sk.petsematary-第34节

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　　〃Your　dad　knew　all　about　it。〃
　　〃Ayuh。　'Who　took　you　up　there；　Jud？'　he　asked　me；　and　I　told　him。　He　just　nodded　like　it　was　what　he　would　have　expected。　I　guess　it　prob'ly　was；　although　I　found　out　later　that　there　were　six　or　eight　people　in　Ludlow　at　that　time　that　could　have　taken　me　up　there。　I　guess　he　knew　that　Stanny　B。　was　the　only　one　crazy　enough　to　have　actually　done　it。〃
　　〃Did　you　ask　him　why　he　didn't　take　you；　Jud？〃
　　〃I　did；〃　Jud　said。　〃Somewhere　during　that　long　talk　I　did　ask　him　that。　And　he　said　it　was　a　bad　place；　by　and　large；　and　that　it　didn't　often　do　anything　good　for　people　who　had　lost　their　animals　or　for　the　animals　themselves。　He　asked　me　if　I　liked　Spot　the　way　he　was；　and　do　you　know；　Louis；　I　had　the　hardest　time　answering　that。　。　and　it's　important　that　I　tell　you　my　feelings　on　that；　because　sooner　or　later　you're　going　to　ask　me　why　I　led　you　up　there　with　your　daughter's　cat　if　it　was　a　bad　thing　to　do。　Isn't　that　so？〃
　　Louis　nodded。　What　was　Ellie　going　to　think　about　Church　when　she　got　back？　That　had　been　much　on　his　mind　while　he　and　Steve　Masterton　had　been　playing　racket　ball　that　afternoon。
　　〃Maybe　I　did　it　because　kids　need　to　know　that　sometimes　dead　is　better；〃　Jud　said　with　some　difficulty。　〃That's　somethin　your　Ellie　don't　know；　and　I　got　a　feelin　that　maybe　she　don't　know　because　your　wife　don't　know。　Now；　you　go　ahead　and　tell　me　if　I'm　wrong；　and　we'll　leave　it。〃
　　Louis　opened　his　mouth　and　then　closed　it　again。
　　Jud　went　on；　now　speaking　very　slowly；　appearing　to　move　from　word　to　word　as　they　had　moved　from　hummock　to　hummock　in　Little　God　Swamp　the　night　before。
　　〃I've　seen　it　happen　over　the　years；〃　he　said。　〃I　guess　I　told　you　that　Lester　Morgan　buried　his　prize　bull　up　there。　Black　Angus　named　Hanratty。　Ain't　that　a　silly　name　for　a　bull？
　　Died　of　some　sort　of　ulcer　inside；　and　Lester　dragged　him　all　the　way　up　there　on　a　sledge。　How　he　did　it…how　he　got　over　the　deadfall　there　I　dunno…but　it's　said　that　what　you　want　to　do；　you　can。　And　at　least　as　far　as　that　burying　ground　goes；　I'd　say　it's　true。
　　〃Well；　Hanratty　came　back；　but　Lester　shot　him　dead　two　weeks　later。　That　bull　turned　mean；　really　mean。　But　he's　the　only　animal　I　ever　heard　of　that　did。　Most　of　them　just　seem　a　little　stupid。　。　。　a　little　slow。　。　。　a　little。　。　。〃　〃A　little　dead？〃
　　〃Yeah；〃　Jud　said。　〃A　little　dead。　Like　they　had　been。　。　。　somewhere　。　。　。　and　came　back。　。　。　but　not　all　the　way。　Now；　your　daughter　isn't　going　to　know　that；　Louis。　Not　that　her　cat　was　hit　by　a　car；　and　killed；　and　came　back。　So　you　could　say　you　can't　teach　a　child　a　lesson　unless　the　child　knows　there's　a　lesson　to　be　learned。　Except　。　。
　　〃Except　sometimes　you　can；〃　Louis　said；　more　to　himself　than　to　Jud。
　　〃Yes；〃　Jud　agreed；　〃sometimes　you　can。　Maybe　she'll　learn　something　about　what　death　really　is；　which　is　where　the　pain　stops　and　the　good　memories　begin。　Not　the　end　of　life；　but　the　end　of　pain。　You　don't　tell　her　those　things；　she　will　figure　them　out　on　her　own。
