rh.royalassassin-第17节

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　crawled　back　to　my　bed　instead；　and　clambered　back　onto　it。　I　didn't　undress；　but　just　dragged　the　edge　of　my　blanket　over　me。　My　vision　dimmed；　closing　in　black　from　the　edges；　but　I　didn't　sleep　right　away。　Instead；　I　lay　there　and　thought　what　a　stupid　boy　I　had　been　last　summer。　I　had　courted　a　woman；　thinking　that　I　was　walking　out　with　a　girl。　Those　three　years　difference　in　age　had　mattered　so　much　to　me；　but　in　all　the　wrong　ways。　I　had　thought　she　had　seen　me　as　a　boy；　and　despaired　of　winning　her。　So　I　had　acted　like　a　boy；　instead　of　trying　to　make　her　see　me　as　a　man。　And　the　boy　had　hurt　her；　and　yes；　deceived　her；　and　in　all　likelihood；　lost　her　forever。　The　dark　closed　down；　blackness　everywhere　but　for　one　whirling　spark。
　　　　　　　She　had　loved　the　boy；　and　foreseen　a　life　together　for　us。　I　clung　to　the　spark　and　sank　into　sleep。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　CHAPTER　FOUR
　　　　　　　Dilemmas
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　AS　REGARDS　THE　Wit　and　the　Skill；　I　suspect　that　every　human　has　at　least　some　capacity。　I　have　seen　women　rise　abruptly　from　their　tasks　to　go　into　an　adjacent　room　where　an　infant　is　just　beginning　to　awake。　Cannot　this　be　some　form　of　the　Skill？　Or　witness　the　wordless　cooperation　that　arises　among　a　crew　that　has　long　tended　the　same　vessel。　They　function；　without　spoken　words；　as　closely　as　a　coterie；　so　that　the　ship　bees　almost　a　beast　alive；　and　the　crew　her　life　force。　Other　folk　sense　an　affinity　for　certain　animals；　and　express　it　in　a　crest　or　in　the　names　they　bestow　upon　their　children。　The　Wit　opens　one　to　that　affinity。　The　Wit　allows　awareness　of　all　animals；　but　folklore　insists　that　most　Wit　users　eventually　develop　a　bond　with　one　certain　animal。　Some　tales　recount　that　users　of　the　Wit　eventually　took　on　the　ways　and　finally　the　form　of　the　beasts　they　bonded　to。　These　tales；　I　believe；　we　can　dismiss　as　scare　tales　to　discourage　children　from　Beast　magic。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　I　awoke　in　the　afternoon。　My　room　was　cold。　No　fire　at　all。　My　sweaty　clothes　clung　to　me。　I　staggered　downstairs　to　the　kitchen；　ate　something；　went　out　to　the　bathhouse；　began　trembling；　and　went　back　up　to　my　room。　I　got　back　into　my　bed；　shaking　with　cold。　Later　someone　came　in　and　talked　to　me。　I　don't　remember　what　was　said；　but　I　do　remember　being　shaken。　It　was　unpleasant；　but　I　could　ignore　it　and　did。
　　　　　　　I　awoke　in　early　evening。　There　was　a　fire　in　my　hearth；　and　a　neat　pile　of　firewood　in　the　hod。　A　little　table　had　been　drawn　up　near　my　bed；　and　some　bread　and　meat　and　cheese　was　set　out　on　a　platter　atop　an　embroidered　cloth　with　tatted　edges。　A　fat　pot　with　brewing　herbs　in　the　bottom　was　waiting　for　water　from　the　very　large　kettle　steaming　over　the　fire。　A　washtub　and　soap　were　set　out　on　the　other　side　of　the　hearth。　A　clean　nightshirt　had　been　left　across　the　foot　of　my　bed；　it　wasn't　one　of　my　old　ones。　It　might　actually　fit　me。
