sk.petsematary-第64节

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　　〃I'd　say　there's　a　fifty…fifty　chance　he's　hydrocephalic；〃　Tardiff　said　to　Louis　in　his　office　later。　〃No…the　odds　may　actually　be　a　bit　higher　than　that。　If　so；　it's　mild。　He　seems　very　alert。　The　new　shunt　operation　should　take　care　of　the　problem　easily　。　。　。　if　there　is　a　problem。〃
　　〃A　shunt　means　brain　surgery；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃Minor　brain　surgery。〃
　　Louis　had　studied　the　process　not　long　after　he　began　to　worry　about　the　size　of　Gage's　head；　and　the　shunt　operation；　designed　to　drain　excess　fluid；　had　not　looked　very　minor　to　him。　But　he　kept　his　mouth　shut；　telling　himself　just　to　be　grateful　the　operation　existed　at　all。
　　〃Of　course；〃　Tardiff　went　on；　〃there's　still　a　large　possibility　that　your　kid　just　has　a　real　big　head　for　a　nine…month…old。　I　think　a　CAT…scan　is　the　best　place　to　start。　Do　you　agree？〃
　　Louis　had　agreed。
　　Gage　spent　a　night　in　Our　Sisters　of　Charity　Hospital　and　underwent　general　anesthesia。　His　sleeping　head　was　stuck　into　a　gadget　that　looked　like　a　giant　clothes　dryer。　Rachel　and　Louis　waited　downstairs　while　Ellie　spent　the　day　at　Grandma　and　Grandda's；　watching　〃Sesame　Street〃　nonstop　on　Grandda's　new　video　recorder。　For　Louis；　those　had　been　long；　gray　hours　in　which　he　found　himself　totting　up　sums　of　varying　ugliness　and　paring　results。　Death　under　general　anesthesia；　death　during　a　shunt　operation；　mild　retardation　as　a　result　of　hydrocephalus；　cataclysmic　retardation　as　a　result　of　same；　epilepsy；　blindness。　。　。　oh；　there　were　all　sorts　of　possibilities。　For　really　plete　disaster　maps；　Louis　remembered　thinking；　see　your　local　doctor。
　　Tardiff　had　e　into　the　waiting　room　around　five　o'clock。　He　had　three　cigars。　He　plugged　one　into　Louis's　mouth；　one　into　Rachel's　（she　was　too　flabbergasted　to　protest）；　and　one　into　his　own。
　　〃The　kid　is　fine。　No　hydrocephalus。〃
　　〃Light　this　thing；〃　Rachel　had　said；　weeping　and　laughing　at　the　same　time。　〃I'm　going　to　smoke　it　till　I　puke。〃
　　Grinning；　Tardiff　lit　their　cigars。
　　God　was　saving　him　for　Route　15；　Dr。　Tardiff；　Louis　thought　now。
　　〃Rachel；　if　he　had　been　hydrocephalic；　and　if　the　shunt　hadn't　worked。　。　。　could　you　have　still　loved　him？〃
　　〃What　a　weird　question；　Louis！〃
　　〃Could　you？〃
　　〃Yes；　of　course。　I　would　have　loved　Gage　no　matter　what。〃
　　〃Even　if　he　was　retarded？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃Would　you　have　wanted　him　institutionalized？〃
　　〃No；　I　don't　think　so；〃　she　said　slowly。　〃I　suppose；　with　the　money　you're　making　now；　we　could　afford　that　。　。　。　a　really　good　place；　I　mean。　。　。　but　I　think　I'd　want　him　with　us　if　we　could。　。　。　Louis；　why　do　you　ask？〃
　　〃Why；　I　suppose　I　was　still　thinking　of　your　sister　Zelda；〃　he　said。　He　was　still　astonished　at　this　eerie　glibness。　〃Wondering　if　you　could　have　gone　through　that　again。〃
　　〃It　wouldn't　have　been　the　same；〃　she　said；　sounding　almost　amused。　〃Gage　was　。　。　。　well；　Gage　was　Gage。　He　was　our　son。　That　would　have　made　all　the　difference。　It　would　have　been　hard；　I　guess；　but。　。　。　would　you　have　wanted　him　in　an　institution？　A　place　like　Pineland？〃
