selected writings-第41节

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mustache；　and　a　thick　beard。　Suddenly　I　had　a　kind　of　vision；　I

know　not　whythe　vision　of　a　basin　filled　with　noisome　water；

the　water　which　should　have　been　applied　to　that　poll。　I　said　to

him：



〃Verily；　you　look　to　be　more　than　that　age。　Of　a　certainty　you

must　have　experienced　some　great　disappointment。〃



He　replied：



〃I　tell　you　that　I　have　not。　I　am　old　because　I　never　take　air。

There　is　nothing　that　vitiates　the　life　of　a　man　more　than　the

atmosphere　of　a　cafe。〃　I　could　not　believe　him。



〃You　must　surely　have　been　married　as　well？　One　could　not　get　as

baldheaded　as　you　are　without　having　been　much　in　love。〃



He　shook　his　head；　sending　down　his　back　little　hairs　from　the

scalp：



〃No；　I　have　always　been　virtuous。〃



And　raising　his　eyes　toward　the　luster；　which　beat　down　on　our

heads；　he　said：



〃If　I　am　baldheaded；　it　is　the　fault　of　the　gas。　It　is　the　enemy

of　hair。　Waiter；　a　'bock。'　You　must　be　thirsty　also？〃



〃No；　thank　you。　But　you　certainly　interest　me。　When　did　you　have

your　first　discouragement？　Your　life　is　not　normal；　is　not

natural。　There　is　something　under　it　all。〃



〃Yes；　and　it　dates　from　my　infancy。　I　received　a　heavy　blow　when

I　was　very　young。　It　turned　my　life　into　darkness；　which　will

last　to　the　end。〃



〃How　did　it　come　about？〃



〃You　wish　to　know　about　it？　Well；　then；　listen。　You　recall；　of

course；　the　castle　in　which　I　was　brought　up；　seeing　that　you

used　to　visit　it　for　five　or　six　months　during　the　vacations？　You

remember　that　large；　gray　building　in　the　middle　of　a　great　park；

and　the　long　avenues　of　oaks；　which　opened　toward　the　four

cardinal　points！　You　remember　my　father　and　my　mother；　both　of

whom　were　ceremonious；　solemn；　and　severe。



〃I　worshiped　my　mother；　I　was　suspicious　of　my　father；　but　I

respected　both；　accustomed　always　as　I　was　to　see　everyone　bow

before　them。　In　the　country；　they　were　Monsieur　le　Comte　and

Madame　la　Comtesse；　and　our　neighbors；　the　Tannemares；　the

Ravelets；　the　Brennevilles；　showed　the　utmost　consideration　for

them。



〃I　was　then　thirteen　years　old；　happy；　satisfied　with　everything；

as　one　is　at　that　age；　and　full　of　joy　and　vivacity。



〃Now　toward　the　end　of　September；　a　few　days　before　entering　the

Lycee；　while　I　was　enjoying　myself　in　the　mazes　of　the　park；

climbing　the　trees　and　swinging　on　the　branches；　I　saw　crossing

an　avenue　my　father　and　mother；　who　were　walking　together。



〃I　recall　the　thing　as　though　it　were　yesterday。　It　was　a　very

windy　day。　The　whole　line　of　trees　bent　under　the　pressure　of　the

wind；　moaned　and　seemed　to　utter　criescries　dull；　yet　deepso

that　the　whole　forest　groaned　under　the　gale。



〃Evening　had　come　on；　and　it　was　dark　in　the　thickets。　The

agitation　of　the　wind　and　the　branches　excited　me；　made　me　skip

about　like　an　idiot；　and　howl　in　imitation　of　the　wolves。



〃As　soon　as　I　perceived　my　parents；　I　crept　furtively　toward

them；　under　the　branches；　in　order　to　surprise　them；　as　though　I

had　been　a　veritable　wolf。　But　suddenly　seized　with　fear；　I

stopped　a　few　paces　from　them。　My　father；　a　prey　to　the　most

violent　passion；　cried：



〃　'Your　mother　is　a　fool；　moreover；　it　is　not　your　mother　that　is

the　question；　it　is　you。　I　tell　you　that　I　want　money；　and　I　will

make　you　sign　this。'



〃My　mother　responded　in　a　firm　voice：



〃　'I　will　not　sign　it。　It　is　Jean's　fortune；　I　shall　guard　it　for

him　and　I　will　not　allow　you　to　devour　it　with　strange　women；　as

you　have　your　own　heritage。'



