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Malvina of Brittany

by Jerome K。 Jerome





Contents。

MALVINA OF BRITTANY。
     The Preface。
     I。   The Story。
     II。  How it came about。
     III。 How cousin Christopher became mixed up with it。
     IV。  How it was kept from Mrs。 Arlington。
     V。   How it was told to Mrs。 Marigold。
     VI。  And how it was finished too soon。
     The Prologue。
THE STREET OF THE BLANK WALL。
HIS EVENING OUT。
THE LESSON。
SYLVIA OF THE LETTERS。
THE FAWN GLOVES。




MALVINA OF BRITTANY。




THE PREFACE。



The Doctor never did believe this story; but claims for it that; to
a great extent; it has altered his whole outlook on life。

〃Of course; what actually happenedwhat took place under my own
nose;〃 continued the Doctor; 〃I do not dispute。  And then there is
the case of Mrs。 Marigold。  That was unfortunate; I admit; and still
is; especially for Marigold。  But; standing by itself; it proves
nothing。  These fluffy; giggling womenas often as not it is a mere
shell that they shed with their first youthone never knows what is
underneath。  With regard to the others; the whole thing rests upon a
simple scientific basis。  The idea was 'in the air;' as we saya
passing brain…wave。  And when it had worked itself out there was an
end of it。  As for all this Jack…and…the…Beanstalk tomfoolery〃

There came from the darkening uplands the sound of a lost soul。  It
rose and fell and died away。

〃Blowing stones;〃 explained the Doctor; stopping to refill his pipe。
〃One finds them in these parts。  Hollowed out during the glacial
period。  Always just about twilight that one hears it。  Rush of air
caused by sudden sinking of the temperature。  That's how all these
sort of ideas get started。〃

The Doctor; having lit his pipe; resumed his stride。

〃I don't say;〃 continued the Doctor; 〃that it would have happened
without her coming。  Undoubtedly it was she who supplied the
necessary psychic conditions。  There was that about hera sort of
atmosphere。  That quaint archaic French of hersKing Arthur and the
round table and Merlin; it seemed to recreate it all。  An artful
minx; that is the only explanation。  But while she was looking at
you; out of that curious aloofness of hers〃

The Doctor left the sentence uncompleted。

〃As for old Littlecherry;〃 the Doctor began again quite suddenly;
〃that's his specialityfolklore; occultism; all that flummery。  If
you knocked at his door with the original Sleeping Beauty on your
arm he'd only fuss round her with cushions and hope that she'd had a
good night。  Found a seed oncechipped it out of an old fossil; and
grew it in a pot in his study。  About the most dilapidated weed you
ever saw。  Talked about it as if he had re…discovered the Elixir of
Life。  Even if he didn't say anything in actually so many words;
there was the way he went about。  That of itself was enough to have
started the whole thing; to say nothing of that loony old Irish
housekeeper of his; with her head stuffed full of elves and banshees
and the Lord knows what。〃

Again the Doctor lapsed into silence。  One by one the lights of the
village peeped upward out of the depths。  A long; low line of light;
creeping like some luminous dragon across the horizon; showed the
track of the Great Western express moving stealthily towards
Swindon。

〃It was altogether out of the common;〃 continued the Doctor; 〃quite
out of the common; the whole thing。  But if you are going to accept
old Littlecherry's explanation of it〃

The Doctor struck his foot against a long grey stone; half hidden in
the grass; and only just saved himself from falling。

〃Remains of some old cromlech;〃 explained the Doctor。  〃Somewhere
about here; if we were to dig down; we should find a withered bundle
of bones crouching over the dust of a prehistoric luncheon…basket。
Interesting neighbourhood!〃

The descent was rough。  The Doctor did not talk again until we had
reached the outskirts of the village。

〃I wonder what's become of them?〃 mused the Doctor。  〃A rum go; the
whole thing。  I should like to have got to the bottom of it。〃

We had reached the Doctor's gate。  The Doctor pushed it open and
passed in。  He seemed to have forgotten me。

〃A taking little minx;〃 I heard him muttering to himself as he
fumbled with the door。  〃And no doubt meant well。  But as for that
cock…and…bull story〃


