selected writings-第20节

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d'hote；　poor　beings；　ridiculous　and　lamentable；　I　love　you　ever

since　I　became　acquainted　with　Miss　Harriet！



〃I　soon　discovered　that　she　had　something　she　would　like　to　tell

me；　but　dared　not；　and　I　was　amused　at　her　timidity。　When　I

started　out　in　the　morning　with　my　box　on　my　back；　she　would

accompany　me　as　far　as　the　end　of　the　village；　silent；　but

evidently　struggling　inwardly　to　find　words　with　which　to　begin　a

conversation。　Then　she　would　leave　me　abruptly；　and；　with　jaunty

step；　walk　away　quickly。



〃One　day；　however；　she　plucked　up　courage：



〃　'I　would　like　to　see　how　you　paint　pictures？　Will　you　show　me？

I　have　been　very　curious。'



〃And　she　colored　up　as　though　she　had　given　utterance　to　words

extremely　audacious。



〃I　conducted　her　to　the　bottom　of　the　Petit…Val；　where　I　had

commenced　a　large　picture。



〃She　remained　standing　near　me；　following　all　my　gestures　with

concentrated　attention。　Then；　suddenly；　fearing；　perhaps；　that

she　was　disturbing　me；　she　said　to　me：　'Thank　you；'　and　walked

away。



〃But　in　a　short　time　she　became　more　familiar；　and　accompanied　me

every　day；　her　countenance　exhibiting　visible　pleasure。　She

carried　her　folding　stool　under　her　arm；　would　not　consent　to　my

carrying　it；　and　she　sat　always　by　my　side。　She　would　remain

there　for　hours　immovable　and　mute；　following　with　her　eye　the

point　of　my　brush　in　its　every　movement。　When　I　would　obtain；　by

a　large　splatch　of　color　spread　on　with　a　knife；　a　striking　and

unexpected　effect；　she　would；　in　spite　of　herself；　give　vent　to　a

half…suppressed　'Oh！'　of　astonishment；　of　joy；　of　admiration。　She

had　the　most　tender　respect　for　my　canvases；　an　almost　religious

respect　for　that　human　reproduction　of　a　part　of　nature's　work

divine。　My　studies　appeared　to　her　to　be　pictures　of　sanctity；

and　sometimes　she　spoke　to　me　of　God；　with　the　idea　of　converting

me。



〃Oh！　He　was　a　queer　good…natured　being；　this　God　of　hers。　He　was

a　sort　of　village　philosopher　without　any　great　resources；　and

without　great　power；　for　she　always　figured　him　to　herself　as　a

being　quivering　over　injustices　committed　under　his　eyes；　and

helpless　to　prevent　them。



〃She　was；　however；　on　excellent　terms　with　him；　affecting　even　to

be　the　confidant　of　his　secrets　and　of　his　whims。　She　said：



〃　'God　wills；　or　God　does　not　will；'　just　like　a　sergeant

announcing　to　a　recruit：　'The　colonel　has　commanded。'



〃At　the　bottom　of　her　heart　she　deplored　my　ignorance　of　the

intentions　of　the　Eternal；　which　she　strove；　nay；　felt　herself

compelled；　to　impart　to　me。



〃Almost　every　day；　I　found　in　my　pockets；　in　my　hat　when　I　lifted

it　from　the　ground；　in　my　box　of　colors；　in　my　polished　shoes；

standing　in　the　mornings　in　front　of　my　door；　those　little　pious

brochures；　which　she；　no　doubt；　received　directly　from　Paradise。



〃I　treated　her　as　one　would　an　old　friend；　with　unaffected

cordiality。　But　I　soon　perceived　that　she　had　changed　somewhat　in

her　manner；　but；　for　a　while；　I　paid　little　attention　to　it。



〃When　I　walked　about；　whether　to　the　bottom　of　the　valley；　or

through　some　country　lanes；　I　would　see　her　suddenly　appear；　as

though　she　were　returning　from　a　rapid　walk。　She　would　then　sit

down　abruptly；　out　of　breath；　as　though　she　had　been　running　or

overcome　by　some　profound　emotion。　Her　face　would　be　red；　that

English　red　which　is　denied　to　the　people　of　all　other　countries；

then；　without　any　reason；　she　would　grow　pale；　become　the　color

of　the　ground；　and　seem　ready　to　faint　away。　Gradually；　however；

I　would　see　her　regain　her　ordinary　color；　whereupon　she　would

begin　to　speak。



〃Then；　without　warning；　she　would　break　off　in　the　middle　of　a

sentence；　spring　up　from　her　seat；　and　march　off　so　rapidly　and

so　strangely；　that　it　would；　sometimes；　put　me　to　my　wits'　end　to

try　and　discover　whether　I　had　done　or　said　anything　to　displease

or　offend　her。



〃I　finally　came　to　the　conclusion　that　this　arose　from　her　early

habits　and　training；　somewhat　modified；　no　doubt；　in　honor　of　me；

since　the　first　days　of　our　acquaintanceship。



〃When　she　returned　to　the　farm；　after　walking　for　hours　on　the

wind…beaten　coast；　her　long　curled　hair　would　be　shaken　out　and

hanging　loose；　as　though　it　had　broken　away　from　its　bearings。　It

was　seldom　that　this　gave　her　any　concern；　though　sometimes　she

looked　as　though　she　had　been　dining　sans　ceremonie；　her　locks

having　become　disheveled　by　the　breezes。



〃She　would　then　go　up　to　her　room　in　order　to　adjust　what　I

called　her　glass　lamps。　When　I　would　say　to　her；　in　familiar

gallantry；　which；　however；　always　offended　her：



〃　'You　are　as　beautiful　as　a　planet　to…day；　Miss　Harriet；'　a

little　blood　would　immediately　mount　into　her　cheeks；　the　blood

of　a　young　maiden；　the　blood　of　sweet　fifteen。



〃Then　she　would　become　abruptly　savage　and　cease　coming　to　watch

me　paint。　But　I　always　thought：



〃　'This　is　only　a　fit　of　temper　she　is　passing　through。'