〃Then　my　father；　full　of　rage；　wheeled　round　and　seized　his　wife

by　the　throat；　and　began　to　slap　her　full　in　the　face　with　the

disengaged　hand。



〃My　mother's　hat　fell　off；　her　hair　became　disheveled　and　fell

down　her　back：　she　essayed　to　parry　the　blows；　but　could　not

escape　from　them。　And　my　father；　like　a　madman；　banged　and　banged

at　her。　My　mother　rolled　over　on　the　ground；　covering　her　face　in

both　her　hands。　Then　he　turned　her　over　on　her　back　in　order　to

batter　her　still　more；　pulling　away　the　hands　which　were　covering

her　face。



〃As　for　me；　my　friend；　it　seemed　as　though　the　world　had　come　to

an　end；　that　the　eternal　laws　had　changed。　I　experienced　the

overwhelming　dread　that　one　has　in　presence　of　things

supernatural；　in　presence　of　irreparable　disaster。　My　boyish　head

whirled　round　and　soared。　I　began　to　cry　with　all　my　might；

without　knowing　why；　a　prey　to　terror；　to　grief；　to　a　dreadful

bewilderment。　My　father　heard　me；　turned　round；　and；　on　seeing

me；　made　as　though　he　would　rush　at　me。　I　believed　that　he　wanted

to　kill　me；　and　I　fled　like　a　hunted　animal；　running　straight　in

front　of　me　through　the　woods。



〃I　ran　perhaps　for　an　hour；　perhaps　for　two；　I　know　not。　Darkness

had　set　in；　I　tumbled　over　some　thick　herbs；　exhausted；　and　I　lay

there　lost；　devoured　by　terror；　eaten　up　by　a　sorrow　capable　of

breaking　forever　the　heart　of　a　child。　I　became　cold；　I　became

hungry。　At　length　day　broke。　I　dared　neither　get　up；　walk；　return

home；　nor　save　myself；　fearing　to　encounter　my　father　whom　I　did

not　wish　to　see　again。



〃I　should　probably　have　died　of　misery　and　of　hunger　at　the　foot

of　a　tree　if　the　guard　had　not　discovered　me　and　led　me　away　by

force。



〃I　found　my　parents　wearing　their　ordinary　aspect。　My　mother

alone　spoke　to　me：



〃　'How　you　have　frightened　me；　you　naughty　boy；　I　have　been　the

whole　night　sleepless。'



〃I　did　not　answer；　but　began　to　weep。　My　father　did　not　utter　a

single　word。



〃Eight　days　later　I　entered　the　Lycee。



〃Well；　my　friend；　it　was　all　over　with　me。　I　had　witnessed　the

other　side　of　things；　the　bad　side；　I　have　not　been　able　to

perceive　the　good　side　since　that　day。　What　things　have　passed　in

my　mind；　what　strange　phenomena　have　warped　my　ideas；　I　do　not

know。　But　I　no　longer　have　a　taste　for　anything；　a　wish　for

anything；　a　love　for　anybody；　a　desire　for　anything　whatever；　no

ambition；　no　hope。　And　I　can　always　see　my　poor　mother　lying　on

the　ground；　in　the　avenue；　while　my　father　was　maltreating　her。

My　mother　died　a　few　years　after；　my　father　lives　still。　I　have

not　seen　him　since。　Waiter；　a　'bock。'　〃



A　waiter　brought　him　his　〃bock；〃　which　he　swallowed　at　a　gulp。

But；　in　taking　up　his　pipe　again；　trembling　as　he　was；　he　broke

it。　Then　he　made　a　violent　gesture：



〃Zounds！　This　is　indeed　a　grief；　a　real　grief。　I　have　had　it　for

a　month；　and　it　was　coloring　so　beautifully！〃



Then　he　went　off　through　the　vast　saloon；　which　was　now　full　of

smoke　and　of　people　drinking；　calling　out：



〃Waiter；　a　'bock'and　a　new　pipe。〃







SEQUEL　TO　A　DIVORCE



Certainly；　although　he　had　been　engaged　in　the　most

extraordinary；　most　unlikely；　most　extravagant；　and　funniest

cases；　and　had　won　legal　games　without　a　trump　in　his

handalthough　he　had　worked　out　the　obscure　law　of　divorce；　as

if　it　had　been　a　Californian　gold　mine；　Maitre＇1＇　Garrulier；　the

celebrated；　the　only　Garrulier；　could　not　check　a　movement　of

surprise；　nor　a　disheartening　shake　of　the　head；　nor　a　smile；

when　the　Countess　de　Baudemont　explained　her　affairs　to　him　for

the　first　time。



＇1＇　Title　given　to　advocates　in　France。



He　had　just　opened　his　correspondence；　and　his　slender　hands；　on

which　he　bestowed　the　greatest　attention；　buried　themselves　in　a

heap　of　female　letters；　and　one　might　have　thought　oneself　in　the

confessional　of　a　fashionable　preacher；　so　impregnated　was　the

atmosphere　with　delicate　perfumes。



Immediatelyeven　before　she　had　said　a　wordwith　the　sharp

glance　of　a　practised　man　of　the　world；　that　look　which　made

beautiful　Madame　de　Serpenoise　say：　〃He　strips　your　heart　bare！〃

the　lawyer　had　classed　her　in　the　third　category。　Those　who

suffer　came　into　his　first　category；　those　who　love；　into　the

second；　and　those　who　are　bored；　into　the　thirdand　she　belonged

to　the　latter。



She　was　a　pretty　windmill；　whose　sails　turned　and　flew　round；　and

fretted　the　blue　sky　with　a　delicious　shiver　of　joy；　as　it　were；

and　had　the　brain　of　a　bird；　in　which　four　correct　and　healthy

ideas　cannot　exist　side　by　side；　and　in　which　all　dreams　and

every　kind　of　folly　are　engulfed；　like　a　great　kaleidoscope。



Incapable　of　hurting　a　fly；　emotional；　charitable；　with　a　feeling

of　tenderness　for　the　street　girl　who　sells　bunches　of　violets

for　a　penny；　for　a　cab　horse　which　a　driver　is　ill…using；　for　a

melancholy　pauper's　funeral；　when　the　body；　without　friends　or

relations　to　follow　it；　is　being　conveyed　to　the　common　grave；

doing　anything　that　might　afford　five　minutes'　amusement；　not

caring　if　she　made　men　miserable　for　the　rest　of　their　days；　and

taking　pleasure　in　kindling　passions　which　consumed　men's　whole

being；　looking　upon　life　as　too　short　to　be　anything　else　than

one　uninterrupted　round　of　gaiety　and　enjoyment；　she　thought　that

people　might　find　plenty　of　time　for　being　serious　and　reasonable

in　the　evening