　　　　　　　My　gratitude　outweighed　my　puzzlement。　I　managed　to　get　out　of　bed　and　take　advantage　of　everything。　Afterward　I　felt　much　better。　My　dizziness　was　replaced　by　a　feeling　of　unnatural　lightness；　but　that　quickly　succumbed　to　the　bread　and　cheese。　The　tea　had　a　hint　of　elfbark　in　it；　I　instantly　suspected　Chade　and　wondered　if　he　was　the　one　who'd　tried　to　wake　me。　But　no；　Chade　only　summoned　me　at　night。
　　　　　　　I　was　dragging　the　clean　nightshirt　over　my　head　when　the　door　opened　quietly。　The　Fool　came　slipping　into　my　room。　He　was　in　his　winter　motley　of　black　and　white；　and　his　colorless　skin　seemed　even　paler　because　of　it。　His　garments　were　made　of　some　silky　fabric；　and　cut　so　loosely　that　he　looked　like　a　stick　swathed　in　it。　He'd　gotten　taller；　and　even　thinner；　if　that　were　possible。　As　always；　his　white　eyes　were　a　shock；　even　in　his　bloodless　face。　He　smiled　at　me；　and　then　waggled　a　pale　pink　tongue　derisively。
　　　　　　　〃You；〃　I　surmised；　and　gestured　'round。　〃Thank　you。〃
　　　　　　　〃No；〃　he　denied。　His　pale　hair　floated　out　from　beneath　his　cap　in　a　halo　as　he　shook　his　head。　〃But　I　assisted。　Thank　you　for　bathing。　It　makes　my　task　of　checking　on　you　less　onerous。　I'm　glad　you're　awake。　You　snore　abominably。〃
　　　　　　　I　let　his　ment　pass。　〃You've　grown；〃　I　observed。
　　　　　　　〃Yes。　So　have　you。　And　you've　been　sick。　And　you　slept　quite　a　long　time。　And　now　you　are　awake　and　bathed　and　fed。　You　still　look　terrible。　But　you　no　longer　smell。　It's　late　afternoon　now。　Are　there　any　other　obvious　facts　you'd　like　to　review？〃
　　　　　　　〃I　dreamed　about　you。　While　I　was　gone。〃
　　　　　　　He　gave　me　a　dubious　look。　〃Did　you？　How　touching。　I　can't　say　I　dreamed　of　you。〃
　　　　　　　〃I've　missed　you；〃　I　said；　and　enjoyed　the　brief　flash　of　surprise　on　the　Fool's　face。
　　　　　　　〃How　droll。　Does　that　explain　why　you've　been　playing　the　fool　yourself　so　much？〃
　　　　　　　〃I　suppose。　Sit　down。　Tell　me　what's　been　happening　while　I　was　gone。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　can't。　King　Shrewd　is　expecting　me。　Rather；　he　isn't　expecting　me；　and　that　is　precisely　why　I　must　go　to　him　now。　When　you　feel　better；　you　should　go　and　see　him。　Especially　if　he　isn't　expecting　you。〃　He　turned　abruptly　to　go。　He　whisked　himself　out　the　door；　then　leaned　back　in　abruptly。　He　lifted　the　silver　bells　at　the　end　of　one　ridiculously　long　sleeve　and　jingled　them　at　me。　〃Farewell；　Fitz。　Do　try　to　do　a　bit　better　at　not　letting　people　kill　you。〃　The　door　closed　silently　behind　him。
　　　　　　　I　was　left　alone。　I　poured　myself　another　cup　of　tea　and　sipped　at　it。　My　door　opened　again。　I　looked　up；　expecting　the　Fool。　Lacey　peeked　in　and　announced；　〃Oh；　he's　awake；〃　and　then；　more　severely；　demanded；　〃Why　didn't　you　say　how　tired　you　were？　It's　fair　scared　me　to　death；　you　sleeping　a　whole　day　'round　like　that。〃　She　did　not　wait　to　be　invited；　but　bustled　into　the　room；　clean　linens　and　blankets　in　her　arms　and　Lady　Patience　on　her　heels。
　　　　　　　〃Oh；　he　is　awake！〃　she　exclaimed　to　Lacey；　as　if　she　had　doubted　it。　They　ignored　my　humiliation　at　confronting　them　in　my　nightshirt。　Lady　Patience　seated　herself　on　my　bed　while　Lacey　fussed　about　the　room；　putting　it　to　rights。　There　was　not　much　to　do　in　my　bare　chamber；　but　she　stacked　my　dirty　dishes；　poked　at　my　fire；　tsk…tsked　over　my　dirty　bathwater　and　scattered　garments。　I　stood　at　bay　by　the　hearth　while　she　stripped　my　bed；　made　it　up　fresh；　gathered　my　dirty　clothes　over　her　arm　with　a　disdainful　sniff；　glanced　about；　and　then　sailed　out　the　door　with　her　plunder。
