hr.thecarpetbaggers-第133节

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s　with　other　panies。　The　other　seven　men　all　knew。　Some　of　their　wives；　too。　She　could　see　it　in　their　eyes。　In　only　two　of　the　men　could　she　see　any　sympathy。　David　and　Nevada　Smith。
　David　she　could　understand。　But　she　did　not　understand　why　Nevada　should　feel　sorry　for　her。　He　scarcely　knew　her。　He　had　always　seemed　so　quiet；　even　shy；　when　they　met　at　the　studio。　But　now　there　was　a　wild　sort　of　anger　deep　in　his　black　Indian　eyes　as　he　looked　from　her　to　Dan　Pierce。
　Thirteen　men；　she　thought　and　all　but　one　of　them　knew　her　for　what　she'd　been。　And　the　thirteenth　was　the　unlucky　one。　He　was　going　to　marry　her。　She　felt　a　light　touch　on　her　arm。　Rosa's　voice　broke　the　silence　that　threatened　to　engulf　her。　〃I　think　it's　about　time　we　went　to　the　little　girl's　room。〃
　Jennie　nodded　dumbly　and　followed　her　from　the　table　silently。　She　could　feel　the　eyes　of　other　diners　following　her。　Without　even　returning　their　glances；　she　recognized　several　other　men　she　had　known　and　saw　their　wise；　knowing　smiles。　She　began　to　feel　sick。　Rosa　drew　the　curtain　in　front　of　the　small　alcove　in　the　corner　as　Jennie　sank　silently　onto　the　couch。　Rosa　lit　a　cigarette　and　handed　it　to　her。
　Jennie　looked　up　at　her；　the　cigarette　in　her　fingers　already　forgotten。　The　tears　started　to　e　into　her　eyes。　〃Why？〃　she　asked　in　a　hurt；　bewildered　voice。　〃I　don't　understand。　What　did　I　ever　do　to　him？〃
　She　began　to　cry　silently　as　Rosa　sat　down　beside　her　and　drew　her　head　down　to　her　shoulder。
　
　Dan　Pierce　chuckled　to　himself　as　he　threaded　his　way　to　his　car　through　the　dark　and　deserted　parking　lot。　Wait　until　he　told　the　story　in　the　locker　room　at　Hillcrest　tomorrow　morning。　The　men　would　laugh　their　heads　off。　None　of　them　really　liked　Jonas；　anyway。
　True；　they　tolerated　him。　But　they　didn't　accept　him。　There　was　a　difference。　They　all　respected　Jonas'　success　but　they　wouldn't　lift　a　finger　to　help　him。　Not　like　they　would　for　Dan　Pierce　if　he　needed　their　help；　which　he　didn't。　He　was　one　of　them；　he'd　grown　up　in　the　business　with　them。　They　had　their　rules。　They　stuck　together。
　Wait　until　he　told　them　how　the　broad　looked。　Like　she　was　ready　to　sink　through　the　floor；　while　all　the　time；　Jonas　stood　there　like　a　shmuck；　smiling　and　thinking　how　nice　everybody　was。　It　would　break　them　up。
　A　dark　figure　suddenly　appeared　out　of　the　shadows　in　front　of　him。　He　peered　anxiously　through　the　darkness　as　it　silently　came　closer。　〃Oh；　it's　you；　Nevada。　I　didn'　know　who　it　was。〃
　Nevada　stood　there　silently。
　Dan　laughed　aloud　as　he　remembered。　〃Wasn'　that　a　bitch；　though？〃　He　chortled；　reaching　out　a　hand　toward　Nevada　to　steady　himself。　〃I　thought　she'd　bust　when　she　opened　the　case　and　saw　the　razors。　An'　Jonas；　the　jerk；　he　don'　even　know　what　he's　gettin'　into…　〃
　Dan's　voice　suddenly　choked　off　in　a　grunt　of　pain　as　Nevada　sank　his　fist　into　his　belly。　He　fell　back　against　a　car；　clutching　at　it　to　hold　himself　up。　He　stared　at　Nevada。　〃Wha'　you　go　an'　do　that　for？〃　he　asked　in　a　hurt　voice。　〃We're　ol'　buddies。〃
