the red acorn-第38节
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〃I think Lieutenant Alspaugh will be content to go back to the field in a few days； if we continue this vigorous treatment；〃 Dr。 Denslow said； a little later； as he came into the reading…room of the hospital where he found Rachel sitting alone。
〃O； Doctor； how could you be so cruel？〃 she asked in tones which were meant to be reproachful； but only poorly disguised her mirthful appreciation of the whole matter。
〃I wasn't cruel； I only did my duty。 The fellow's a palpable malingerer； and his being here makes it ever so much worse。 He's trying to shirk duty and have a good time here in the hospital。 It's my place to make the hospital so unpleasant for him that he will think the field preferable； and I'm going to do it； especially if I find him squeezing your hand again。〃
There was that in the tone of the last sentence which sobered her instantly。 Womanly prescience told her that the Surgeon had discovered what seemed to him a fitting opportunity to say that which he had long desired。 Ever since she had been in the hospital he had exerted himself to smooth her path for her； and make her stay there endurable。 There was not a day in which she was not indebted to him for some unobtrusive kindness； delicately and thoughtfully rendered。
While she knew quite well that these courtesies would have been as conscientiously extended to any other womanyoung or oldin her position； yet her instincts did not allow her any doubt that there was about them a flavor personal to herself and redolent of something much warmer than mere kindliness。 A knowledge of this had at times tainted the pleasure she felt in accepting welcome little attentions from him。 She dreaded what she knew was coming。 He took her hand and started to speak with tremulous lips。 But almost at the same instant the door was flung open； and a nurse entered in breathless haste。
〃O； Doctor；〃 he gasped； 〃I've been looking for you everywhere。 That Lieutenant in the First Ward thinks he's a…dyin'。 He's groanin' an' cryin'； and a…takin' on at a terrible rate； an' nobody can't do nothin' with him。 The Steward wants you to come there right off。〃
〃It's only the castor oil；〃 muttered the Doctor savagely； as he rose to follow the nurse。
This was the letter that the Orderly handed Rachel some days later：
Dear Ratie： Your letter came at last； for which I was SO thankful； because I had waited SO long for it that I was SO tired and SO anxious that I was almost at my wits' end。 I am SO glad that you are well； that you have got your room at last fixed up real nice and comfortable； as a young lady should have； and that you find your duties more agreeable。 It is SO nice in that Dr。 Denslow to help you along as he does。 But then that is what every real gentleman should do for a young ladyor old one for that matter。 Still； I would like to thank him SO much。
I am not at all well： my heart gives me SO much troublemore than ever beforeand as you say nothing about coming home I have about concluded to try what a change of climate and scene will do for me； and so have concluded to accept your Aunt Tabitha's invitation to spend a few months with her。 Unless you hear from me to the contrarywhich you will probably not； as the mails are so uncertain in Kentucky； you had better address your next letter to me at Eau Claire。
But I am so sorry to see by your letter that you show no signs of weariness with your quixotic idea of serving the country in the hospital。 I had hoped so much that you would by this time have decided that you had done enough； and come home and content yourself with doing what you could for the Sanitary Fair； and the lint…scraping bees。
YOUR AFFECTIONATE MOTHER。
P。S。Your father is well。 He will go with me to Wisconsin； and then go down to Nebraska to look after his land there。
P。S。I am SO sorry to tell you that Harry Glen has acted badly again。 The last letters from the regiment say that he did not go into the fight at Wildcat； and afterward was missing。 They believe he was captured； and some say he was taken prisoner on purpose。 Everybody's saying； 〃I told you so；〃 and Mrs。 Glen has not been on the street or to church since the news came。 I am so sorry for her； but then you know that she used to put on quite as many airs as her position justified。
P。S。Hoop…skirts are getting smaller every month； and some are confident that they will go entirely out of fashion by next year。 I do so hope not。 I so dread having to cme back to the old way of wearing a whole clothes…basketful of white skirts。 The new bonnets are just the awfulest things you ever did see。 Write soon。
