the lily of the valley-第13节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃Why should you be troubled when there is no occasion？〃 she replied。
〃Now go and attend to the rye。 You know if you are not there the men
will let the gleaners of the other villages get into the field before
the sheaves are carried away。〃
〃I am going to take a first lesson in agriculture； madame；〃 I said to
her。
〃You have a very good master；〃 she replied； motioning towards the
count； whose mouth screwed itself into that smile of satisfaction
which is vulgarly termed a 〃bouche en coeur。〃
Two months later I learned she had passed that night in great anxiety；
fearing that her son had the croup； while I was in the boat； rocked by
thoughts of love； imagined that she might see me from her window
adoring the gleam of the candle which was then lighting a forehead
furrowed by fears！ The croup prevailed at Tours； and was often fatal。
When we were outside the gate； the count said in a voice of emotion；
〃Madame de Mortsauf is an angel！〃 The words staggered me。 As yet I
knew but little of the family； and the natural conscience of a young
soul made me exclaim inwardly： 〃What right have I to trouble this
perfect peace？〃
Glad to find a listener in a young man over whom he could lord it so
easily； the count talked to me of the future which the return of the
Bourbons would secure to France。 We had a desultory conversation； in
which I listened to much childish nonsense which positively amazed me。
He was ignorant of facts susceptible of proof that might be called
geometric； he feared persons of education； he rejected superiority；
and scoffed； perhaps with some reason； at progress。 I discovered in
his nature a number of sensitive fibres which it required the utmost
caution not to wound； so that a conversation with him of any length
was a positive strain upon the mind。 When I had； as it were； felt of
his defects； I conformed to them with the same suppleness that his
wife showed in soothing him。 Later in life I should certainly have
made him angry； but now； humble as a child； supposing that I knew
nothing and believing that men in their prime knew all； I was
genuinely amazed at the results obtained at Clochegourde by this
patient agriculturist。 I listened admiringly to his plans； and with an
involuntary flattery which won his good…will； I envied him the estate
and its outlooka terrestrial paradise； I called it； far superior to
Frapesle。
〃Frapesle；〃 I said； 〃is a massive piece of plate； but Clochegourde is
a jewel…case of gems；〃a speech which he often quoted； giving credit
to its author。
〃Before we came here；〃 he said； 〃it was desolation itself。〃
I was all ears when he told of his seed…fields and nurseries。 New to
country life； I besieged him with questions about prices； means of
preparing and working the soil； etc。； and he seemed glad to answer all
in detail。
〃What in the world do they teach you in your colleges？〃 he exclaimed
at last in astonishment。
On this first day the count said to his wife when he reached home；
〃Monsieur Felix is a charming young man。〃
That evening I wrote to my mother and asked her to send my clothes and
linen； saying that I should remain at Frapesle。 Ignorant of the great
revolution which was just taking place； and not perceiving the
influence it was to have upon my fate； I expected to return to Paris
to resume my legal studies。 The Law School did not open till the first
week in November； meantime I had two months and a half before me。
The first part of my stay； while I studied to understand the count；
was a period of painful impressions to me。 I found him a man of
extreme irascibility without adequate cause； hasty in action in
hazardous cases to a degree that alarmed me。 Sometimes he showed
glimpses of the brave gentleman of Conde's army； parabolic flashes of
will such as may； in times of emergency； tear through politics like
bomb…shells； and may also； by virtue of honesty and courage； make a
man condemned to live buried on his property an Elbee； a Bonchamp； or
a Charette。 In presence of certain ideas his nostril contracted； his
forehead cleared； and his eyes shot lightnings； which were soon
quenched。 Sometimes I feared he might detect the language of my eyes
and kill me。 I was young then and merely tender。 Will； that force that
alters men so strangely； had scarcely dawned within me。 My passionate
desires shook me with an emotion that was like the throes of fear。