　He　saw　Nevada's　hand　ing　toward　his　face　and　tried　to　duck。　He　wasn't　quick　enough　and　felt　the　pain　explode　in　his　eyes。　Again　the　hammer　tore　into　his　belly：　He　bent　over；　retching；　and　another　blow　on　the　side　of　his　face　sent　him　sprawling　into　his　own　vomit。　He　looked　up　at　Nevada　with　frightened　eyes。
　It　was　not　until　then　that　Nevada　spoke；　and　an　icy　fear　came　up　and　clutched　at　Dan's　heart。　〃I　should've　done　this　a　long　time　ago；〃　Nevada　said；　looking　down　at　him。　〃I　oughta　kill　you。　But　you　ain't　worth　goin'　to　the　gas　chamber　for。〃
　He　turned　his　back　contemptuously　and　walked　away。　Dan　waited　until　the　sound　of　the　high…heeled　boots　faded　away。　Then　he　put　his　face　down　on　his　hands　against　the　cold　concrete。　〃It　was　only　a　joke；〃　he　cried　drunkenly。　〃It　was　only　a　joke。〃
　
　Jonas　followed　Jennie　into　the　darkened　house。　〃You're　tired；〃　he　said　gently；　looking　down　at　her　white　face。　〃It's　been　a　big　night。　Go　on　up　to　bed。　I'll　see　you　tomorrow。〃
　〃No；〃　she　said　flatly。　She　knew　what　she　had　to　do。　She　turned　and　walked　into　the　living　room；　switching　on　the　light。　He　followed　her　curiously。
　She　turned；　slipping　the　ring　from　her　finger；　and　held　it　out　to　him。　He　looked　at　it；　then　at　her。　〃Why？〃　he　asked。　〃Is　it　because　of　anything　I　did　tonight？〃
　She　shook　her　head。　〃No；〃　she　said　quickly。　〃It　has　nothing　to　do　with　you　at　all。　Just　take　the　ring；　please。〃
　〃I'm　entitled　to　know　why；　Jennie。〃
　〃I　don't　love　you；〃　she　said。　〃Is　that　reason　enough？〃
　〃Not　now　it　isn't。〃
　〃Then　I　have　a　better　reason；〃　she　said　tightly。　〃Before　I　made　that　screen　test；　I　was　the　highest…priced　whore　in　Hollywood。〃
　He　stared　at　her　for　a　moment。　〃I　don't　believe　you；〃　he　said　slowly。　〃You　couldn't　have　fooled　me。〃
　〃You're　a　fool；〃　she　said　sharply。　〃If　you　don't　believe　me；　ask　Bonner　or　any　of　the　other　four　men　at　the　table　who　laid　me。　Or　any　of　a　dozen　other　men　I　saw　in　the　restaurant　tonight。〃
　〃I　still　don't　believe　you；〃　he　said　in　a　low　voice。
　She　laughed。　〃Then　ask　Bonner　why　Pierce　gave　me　that　present。　There　wasn't　any　mix…up；　he　meant　the　razors　for　me。　The　story　was　all　over　Hollywood；　the　morning　after　Bonner　left　here。　How　I　shaved　all　the　hair　off　his　body；　then　blew　him　in　a　bathtub　filled　with　champagne。〃
　He　began　to　look　sick。
　〃And　why　do　you　think　I　asked　you　to　let　me　do　Aphrodite？〃　she　continued。　〃Not　because　I　thought　it　was　any　good。　It　was　to　pay　Pierce　off　for　this。〃　She　walked　quickly　to　the　desk　and　took　out　two　small　reels　of　film。　She　spun　one　out　at　him；　the　film　unwinding　from　the　reel　like　a　roll　of　confetti。　〃My　first　starring　role；〃　she　said　sarcastically。　〃A　pornographic　picture。〃
　She　took　a　cigarette　from　the　box　on　the　desk　and　lit　it。　She　turned　back　to　him。　Her　voice　was　quieter　now。　〃Or　maybe　you're　the　kind　of　man　who　enjoys　being　married　to　that　kind　of　woman；　so　that　every　time　you　meet　another　man；　you　can　wonder。　Did　he　or　didn't　he？　When；　where　and　how？〃
　He　took　a　step　toward　her。　〃That's　over　now。　It　doesn't　matter。〃