　　〃Let's　go　to　sleep。〃
　　〃That's　a　good　idea。〃
　　〃I　feel　like　I　can　sleep　now；〃　she　said。　〃I　want　to　put　this　day　behind　me。〃
　　〃Amen　to　that；〃　Louis　said。
　　A　long　time　later　she　said　drowsily；　〃You're　right；　Louis　。　。　just　dreams　and　vapors。　。　。〃
　　〃Sure；〃　he　said；　and　kissed　her　earlobe。　〃Now　sleep。〃
　　It　seemed　to　me　to　have　a　quality　of　prophecy。
　　He　did　not　sleep　for　a　long　time；　and　before　he　did；　the　curved　bone　of　the　moon　looked　in　the　window　at　him。
　　　43
　　The　following　day　was　overcast　but　very　warm；　and　Louis　was　sweating　heavily　by　the　time　he　had　checked　Rachel's　and　Ellie's　baggage　through　and　gotten　their　tickets　out　of　the　puter。　He　supposed　just　being　able　to　keep　busy　was　something　of　a　gift；　and　he　felt　only　a　small；　aching　parison　to　the　last　time　he　had　put　his　family　on　a　plane　to　Chicago；　at　Thanksgiving。　Ellie　seemed　distant　and　a　trifle　odd。　Several　times　that　morning　Louis　had　looked　up　and　seen　an　expression　of　peculiar　speculation　on　her　face。
　　Conspirator's　plex　working　overtime；　boyo；　he　told　himself。　She　said　nothing　when　told　they　were　all　going　to　Chicago；　she　and　Mommy　first；　perhaps　for　the　whole　summer；　and　only　went　on　eating　her　breakfast　（Cocoa　Bears）。　After　breakfast　she　went　silently　upstairs　and　got　into　the　dress　and　shoes　Rachel　had　laid　out　for　her。　She　had　brought　the　picture　of　her　pulling　Gage　on　her　sled　to　the　airport　with　her；　and　she　sat　calmly　in　one　of　the　plastic　contour　seats　in　the　lower　lobby　while　Louis　stood　in　line　for　their　tickets　and　the　loudspeaker　blared　intelligence　of　arriving　and　departing　flights。
　　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Goldman　showed　up　forty　minutes　before　flight　time。　Irwin　Goldman　was　natty　（and　apparently　sweatless）　in　a　cashmere　topcoat　in　spite　of　the　sixty…degree　temperatures；　he　went　over　to　the　Avis　desk　to　check　his　car　in　while　Dory　Goldman　sat　with　Rachel　and　Effie。
　　Louis　and　Goldman　joined　the　others　at　the　same　time。　Louis　was　a　bit　afraid　that　there　might　be　a　reprise　of　the　my　son；　my　son　playlet；　but　he　was　spared。　Goldman　contented　himself　with　a　rather　limp　handshake　and　a　muttered　hello。　The　quick；　embarrassed　glance　he　afforded　his　son…in…law　confirmed　the　certainty　Louis　had　awakened　with　this　morning：　the　man　must　have　been　drunk。
　　They　went　upstairs　on　the　escalator　and　sat　in　the　boarding　lounge；　not　talking　much。　Dory　Goldman　thumbed　nervously　at　her　copy　of　an　Erica　Jong　novel　but　did　not　open　it。　She　kept　glancing；　a　little　nervously；　at　the　picture　Ellie　was　holding。
　　Louis　asked　his　daughter　if　she　would　like　to　walk　over　to　the　bookstore　with　him　and　pick　out　something　to　read　on　the　plane。
　　Ellie　had　been　looking　at　him　in　that　speculative　way　again。　Louis　didn't　like　it。　It　made　him　nervous。
　　〃Will　you　be　good　at　Grandma　and　Grandda's？〃　he　asked　her　as　they　walked　over。
　　〃Yes；〃　she　said。　〃Daddy；　will　the　truant　officer　get　me？　Andy　Pasioca　says　there's　a　truant　officer　and　he　gets　school　skippers。〃
