first