　〃It　doesn't？　Just　because　I　was　a　fool　for　a　moment；　you　don't　have　to　be。　How　much　of　tonight　do　you　think　you'd　have　been　able　to　take　if　you'd　known　what　you　know　now？〃
　〃But　I　love　you！〃
　〃You　even　kid　yourself　about　that。　You　don't　love　me。　You　never　have。　You're　in　love　with　a　memory。　The　memory　of　a　girl　who　preferred　your　father　to　you。　The　first　chance　you　had；　you　tried　to　make　me　over　in　her　image。　Even　in　bed　…　the　things　you　wanted　me　to　do。　Did　you　really　think　I　was　so　naive　I　didn't　know　those　were　the　things　she　did　to　you？〃
　The　ring　was　still　in　her　hand。　She　put　it　on　the　table　in　front　of　him。　〃Here；〃　she　said。
　He　stared　down　at　the　ring。　The　diamond　seemed　to　shoot　angry　sparks　at　him。　He　looked　up　at　her；　his　face　lined　and　drawn。　〃Keep　it；〃　he　said　curtly　and　walked　out。
　She　stood　there　until　she　heard　his　car　pull　out　of　the　driveway。　Then　she　turned　out　the　light　and　walked　upstairs；　leaving　the　ring　on　the　table　and　the　film；　like　confetti　after　a　party；　on　the　floor。
　
　She　lay　wide…eyed　on　her　bed　staring　up　into　the　night。　If　she　could　only　cry　she　would　feel　better。　But　she　was　empty　inside；　eaten　away　by　her　sins。　There　was　nothing　left　for　her　to　give　anyone。　She　had　used　up　her　ration　of　love。
　Once；　long　ago；　she　had　loved　and　been　loved。　But　Tom　Denton　was　dead；　lost　forever；　beyond　recall。
　She　cried　out　into　the　darkness；　〃Daddy；　help　me！　Please！　I　don't　know　what　to　do。〃
　If　she　could　only　go　back　and　begin　again。　Back　to　the　familiar　Sunday　smell　of　corned　beef　and　cabbage；　to　the　gentle　sound　of　a　whispered　morning　Mass　in　her　ears；　to　the　sisters　and　the　hospital；　to　the　inner　satisfaction　of　being　a　part　of　God's　work。
　Then　her　father's　voice　came　whispering　to　her　out　of　the　gray　light　of　the　morning；　〃Do　you　really　want　to　go；　Jennie　Bear？〃
　She　lay　very　still　for　a　moment　thinking；　remembering。　Was　that　time　forever　gone？　If　she　were　to　withhold　from　confession　that　part　of　her　life　which　no　longer　seemed　to　belong　to　her　it　need　not　be。　They　would　not　know。　It　was　her　one　real　transgression。　The　rest　of　her　life　they　already　knew　about。
　To　do　so　would　be　a　sin。　A　sin　of　omission。　It　would　invalidate　any　future　confession　that　she　might　make。　But　she　had　so　much　to　give　and　without　giving　it　she　was　denying　not　only　herself　but　others　who　would　have　need　of　her　help。　Which　was　the　greater　sin？　For　a　moment　she　was　frightened；　then　decided　that　this　was　a　matter　between　her　and　her　Maker。　The　decision　was　hers；　and　she　alone　could　be　held　responsible；　both　now　and　at　any　future　time。
　Suddenly　she　made　her　mind　up　and　she　was　no　longer　afraid。
　〃Yes；　Daddy；〃　she　whispered。
　His　soft　voice　came　echoing　back　on　the　wind。　〃Then　get　dressed；　Jennie；　and　I'll　go　with　you。〃
　
　16
　
　IT　WAS　ALMOST　TWO　YEARS　FROM　THE　NIGHT　OF　THE　PARTY　BEFORE　ROSA　HEARD　FROM　JENNIE　AGAIN。　It　was　almost　six　months　from　the　time　she　received　the　dreaded　impersonal　message　from　the　War　Department　that　David　had　been　killed　at　the　Anzio　beachhead　in　May　of　1944。
　No　more　dreams；　no　more　big　deals；　no　more　struggles　and　plans　to　build　a　giant　monume