Rachel crumpled the letter in her hand； with a quick； angry gesture； as if crushing some hateful； despicable thing； and her clear hazel eyes blazed。
〃He is evidently a hopeless coward；〃 she said to herself； 〃when all that has passed can not spur him into an exhibition of proper spirit。 If he had the love for me he professed it could not help stimulating him to some show of manliness。 I will fling him out of my heart and my world as I would fling a rotten apple out of a basket。〃
Then a sadder and gentler light shone in her face。
〃Perhaps I am myself to blame a little。 I may not be a good source of inspiration to acts of heroism。 Other girls may have ways of stimulating their loves to high deeds that I know not of。 Possibly I applied the lash too severely； and instead of rousing him up I killed all the hope in his heart； and made him indifferent to his future。 Possibly； too； this story may not be true。 The feeling in Sardis against him is strong； and they are hardly willing to do him justice。 No doubt they misrepresent him in this； as they are apt to do in everything。〃
Her face hardened again。
〃But it's of no use seeking excuses for him。 My lovermy husbandmust be a man who can hold his own with other men； in whatever relation of life the struggle may be。 The man into whose hands I entrust the happiness of my life must have his qualities so clear and distinct that there never will be any question about them。 He must not need continual explanation and defense； for then outraged pride would strangle love with a ruthless hand。 No； I must never have reason to believe that my choice is inferior to other men in anything。〃
But notwithstanding this； she smoothed out the crumpled letter tenderly upon her knee； and read it over again； in the vain hope of finding that the words had less harshness than she had at first found in them。
〃No；〃 she said after a weary study of the lines； 〃it's surely worse than mother states it。 She is so kind and gentle that she never fails to mitigate the harshness of anything that she hears about others； and she has told me this as mildly as the case will admit。 I must give him up forever。〃
But though she made this resolution with a firm settling of the lines around her mouth that spoke strongly of its probable fulfilment； the arrival of the decision was the signal for the assault of a thousand tender memories and dear recollections； all pleading trumpet…tongued against the summary dismissal of the unworthy lover。 All the ineffably sweet incidents of their love…life stretched themselves out in a vista before her； and tempted her to reverse her decision。 But she stayed her purpose with repeating to herself：
〃It will save untold misery hereafter to be firm now； and end a connection at once that must be the worse for both of us every day that it is allowed to continue。〃
There was a tap at the door； and Dr。 Denslow entered。
The struggle had so shattered Rachel's self…control that she nervously grasped the letter and thrust it into her pocket； as if the mere sight of it would reveal to him the perturbation that was shaking her。
His quick eyesquicker yet in whatever related to hernoticed her embarrassment。
〃Excuse me；〃 he said with that graceful tact which seemed the very fiber of his nature。 〃You are not in the mood to receive callers。 I will go now； and look in again。〃
〃No； no； stay。 I am really glad to see you。 It is nothing； I assure you。〃
She really wished very much to be alone with her grief； but she felt somehow that to shrink from a meeting would be an evasion of the path of duty she had marked out for her feet to tread。 If she were going to eliminate all thoughts of her love and her lover from her life； there was no better time to begin than now； while her resolution was fresh。 She insisted upon the Doctor remaining； and he did so。 Conscious that her embarrassment had been noticed； her self…possession did not return quickly enough to prevent her falling into the error of failing to ignore this； and she confusedly stumbled into an explanation：
〃I have received a letter from home which contains news that disturbs me。〃 This was as far as she had expected to go。
Dr。 Denslow's face expressed a lively sympathy。 〃No one dead or seriously ill； I trust。〃
〃No； not as bad as that；〃 she answered hastily； in the first impulse of fear that she had unwarrantably excited his sympathy。 〃Nor is it anything connected with property；〃 she hastily added； as she saw the Doctor looked inquiringly； but as though fearing that further questioning might be an indelicate intrusion。
She picked nervously a
