the metal monster-第21节

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s　though　he　were；　as　he　had　described　it；　outside　space。

And　Drake　and　I　looked　at　each　other's　eyes；　neither　daring　to　be　first　to　break　the　silence　of　which　the　muffled　sobbing　of　the　girl　seemed　to　be　the　sorrowful　soul。





CHAPTER　XIV

〃FREE！　BUT　A　MONSTER！〃

The　peculiar　ability　of　the　human　mind　to　slip　so　readily　into　the　refuge　of　the　commonplace　after；　or　even　during；　some　well…nigh　intolerable　crisis；　has　been　to　me　long　one　of　the　most　interesting　phenomena　of　our　psychology。

It　is　instinctively　a　protective　habit；　of　course；　acquired　through　precisely　the　same　causes　that　had　given　to　animals　their　protective　colorationthe　stripes；　say；　of　the　zebra　and　tiger　that　blend　so　cunningly　with　the　barred　and　speckled　shadowings　of　bush　and　jungle；　the　twig　and　leaflike　shapes　and　hues　of　certain　insects；　in　fact；　all　that　natural　camouflage　which　was　the　basis　of　the　art　of　concealment　so　astonishingly　developed　in　the　late　war。

Like　the　animals　of　the　wild；　the　mind　of　man　moves　through　a　junglethe　jungle　of　life；　passing　along　paths　beaten　out　by　the　thought　of　his　countless　forefathers　in　their　progress　from　birth　to　death。

And　these　paths　are　bordered　and　screened；　figuratively　and　literally；　with　bush　and　trees　of　his　own　selection；　setting　out　and　cultivationshelters　of　the　familiar；　the　habitual；　the　customary。

On　these　ancestral　paths；　within　these　barriers　of　usage；　man　moves　hidden　and　secure　as　the　animals　in　their　hauntsor　so　he　thinks。

Outside　them　lie　the　wildernesses　and　the　gardens　of　the　unknown；　and　man's　little　trails　are　but　rabbit…runs　in　an　illimitable　forest。

But　they　are　home　to　him！

Therefore　it　is　that　he　scurries　from　some　open　place　of　revelation；　some　storm　of　emotion；　some　strength…testing　struggle；　back　into　the　shelter　of　the　obvious；　finding　it　an　intellectual　environment　that　demands　no　slightest　expenditure　of　mental　energy　or　initiative；　strength　to　sally　forth　again　into　the　unfamiliar。

I　crave　pardon　for　this　digression。　I　set　it　down　because　now　I　remember　how；　when　Drake　at　last　broke　the　silence　that　had　closed　in　upon　the　passing　of　that　still；　small　voice　the　essence　of　these　thoughts　occurred　to　me。

He　strode　over　to　the　weeping　girl；　and　in　his　voice　was　a　roughness　that　angered　me　until　I　realized　his　purpose。

〃Get　up；　Ruth；〃　he　ordered。　〃He　came　back　once　and　he'll　come　back　again。　Now　let　him　be　and　help　us　get　a　meal　together。　I'm　hungry。〃

She　looked　up　at　him；　incredulously；　indignation　rising。

〃Eat！〃　she　exclaimed。　〃You　can　be　hungry？〃

〃You　bet　I　canand　I　am；〃　he　answered　cheerfully。　〃Come　on；　we've　got　to　make　the　best　of　it。〃

〃Ruth；〃　I　broke　in　gently；　〃we'll　all　have　to　think　about　ourselves　a　little　if　we're　to　be　of　any　use　to　him。　You　must　eatand　then　rest。〃

〃No　use　crying　in　the　milk　even　if　it's　spilt；〃　observed　Drake；　even　more　cheerfully　brutal。　〃I　learned　that　at　the　front　where　we　got　so　we'd　yelp　for　food　even　when　the　lads　who'd　been　bringing　it　were　all　mixed　up　in　it。〃

She　lifted　Ventnor's　head　from　her　lap；　rested　it　on　the　silks；　arose；　eyes　wrathful；　her　little　hands　closed　in　fists　as　though　to　strike　him。

