hr.thecarpetbaggers-第81节

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　〃Nobody　made　me；〃　she　whispered。　〃I　came　because　I　wanted　to。　When　she　came；　I　knew　how　wrong　I　was。〃
　〃Why？〃　I　asked　bitterly。　〃Just　because　she　had　a　belly　way　out　to　here？　It　wasn't　even　my　child。〃
　〃What　difference　does　that　make？　What　if　she　did　sleep　with　someone　else　before　she　met　you？　You　must　have　known　it　when　you　married　her。　If　it　didn't　matter　then；　why　should　it　have　mattered　just　because　she　was　going　to　have　his　child？〃
　〃It　did　matter；〃　I　insisted。　〃All　she　was　interested　in　was　my　money。　What　about　the　half…million…dollar　settlement　she　got　when　the　marriage　was　annulled？〃
　〃That's　not　true；〃　she　whispered。　〃She　loved　you。　I　could　tell　from　the　hurt　I　saw　in　her　eyes。　And　if　the　money　was　so　important　to　her；　why　did　she　give　it　all　to　her　father？〃
　〃I　didn't　know　that。〃
　〃There's　a　lot　you　don't　know；〃　Rina　whispered。　〃But　I　haven't　time　to　tell　you。　Only　this。　I　ruined　your　marriage。　It's　my　fault　that　poor　child　is　growing　up　without　your　name。　And　I　want　to　make　it　up　to　her　somehow。〃
　She　closed　her　eyes　for　a　moment。　〃There　may　not　be　much　left　in　my　estate；〃　she　whispered。　〃I've　never　been　much　good　with　money；　but　I've　left　it　all　to　her　and　appointed　you　my　executor。　Promise　me　you'll　see　that　she　gets　it。〃
　I　looked　down　at　her。　〃I　promise。〃
　She　smiled　slowly。　〃Thank　you；　Jonas。　I　always　could　count　on　you。〃
　〃Now　try　to　rest　a　little。〃
　〃What　for？〃　she　whispered。　〃So　I　can　live　another　few　days　in　the　mad；　crazy　world　that's　running　around　in　my　head？　No；　Jonas。　It　hurts　too　much。　I　want　to　die。　But　don't　let　me　die　here；　locked　up　in　this　plastic　tent。　Take　me　out　on　the　terrace。　Let　me　look　at　the　sky　once　more。〃
　I　stared　at　her。　The　doctor…　〃
　〃Please；　Jonas。〃
　I　looked　down　at　her　and　she　smiled。　I　smiled　back　and　pushed　the　oxygen　tent　aside。　I　scooped　her　up　in　my　arms　and　she　was　as　light　as　a　feather。
　〃It　feels　good　to　be　in　your　arms　again；　Jonas；〃　she　whispered。
　I　kissed　her　on　the　forehead　and　stepped　out　into　the　sunlight。　〃I'd　almost　forgotten　how　green　a　tree　can　be；〃　she　whispered。　〃Back　in　Boston；　there's　the　greenest　oak　tree　you　ever　saw　in　your　life。　Please　take　me　back　there；　Jonas。〃
　〃I　will。〃
　〃And　don't　let　them　make　a　circus　out　of　it；〃　she　whispered。　〃They　can　do　that　in　this　business。〃
　〃I　know；〃　I　said。
　〃There's　room　for　me；　Jonas；〃　she　whispered。　〃Next　to　my　father。〃
　Her　hand　fell　from　my　chest　and　a　new　kind　of　weight　came　into　her　body。　I　looked　down　at　her。　Her　face　was　hidden　against　my　shoulder。　I　turned　and　looked　out　at　the　tree　that　had　reminded　her　of　home。　But　I　couldn't　see　it　for　my　tears。
　When　I　turned　around；　Ilene　and　the　doctor　were　in　the　room。　Silently　I　carried　Rina　back　to　the　bed　and　gently　laid　her　down　on　it。　I　straightened　up　and　looked　at　them。
　I　tried　to　speak　but　for　a　moment；　I　couldn't。　And　when　I　could；　my　voice　was　hoarse　with　my　grief。　〃She　wanted　to　die　in　the　sunlight；〃　I　said。
　
　7
　