I pieced it together from the utterly divergent versions furnished
me by the Professor and the Doctor; assisted; so far as later
incidents are concerned; by knowledge common to the village。



I。   THE STORY。



It commenced; so I calculate; about the year 2OOO B。C。; or; to be
more precisefor figures are not the strong point of the old
chroniclerswhen King Heremon ruled over Ireland and Harbundia was
Queen of the White Ladies of Brittany; the fairy Malvina being her
favourite attendant。  It is with Malvina that this story is chiefly
concerned。  Various quite pleasant happenings are recorded to her
credit。  The White Ladies belonged to the 〃good people;〃 and; on the
whole; lived up to their reputation。  But in Malvina; side by side
with much that is commendable; there appears to have existed a most
reprehensible spirit of mischief; displaying itself in pranks that;
excusable; or at all events understandable; in; say; a pixy or a
pigwidgeon; strike one as altogether unworthy of a well…principled
White Lady; posing as the friend and benefactress of mankind。  For
merely refusing to dance with herat midnight; by the shores of a
mountain lake; neither the time nor the place calculated to appeal
to an elderly gentleman; suffering possibly from rheumatismshe on
one occasion transformed an eminently respectable proprietor of tin
mines into a nightingale; necessitating a change of habits that to a
business man must have been singularly irritating。  On another
occasion a quite important queen; having had the misfortune to
quarrel with Malvina over some absurd point of etiquette in
connection with a lizard; seems; on waking the next morning; to have
found herself changed into what one judges; from the somewhat vague
description afforded by the ancient chroniclers; to have been a sort
of vegetable marrow。

Such changes; according to the Professor; who is prepared to
maintain that evidence of an historical nature exists sufficient to
prove that the White Ladies formed at one time an actual living
community; must be taken in an allegorical sense。  Just as modern
lunatics believe themselves to be china vases or poll…parrots; and
think and behave as such; so it must have been easy; the Professor
argues; for beings of superior intelligence to have exerted hypnotic
influence upon the superstitious savages by whom they were
surrounded; and who; intellectually considered; could have been
little more than children。

〃Take Nebuchadnezzar。〃  I am still quoting the Professor。  〃Nowadays
we should put him into a strait…waistcoat。  Had he lived in Northern
Europe instead of Southern Asia; legend would have told us how some
Kobold or Stromkarl had turned him into a composite amalgamation of
a serpent; a cat and a kangaroo。〃  Be that as it may; this passion
for changein other peopleseems to have grown upon Malvina until
she must have become little short of a public nuisance; and
eventually it landed her in trouble。

The incident is unique in the annals of the White Ladies; and the
chroniclers dwell upon it with evident satisfaction。  It came about
through the betrothal of King Heremon's only son; Prince Gerbot; to
the Princess Berchta of Normandy。  Malvina seems to have said
nothing; but to have bided her time。  The White Ladies of Brittany;
it must be remembered; were not fairies pure and simple。  Under
certain conditions they were capable of becoming women; and this
fact; one takes it; must have exerted a disturbing influence upon
their relationships with eligible male mortals。  Prince Gerbot may
not have been altogether blameless。  Young men in those sadly
unenlightened days may not; in their dealings with ladies; white or
otherwise; have always been the soul of discretion and propriety。
One would like to think the best of her。

But even the best is indefensible。  On the day appointed for the
wedding she seems to have surpassed herself。  Into what particular
shape or form she altered the wretched Prince Gerbot; or into what
shape or form she persuaded him that he had been altered; it really;
so far as the moral responsibility of Malvina is concerned; seems to
be immaterial; the chronicle does not state:  evidently something
too indelicate for a self…respecting chronicler to even hint at。
As; judging from other passages in the book; squeamishness does not
seem to have been the author's literary failing; the sensitive
reader can feel only grateful for the omission。  It would have been
altogether too harrowing。

It had; of course; from Malvina's point of view; the desired effect。
The Princess Berchta appears to have given one look and then to have
fallen fainting into the arms of her attendants。  The marriage was
postponed indefinitely; and Malvina; one sadly suspects; chortled。
Her triumph was short…lived。

Unfortunately for her; King Heremon had always bee

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