〃Ohyou　brute！〃　she　whispered。　〃And　I　thoughtI　thoughtOh；　I　hate　you！〃

〃That's　better；〃　said　Dick。　〃Go　ahead　and　hit　me　if　you　want。　The　madder　you　get　the　better　you'll　feel。〃

For　a　moment　I　thought　she　was　going　to　take　him　at　his　word；　then　her　anger　fled。

〃ThanksDick；〃　she　said　quietly。

And　while　I　sat　studying　Ventnor；　they　put　together　a　meal　from　the　stores；　brewed　tea　over　the　spirit…lamp　with　water　from　the　bubbling　spring。　In　these　commonplaces　I　knew　that　she　at　least　was　finding　relief　from　that　strain　of　the　abnormal　under　which　we　had　labored　so　long。　To　my　surprise　I　found　that　I　was　hungry；　and　with　deep　relief　I　watched　Ruth　partake　of　food　and　drink　even　though　lightly。

About　her　seemed　to　hover　something　of　the　ethereal；　elusive；　and　disquieting。　Was　it　the　strangely　pellucid　light　that　gave　the　effect；　I　wondered；　and　knew　it　was　not；　for　as　I　scanned　her　covertly；　there　fell　upon　her　face　that　shadow　of　inhuman　tranquillity；　of　unearthly　withdrawal　which；　I　guessed；　had　more　than　anything　else　maddened　Ventnor　into　his　attack　upon　the　Disk。

I　watched　her　fight　against　it；　drive　it　back。　White　lipped；　she　raised　her　head　and　met　my　gaze。　And　in　her　eyes　I　read　both　terror　andshame。

It　came　to　me　that　painful　as　it　might　be　for　her　the　time　for　questioning　had　come。

〃Ruth；〃　I　said；　〃I　know　it's　not　necessary　to　remind　you　that　we're　in　a　tight　place。　Every　fact　and　every　scrap　of　knowledge　that　we　can　lay　hold　of　is　of　the　utmost　importance　in　enabling　us　to　determine　our　course。

〃I'm　going　to　repeat　your　brother's　questionwhat　did　Norhala　do　to　you？　And　what　happened　when　you　were　floating　before　the　Disk？〃

The　blaze　of　interest　in　Drake's　eyes　at　these　questions　changed　to　amazement　at　her　stricken　recoil　from　them。

〃There　was　nothing；〃　she　whisperedthen　defiantly　〃nothing。　I　don't　know　what　you　mean。〃

〃Ruth！〃　I　spoke　sharply　now；　in　my　own　perplexity。　〃You　do　know。　You　must　tell　usfor　his　sake。〃　I　pointed　toward　Ventnor。


She　drew　a　long　breath。

〃You're　rightof　course；〃　she　said　unsteadily。　〃Only　II　thought　maybe　I　could　fight　it　out　myself。　But　you'll　have　to　know　itthere's　a　taint　upon　me。〃

I　caught　in　Drake's　swift　glance　the　echo　of　my　own　thrill　of　apprehension　for　her　sanity。

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　now　quietly。　〃Some　new　and　alien　thing　within　my　heart；　my　brain；　my　soul。　It　came　to　me　from　Norhala　when　we　rode　the　flying　block；　andhe　sealed　upon　me　when　I　was　inhis〃again　she　crimsoned；　〃embrace。〃

And　as　we　gazed　at　her；　incredulously：

〃A　thing　that　urges　me　to　forget　you　twoand　Martin　and　all　the　world　I've　known。　That　tries　to　pull　me　from　youfrom　allto　drift　untroubled　in　some　vast　calm　filled　with　an　ordered　ecstasy　of　peace。　And　whose　calling　I　want；　God　help　me；　oh；　so　desperately　to　heed！

〃It　whispered　to　me　first；〃　she　said；　〃from　Norhala　when　she　put　her　arm　around　me。　It　whispered　and　then　seemed　to　float　from　her　and　cover　me　likelike　a　veil；　and　from　head　to　foot。　It　was　a　quietness　and　peace　that　held　within　it　a　happiness　at　one　and　the　same　time　utterly　tranquil　and　utterly　free。