　I　LOOKED　AT　THE　MINISTER；　WHOSE　LIPS　WERE　MOVING　SILENTLY　as　he　read　from　the　tiny　black…bound　Bible　in　his　hands。　He　looked　up　for　a　moment；　then　closed　the　Bible　and　started　slowly　down　the　walk。　A　moment　later；　the　others　began　to　follow　him　and　soon　Ilene　and　I　were　the　only　ones　left　at　the　grave。
　She　stood　there　opposite　me；　skinny　and　silent；　in　her　black　dress　and　hat；　the　tiny　veil　hiding　her　eyes。　〃It's　over；〃　she　said　in　a　tired　voice。
　I　nodded　and　looked　down　at　the　grave　marker。　Rina　Marlowe。　Now　it　was　nothing　but　a　name。　〃I　hope　everything　was　the　way　she　wanted　it。〃
　〃I'm　sure　it　was。〃
　We　fell　silent　then　with　the　awkwardness　of　two　people　at　a　cemetery　whose　only　link　now　lay　in　a　grave。　I　took　a　deep　breath。　It　was　time　to　go。　〃Can　I　give　you　a　lift　back　to　the　hotel？〃
　She　shook　her　head。　〃I'd　like　to　stay　here　a　little　while　longer；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　〃Will　you　be　all　right？〃
　I　caught　a　glimpse　of　her　eyes　beneath　the　veil。　〃I'll　be　all　right；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　said。　〃Nothing　more　can　happen　to　me。〃
　〃I'll　see　that　a　car　waits　for　you。　Good…by；　Miss　Gaillard。〃
　〃Good…by；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　answered　formally。　〃And　…　and　thank　you。〃
　I　turned　and　walked　down　the　path　to　the　cemetery　road。　The　morbid　and　curious　were　still　there　behind　the　police　lines；　on　the　far　side　of　the　street。　A　faint　sound　rose　up　from　them　as　I　came　out　the　cemetery　gate。　I'd　done　the　best　I　could　but　somehow　there　are　always　crowds　of　people。
　The　chauffeur　opened　the　door　of　the　limousine　and　I　got　in。　He　closed　it　and　ran　around　to　the　driver's　seat。　The　car　began　to　move。　〃Where　to；　Mr。　Cord？〃　he　asked　cheerfully。　〃Back　to　the　hotel？〃
　I　turned　and　looked　out　the　rear　window。　We　were　atop　a　small　rise　and　I　could　see　Ilene　inside　the　cemetery。　She　sat　beside　the　grave；　a　pitiful；　shrunken　figure　in　black；　with　her　face　hidden　by　her　two　hands。　Then　we　went　around　a　bend　and　she　was　gone　from　my　sight。
　〃Back　to　the　hotel；　Mr。　Cord？〃　the　chauffeur　repeated。
　I　straightened　up　and　reached　for　a　cigarette。　〃No；〃　I　said；　lighting　it。　〃To　the　airport。〃
　I　drew　the　smoke　deep　inside　my　lungs　and　let　it　burn　there。　Suddenly；　all　I　wanted　to　do　was　get　away。　Boston　and　death；　Rina　and　dreams。　I　had　too　many　memories　as　it　was。
　
　The　roaring　filled　my　ears　and　I　began　to　climb　up　the　long　black　ladder　out　of　the　darkness　over　my　head。　The　higher　I　climbed；　the　louder　the　noise　got。　I　opened　my　eyes。
　Outside　the　window；　the　Third　Avenue　El　rattled　by。　I　could　see　the　people　pressed　together　inside　and　on　the　narrow　open　platforms。　Then　the　train　had　passed　and　a　strange　silence　came　into　the　room。　I　let　my　eyes　wander。
　It　was　a　small；　dark　room；　its　white　paper　already　beginning　to　turn　brown　on　its　walls。　Near　the　window　was　a　small　table；　on　the　wall　over　it　a　crucifix。　I　was　in　an　old　brass　bed。　Slowly　I　swung　my　feet　to　the　floor　and　sat　up。　My　head　felt　as　if　it　were　going　to　fall　off。
　〃So；　you're　awake　now；　are　you？〃
　I　started　to　turn　my　head　but　the　woman　came　around　in　front　of　me。　There　was　something　vaguely　familiar　about　her　face　but　I　couldn't　remember　where　I'd　seen　her　before。　I　put　my　hand　up　and　rubbed　my　cheek。　My　beard　was　as　rough　as　sandpaper。