　　〃And　if　she's　anything　like　me；　she'll　go　on　loving　her　pet。　It　won't　turn　vicious；　or　bite；　or　anything　like　that。　She'll　go　on　loving　it　。　。　。　but　she'll　draw　her　own　conclusions　。　。　。　and　she'll　breathe　a　sigh　of　relief　when　it　finally　dies。〃
　　〃That's　why　you　took　me　up　there；〃　Louis　said。　He　felt　better　now。　He　had　an　explanation。　It　was　diffuse；　it　relied　more　upon　the　logic　of　the　nerve　endings　than　the　logic　of　the　rational　mind；　but　under　the　circumstances；　he　found　he　could　accept　that。　And　it　meant　he　could　forget　the　expression　he　thought　he　had　seen　on　Jud's　face　briefly　last　night…that　dark；　capering　glee。　〃Okay；　that's…〃
　　Abruptly；　almost　shockingly；　Jud　covered　his　face　with　both　hands。　For　one　moment　Louis　thought　he　had　been　struck　by　a　sudden　pain；　and　he　half…rose；　concerned；　until　he　saw　the　convulsive　heave　of　the　chest　and　realized　that　the　old　man　was　struggling　not　to　cry。
　　〃That's　why；　but　it　ain't　why；〃　he　said　in　a　strangled；　choked　voice。　〃I　did　it　for　the　same　reason　Stanny　B。　did　it　and　for　the　same　reason　Lester　Morgan　did　it。　Lester　took　Linda　Lavesque　up　there　after　her　dog　got　run　over　in　the　road。　He　took　her　up　there　even　though　he　had　to　put　his　goddam　bull　out　of　its　misery　for　chasing　kids　through　its　pasture　like　it　was　mad。　He　did　it　anyway；　he　did　it　anyway；　Louis；〃　Jud　almost　moaned；　〃and　what　the　Christ　do　you　make　of　that！〃
　　〃Jud；　what　are　you　talking　about？〃　Louis　asked；　alarmed。
　　〃Lester　did　it　and　Stanny　did　it　for　the　same　reason　I　did　it。　You　do　it　because　it　gets　hold　of　you。　You　do　it　because　that　burial　place　is　a　secret　place；　and　you　want　to　share　the　secret；　and　when　you　find　a　reason　that　seems　good　enough；　why。　。　。〃　Jud　took　his　hands　away　from　his　face　and　looked　at　Louis　with　eyes　that　seemed　incredibly　ancient；　incredibly　haggard。　〃Why　then　you　just　go　ahead　and　do　it。　You　make　up　reasons。　。　。　they　seem　like　good　reasons　。　。　but　mostly　you　do　it　because　you　want　to。　Or　because　you　have　to。　My　dad；　he　didn't　take　me　up　there　because　he'd　heard　about　it　but　he'd　never　been。　Stanny　B。　had　been　up　there。　。　。　and　he　took　me。　。　and　seventy　years　go　by。　。　。　and　then。　。　。　all　at　once。　。　。〃
　　Jud　shook　his　head　and　coughed　dryly　into　the　palm　of　his　hand。
　　〃Listen；〃　he　said。　〃Listen；　Louis。　Lester's　bull　was　the　only　damn　animal　I　ever　knew　of　that　turned　really　mean。　I　b'lieve　that　Missus　Lavesque's　little　chow　might　have　bit　the　postman　once；　after；　and　I　heard　a　few　other　things。　。　。　animals　that　got　a　little　nasty　。　。　but　Spot　was　always　a　good　dog。　He　always　smelled　like　dirt；　it　didn't　matter　how　many　times　you　washed　him；　he　always　smelled　like　dirt…but　he　was　a　good　dog。　My　mother　would　never　touch　him　afterward；　but　he　was　a　good　dog　just　the　same。　But　Louis；　if　you　was　to　take　your　cat　out　tonight　and　kill　it；　I　would　never　say　a　word。
　　〃That　place。　。　。　all　at　once　it　gets　hold　of　you　。　。　。　and　you　make　up　the　sweetest…smelling　reasons　in　the　world　。　。　but　I　could　have　been　wrong；　Louis。　That's　all　I'm　saying。　Lester　could　have　been　wrong。　Stanny　B。　could　have　been　wrong。　Hell；　I　ain't　God　either。　But　bringing　the　dead　back　to　life。　。　。　that's　about　as　close　to　playing　God　as　you　can　get；　ain't　it？〃