　　〃Don't　you　worry　about　the　truant　officer；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　take　care　of　the　school；　and　you　can　start　again　in　the　fall　with　no　trouble。〃
　　〃I　hope　I'll　be　okay　in　the　fall；〃　Ellie　said。　〃I　never　was　in　a　grade　before。　Only　kindergarten。　I　don't　know　what　kids　do　in　grades。　Homework；　probably。〃
　　〃You'll　be　fine。〃
　　〃Daddy；　are　you　still　pissed　off　at　Grandda？〃
　　He　gaped　at　her。　〃Why　in　the　world　would　you　think　I　was　that　I　didn't　like　your　grandda；　Effie？〃
　　She　shrugged　as　if　the　topic　held　no　particular　interest　for　her。　〃When　you　talk　about　him；　you　always　look　pissed　off。〃
　　〃Ellie；　that's　vulgar。〃
　　〃Sorry。〃
　　She　gave　him　that　strange；　fey　look　and　then　drifted　off　to　look　at　the　racks　of　kid　books…Mercer　Meyer　and　Maurice　Sendak　and　Richard　Scarry　and　Beatrix　Potter　and　that　famous　old　standby；　Dr。　Seuss。　How　do　they　find　this　stuff　out？　Or　do　they　just　know？　How　much　does　Ellie　know？　How's　it　affecting　her？　Ellie；　what's　behind　that　pale　little　face？　Pissed　off　at　him…　Christ！
　　〃Can　I　have　these；　Daddy？〃　She　was　holding　out　a　Dr。　Seuss　and　a　book　Louis　hadn't　seen　since　his　own　childhood…the　story　of　Little　Black　Sambo　and　how　the　tigers　had　gotten　his　clothes　one　fine　day。
　　I　thought　they'd　made　that　one　an　unbook；　Louis　thought；　bemused。
　　〃Yes；〃　he　said；　and　they　stood　in　a　short　line　at　the　cash　register。　〃Your　grandda　and　I　like　each　other　fine；〃　he　said　and　thought　again　of　his　mother's　story　of　how　when　a　woman　really　wanted　a　baby；　she　〃found〃　one。　He　remembered　his　own　foolish　promises　to　himself　that　he　would　never　lie　to　his　own　children。
　　Over　the　last　few　days　he　had　developed　into　quite　a　promising　liar；　he　felt；　but　he　would　not　let　himself　think　about　it　now。
　　〃Oh；〃　she　said　and　fell　silent。
　　The　silence　made　him　uneasy。　To　break　it　he　said；　〃So　do　you　think　you'll　have　a　good　time　in　Chicago？〃
　　No。
　　〃No？　Why　not？〃
　　She　looked　up　at　him　with　that　fey　expression。　〃I'm　scared。〃
　　He　put　his　hand　on　her　head。　〃Scared？　Honey；　what　for？　You're　not　scared　of　the　plane；　are　you？〃
　　〃No；〃　she　said。　〃I　don't　know　what　I'm　scared　of。　Daddy；　I　dreamed　we　were　at　Gage's　funeral　and　the　funeral　man　opened　his　coffin　and　it　was　empty。　Then　I　dreamed　I　was　home　and　I　looked　in　Gage's　crib　and　that　was　empty　too。　But　there　was　dirt　in　it。〃
　　Lazarus；　e　forth。
　　For　the　first　time　in　months　he　remembered　the　dream　he　had　had　after　Pascow's　death…the　dream；　and　then　waking　up　to　find　his　feet　dirty　and　the　foot　of　the　bed　caked　with　pine　needles　and　muck。
　　The　hairs　at　the　nape　of　his　neck　stirred。
　　〃Just　dreams；〃　he　said　to　Ellie；　and　his　voice　sounded；　to　his　ears　at　least；　perfectly　normal。　〃They'll　pass。〃
　　〃I　wish　you　were　ing　with　us；〃　she　said；　〃or　that　we　were　staying　here。　Can　we　stay；　Daddy？　Please？　I　don't　want　to　go　to　Grandma　and　Grandda's　。　。　。　I　just　want　to　go　back　to　school。　Okay？〃
　　〃Just　for　a　little　while；　Ellie；〃　he　said。　〃I've　got〃…he　swallowed
　　…〃a　few　things　to　do　here；　and　then　I'll　be　with　you。　We　can　decide　what　to　do　next。〃
　　He　expected　an　argument；　perhaps　even　an　Ellie…style　tantrum。　He　might　even　have　weled　i