　〃How　long　have　I　been　here？〃　I　asked。
　She　laughed　shortly。　〃Almost　a　week；〃　she　answered。　〃I　was　beginnin'　to　think　there　was　no　end　to　your　thirst。〃
　〃I　was　drinking？〃
　〃That　you　were；〃　she　said。
　I　followed　her　eyes　to　the　floor。　There　were　three　cartons　filled　with　empty　whisky　bottles。　I　rubbed　the　back　of　my　neck。　No　wonder　my　head　hurt。　〃How　did　I　happen　to　get　here？〃　I　asked。
　〃You　don't　remember？〃
　I　shook　my　head。
　〃You　came　up　to　me　in　front　of　the　store　on　Sixth　Avenue　and　took　me　by　the　arm；　sayin'　you　was　ready　for　the　lesson　now。　You　were　already　loaded　then。　Then　we　went　into　the　White　Rose　Bar　for　a　couple　of　drinks　and　it　was　there　you　got　into　a　fight　with　the　barkeep。　So　I　brought　you　home　for　safekeepin'。〃
　I　rubbed　my　eyes。　I　was　beginning　to　remember　now。　I　had　e　from　the　airport　and　was　walking　up　Sixth　Avenue　toward　the　Norman　offices　when　I　felt　I　needed　a　drink。　After　that；　it　was　fuzzy。　I　remembered　vaguely　searching　in　front　of　a　radio　store　for　some　whore　who　had　promised　to　teach　me　some　things　I　had　never　learned　in　school。
　〃Were　you　the　one？〃　I　asked。
　She　laughed。　〃No；　I　wasn't。　But　in　the　condition　you　were　in；　I　didn't　think　it　would　make　any　difference。　It　wasn't　a　woman　you　were　looking　for；　it　was　a　sorrow　you　were　drownin'。〃
　I　got　to　my　feet。　I　was　in　my　shorts。　I　looked　up　at　her　questioningly。　〃I　took　your　clothes　downstairs　to　the　cleaner　when　you　quit　drinkin'　yesterday。　I'll　go　down　now　and　get　them　while　you're　cleanin'　up。〃
　〃The　bathroom？〃
　She　pointed　to　a　door。　〃There　isn't　a　shower　but　there's　enough　hot　water　for　a　tub。　And　there's　a　razor　on　the　shelf　over　the　sink。〃
　The　clothes　were　waiting　for　me　when　I　came　out　of　the　bathroom。　〃Your　money　is　on　the　dresser；〃　she　said；　as　I　finished　buttoning　my　shirt　and　put　on　my　jacket。　I　walked　over　to　the　dresser　and　picked　it　up。
　〃You'll　find　it　all　there　except　what　I　took　for　the　whisky。〃
　Holding　the　bills　in　my　hand；　I　looked　at　her。　〃Why　did　you　bring　me　here？〃
　She　shrugged　her　shoulders。　〃The　Irish　make　lousy　whores；〃　she　said。　〃We　get　sentimental　over　drunkards。〃
　I　looked　down　at　the　roll　of　bills　in　my　hand。　There　was　about　two　hundred　dollars　there。　I　took　a　five…dollar　bill　and　stuck　it　in　my　pocket；　the　rest　I　put　back　on　the　bureau。
　She　took　the　money　silently　and　followed　me　to　the　door。
　〃She's　dead；　you　know；〃　she　said。　〃And　all　the　whisky　in　the　world　won't　be　bringin'　her　back　to　life。〃
　We　stared　at　each　other　for　a　moment；　then　she　closed　the　door　and　I　went　down　the　dark　staircase　and　out　into　the　street。　I　walked　into　a　drugstore　on　the　corner　of　Third　Avenue　and　Eighty…second　Street　and　called　McAllister。
　〃Where　in　hell　have　you　been？〃　he　asked。
　〃Drunk；〃　I　said。　〃Did　you　get　the　copy　of　Rina's　will？〃
　〃Yes；　I　got　it。　We've　been　searching　the　whole　town　for　you。　Do　you　realize　what's　happening　over　at　the　picture　pany？　They're　running　around　there　like　chickens　with　their　heads　cut　off。〃
　〃Where　is　the　will？〃
　〃On　the　foyer　table　of　your　apartme