Death I feared not； but I would not die until I knew the happiness of
mutual loveBut how tell of what I felt！ I was a prey to perplexity；
I hoped for some fortunate chance； I watched； I made the children love
me； I tried to identify myself with the family。
Little by little the count restrained himself less in my presence。 I
came to know his sudden outbreaks of temper； his deep and ceaseless
melancholy； his flashes of brutality； his bitter； cutting complaints；
his cold hatreds； his impulses of latent madness； his childish moans；
his cries of a man's despair； his unexpected fury。 The moral nature
differs from the physical nature inasmuch as nothing is absolute in
it。 The force of effects is in direct proportion to the characters or
the ideas which are grouped around some fact。 My position at
Clochegourde； my future life； depended on this one eccentric will。
I cannot describe to you the distress that filled my soul （as quick in
those days to expand as to contract）； whenever I entered Clochegourde；
and asked myself； 〃How will he receive me？〃 With what anxiety of heart
I saw the clouds collecting on that stormy brow。 I lived in a
perpetual 〃qui…vive。〃 I fell under the dominion of that man； and the
sufferings I endured taught me to understand those of Madame de
Mortsauf。 We began by exchanging looks of comprehension； tried by the
same fire； how many discoveries I made during those first forty days！
of actual bitterness； of tacit joys； of hopes alternately submerged
and buoyant。 One evening I found her pensively watching a sunset which
reddened the summits with so ravishing a glow that it was impossible
not to listen to that voice of the eternal Song of Songs by which
Nature herself bids all her creatures love。 Did the lost illusions of
her girlhood return to her？ Did the woman suffer from an inward
comparison？ I fancied I perceived a desolation in her attitude that
was favorable to my first appeal； and I said； 〃Some days are hard to
bear。〃
〃You read my soul；〃 she answered； 〃but how have you done so？〃
〃We touch at many points；〃 I replied。 〃Surely we belong to the small
number of human beings born to the highest joys and the deepest
sorrows； whose feeling qualities vibrate in unison and echo each other
inwardly； whose sensitive natures are in harmony with the principle of
things。 Put such beings among surroundings where all is discord and
they suffer horribly； just as their happiness mounts to exaltation
when they meet ideas； or feelings； or other beings who are congenial
to them。 But there is still a third condition； where sorrows are known
only to souls affected by the same distress； in this alone is the
highest fraternal comprehension。 It may happen that such souls find no
outlet either for good or evil。 Then the organ within us endowed with
expression and motion is exercised in a void； expends its passion
without an object； utters sounds without melody； and cries that are
lost in solitude；terrible defeat of a soul which revolts against the
inutility of nothingness。 These are struggles in which our strength
oozes away without restraint； as blood from an inward wound。 The
sensibilities flow to waste and the result is a horrible weakening of
the soul； an indescribable melancholy for which the confessional
itself has no ears。 Have I not expressed our mutual sufferings？〃
She shuddered； and then without removing her eyes from the setting
sun； she said； 〃How is it that； young as you are； you know these
things？ Were you once a woman？〃
〃Ah！〃 I replied； 〃my childhood was like a long illness〃
〃I hear Madeleine coughing；〃 she cried； leaving me abruptly。
The countess showed no displeasure at my constant visits； and for two
reasons。 In the first place she was pure as a child； and her thoughts
wandered into no forbidden regions； in the next I amused the count and
made a sop for that lion without claws or mane。 I found an excuse for
my visits which seemed plausible to every one。 Monsieur de Mortsauf
proposed to teach me backgammon； and I accepted； as I did so the
countess was betrayed into a look of compassion； which seemed to say；
〃You are flinging yourself into the jaws of the lion。〃 If I did not
understand this at the time； three days had not passed before I knew
what I had undertaken。 My patience； which nothing exhausts； the fruit
of my miserable childhood； ripened under this last trial。 The count
was delighted when he could jeer at me for not putting in practice the
principles or the rules he had explained； if