　　Louis　opened　his　mouth　again；　then　closed　it　again。　What　would　have　e　out　would　have　sounded　wrong；　wrong　and　cruel：　Jud；　I　didn't　go　through　all　that　just　to　kill　the　damn　cat　again。
　　Jud　drained　his　beer　and　then　put　it　carefully　aside　with　the　other　empties。　〃I　guess　that's　it；〃　he　said。　〃I　am　talked　out。〃
　　〃Can　I　ask　you　one　other　question？〃　Louis　asked。
　　〃I　guess　so；〃　Jud　said。
　　Louis　said：　〃Has　anyone　ever　buried　a　person　up　there？〃　Jud's　arm　jerked　convulsively；　two　of　the　beer　bottles　fell　off　the　table；　and　one　of　them　shattered。
　　〃Christ　on　His　throne；〃　he　said　to　Louis。　〃No！　And　who　ever　would？　You　don't　even　want　to　talk　about　such　things；　Louis！〃
　　〃I　was　just　curious；〃　Louis　said　uneasily。
　　〃Some　things　it　don't　pay　to　be　curious　about；〃　Jud　Crandall　said；　and　for　the　first　time　he　looked　really　old　and　infirm　to　Louis　Creed；　as　if　he　were　standing　somewhere　in　the　neighborhood　of　his　own　freshly　prepared　grave。
　　And　later；　at　home；　something　else　occurred　to　him　about　how　Jud　had　looked　at　that　moment。
　　He　had　looked　like　he　was　lying。
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　　Louis　didn't　really　know　he　was　drunk　until　he　got　back　in　his　own　garage。
　　Outside　there　was　starlight　and　a　chilly　rind　of　moon。　Not　enough　light　to　cast　a　shadow；　but　enough　to　see　by。　Once　he　got　in　the　garage；　he　was　blind。　There　was　a　light　switch　somewhere；　but　he　was　damned　if　he　could　remember　anymore　just　where　it　was。　He　felt　his　way　along　slowly；　shuffling　his　feet；　his　head　swimming；　anticipating　a　painful　crack　on　the　knee　or　a　toy　that　he　would　stumble　over；　frightening　himself　with　its　crash；　perhaps　falling　over　himself。　Ellie's　little　Schwinn　with　its　red　training　wheels。　Gage's　Crawly…Gator。
　　Where　was　the　eat？　Had　he　left　him　in？
　　Somehow　he　sailed　off　course　and　ran　into　the　wall。　A　splinter　whispered　into　one　palm　and　he　cried　out　〃Shit！〃　to　the　darkness；　realizing　after　the　word　was　out　that　it　sounded　more　seared　than　mad。　The　whole　garage　seemed　to　have　taken　a　stealthy　half…turn。　Now　it　wasn't　just　the　light　switch；　now　he　didn't　know　where　the　fuck　anything　was；　and　that　included　the　door　into　the　kitchen。
　　He　began　walking　again；　moving　slowly；　his　palm　stinging。　This　is　what　it　would　be　like　to　be　blind；　he　thought；　and　that　made　him　think　of　a　Stevie　Wonder　concert　he　and　Rachel　had　gone　to…when？　Six　years　ago？　As　impossible　as　it　seemed；　it　had　to　be。　She　had　been　pregnant　with　Ellie　then。　Two　guys　had　led　Wonder　to　his　synthesizer；　guiding　him　over　the　cables　that　snaked　across　the　stage　so　he　wouldn't　stumble。　And　later；　when　he　had　gotten　up　to　dance　with　one　of　the　back…up　singers；　she　had　led　him　carefully　to　a　clear　place　on　the　floor。　He　had　danced　well；　Louis　remembered　thinking。　He　had　danced　well；　but　he　had　needed　a　hand　to　lead　him　to　the　space　where　he　could　do　it。
　　How　about　a　hand　right　now　to　lead　me　to　my　kitchen　door？　he　thought。　。　。　and　abruptly　shuddered。