　　　　　　　〃I　was　going　to　tidy　that　up；〃　I　muttered；　embarrassed；　but　Lady　Patience　didn't　appear　to　notice。　She　gestured　imperiously　at　the　bed。　Reluctantly　I　got　into　it。　I　don't　believe　I　have　ever　felt　more　at　a　disadvantage。　She　emphasized　it　by　leaning　over　and　tucking　the　covers　around　me。
　　　　　　　〃About　Molly；〃　she　announced　abruptly。　〃Your　behavior　that　night　was　reprehensible。　You　used　your　weakness　to　lure　her　to　your　room。　And　upset　her　no　end　with　your　accusations。　Fitz；　I　will　not　allow　it。　If　you　were　not　so　sick；　I　would　be　furious　with　you。　As　it　is；　I　am　gravely　disappointed。　I　cannot　think　what　to　say　about　how　you　deceived　that　poor　girl；　and　led　her　on。　So　I　will　simply　say　that　it　will　happen　no　more。　You　shall　behave　honorably　to　her；　in　every　way。〃
　　　　　　　A　simple　misunderstanding　between　Molly　and　me　had　suddenly　bee　a　serious　matter。　〃There's　been　a　mistake　here；〃　I　said；　trying　to　sound　petent　and　calm。　〃Molly　and　I　need　to　straighten　it　out。　By　talking　together；　privately。　I　assure　you；　for　your　peace　of　mind；　that　it　is　not　at　all　what　you　seem　to　think　it　is。〃
　　　　　　　〃Bear　in　mind　who　you　are。　The　son　of　a　Prince　does　not…〃
　　　　　　　〃Fitz；〃　I　reminded　her　firmly。　〃I　am　FitzChivalry。　Chivalry's　bastard。〃　Patience　looked　stricken。　I　felt　again　how　much　I　had　changed　since　I　had　left　Buckkeep。　I　was　not　a　boy　anymore　for　her　to　supervise　and　correct。　She　had　to　see　me　as　I　was。　Still；　I　tried　to　soften　my　tone　as　I　pointed　out；　〃Not　the　proper　son　of　Prince　Chivalry；　my　lady。　Only　your　husband's　bastard。〃
　　　　　　　She　sat　on　the　foot　of　my　bed　and　looked　at　me。　Her　hazel　eyes　met　mine　squarely　and　held。　I　saw　past　her　giddiness　and　distractibility；　into　a　soul　capable　of　more　pain　and　vaster　regret　than　I　had　ever　suspected。　〃How　do　you　think　I　could　ever　forget　that？〃　she　asked　quietly。
　　　　　　　My　voice　died　in　my　throat　as　I　sought　for　an　answer。　I　was　rescued　by　Lacey's　return。　She　had　recruited　two　serving　men　and　a　couple　of　small　boys。　The　dirty　water　from　my　bath　and　my　dishes　was　whisked　away　by　them　while　Lacey　set　out　a　tray　of　small　pastries　and　two　more　cups；　and　measured　out　fresh　brewing　herbs　for　another　pot　of　tea。　Patience　and　I　were　silent　until　the　serving　folk　left　the　room。　Lacey　made　the　tea；　poured　cups　for　all；　and　then　settled　herself　with　her　everpresent　tatting。
　　　　　　　〃It　is　precisely　because　of　who　you　are　that　this　is　more　than　a　misunderstanding。〃　Patience　launched　back　into　the　topic；　as　if　I　had　never　dared　interrupt。　〃If　you　were　just　Fedwren's　apprentice；　or　a　stable　hand；　then　you　would　be　free　to　court　and　marry　however　you　wished。　But　you　are　not；　FitzChivalry　Farseer。　You　are　of　the　royal　blood。　Even　a　bastard〃…she　stumbled　slightly　on　the　wordof　that　line　must　observe　certain　customs。　And　practice　certain　discretions。　Consider　your　position　in　the　royal　household。　You　must　h