〃I　seemed　to　be　at　the　doorway　to　unknown　ecstasies　and　the　life　I　had　known　only　a　dreamand　you；　all　of　youeven　Martin；　dreams　within　a　dream。　You　weren't　realand　you　did　notmatter。〃

〃Hypnotism；〃　muttered　Drake；　as　she　paused。

〃No。〃　She　shook　her　head。　〃Nomore　than　that。　The　wonder　of　it　grewand　grew。　I　thrilled　with　it。　I　remember　nothing　of　that　ride；　saw　nothingexcept　that　once　through　the　peace　enfolding　me　pierced　warning　that　Martin　was　in　peril；　and　I　broke　through　to　see　him　clutching　Norhala　and　to　see　floating　up　in　her　eyes　death　for　him。

〃And　I　saved　himand　again　forgot。　Then；　when　I　saw　that　beautiful；　flaming　ShapeI　felt　no　terror；　no　fear　only　a　tremendousjoyousanticipation；　as　thoughas　though〃　She　faltered；　hung　her　head；　then　leaving　that　sentence　unfinished；　whispered：　〃and　whenitlifted　me　it　was　as　though　I　had　come　at　last　out　of　some　endless　black　ocean　of　despair　into　the　full　sun　of　paradise。〃

〃Ruth！〃　cried　Drake；　and　at　the　pain　in　his　cry　she　winced。

〃Wait；〃　she　said；　and　held　up　a　little；　tremulous　hand。　〃You　askedand　now　you　must　listen。〃

She　was　silent；　and　when　once　more　she　spoke　her　voice　was　low；　curiously　rhythmic；　her　eyes　rapt：

〃I　was　freefree　from　every　human　fetter　of　fear　or　sorrow　or　love　or　hate；　free　even　of　hopefor　what　was　there　to　hope　for　when　everything　desirable　was　mine？　And　I　was　elemental；　one　with　the　eternal　things　yet　fully　conscious　that　I　wasI。

〃It　was　as　though　I　were　the　shining　shadow　of　a　star　afloat　upon　the　breast　of　some　still　and　hidden　woodland　pool；　as　though　I　were　a　little　wind　dancing　among　the　mountain　tops；　a　mist　whirling　down　a　quiet　glen；　a　shimmering　lance　of　the　aurora　pulsing　in　the　high　solitudes。

〃And　there　was　musicstrange　and　wondrous　music　and　terrible；　but　not　terrible　to　mewho　was　part　of　it。　Vast　chords　and　singing　themes　that　rang　like　clusters　of　little　swinging　stars　and　harmonies　that　were　like　the　very　voice　of　infinite　law　resolving　within　itself　all　discords。　And　allallpassionless；　yetrapturous。

〃Out　of　the　Thing　that　held　me；　out　from　its　fires　pulsed　vitalitya　flood　of　inhuman　energy　in　which　I　was　bathed。　And　it　was　as　though　this　energy　werereassembling　me；　fitting　me　even　closer　to　the　elemental　things；　changing　me　fully　into　them。

〃I　felt　the　little　tendrils　touching；　caressingthen　came　the　shots。　Awakening　wasdreadful；　a　struggling　back　from　drowning。　I　saw　Martinblasted。　I　drove　thethe　spell　away　from　me；　tore　it　away。

〃And；　O　WalterDickit　hurtit　hurtand　for　a　breath　before　I　ran　to　him　it　was　likelike　coming　from　a　world　in　which　there　was　no　disorder；　no　sorrow；　no　doubts；　a　rhythmic；　harmonious　world　of　light　and　music；　intointo　a　world　that　was　like　a　black　and　dirty　kitchen。

〃And　it's　there；〃　her　voice　rose；　hysterically。　〃It's　still　within　mewhispering；　whispering；　urging　me　away　from　you；　from　Martin；　from　every　human　thing；　bidding　me　give　myself　up；　surrender　my　humanity。

〃Its