〃But　it　did　not　always　pass　away。　When　I　spoke　to　her　sometimes；

she　would　answer　me；　either　with　an　air　of　affected　indifference；

or　in　sullen　anger；　and　she　became　by　turns　rude；　impatient；　and

nervous。　For　a　time　I　never　saw　her　except　at　meals；　and　we　spoke

but　little。　I　concluded；　at　length；　that　I　must　have　offended　her

in　something：　and；　accordingly；　I　said　to　her　one　evening：



〃　'Miss　Harriet；　why　is　it　that　you　do　not　act　toward　me　as

formerly？　What　have　I　done　to　displease　you？　You　are　causing　me

much　pain！'



〃She　responded；　in　an　angry　tone；　in　a　manner　altogether　sui

generis：



〃　'I　am　always　with　you　the　same　as　formerly。　It　is　not　true；　not

true；'　and　she　ran　upstairs　and　shut　herself　up　in　her　room。



〃At　times　she　would　look　upon　me　with　strange　eyes。　Since　that

time　I　have　often　said　to　myself　that　those　condemned　to　death

must　look　thus　when　informed　that　their　last　day　has　come。　In　her

eye　there　lurked　a　species　of　folly；　a　folly　at　once　mysterious

and　violenteven　more；　a　fever；　an　exasperated　desire；

impatient；　at　once　incapable　of　being　realized　and　unrealizable！



〃Nay；　it　seemed　to　me　that　there　was　also　going　on　within　her　a

combat；　in　which　her　heart　struggled　against　an　unknown　force

that　she　wished　to　overcomeperhaps；　even；　something　else。　But

what　could　I　know？　What　could　I　know？



III。



〃This　was　indeed　a　singular　revelation。



〃For　some　time　I　had　commenced　to　work；　as　soon　as　daylight

appeared；　on　a　picture；　the　subject　of　which　was　as　follows：



〃A　deep　ravine；　steep　banks　dominated　by　two　declivities；　lined

with　brambles　and　long　rows　of　trees；　hidden；　drowned　in　milky

vapor；　clad　in　that　misty　robe　which　sometimes　floats　over

valleys　at　break　of　day。　At　the　extreme　end　of　that　thick　and

transparent　fog；　you　see　coming；　or　rather　already　come；　a　human

couple；　a　stripling　and　a　maiden　embraced；　interlaced；　she；　with

head　leaning　on　him；　he；　inclined　toward　hers　and　lip　to　lip。



〃A　ray　of　the　sun；　glistening　through　the　branches；　has　traversed

the　fog　of　dawn　and　illuminated　it　with　a　rosy　reflection；　just

behind　the　rustic　lovers；　whose　vague　shadows　are　reflected　on　it

in　clear　silver。　It　was　well　done；　yes；　indeed；　well　done。



〃I　was　working　on　the　declivity　which　led　to　the　Val　d'Etretat。

This　particular　morning；　I　had；　by　chance；　the　sort　of　floating

vapor　which　was　necessary　for　my　purpose。　Suddenly；　an　object

appeared　in　front　of　me；　a　kind　of　phantom；　it　was　Miss　Harriet。

On　seeing　me；　she　took　to　flight。　But　I　called　after　her　saying：

'Come　here；　come　here；　Mademoiselle；　I　have　a　nice　little　picture

for　you。'



〃She　came　forward；　though　with　seeming　reluctance。　I　handed　her

my　sketch。　She　said　nothing；　but　stood　for　a　long　time

motionless；　looking　at　it。　Suddenly　she　burst　into　tears。　She

wept　spasmodically；　like　men　who　have　been　struggling　hard

against　shedding　tears；　but　who　can　do　so　no　longer；　and　abandon

themselves　to　grief；　though　unwillingly。　I　got　up；　trembling；

moved　myself　by　the　sight　of　a　sorrow　I　did　not　comprehend；　and　I

took　her　by　the　hand　with　a　gesture　of　brusque　affection；　a　true

French　impulse　which　impels　one　quicker　than　one　thinks。



〃She　let　her　hands　rest　in　mine　for　a　few　seconds；　and　I　felt

them　quiver；　as　if　her　whole　nervous　system　was　twisting　and

turning。　Then　she　withdrew　her　hands　abruptly；　or；　rather；　tore

them　out　of　mine。



〃I　recognized　that　shiver　as　soon　as　I　had　felt　it：　I　was

deceived　in　nothing。　Ah！　the　love　shudder　of　a　woman；　whether　she

is　fifteen　or　fifty　years　of　age；　whether　she　is　one　of　the

people　or　one　of　the　monde；　goes　so　straight　to　my　heart　that　I

never　had　any　difficulty　in　understanding　it！



〃Her　whole　frail　being　trembled；　vibrated；　yielded。　I　knew　it。

She　walked　away　before　I　had　time　to　say　a　word；　leaving　me　as

surprised　as　if　I　had　witnessed　a　miracle；　and　as　troubled　as　if

I　had　committed　a　crime。